Having a hard time...

[O2BNRN]

Hi all,

This is my first time in the General discussion forum..lol (I'm just a lil pre-nursing student) I actually just got my acceptance letter a couple weeks ago!!!

Anywho, I have always known I wanted to be an RN and I consider myself to by a very compassionate person which I think is extremely important. On that note, I've always wondered what it will feel like to actually BE a nurse. To work with a terminally ill child, or to see a family hurt in an automobile accident... I have been very fortunate in my life that I have not had to deal with things of this nature. Until now.

A week ago today my best friend who is 26 had a stroke in her brain stem. She was taken 5 hours from here to a larger hospital and today was the first time I was able to drive up and see her. It was THEE HARDEST THING I have ever experienced. Her mother is a Registered Nurse and she stopped me in the hall of the ICU before I went in to warn me about what I would see. She told me she was not able to talk at all but that she would weep uncontrollably when she saw me...I was glad for the warning but nothing she could have said would have prepared me for what I was about to see. The person in that bed did not even look like my dear friend. Her mom told me that even though she can't answer me or show emotion when I talk to her, she is still 100% there and understood everything that was going on. So I spent the day holding her hand, talking to her, sucking her saliva, putting chapstick on her dry lips, and hugging her every time she started to cry.

Now I know that this was a million times more difficult for me because she is my best friend... But as I watched the nursing staff care for her I wondered what kind of toll it must take on them to see patients like this day after day. I found myself second guessing even becoming a nurse. I am so emotionally drained from helping take care of her all day, I don't know if I'm cut out for this anymore.

Can anyone offer me any words of encouragement? I guess I'm feeling a little lost right now...

[caliotter3]

Sorry to hear what happened to your friend. Look at it this way, if your friend didn't have nurses to take care of her, then who would? Everybody needs someone to take care of them when they are sick or injured or dying. And there aren't enough nurses to go around. So please don't give up the idea to become a nurse. You are needed.

[realnursealso/LPN, LPN]

Sweety, when it's a dear friend or family it is a whole different page. You are good friends with her. Don't judge how you would deal with a patient, by how you felt taking care of a dear friend. I lost my sister last year, most of the time I spent with her in the ICU, I had tears in my eyes, and I've been a nurse for over 25years. It's just not the same. I'm soooooooo very sorry for your friend to suffer such a tragic illness at such a young age. You were being a wonderful friend to do what you did for her. Take care of yourself, and welcome to the nursing field.:icon_hug:'s and prayers.

[Reno1978, BSN, RN]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. She and her family and friends are going to have some very difficult times ahead. Please be there for her and them.

It's hard for me to explain this without sounding heartless, but I guarantee you that's not the case. But if it were my friend in the same situation, I would be absolutely devastated and react in the exact same way as you've described. However, if I was your friends nurse, I wouldn't be as emotionally involved and would be more focused on what I, as a professional, can do to reassure her, promote health, and support her family and friends. The difference, I guess, is that as her nurse, her condition bears no real consequence on my day to day life. As her friend, however, I'd be experiencing a tremendous loss. There's a vast difference in the relationship between a nurse and his/her sick patient and a person and his/her sick friend or family member. I hope this made sense...It's hard for me to explain...Please don't be discouraged! If you have the compassion to care for your friend as you describe, you'll make a wonderful nurse!

On a side note, google "locked-in syndrome" to learn more about what your friend is experiencing. Brainstem infarcts are terribly debilitating and I must say that one of my most memorable patients was a victim to this.

My deepest condolences.

[O2BNRN]

Thank you all so much for your responses... They mean so much to me.

Reno1978- Thank you for telling me about "locked-in syndrome". As I was talking to my friend, I kept looking in her eyes and it killed me because I could tell she was trying so desperately to communicate with me but couldn't. I will be reading everything I can find on it.

[edmurse77]

I have been an ER nurse for almost seven years. Last year my father who lives 1200 miles away had a heart attack was placed on a vent and I couldn't find out anything! As a nurse I have to follow HIPPA as a family member it really ticked me off. I had to drive all night to get the Hospital. As a nurse I thought I could go in there use my own assessment skills and figure out what was going on. LOL, I walked in the room and my Dad wasn't there. There was however a man in the bed with a tube in his throat on a vent. See I had never ever seen my father without a full beard, until this day. That was my Dad. Even though the machine was breathing for him he looked very sick. I began to tear up and about lost it. I have never been on that side of the bed. I didn't run in there "GUNS BLAZING" "I AM A NURSE", I intentionally didn't tell them. However one of the best nurses I have ever met in my life caught me on a terminology slip up! The problem is that nurses are trained to take in everything around them and use it as a tool, and you just can't hide that. However you can't hide a personal relationship either. I can code or treat just about anyone. But I'd look at you cross eyed if you wanted me to take care of my own family. That is why Doctors and Nurses are taught not to treat their families, because you can't devide the two. Mom, Dad, Brother, Sister, Uncle, Grandma always trumps patient. I have made a few strong connections with some of my patients. I still take it personally that I can't save them all. I do however have the ability to talk about it tear up and then move on. I don't have to go home and see their favorite toy, or their seat on the couch or thier picture like I would if it were my family. Any nurse who tells you they don't let it bother them must be crying in the bathroom and that isn't pink eye. It bothers all of us. You will learn your coping skills just make sure they are positive ones.

Good Luck in school and God Speed

[catshowlady]

I would echo the others - it is different when it is someone close to you that is the pt. You can't be impartial in your care, when it comes to family & friends.

That said, even when your pts are "strangers," there will still be pts that pull at your heartstrings, who will make you tear up, months after you are no longer caring for them. You can't do this job and be an emotion-less robot.

To me, it is worth it, though. I'm glad to be there for my pts, to ease their pain and to help them through their illness in some small way.

I'm sorry about what happened to your friend. I am glad that she has you there to support her. Hugs to both of you. :icon_hug:

[krenee]

I am not a nurse yet (although I graduate in less than 6 weeks) and I have seen things that are devastating to the people involved (the patient and their families). There is a weird "detachment" that occurs when you are there as a professional. It's not that I don't care, it just doesn't get to me in the same way. That's not to say that I never will cross that line and feel personal pain over a patient, but it is VERY different than having someone you love in that situation. I think compassion as a nurse is an asset, not a liability. You will do great.

I am sorry about your friend.