Student Mom's opinions needed

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Apr 1, 2004

Actually anyone can give their .02 :)
I am planning on starting a accelerated (16 month) BSN program this fall. I have a 4.5 year old that has had a rough time being in daycare and preschool while I work (and having to miss me while I am doing pre reqs at night). Some of the people that have evaluated him say he needs more mommy time and a more consistent schedule. Right now I am in work from 8-5 and he goes to daycare in my building. I visit at lunch time. He then goes to grandma's 2 nights (5:30-8:30) and Saturday (9-3:30) while I am in class. I am done with prereqs in 3 weeks and my schedule will be just work till I find out if I should go to school this fall.
My question is since he needs a mommy time and more consistent schedule, do you think I should put school off and continue working my job that has him in day care & school from 7:30-5:30 PM a day or should I go to school that has a schedule that is not so consistent in that it changes each semester but the hours would be like:
Monday 6:45-3 PM
Tuesday 6:45-3 PM
Wed 8AM - 7PM
Thur 7-3PM
Friday - no school
On Monday and Tuesday AM Grandma would come over to our house and get him ready for school when he wakes up and she would watch him on Wed after school till I get out of class.
Basically working 8-5 he will be in daycare/school 40+ hours a week or school he would be in school/daycare/grandma care for 28 hours (i only counted hours he is awake for the 28 hours). Do you think the school schedule would be better or the regular work schedule when the social worker says he needs more consistently and mommy time?

I would definately ask that question to the social worker. It seems like the school schedule is better, less hours. But are you taking into account your study time? Will you being studying when he is in bed or how will he handle you studying when he is awake? My son just turned 5 and seems to do very well. He loves preschool and the daycare he goes to. I think that it's very important that the time you DO spend with him be quality time.

allnurses Guide · Apr 1, 2004

Wow, you've got quite a loaded schedule. :uhoh21:

I put my eldest son in pre-school and my second son at a home-based daycare when my husband and I divorced because for awhile I didn't get child support and had to take my husband to court. It was a pretty bad time for all. My eldest hated pre-school, hated kindergarten and hated being away from me so when I remarried I took him out of school and homeschooled him for 1st grade. It made such a huge difference to him that I was around. Back into a private school in 2nd. My second son suffered as well but when I was home full-time he felt more secure. I stayed home full time until I was 38 and my youngest (daughter with second husband) was in 1st grade. I was usually home before they got home from school, except during clinicals. My oldest is now 21 and the years flew by. If I had it to do over I would not have put my kids in pre-school 5 days a week or daycare but would have pushed aside my false pride and gone on welfare for a bit. It is afterall supposed to be a safety net until you get on your feet.

I now have a 3 year old and work part-time and he stays with his grandparents on their ranch two days a week.

Please don't think I'm starting a stay-at-home mom vs. working mom war but if your son has been evaluated as needing more of you, maybe a break from working and school until he is in the 1st grade would be a positive thing you could do for him. He will be in college before you know it. And you can go back to school in a year and a half.

Good luck.

steph

mitchsmom · Apr 1, 2004

I agree with StevieLynn. You didn't say if you have the option of doing less hours than either of the two plans you posted. If not, I don't know... I guess I'd discuss it with the social worker or do whichever you think will give you more time with him overall. However, I'll reiterate what stevielynn said... study time is going to add a LOT more to just the actual time away at the school so keep that in mind. If you do have the option to delay it, or work, or study part-time, that's what I'd do. Actually that IS what I'm doing, going part-time (two days/wk), but like I said I know that it isn't an option for everyone. Is your son going to full-time kindergarten in the Fall or will he go the next year? It might not be so bad if he's going to school anyway. But if he's got another whole year yall could try to relish some of that time together. If someone was telling me that about one of my boys it would be a big red flag for me. Sometimes I even wonder about part-time because of all the work I have to do for school (I have three boys, just turned 2 Sunday, and then a 4 and a 6y.o.).

TLC RN · Apr 2, 2004

Thanks for the input :) I have often though of bagging it all and staying home but...getting to the point that I can just stop working or school for a couple years just won't work for me. I am a single mom & his Dad has been MIA (in person and in $$) pretty much since he was a year. If I don't work we don't have a place to eat or sleep.

Based on our situation, my options for the fall are to work full time at my job and send him to full time K and before and after care at school or start nursing school in a program that allows me to be in school for less hours than I would work if I stay at my job.

I guess I was wondering if work schedule or the school schedule would be considered the lesser of two evils...

mitchsmom · Apr 2, 2004

PS-You have to also consider the end result. Meaning, if you are in a bad or unsatisfying or inadequate paying job right now then that should also weight in; i.e. hurry up and get to a better profession. Good luck to you!

Dixen81 · Apr 2, 2004

I agree with stevielynn. Your children are only little once, and the time will fly. You heard it from a professional that your child needs you; listen. If you have to do one or the other, I would choose the work schedule even though it is more hours because it is CONSISTENT. According to the social worker, consistency is what your child needs. Money isn't everything. You can always go to school later, but your baby needs you NOW.

PJMommy · Apr 2, 2004

I just have to add something here.... I did an accelerated 12 month program. I had been working in a job that paid huge $$ - but I hated it and I had to travel about once a month. I'm married and have four children - ages 14 mths to 10 y/o when I started the program. I did not work. It was a tough year but...

- The kids saw me studying and "helped" me study. My 4 y/o son would sit in my lap while I read my text books and ask questions about the pictures. Yes, there were times I absolutely could not be around any kids when I studied but those times were very few. My older children saw what it meant to study and work hard to get good grades...I modeled it.

- They took just about as much pride in mommy becoming a nurse as I did.

- Yes, we ate more mac & cheese and frozen pizza during the year but we always spent time together.

- I now work 3 12s a week and I LOVE my job. Never underestimate what a true love for your work shows your kids. I am happier -- they see that. It was more damaging to be home (I telecommuted for that "great", high-paying job) and hate every moment of my work, than it is to be gone and love every moment of it. I walk in the door after 12 hours and they come running to ask "what was the gross-est thing you saw today??".

Finally...and I hope I don't get flamed for this one... "Mommy time" is great for the kids. But...you can be with a child for 8 hours and never really be *with* the child - because the child is in front of the T.V. or video game (or YOU are). Alternatively, you can be with a child for 3 hours in the evening - reading books, talking about your day, playing catch - and really do more for the child in 3 hours than you might have done in 8 hours. Quantity does not always equal quality.

Energizer Bunny · Apr 2, 2004

Finally...and I hope I don't get flamed for this one... "Mommy time" is great for the kids. But...you can be with a child for 8 hours and never really be *with* the child - because the child is in front of the T.V. or video game (or YOU are). Alternatively, you can be with a child for 3 hours in the evening - reading books, talking about your day, playing catch - and really do more for the child in 3 hours than you might have done in 8 hours. Quantity does not always equal quality.

No flaming here! I am guilty of this....sitting in front of this computer or the TV and not spending enough time with the kids. Yesterday, I made a point of stopping and playing Candyland and reading together for a long time. I actually bought a kitchen timer to set it to go off every 45 minutes and during that time I can work on the computer, clean, etc. but for the last 15 minutes of the hour, I spend it with the kids. Of course, the cheap thing broke in the first day and now I have to get another one, but you get my point....

I have got to be more careful about spending time with the kiddos and not just thinking I am because I am in the same house as them. It's not the same.

TLC RN · Apr 2, 2004

Well PJMommy & mitchsmom - I have to say I can totally understand where you are coming from with the "I hate my job" stuff. I hate that everyday we drive to work and I get sick knowing the next 8 hours are going to be a waste and are so not worth spending away from my son. But the bottom line is I have to work & I have to work full time. When I got pregnant I was finishing my last pre req to apply to medical school. I had my son and realized there is no way I want that for a career because I will never see him. Husband disappears and then I really had to figure out what kind of career would allow me to have flexibility. After two years of searching I found nursing and the more I looked into it and shadow nurses I realize it was what I was looking for. Bottom line is it is a necessity, that I work full time for my family. Although, the social worker offered suggestions that he needs me, the next sentence is we have to find a way to help him thru this time because we know you cannot be with him more hours in a day now. So, please don't think I am ignoring my son or what he needs. I know he will be grown in a blink of an eye. Right now, I am unhappy with my work & he is unhappy with his long daycare schedule. I honestly believe that being a happy mom in the long run is the best for my son. In the mean time, I can only work with what options I got...a job I hate with a set schedule (that offers consistency in schedule but no mommy time) or I go with a schedule that will change every semester (that may lacks consistency but offers more mommy time)...

jenrninmi, MSN, RN · Apr 2, 2004

Well PJMommy & mitchsmom - I have to say I can totally understand where you are coming from with the "I hate my job" stuff. I hate that everyday we drive to work and I get sick knowing the next 8 hours are going to be a waste and are so not worth spending away from my son. But the bottom line is I have to work & I have to work full time. When I got pregnant I was finishing my last pre req to apply to medical school. I had my son and realized there is no way I want that for a career because I will never see him. Husband disappears and then I really had to figure out what kind of career would allow me to have flexibility. After two years of searching I found nursing and the more I looked into it and shadow nurses I realize it was what I was looking for. Bottom line is it is a necessity, that I work full time for my family. Although, the social worker offered suggestions that he needs me, the next sentence is we have to find a way to help him thru this time because we know you cannot be with him more hours in a day now. So, please don't think I am ignoring my son or what he needs. I know he will be grown in a blink of an eye. Right now, I am unhappy with my work & he is unhappy with his long daycare schedule. I honestly believe that being a happy mom in the long run is the best for my son. In the mean time, I can only work with what options I got...a job I hate with a set schedule (that offers consistency in schedule but no mommy time) or I go with a schedule that will change every semester (that may lacks consistency but offers more mommy time)...

AND your schedule may not change drastically from semester to semester. Mine doesn't at least. I am in school/clinicals 4 days a week. I honestly think the right thing to do is go to school and stop working. (If you need to work full time, how will you handle this only going to school thing?) I think the one's that said quality is much more important than quantity.

TLC RN · Apr 2, 2004

AND your schedule may not change drastically from semester to semester. Mine doesn't at least. I am in school/clinicals 4 days a week. I honestly think the right thing to do is go to school and stop working. (If you need to work full time, how will you handle this only going to school thing?) I think the one's that said quality is much more important than quantity.

Savings & I can qualify for a private loan without a co-signer if I apply before I quit my job. The loan and savings will be enough to cover my expenses for the 16 months I am in school. I shouldn't have to work during school.