Haunted by doubt

  1. Here's one for some of you to put your psych courses to use ... When I was a teenager (about 25 years ago!) I wanted to be a nurse. I loved to watch all the medical shows on TV, I even enjoyed going to hospitals to visit people, just to be around the atmosphere and watch everything. I was so intrigued by the whole field. Anyway, I told my parents I wanted to be a nurse. My Dad pretty much said whatever makes you happy, wherever your interests lie. My Mom, however, didn't think it was for me and successfully talked me out of it. I ended up in secretarial work which was okay, but I always still thought about the nursing. Anyway, years went by, I worked as a secretary and had a family and Mom passed away 17 years ago. I started nursing school three years ago part time. I still to this day occasionally have a "displaced feeling" that I don't belong in the field or maybe I'm wasting my time. I very much enjoy what I'm learning and am looking forward to graduating in May. I feel at home in a hospital (strange statement!) Anyway, my husband says I'm just looking for the approval from her that I never got, it's just unfinished business, and to pursue my goal. I think too that I need to prove it to myself that I can do this and then I won't be pulled back from the past. Any thoughts?
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    About Carolanne

    Joined: Jul '03; Posts: 604; Likes: 5
    RN/ part time medical transcriptionist


  3. by   Wren
    Carolanne. We all have different paths through life and you may have needed to do the non-clinical work for other growth opportunities or perhaps to please your mom. I think you are now responding to the part of yourself that is drawn to this work and I suspect you will love it.

    I totally understand feeling "at home" in a hospital. I've walked onto units and thought...."ahh...I'm home". Others have left me cold and confused. When it is time to decide where to work, pay attention to those feelings that you have of comfort in an environment; it should help you find your niche in the world. As far as your husband thinking you were/are looking for your mom's approval, he may be right but so what? Who is not looking for positive feedback from their parents, even when they are not around to give it? Your mom gave you HER ideas about work for you and that has little or nothing to do with what is actually right for you. You be the judge of that and I think you already have the answer. Good luck with your new career!
  4. by   dosamigos76
    Approval from your parents (even where they're not around to give it or withold it) is tough stuff-no matter your age. I agree with your husband (as I think you do). Good luck! You're obviously doing great and will make a great nurse! It's a shame your Mom isn't there to tell you how proud she is of you.
  5. by   nurse2be in ny
    I think sometimes we all have doubts about what we're doing in life , whatever it is that we're doing. If you had chosen another path, I think you would have some doubts about that, too. You sound like you're overall very happy, and that you know inside you that you're on the right course. Enjoy yourself, and try not to let the little voices from the past shake your confidence in yourself and your choices.
  6. by   francine79
    I am very nervous about becoming a nurse. Not because of what I am, but the fact that I will be the first person in my whole entire family to have went to college and get a decent job. It's very scary because I have nobody to turn to and discuss my fears about "being successful". I have no clue what to expect with my job and life afterwards. I guess I can't really explain it that well. I just know it's very scary when you are taking such a big step in life and nobody is there to help you through it.
  7. by   Gampopa
    Hi francine79 and everyone else. Just a note of encouragement to work through all those fears and doubts. I start nursing school in a few weeks and they're really coming up for me too. Do I really want to do this, make the $$ and life committment, etc.? Some of those fears are reasonable some (most) are old thoughts we'd be better off letting go of. Maybe just being open to whatever happens and having curiosity about how things will unfold is the way to go. Anyway, good luck!