Happy yet sad about mother’s day tomorrow.

[belle05]

First of all,advanced happy Mother’s day to all Mothers out there,specially to our mamas who are nurses.I know it’s not easy to be a very busy career woman and mom at the same time.

Sorry I don’t want to sound negative,but I am honestly depressed right now,actually tearful about mother’s day.Im sorry my fellow nurses,but I honestly just need to vent about this.Here is my story.For 10 years,I have been a wife but no kids.I have not focused on solving my infertility problem since my focus at that time was graduating nursing school and I am a nurse manager now. Now that I am heading to advanced maternal age per my Dr(no pressure.lol), I can finally feel the pain of not being a mother on mother’s day.

I don’t want to go to the mother’s day celebration tomorrow of my relatives.First,my mom is not in this country and I myself am not a mother yet.By the way,2 of my cousins who are way younger than me have just gotten pregnant.I am happy for them.But nobody knows how it hurts to be childless,to # always be an auntie,but not a mother.

I do not want to attend that party with people asking me again when are you having a baby,how come you don’t have a baby yet?Hello? If only it’s that easy to just say I’m gonna be pregnant and I’ll have an instant baby.I have PCOS so it’s never that easy. Plus my husband keeps blaming me saying I am too fat now that’s why I can’t get pregnant.i keep telling him I know there are other wives there who are overweight . 2 of his cousins also have overweight wives who have trouble getting pregnant. But they never get treated like this,to have your husband make you feel bad about yourself and be called fat. That being overweight makes you ugly. Its not like it’s my will to not get pregnant.i love children.I can’t even imagine how some women are blessed to be mothers but they manage to dump their babies in the trash or sewer.If only they know how many infertile couples long for even just 1 child.

Lets celebrate mother’s day. But let’s please do not make women who are not yet mothers feel very bad about themselves. ?No money or success in the world can equate to the rewarding feeling of being a mother. Just because I am infertile does not make me less of a person and it does not lessen my value as a human being.

I feel left out. But what can I do?i don’t want to blame God or myself that I became like this. I know it is not too late for me I’m still in my mid 30s.my OB just prescribed me fertility pills and I plan on losing weight. Maybe if these prescription pills won’t work,maybe it’s time to end my marriage.i do not want to be selfish to my husband.maybe he can be happy with another woman who can bear him a child.i love him that much I’m willing to let him go just so he can be happy?

Sorry for the long rant my fellow nurses. I just need to get this out. Please let’s be sensitive tomorrow on mother’s day to all the wives we know out there who struggle with infertility.Im pretty sure some of them feel the way I do.Advanced happy mother’s day my fellow nurses and thank you for everything you do.

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

A big hug and love to you.Been there.

After reading that actress Brigitte Nielsen had her last baby at 54 (with treatment) ,I am sure there is hope for you.Do not shy away from the family gathering,be strong,when you become a parents you have to draw up strength bigger than facing a bunch of nosy busy bodies.

I am more concerned about the way your husband treats you.A man that can not be nice,under a little bit of pressure is no good to himself or anybody else.His meanness will only get worse as you age or he finds some other "defect" in you. I wonder how he treats his own mother.

Best of luck to you.

[NightNerd, MSN, RN]

Sending hugs. I can't imagine how hard it is to field insensitive questions from people at this time of year. Everyone's got an opinion about something that has nothing to do with them. Keep your head up; you don't owe anyone an explanation, though if you want to throw down some wicked sarcastic responses, no one would blame you. Just know that we respect you, your accomplishments, and your situation, and please be kind to yourself.

I urge you to demand better treatment from your husband. What he's said to you is mean and unproductive, and you deserve to be supported and encouraged by your partner. He certainly may have his own feelings about the difficulty of conceiving, but expressing them this way is unacceptable. Should you have children, you should be able to count on him helping you raise them, not worried that he's going to blame you for every shortcoming; and right now as a couple, you should be able to lean on each other in difficult situations.

Wishing you the best.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

The compassion for this poster just reinforces what allnurses is all about - helping each other thru difficult situations.