Having a hard time fitting in!

[Goldeeloxx]

I just started school and I'm having a really hard time - not with the classes but with the social aspect. It seems like everyone already has already made friends and has split into groups. I feel totally left out and I dread time between classes because I usually spend it alone. I'm a shy person so going up to other students and starting conversations is hard for me. I'm really frustrated and pretty upset. What is your advice?

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

I am one of those people that does not have to make life-long friends through nursing school. I have enough friends on the outside of school. I did have a couple of "fair-weather friends" however one of them asked to cheat off me, one of them was using me for homework and the other one folded under the pressure and yelled at me because I was trying to help her (after she asked). And, when I needed a little help, you know who was there? No one!

I'm not saying that is the experience that you will have, I'm just saying that I pretty much stay to myself and I'm one of the top people in my class. During breaks between classes, I study. Before class, I study. After tests, I study.

I'm nice to everyone but I can't see myself making any "life long friends". And, that's okay. I'm at school for training for a new career to make my son's and my life better. Good luck to you but honestly, I wouldn't worry about it!

This reminded me of something I was grateful for. When school started I didn't know anyone really, their were a couple kids I knew more like saw from Micro but we never talked. So anyway, the first week I saw someone sitting by herself and tried to make friends with her, after hanging out I thought to myself, man I don't know if I can stay friends with her, she annoyed the crap out of me. Anyway, I was very grateful in the end that I found the group I did. We all are so diverse we joke that we are the outcasts. But the group I first tried to be friends with, all but one have since failed out, and the group I am friends with, do very well :)

[ORRocksRN]

all of the above. and yes, clinicals and labs can encourage bonding. I have made it through 2 years without really making any good friends but I have aquaintances. I have often felt left out, but when i initiated things, like study groups, people often joined in quickly. be the leader! at the beginning of a program, people can be pretty freaked out and intimidated and they compensate by trying to appear in control and dominating. they are faking it. they feel the same apprehension as you do. just start talking to the person next to you or asking questions, especially about them, people like to talk about themselves. you will be fine. but don't hesitate too long, initiate friendships early on and nursing school will be easier and more pleasant for you. good luck.

[forestlover]

I find that, unbeknownst to ourselves, that most people feel that way, but are afraid to approach other students, and shelter themselves in the safety of people they recognize. I am at least 30 years older than most of my classmates, and felt like I wouldn't fit in at all, but I put out feelers to the people sitting around me, and found some were very open to conversation. Some blew me off, but I nurtured the students that seemed open to talking to me. Now I am with a very cool group of people, and I fit right in. It takes courage to speak up, but what do you have to lose? I try now to talk to students standing around alone so they will have a chance to have friends in class if they want to.

[RNMom2010]

I didn't fit in the entire time I was in nursing school! I did however come out with 2 really good close friends, which to me, is more important than having a slew of "ok" friends haha! Once clinicals start you will find that the students that you may not interact with in class are those you interact with most on the floor. Even the classmates I did not ever speak with were helpful and we worked as a team while on the floor. Sometimes it is best to stay out of the cliques and just kinda be a free roamer who can work with anyone!

[learninmama]

I am borderline shy...by that I mean I feel incredibly akward in social situations...I'm not usually the person to start up conversation first but, once I get to know someone I am a motor mouth lol. I really had to go outside my norm when starting school & I was quick to find there were several people just like me....too nervous to be the first one to strike up a conversation. I'll agree I've found a few people that drive me crazy but, I've made a couple of great friends who are very much on the same page as me. JUst give yourself time & remember you're not the only nervous one!!

[sophie<3]

my best advice is to not turn anyone down...if you get invited to study, go! if a group of people invite you to lunch, go! it may seem uncomfortable at first but after the initial awkwardness of meeting new people you will learn to be more comfortable. i was in the same boat...didn't really like my clinical group at first and sat alone in lecture...a girl messaged me on facebook asking if i wanted to study. i didn't want to because i study better alone but i went anyway...then she invited me to sit with her and her friends and from that point on i broke out of my shell. i have 2 close friends in class along with a clinical group that is a little out of the ordinary but they are a lot of fun to talk and laugh with. plus in clincals you have to help one another and that helps make bonds.

[enchantmentdis, BSN, RN]

Juust breeaathe, like the faith hill song.

[flyingchange]

I was extremely shy and felt very alone for the first several months of NS. Once I loosened up and stopped trying to be known as ONLY the model student, and started just having fun, I gained some incredibly wonderful friends and many, many acquaintances that I would be happy to spend a night out with.

The thing I learned about sticking to myself is that you only have yourself. For the rest of NS you'll be stuck with yourself, and nursing is not a solo sport. You're going to NEED those people to talk to and bond with and vent your frustrations. People who know what NS is like, because no one else will get it except one of us.

Nursing School isn't ONLY studying. You can have friends and be a great student.

Remember: EVERYONE is feeling awkward, even if they already seem to have formed bonds. They are just clinging to the first person who smiled at them. Go up, say hello, talk about how you guys ended up in school together. You just might be glad you did.