Today we talked about the death process and I litteraly brokedown in front of my WHOLE class! I knew it would be hard for me but I NEVER guessed it would of been as hard for me as it was.
My Gram passed away right before X-mas and I DID NOT deal with the situation when it happen. I put it deep down inside me and "moved forward" I was in the state of mind that I had to be strong and if I let myself go everything would fall down around me. I tried to tell myself when it happen that it was ok and I could NOT be sad because she was older and it was her time so I keep telling myself that I had NO right to be sad. My Gram lived with my family my whole childhood(and till her death still lived with my Mom) she was like a 2nd mother to me. When my Mom called and told me she had passed I sat there in shock not even crying till days later(which I feel like a piece of sh*t for!) I thought I had dealt with it and even to my very close friends & family were almost shocked because I didnt really want to talk about it(I am a very talkative person!)
Well then today it happen I dealt with it ALL infront of about 25 people! 
As our teacher was talking I started to tear up(which I was able to "somewhat" hide) then I full on started balling my eyes out like a crazy women! THEN I am not able to stop....there is part of me that wants to run to the bathroom but I COULD NOT GET UP! I felt as was numb and if I got up I would fall down!
I cried on the way home from school to & when I got home I slept like a baby for 5hrs I was still such a emotional wreck.
BUT I feel better about the whole situation now...NO I wish I hadnt brokedown in class infront of everyone but it needed to be done and I will say I feel like I crossed a bridge for my Gram's death today
nurseangel47
594 Posts
Sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you had an extraordinary relationship with your grandmother. Good for you in reaching the personal emotional point of being able to let it out. Yes, as one post said, VERY cathartic...the reason for the long sleep after crying.