Selfish family?Student Mothers please read! - page 11
I recently helped my mother in law sign up for classes at our local JC. She is in her early 40's and has never been to college. She wants to become a nurse also. She is very smart (taking all honors... Read More
Dec 1, '06Occupation: RN Specialty: 4 year(s) of experience in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU ; Joined: Sep '03; Posts: 1,119; Likes: 113Quote from adnstudent2007I should have quoted, I was responded to a post that stated (loosely paraphrasing here) that NS will increase likelihood of divorce.The OP stated that the MIL family was unsupportive about her going to nursing school. She never indicated anything about abuse. If the MIL is in an abusive situation, she has much bigger problems than nursing school and she and the children should get to a safe place immediately.
Has the OP posted here recently? I'm curious as to her opinion after all this discussion.
Dec 1, '06Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 14,214; Likes: 59,606Quote from suemom2kay[font="comic sans ms"]but is that necessarily a bad thing? if someone is going to school because they hate their marriage and want out but know they need to be able to support themselves and their children, they're going to get divorced when they finish nursing school. of course, they probably would have gotten divorced anyway, but been much less able to earn a living.i should have quoted, i was responded to a post that stated (loosely paraphrasing here) that ns will increase likelihood of divorce.
Dec 3, '06Occupation: RN-cardiopulmonary Joined: Nov '05; Posts: 39; Likes: 3i am a nursing student and graduate in march 2007 with my adn. i have five children ages 11,9,8,5, and 4. i work part time and still take my kids to soccer games, girl scouts,and basketball when i can. my kids don't take care of each other, my husband and parents help a lot. i know that i have given up a lot of time with them to become a nurse, but the end result of having that degree and knowing that my kids will never be without is worth it. my kids know that i am in school because i want to help people and that when i graduate i will be home more often. i feel bad for missing things and missing time with them when i need to study for exams or work extra hours to pay bills, but they are worth it to me. i think if she wants to be a nurse no matter how many children she has she should do it. the kids will understand in time that it is something for her. she sounds like someone who has given her whole life and is still giving and deserves to do something she wants. i wish her all the luck in the world.resent1:
Dec 3, '06Occupation: Mother of two Joined: Aug '06; Posts: 43In response to the "mom has to be there 100% of the time" posts:
Who on earth does that? Even the super SAHM get a break of some kind. Nobody and I mean nobody can be there for their children 100% of the time. No breaks. It's just plain unhealthy. I love my kids and I'm there for them a lot more now than I was when I was working, but even with nursing school I still need breaks...you know, "me time". With 13 kids and an unsupportive husband nursing school is probably her "me time".
And before anybody says what a huge burden nursing school is to be "me time" some people need a challenge; they aren't satisfied with the occasional afternoon out without the kids...I know I'm not.
To the "she's being a bad mom" posters, and I see that some of you are moms: I want you to think about yourself. Just like most of us, you are in school while raising kids. Many of us have kids and are going to nursing school. Does that make us all bad mothers because we want to do something for ourselves? I know that it is hard on the family and it is hard on the siblings, but you know what? It's okay. The children will not grow up to be dysfunctional. They will not spend their lives in therapy simply because mom wants to go to school. The only reason they may be resentful of having to help around in the house is because they never know any different or because dad and the older siblings lead them to believe that mom is doing something bad and negleting her family because she's in school. Utter rubbish! Families are SUPPOSED to help each other out. And yes, that includes helping out with chores, and helping out with the younger kids. I don't know a single person who had siblings who did not have to do that...whether the mom was SAH or not. And none of them resent it.
If you want to say you are going to nsg school purely for finance....it isn't that hard to get a non-degree job and some can actually pay well.
For those that waited to go to school until after your kids were grown...good for you, but when did you decide that you wanted to be a nurse? Was it right after your first child was born or when your kids were in high school? It is one thing to wait for a few years but to wait over a decade to go to school is totally different.
Maybe this woman always wanted to go to school but was unable to because her husband wanted her to be a baby factory. Now she's finally able to. Who are we to chastise her for wanting to do something as wonderful as becoming a nurse? What if every one of us met this kind of resistance when we told our families our dreams and goals? I can't speak for anybody else but I know for sure that I would fight like hades to let my family know that this is what I'm doing. Period. This woman has given over 21 years of her life to somebody else...it is time to give something back to herself.Last edit by Deliasgone on Dec 3, '06
Dec 3, '06Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 14,214; Likes: 59,606[font="comic sans ms"]i'm not totally convinced that nursing school is something this woman is doing just for herself. her husband sounds totally unsupportive, and perhaps she fears being on her own to support her children sometime down the road. in that case, she's surely doing it as much for the kids still at home as she is for herself. child support -- if she can get it -- is a wonderful thing but it's the rare father who pays 100% of his court-ordered child support or who pays it on time! and call me a cynic, but the boob who has his children remove his shoes for him after his day at work doesn't sound like the kind of guy who will be insisting on paying alimony to support this overworked woman for the rest of her life!
Dec 3, '06Occupation: Utilization Review, prior Intake Mgr Home Care Specialty: 40 year(s) of experience in Home Care, Vents, Telemetry, Home infusion ; From: PA, US ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 27,595; Likes: 13,852Think of the future: Never know what life will through at you.
30 years later, I'm the bread winner after DH became disabled due to work related injury in 1999; now supporting us + 2 college age sons.
Dec 3, '06Occupation: Operating Room Nurse Specialty: 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER ; From: US ; Joined: Jun '03; Posts: 17,036; Likes: 1,009Reading through this thread, i just can't get over how people think that going to school is automatically neglecting the children.
Dec 3, '06Joined: May '06; Posts: 61; Likes: 2Quote from Marie_LPNThere is more to parenting than just giving food, clothes, a warm bed, and a way to school. I'm sure the kids would not be neglected in those areas. But no one can do everything and something will get neglected during nursing school in the best of scenarios (my house looks like an utter disaster-thankfully no one in my house cares!). My daughter is almost 5, and I do have to "neglect" to do some things with her, and we both do feel bad when that happens. And as the kids grow older their needs change, but don't disappear. It's a balancing act between judging what's best for the long term-school or child time.Reading through this thread, i just can't get over how people think that going to school is automatically neglecting the children.
Dec 3, '06Joined: Nov '06; Posts: 17I have read some of these post. I just don't see that a mother trying to better herself by getting a career and not a job is negelctful. I think it also takes more than tucking a child in and wiping noses to be a good mother. A mother also provides for child the best way possible. If that means she has to go to school to do that then why not be supportive. This will give her long-term stability. I think a family is a family and should be supportive. There is no I in team and it takes a whole village to raise a child. I think that for someone who supported someone along the way can't get the same back that is not right.
My mom is a single mother and she attended classes to become a RT and I helped out while she went to class. I had no problem doing this because I know that she was doing this for my little sisters and that she was finally doing something she wanted after scarificing for me and my sisters. It was just 2yrs that I helped her out after she helped me out my whole life. So I can't see why people can't pitch in and help it's not an eternity.
Dec 6, '06Joined: Dec '06; Posts: 1I am a mother of two and went through undergrad getting ridiculed by all of my family members. Now, I have graduated and everyone has forgotten all about the negative things they had to say. Now those same people are asking am I going to get my masters degree. Tell her under no circumstances should she give up!!!