Should boyfriend help me out?

  1. [FONT="Arial"]I am attending a community college for an accelerated nursing program. I currently work at a small local restaurant and get paid only minimum wage. My school schedule only allows me to work 3 days a week including weekends; therefore, I am making no money. I'm not qualified for student aid and the school I attend does not participate in any student loan programs. I've tried applying at other restaurants such as Chili's and Olive Garden but I don't get hired because they do training in mornings which I cannot attend because of school hours. My parents are putting gas in my car, but they can only help out so much. I still have a car note to pay and credit card bill. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. I have several girls in my class and their boyfriend is helping them out. Many girls were even able to quit their jobs because their boyfriend will give them money. I hate to work more hours and start failing school because of it. Do you think my boyfriend should be helping me out? Should he offer to put gas in my car, give me $50 or so? I don't think it is his obligation to help me out, but I feel he should.
  2. Visit QUEBEBRAN profile page


    Joined: Apr '08; Posts: 16; Likes: 5


  3. by   BlueRidgeHomeRN
  4. by   CT Pixie
    Honestly, no, I don't think he should be expected to help you out. If he offers to fill your tank here and there or tosses you a few buck to help out that great, but I don't think you should ask him nor should he feel obligated to do so on a continous basis. S

    Same thing goes for the credit cards (which is a scarey thing in the hands of a young adult at times, not saying YOU personally, but I know plenty of people who had credit cards at 18 and put themselves in huge financial debt, debt they are STILL paying for 20 years later) If you can't afford to pay your bills at the salary you are making, maybe you should cut back on unnecessary things and put cut up the credit card.

    Unless he's driving your car around burning up the gas, its your car and your responsibility to keep gas in it.

    I hope I don't sound harsh but these are your bills and your responsibility not his.
    Last edit by CT Pixie on Jun 19, '08
  5. by   kelbh
    I know it must be hard to see other people's boyfriends helping to support them while you're struggling, but in all honesty, your boyfriend isn't obligated to help.

    You say that your school doesn't have any loan programs, but what about local banks? I had to take out private loans to pay for nursing school in addition to the Federal Stafford loans, etc.

    Good luck!
  6. by   RainDreamer
    Well the question is ...... CAN he help you out? Is he financially in a place where he can help support you and himself? You're only 18, so I assume he's close to that age too. When I was 18 I wasn't making enough money to support myself, let alone someone else too.
  7. by   jjjoy
    I'm with Kelbh - it IS hard to see others being assisted when you are struggling... to imagine how much easier it could be... but they are different people in relationship wtih different people... you are you with your boyfriend and family.

    It's your boyfriend's choice - not obligation - to help out if he can afford it. Even if you were married, it wouldn't be his obligation to support you through school. The two of you would have to discuss your options and agree on a plan.

    It might be good for you to have this struggle as opposed to being able to not work at all - like some of the other gals. It's hard but there IS a pay off... such as increased self-reliance and self-confidence in your own abilities.

    So, it's okay to sometimes feel jealous of those other gals and to feel the unfairness that some people seem to have it so easy... and then get back to focusing on your life and making the best of your situation. : )
  8. by   vashtee
    If you aren't living at home with your parents, you should move back home until you can afford to be independent. Your boyfriend is your boyfriend - not your bankroll.
  9. by   missjennmb
    Quote from jjjoy
    It's your boyfriend's choice - not obligation - to help out if he can afford it. Even if you were married, it wouldn't be his obligation to support you through school. The two of you would have to discuss your options and agree on a plan.
    I'm not really sure I agree with that, as I see being married as us both being in it all together. My husband works and I don't, but its "our" money, not "his". We are one unit, a married couple, and we take the good and the bad together. "His" money pays all of our bills so that I could stay home with our daughters for 3 years, and "his" money is going to cover as much as possible until I get out of nursing school, because when I make a nurse's wage, HE will reap the benefits just as much as I do.

    That being said, since its technically both of our money, I cant go to him asking for $20 if he doesnt have it to give me, because I know our limitations.

    As for the OP... if you are not married, I don't feel its their responsibility or your right to expect him to help you out. Are you engaged? planning to get married? Because thats the only time where I think it becomes a gray area.

    More than anything, relationship is about communication, and asking us here makes me wonder if either a) you havent communicated with him enough and should be talking to him instead of us or b) you did and didn't like the answer he gave you.

    just my thoughts on the subject~
  10. by   Vito Andolini
    If your boyfriend can afford to help you, why not? I don't think he's obligated to do so, depending on your relationship. Are you betrothed? Living together? Do you do domestic things for him? Or are you just sort of friends and it's a superficial relationship with not much real commitment or what? Is he able to help? Seems like maybe he would want to help if your relationship is serious and mutually committed.

    Get ye to loan sources other than your school, as someone above suggested.

    Cut your expenses. Move back with your parents or get some roommates to cut costs.

    Find some scholarships. They're all over the internet, even if your school financial aid counselor or librarian doesn't inform you of them.

    Get a better job. If you did some babysitting, you could maybe study and still make extra money and it would be CASH.

    How can you not be qualified for financial aid? Did you file the FAFSA and see if you could get a Pell Grant and SEOG and all the other grants and monies that are available? What about grants from your state for Nursing students?

    How much more school do you have? What can you do to survive that period of time? You sound devoted and I hope you can get some help financially.
  11. by   pagandeva2000
    I don't think he is obligated to assist you. It would show character if he does, but what about his own goals? If he is the same age as you or a few years older, he may have aspirations that he is planning to do, he may have his own resources, such as parents, siblings, a job, and hey, hate to say it, but self preservation is the law of the land. If you are not married or living together (and even living together is not the same obligation), part of maturity is planning ahead for yourself.

    One thing I notice is that many people will brag. I do not know your friends, so, I may be a bit out of line, but who is to say what these guys are really doing for them, and if so, for low long? If they become interested in another person, the bankroll leaves, too. Good luck, and depend on your own strength and determination.
  12. by   BlueRidgeHomeRN
    Quote from pagandeva2000
    if they become interested in another person, the bankroll leaves, too. .

    there is a word for women who sleep with men for money or gifts...
  13. by   DukeNurse86
    it looks like you're in a tight spot. what i'd like to know is why you think you don't qualify for financial aid? clearly, if your parents don't support you, and you're struggling as you say you are, you're entitled to many need-based grants and scholarships. i got myself through nursing school with no job and no help from my parents. if i can do it, anyone can. :d but seriously, even if you don't qualify due to your dependency on your parents (and for some reason they're not helping you out) you can take out student loans, in which repayment doesn't kick in until 6 months after you graduate from the program (at least most are like that). use your resources! i'm not here to judge whether or not you should/shouldn't get help from your bf. but-- it's advisable to be self-sufficient. use a college foundation website or your school's financial aid office. your bf can help you by taking you out to a nice dinner every now and then! :chuckle
  14. by   lizmatt
    Though I don't think he should be obligated to do so, if he could help you out from time to time it would be nice if he has the means to do so if you guys are that serious. Generosity is a good trait.

    I have a similar situation, though I am a bit older with more responsibilities. My boyfriend has plenty of money, and I cannot really work much because of kids (not his) and school. We have been together for 3+ years and he hopes to marry me. There are times when I really struggle financially - I'll say something like "I have no gas in my car, or no money to buy groceries etc" his response is always the same "that sucks". It is not his responsibility to take care of me financially, so I make it work on my own. BUT here is where the problem lies, I know that if the roles were reversed I would gladly help him out especially if I understood he could not work because he was investing in OUR future by getting an education. It makes me wonder what he will be like if we ever do get married.