Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it

[tattooednursie]

This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me.

It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which I do not normally do, it was only the 2nd time ever. I did not realize that all of the beds need to be made into daybeds right after breakfast. It should have occured to me, but it didn't. This other CNA (one that I have gotten along with in the past ) approaches me and says "why arent your beds made?" and I just simply said "because I'm not normally a day shift person"

she offered to help me, and then began talking to me like I was some sort of idiot saying "you tuck this under here , , and this is called a draw sheet . . . and this is called an incontanant pad and it goes like this . . . " and so on and I said and a very polite tone . . . . " I know that" and she was like "well if you know so much why arent you doing your job right"

At this point I am starting to cry because she was using a very mean tone of voice. , , i said " I'm trying I really am, and I have ben doing alot of stuff" and she gets in my face and starts laughing, and she's all like "what have you been doing? I don't see a thing done on your hall and its almost lunchtime!" and I'm all like " I havn't even sat down once today." and she said "well I havnt either because I have been answering your lights!"

I was so upset and angry about this I cried throught half the shift. later I came to her and said "sorry about earlier" (yes I am a pushover)

another time I was showering a resident and I heard one of the bed monotors go off, ya know the ones where you clip the string on the ones who are a fall risks if they get out of bed. Anywho, at my facility a resident is NOT to be left alone in the shower under any circmstances, so I just sped things up since it didnt sound like no one was going to answer the alarm. I get done with my shower, and quickly got my resindent situated. and i was wlaking quicky down the hall and the same CNA that had been giving me trouble was sitting at the nurses station, and didnt move untill I walked by then she started running down the hall, and my residnent was half nude wandering down the hall. That CNA was all like "What the hell is going on! Why arent you watching her . . . ." and she was up in my face about that! " I just looked down at my shoes and I said "I suck. I know I suck"

I talked to a few trusted co-workers about this, and I guess I'm not the only one. I am crushed that some one wants to treat me that way. Ever time that woman walks by I get so nervous, and it maes me very angry I let her push me around, and now that she knows she made me cry it probably makes her feel "powerful" and I think she takes pride in being mean to me!!!

I am to much of a chicken to tell the DON. I'm still on my probation for being new ya know, and I don't want to be a tattle tale . . . but I don't want to be afraid of a co-worker either!

[PamUK]

I used to be a union representative. My advice to anyone in this situation would be:

1. Find out if your hospital has any policies to see what you need to do (I am from the UK and all National Health Service hospitals have policies around bullying & harassment)

3. If you are a member of a union, contact your rep & discuss it with them (I understand that unions are not common in the States)

2. Keep a record of times, dates, words, situations, witnesses, locations and any other relevant details. IMPORTANT!

4. When you have enough evidence recorded, and the behaviour hasn't stopped, you can either set aside time with this bully and discuss it with them, showing your record or go to your Don (take your rep if you have one) and insist that something is done about the behaviour

5. Consider taking an assertiveness course and stand up for yourself more. You really must do this. I believe if you can't stand up for own rights, how would you stand up for a patient's rights?

When I was a union rep, I had quite a few nurses come & ask my advice on how to deal with this type of situation. I gave them the above advice. In all cases, the nurse confronted the bully directly and the behaviour stopped. You need to keep calm and not let her put you down in any way shape or form. She may try to deviate from the discussion (criticism can be hard to take) but keep reigning her back to the discussion

Good luck!

PS I don't know some of the terminology i.e. Don & CNA. Can someone explain?

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

DON= Director of Nursing

CNA= Certified Nursing Assistant

[SmilingBluEyes]

I know bullies. Well. I was a HUGE target for school and workplace bullies at earlier points in my life. (under about 25 years old). I had to learn that is was not about ME, but the other person and his or her intense desire for control over me and every situation.

I was born to bullying and abusive parents and hence thought it was "normal" to be bullied by others I perceived to be bigger, older, more knowledgeable or powerful. I have since learned not to allow it and anyone who knows me at work or otherwise (as small as I am)---knows I will NEVER stand for anyone harassing or pushing me around. I don't have to be aggressive to get that point across, either. But I am assertive. No one bothers me now-----no one picks on me or puts me down. They may not like me, but they know I will never allow myself to be treated with anything less than respect.

You know, I see a lot of people pushed around and it breaks my heart---some people I know intimately--- and I work to teach them to stop it for once and all. Eleanor Roosevelt was right: "We DO teach others how to treat us". It really IS that simple, at the end of it all. I have learned that for myself! And self-esteem plays a huge role, so if you lack it or are clinically depressed, I really urge you to get counseling and work on that. Many who are depressed or down on themselves are easy targets for bullies of all sorts. They are like "bully magnets", really. In the end, you can only change one person: YOURSELF. And you may not be able to change a toxic work environment, so for your emotional health, you may be forced to move on to one that is not so dangerous. I just urge anyone who suffers this to start today, to make changes---- if you are repeatedly bullied or harassed by anyone.

I have posted below an excellent resource that discusses bullying at all levels: in the home, at work, in the schoolyard, etc. I have found it to be an excellent reference for my friends and aquaintances who are bullied, harrassed, belittled or feel threatened in any situation, (not just at work).

It really comes down not letting the bully have power over yourself, in the end. You have to stand up for YOURSELF, after all is said and done. And know there ARE resources out there to help you on your way, if you are being harassed or threatened in any way at work or at home. You DO have legal recourse as well.

http://www.bullyonline.org/

Go there to find positive and helpful information and references to books, tapes, seminars, etc. that discuss/address dealing with bullies of all types. I hope this helps those who are on the unfortunate receiving end of bullying. Or if your kids are---this may help them, too! :kiss

[virmm1, LPN]

OMGh. I just checked out the bullyonline.org. I have been a victim of workplace bullying. I already knew this. Wht I didn't realize is that sx tht I am exhibiting could very well be the result of this. I no longer work in that office but the bully does. She fits alot of the psycho- sociopath behaviors on the site. I heard thru the grapevine that she was recently dxed bi-poplar.I left the job because of workplace stress. She was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The office manager knew , I told her and showed her concrete proof of things this bully had done regarding lying and tampering with my work but she chose to do NOTHING. Its too bad, I wasn't in any shape to fight. I should have taken that garbage to HR. I probably would have ended up being made an azz . Nurse bully had endeared herself to darling mangager. Also noticed that DM also had some traits of being a bully.

Its scary very scary tht these type of people work in a professions where they are supposed to be caring and helpful.

[LPN1974, LPN]

Mandi, she's jealous of you, I bet. You are getting an education and a career and she's jealous. She's a trouble maker for sure.

You really need to document these things and report it to your supervisor.

Good luck, I hope things get better for you.

[HarryPotter]

OMGh. I just checked out the bullyonline.org. I have been a victim of workplace bullying. I already knew this. Wht I didn't realize is that sx tht I am exhibiting could very well be the result of this. I no longer work in that office but the bully does. She fits alot of the psycho- sociopath behaviors on the site. I heard thru the grapevine that she was recently dxed bi-poplar.I left the job because of workplace stress. She was the straw that broke the camel's back.

The office manager knew , I told her and showed her concrete proof of things this bully had done regarding lying and tampering with my work but she chose to do NOTHING. Its too bad, I wasn't in any shape to fight. I should have taken that garbage to HR. I probably would have ended up being made an azz . Nurse bully had endeared herself to darling mangager. Also noticed that DM also had some traits of being a bully.

Its scary very scary tht these type of people work in a professions where they are supposed to be caring and helpful.

Hi. Just saw your post. I am wondering what u are doing now?? Are you still in the Healthcare profession?

It sounds to me that you did all the right things in as much as u communicataed the problem to your manager. So sorry that u did not get results. Going to HR would have been a good thing to do. In the future, if u run into this again, be sure to put everything down on paper. Follow the 5 W's. Who, What, Where, When, Why. Document everything and don't give up.

And, yes, it is scary and terrible that this kind of behavior goes on, especially in the Healthcare Industry where we choose to work because we want to help people.

Have u participated in the poll about workplace bullying? If not, would u?

I am on a mission to end this behavior.

As for your symptoms, get help if u need to and remind yourself that you were not the problem.

Thank God, where I work, my Manager gratefully accepted my offer to do an education about this as it was going on in the office.

Hope u are walking around with your head held high. Hope you don't take the advise I hear about getting a "thicker skin" in as much as, in my opinion, that tactic is self-defeating and does nothing to address the problem. Bringing the problem to light is the solution. :balloons:

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

I totally agree with Iwelke...and she knows what she is talking about!!!!!!

It is sad that professionals must do this..take the time to deal with the BS of our profession..but it isn't like other professions must do this either. But, I think there is an underlying issue that those that help others shouldn't have these stressors and they are quised in such dubious ways!!!!!!

Heck..how many professions can beat around the bush with being a bully by "but what I do is best for a patient" and has people wondering about it saying..ummmmm maybe it is!!!! What a dynamic we work in......

[HarryPotter]

I used to be a union representative. My advice to anyone in this situation would be:

1. Find out if your hospital has any policies to see what you need to do (I am from the UK and all National Health Service hospitals have policies around bullying & harassment)

3. If you are a member of a union, contact your rep & discuss it with them (I understand that unions are not common in the States)

2. Keep a record of times, dates, words, situations, witnesses, locations and any other relevant details. IMPORTANT!

4. When you have enough evidence recorded, and the behaviour hasn't stopped, you can either set aside time with this bully and discuss it with them, showing your record or go to your Don (take your rep if you have one) and insist that something is done about the behaviour

5. Consider taking an assertiveness course and stand up for yourself more. You really must do this. I believe if you can't stand up for own rights, how would you stand up for a patient's rights?

When I was a union rep, I had quite a few nurses come & ask my advice on how to deal with this type of situation. I gave them the above advice. In all cases, the nurse confronted the bully directly and the behaviour stopped. You need to keep calm and not let her put you down in any way shape or form. She may try to deviate from the discussion (criticism can be hard to take) but keep reigning her back to the discussion

Good luck!

PS I don't know some of the terminology i.e. Don & CNA. Can someone explain?

Great advise. A comment I would like to add is that victims of bullys often get stuck, thinking there is something wrong with them. They retreat.

I noticed this where I work, mainly by finding staff crying, and then did the educational bit. A friendly hello, how are u doing and building trust with these people can go a long way to help them. I am very proud of the stand I took about bullying at work. I helped some of my collegues and made one life-time friend.

[LPN1974, LPN]

I have a bully for A DON. Over the years she has bullied alot of her nurses.

I've been on the receiving end of some of her BS, but not as much as some of the others, and one particular nurse, who works with me on my shift. The DON bullied that nurse to the point of tears many times. And then this DON wants to know why she doesn't get the respect she thinks she should have. Beyond me why she does it.

We can't report her for it, or we have always felt that we couldn't because if she knew who reported her, she would ride that person so hard they would have to quit. I really believe she would do it. If she couldn't get them that way, she'd find every little mistake, or whatever she could to get that person fired. She as much as made a statement to one nurse once, "Don't EVER cross me. You will not win." How can you file a grievance against your own boss when she makes statements like that? She has everyone "bowbeat" down so much we know better than to file any grievance against her. There should be some recourse or some way to deal with bosses who do this, other than quitting your job. If I walked out, I would be losing my state retirement, which I only have 3 1/2 yrs left. I have too much to lose. Other than giving her reports on patient's health care needs when necessary, I just try to stay away from her as much as possible.

[diddoms]

Have a look at this site. You'll find alot of really good advice.

http://www.bullyonline.org/

Goodluck

[SmilingBluEyes]

Have a look at this site. You'll find alot of really good advice.

http://www.bullyonline.org/

Goodluck

ah yes another believer! :)

[heart queen]

They can smell fear, predators always do. You can't and won't change a life long process of reacting this way overnight. Rethink scenerios as to how you would have liked to have handeled them. now go all the way to each extreme. Now get back to how can I stand up for myself, yet forge a working relationship at the same time. That savy making the bully laugh, exerting enough pressure through a verbal point, (while allowing the offender to save face) takes practice and more of it. KNow that you'll flub it up ten times for each situation before it becomes comfortable, and you're able to identify what'll work based upon the different personalities that you encounter.

This is not a career skill, it is a life skill. You're young and need time to master it.

sue