Too much on my plate need advice!!!!

  1. Hello everybody I need some advice I am currently a nursing student in my 4th semester I have a husband ,4 kids, a full time job and I am also taking*care*of my grandparents*I gave up my house I was*renting to help my grandmother with her finances she had stop paying EVERYTHING and was on the verge of losing her house*,my grandmother has Alzheimer's and lung cancer and my grandfather is in a wheel chair I have been doing this for almost 2 years now and I can't do it anymore I tried telling my grandmothers kids (aunts,uncle,and my mother) I am moving out*because it is becoming to much for my to handle with school and work but they send me on a guilt trip saying "I knew you weren't going to do what you said" or "you have been*taking care of them this long" *AND it is now taking a toll on my marriage as well because we argue about family interfering with the way we are raising our kids and they constants*remind me this isn't my house*its belongs to their mother. Now my mother is the only one behind me on this decision but*I am torn*I*want to stay because I love my grandmother and if I leave she can not afford to keep her house*do to the cuts in her*SSI check*but I*need to go because I*want my marriage,*I've came to far to drop out of school, and I can't afford to quit my job.HELP PLEASE*!!!!!!!!!*
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    About NAZIZ

    Joined: Jul '10; Posts: 14; Likes: 12
    Registered Nurse; from US


  3. by   Samantha79
    This may come off as cold, or heartless, and I might get flamed... but it's not meant to be that way. In my life my marriage comes first, before anything and everthing else. That includes other family members. From what you have posted it seems you've done all you can do, and you just can't do anymore. That's okay. You did your best and now it's time for someone else to step up to the plate. You need to keep the family that you created strong. Your kids and your husband. I'm sure you love your grandmother very much, but I believe that your ultimate responsibility is your immediate family. I hope someone will step up to help you out. Good luck.
  4. by   caliotter3
    What does your husband have to say about all of this? He has a stake in it too. Discuss it with him, come to a decision, then act upon that decision. If you decision is to allow the other family members to contribute their efforts from now on, do not feel guilty about doing the act that is fair to not only you, but to your husband and your children.
  5. by   luvbug080688
    my philosophy in life is that you have to take care of yourself first before you can take care of others. if you aren't in a good place and aren't happy, you can't help others obtain their good place. do what is right for you, no matter what others may think of it. i know this is usually easier said than done, but honestly you have to take care of yourself and your needs.
  6. by   NAZIZ
    That's how I feel I need to go but the guilt trips are killing me they make me feel so bad and as far as my husband is goes off when they start trying to send me on those guilt trips. My husband is ready to go, he said he can't take it anymore but he stays because he sees I love my grandmother but I can see it's not fair to him I guess I just need someone to tell me I am not wrong for feeling this way and wanting to leave, someone who won't try to make me feel bad and it's sad I have to get conformation from strangers that I am making the right decisions . Thanx guys your the best!!!!!!!!!
  7. by   Maladroit
    if there are so many people in your family, why are you the only one pulling your weight? That seems pretty unfair to ask you to jeopradize everything while everyone else does nothing. You help her with bills, take care of their illnesses, and you still love them at the end of the day! I commend you for doing it this long, but it's not worth losing your husband and life as you know it! Tell the family that it's time for someone else to take over. You've done your fair share. Good luck, I hope it gets easier for you and your family! *hugs* ...and don't feel bad, because a lot of people wouldn't have done what you did in the first place, much less for 2 years!
  8. by   sandyfeet
    You're not wrong to feel this way. Taking care of grandparents can be physically and emotionally tolling on it's own, and you have so much piled on top of that as well. Your extended family is panicking because for 2 years they were able to depend on you to handle everything, and they reaped the benefits without doing any of the work! Their reaction (guilt-trips, etc) is very common. Don't feel bad about taking care of yourself, like everyone has said. Maybe once you are in a better position to help, you can offer again, but for right now you need to take care of yourself first.
  9. by   Despareux
    Wow, you really do have a lot on your plate. I agree with the posters who say that your marriage and children come first. You have done what you could do for your grandparents. It's definitely time to focus on you, your marriage, and your kids.
  10. by   purplerabbit2012
    When they start making you feel guilty, ask them what they have personally done to help their parents.... You did your share and sacrificed a lot. Don't let them keep taking advantage of you. In the end, your immediate family is more important. They are adults, your children are still children.... how are they going to be taken care of if god forbid you and your husband separate because of this?
  11. by   caliotter3
    You did it for two years. The others can do it in one year increments if they choose, or even six months at a time. Then everyone's company can be enjoyed equally by your grandparents. That would not be a bad idea, but of course, it takes cooperation and people being adult about their responsibility. Should not fall on one person.
  12. by   NAZIZ
    I talked to the Aunt that always gives me grief about moving out and we got into it BAD at my grandmothers house she said she was doing me a favor by letting me stay there because I was saving money so I should be happy and to stop complaining so I told her 30 days and I am gone, and didn't feel bad this time at all (koudos to ME lol).I mean I am 26,why do I feel 40 it shouldn't be this way and again THANX everybody I REALLY appreciate it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. by   caliotter3
    Good for you. Your aunt can now stay there and save money.
  14. by   patientlywaitinagain
    You seem like a great person. Sometimes a person can be a superwoman, but not forever, and not all the time. You did your best. Goodluck!!!