Selfish family?Student Mothers please read!

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I recently helped my mother in law sign up for classes at our local JC. She is in her early 40's and has never been to college. She wants to become a nurse also. She is very smart (taking all honors classes and getting A's) but just needed my help getting acclimated to the whole college registration thing. Since I already graduated with my ASD I know all the ins and outs.

Any-who, she is mother of 13 children. Not all still living at home: one 21yrs, one 18yrs, one 16yrs, one 15yrs, one 12yrs, one 10yrs, one 8yrs, and two 3yr old twins. The 21yr old, and two older children that are already out of the house (one including my husband) are upset and want her to quit school. They think that because she is spending some much time with school that she is not taking her responsibilities as a parent and is making others that are at home do them for her. (My husband mentioned something along the lines of his mother should just quit school and do her job as a parent) I am not sure how valid their arguments are. This is why: I understand that school is very hard and requires some sacrifices (when I was applying to the nursing program I was told that you better inform your family now that there will be some nights when cereal is all that will be for dinner). Being in the nursing program has resulted in my own absence so I am unable to observe the accusations myself. However, I know that my MIL has never worked and has been a stay at home mom up until now. She even home schooled all of the children until the twins were born and still home schools the 10yr old. I feel as though her family is being selfish now that she is trying to do something for herself (she wants to become a nurse so she can go to 3rd world countries and give people medical care), and due to the fact that they have never experience anything else...change is hard, especially one so big. I want to support her because, although I am not a mother myself, I know how hard school can be aside from everyday life. But what ever I say in her defense seems to fall on deaf ears.

What do you think?

I say show them where the washer/dryer/stove are and go to school. They will live.

One question.... Where is dad?

Show 'em where the vaccum cleaner and the microwave are too! Mac and cheese with mini hot dogs and five minutes picking up dog hair of the living room floor builds character dagnabit!:lol2:

Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.
The third world part is in her very distant future!!

Whoops! I missed that post. Glad to hear it. Was wondering if she was off her rocker.

Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.
Since when should children get a vote in the major decisions adults make? Kids should be able to make little decisions, like "what will I wear to school today?". As far as the big stuff goes, a family should not be a democracy. And the kids that are out of the house should keep their nose out of it. Sounds like the OP's husband is a big time mama's boy who sees his mom as a servant, at best.

Very, very well said and I agree wholeheartedly.

Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.
She got pregnant her senior year. Reason? "If I'm going to raise children, they might as well be my own!!" (from the mind of a 17 year old...).

Sounds more like an excuse.

Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.
going to nursing school with little kids still at home is easy

going to nursing school with little kids still at home and NO REGRETS is the tricky part

LOL seeing ALOT of postings from under 25 year olds about parenting advice

reminds me of when I was that age...

:roll

I went back to school when my daughter was 2. Finished when she was 4.5. No regrets. I also worked FT while in school. My daughter only went to daycare part time. The only "regret" I have is how many years the whole, stressful thing probably shaved off my life.

My daughter was so happy and proud when I was done. She is thrilled I'm not in school anymore, but she has come through just fine. No regrets, love my job, and am enjoying the debt destroying pay as well.

My house is now getting in order (was a bit of a mess durins school and the first year of nursing)... but things are coming together now.

BTW, my daughter is home sick today and I have been able to be home with her Tue, Wed., and today because of only having to work 3 12's/week. No regrets - so GLAD I did it. I work tonight, Fri, Sat. And she will be back to school tomorrow.

Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.
Originally Posted by adnstudent2007

I am sorry to say this, but the women in my class (with children) who have a supportive family have tended do well, the women from unsupportive families have either dropped out or had their marriages completely fall apart. I'm sure it's not nursing school that makes it fall apart, but rather adding considerable additional stress to an already tenuous situation.

The woman in my class in a bad, abusive marriage. Graduated and was for the first time in her life, financially able to GET OUT. She is doing very well now.

As a student nurse and mother of 2 teenage daughters (single parenting) I can say that I salute your mother in law -- I also am in my 40's and am the 3rd oldest in my class - so it is never too late! I am glad she is going for the ADN - I am in a BSN program and wish I had done the 2 year instead and then gotten my BSN on -line - but alas ... patience, patience, patience.

You didn't mention if she is single parenting or has a supportive partner? This does matter -- I can say that without that it is a lot harder - but.. then again - she is used to being organized and seems full of energy and so I say - parenting is one of her duties and if she is home schooling she is probably enjoying it which is good! Yay for her -- Your husband could change his focus to be thankful for his childhood experience, but... not enforce that upon his siblings - She is the parent, she is making the choices and living with the consequences etc. Be supportive or be benign - my 2cents

I Am A Mother Of 5, And Thank God For My Husband (seeing That I Quit My Job When I Had A Great Idea To Go Back To School). But My Children Understand That School Is Important No Matter What The Age, And When I Am Studying They Give Me The Respect That I Give To Them. So I Know She Home Schooled But Did Your Mil Ever Stress The Importance Of Higher Education And Its Benefits? And With That Many Children Where's The Father? Lastly A Happy Mother Makes A Great Mother.

The woman in my class in a bad, abusive marriage. Graduated and was for the first time in her life, financially able to GET OUT. She is doing very well now.

The OP stated that the MIL family was unsupportive about her going to nursing school. She never indicated anything about abuse. If the MIL is in an abusive situation, she has much bigger problems than nursing school and she and the children should get to a safe place immediately.

Has the OP posted here recently? I'm curious as to her opinion after all this discussion.

As a nursing student and divorced mother of a 3 & 5 yr. old, it is very difficult being in school and being around for the kids 100% of the time. I have no choice at this time as I need the career/money. I have to rely on my parents to help take the kids to school 2x/week during my am clinicals. I can see both sides to this woman's story. She may be a better mother because she is doing something fullfilling to her. But, 2 three yr. olds and an 8 yr. old plus teenagers are a lot to handle. I would highly recommend she wait till at least the twins are in kindergarten. It would make life for all much easier. Whatever she decides, good luck to her.

Specializes in Trauma ICU, MICU/SICU.
The OP stated that the MIL family was unsupportive about her going to nursing school. She never indicated anything about abuse. If the MIL is in an abusive situation, she has much bigger problems than nursing school and she and the children should get to a safe place immediately.

Has the OP posted here recently? I'm curious as to her opinion after all this discussion.

I should have quoted, I was responded to a post that stated (loosely paraphrasing here) that NS will increase likelihood of divorce.

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i should have quoted, i was responded to a post that stated (loosely paraphrasing here) that ns will increase likelihood of divorce.

but is that necessarily a bad thing? if someone is going to school because they hate their marriage and want out but know they need to be able to support themselves and their children, they're going to get divorced when they finish nursing school. of course, they probably would have gotten divorced anyway, but been much less able to earn a living.

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