Work place bullying . . . I am a victim now, and I am afraid to do any thing about it - page 6
This all started out not too long ago. I used to feel liked by almost anyone I worked with, but now, I feel, some one has daggers for me. It all started one day when I was doing a day shift, which... Read More
Nov 14, '04Occupation: RN: Mental Health Joined: Nov '04; Posts: 307; Likes: 3Quote from virmm1Hi. Just saw your post. I am wondering what u are doing now?? Are you still in the Healthcare profession?OMGh. I just checked out the bullyonline.org. I have been a victim of workplace bullying. I already knew this. Wht I didn't realize is that sx tht I am exhibiting could very well be the result of this. I no longer work in that office but the bully does. She fits alot of the psycho- sociopath behaviors on the site. I heard thru the grapevine that she was recently dxed bi-poplar.I left the job because of workplace stress. She was the straw that broke the camel's back.
The office manager knew , I told her and showed her concrete proof of things this bully had done regarding lying and tampering with my work but she chose to do NOTHING. Its too bad, I wasn't in any shape to fight. I should have taken that garbage to HR. I probably would have ended up being made an azz . Nurse bully had endeared herself to darling mangager. Also noticed that DM also had some traits of being a bully.
Its scary very scary tht these type of people work in a professions where they are supposed to be caring and helpful.
It sounds to me that you did all the right things in as much as u communicataed the problem to your manager. So sorry that u did not get results. Going to HR would have been a good thing to do. In the future, if u run into this again, be sure to put everything down on paper. Follow the 5 W's. Who, What, Where, When, Why. Document everything and don't give up.
And, yes, it is scary and terrible that this kind of behavior goes on, especially in the Healthcare Industry where we choose to work because we want to help people.
Have u participated in the poll about workplace bullying? If not, would u?
I am on a mission to end this behavior.
As for your symptoms, get help if u need to and remind yourself that you were not the problem.
Thank God, where I work, my Manager gratefully accepted my offer to do an education about this as it was going on in the office.
Hope u are walking around with your head held high. Hope you don't take the advise I hear about getting a "thicker skin" in as much as, in my opinion, that tactic is self-defeating and does nothing to address the problem. Bringing the problem to light is the solution.
Nov 14, '04Occupation: Happily in Nursing Education! Specialty: 13 year(s) of experience in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc ; From: US ; Joined: Oct '04; Posts: 2,757; Likes: 415I totally agree with Iwelke...and she knows what she is talking about!!!!!!
It is sad that professionals must do this..take the time to deal with the BS of our profession..but it isn't like other professions must do this either. But, I think there is an underlying issue that those that help others shouldn't have these stressors and they are quised in such dubious ways!!!!!!
Heck..how many professions can beat around the bush with being a bully by "but what I do is best for a patient" and has people wondering about it saying..ummmmm maybe it is!!!! What a dynamic we work in......
Nov 14, '04Occupation: RN: Mental Health Joined: Nov '04; Posts: 307; Likes: 3Quote from PamUKGreat advise. A comment I would like to add is that victims of bullys often get stuck, thinking there is something wrong with them. They retreat.I used to be a union representative. My advice to anyone in this situation would be:
1. Find out if your hospital has any policies to see what you need to do (I am from the UK and all National Health Service hospitals have policies around bullying & harassment)
3. If you are a member of a union, contact your rep & discuss it with them (I understand that unions are not common in the States)
2. Keep a record of times, dates, words, situations, witnesses, locations and any other relevant details. IMPORTANT!
4. When you have enough evidence recorded, and the behaviour hasn't stopped, you can either set aside time with this bully and discuss it with them, showing your record or go to your Don (take your rep if you have one) and insist that something is done about the behaviour
5. Consider taking an assertiveness course and stand up for yourself more. You really must do this. I believe if you can't stand up for own rights, how would you stand up for a patient's rights?
When I was a union rep, I had quite a few nurses come & ask my advice on how to deal with this type of situation. I gave them the above advice. In all cases, the nurse confronted the bully directly and the behaviour stopped. You need to keep calm and not let her put you down in any way shape or form. She may try to deviate from the discussion (criticism can be hard to take) but keep reigning her back to the discussion
PS I don't know some of the terminology i.e. Don & CNA. Can someone explain?
I noticed this where I work, mainly by finding staff crying, and then did the educational bit. A friendly hello, how are u doing and building trust with these people can go a long way to help them. I am very proud of the stand I took about bullying at work. I helped some of my collegues and made one life-time friend.
Nov 14, '04Joined: May '03; Posts: 893; Likes: 53I have a bully for A DON. Over the years she has bullied alot of her nurses.
I've been on the receiving end of some of her BS, but not as much as some of the others, and one particular nurse, who works with me on my shift. The DON bullied that nurse to the point of tears many times. And then this DON wants to know why she doesn't get the respect she thinks she should have. Beyond me why she does it.
We can't report her for it, or we have always felt that we couldn't because if she knew who reported her, she would ride that person so hard they would have to quit. I really believe she would do it. If she couldn't get them that way, she'd find every little mistake, or whatever she could to get that person fired. She as much as made a statement to one nurse once, "Don't EVER cross me. You will not win." How can you file a grievance against your own boss when she makes statements like that? She has everyone "bowbeat" down so much we know better than to file any grievance against her. There should be some recourse or some way to deal with bosses who do this, other than quitting your job. If I walked out, I would be losing my state retirement, which I only have 3 1/2 yrs left. I have too much to lose. Other than giving her reports on patient's health care needs when necessary, I just try to stay away from her as much as possible.
Nov 15, '04Joined: Sep '04; Posts: 28; Likes: 2
Nov 15, '04Joined: Apr '02; Posts: 38,756; Likes: 16,283Quote from diddomsah yes another believer!
Nov 15, '04Joined: Feb '04; Posts: 255; Likes: 14They can smell fear, predators always do. You can't and won't change a life long process of reacting this way overnight. Rethink scenerios as to how you would have liked to have handeled them. now go all the way to each extreme. Now get back to how can I stand up for myself, yet forge a working relationship at the same time. That savy making the bully laugh, exerting enough pressure through a verbal point, (while allowing the offender to save face) takes practice and more of it. KNow that you'll flub it up ten times for each situation before it becomes comfortable, and you're able to identify what'll work based upon the different personalities that you encounter.
This is not a career skill, it is a life skill. You're young and need time to master it.
Nov 15, '04Joined: Aug '04; Posts: 566; Likes: 8I have a burning question: How do you learn to stand up for yourself when you don't even believe in yourself?
This has been a problem for me. All my life it has been implied that bullies pick on me because I'm "different". No one has defined "different" to my satisfaction. Do they mean that I'm just "weird"? That I don't fit in with others my age?
I've also been told that people see me as an easy target--to my mind, this is a nice way of saying that I'm a wimp, that I don't have what it takes to fend for myself and that I'm a pushover. :angryfire It's hard to like yourself when other people find it hard to respect you. (I do have people in my life that respect me, but still have trouble liking myself.)