I was in the chat room last nite and talked to a few people and got some pretty good advice but was trying to still process what would be the best thing for me to do. I am a new grad since May of last year. I began working at a hospital in Sept and they just recently began training me for a Team Leader position, since they do team nursing there. Well, it's been a complete disaster. Their turnover is tremendous, they understaff all the time. They only gave me a two week orientation! Most of my friends are getting 6-12 weeks at their hospitals. Well, on my last nite of orientation something happened and I don't know if I could even go back to work there. I was trying to wait until my six mos and transfer to a hospital within the same system. And if I didn't do that, I wanted to give a two week notice to cover my references. People are telling me that nursing jobs are so abundant that it shouldn't be a big deal but I don't want to burn any bridges. Okay, here's what happened in a nutshell---WARNING! It may contain some graphic material but I may not be able to explain it and the depth of it without going into detail. Sorry if I offend anyone. Okay, I work on a med-surg, post surgical unit. We had a lady come from the ER who was in the process of a miscarriage. She was 17 weeks and her US showed that the baby was in her pelvic/lady partsl area. She came to the ER stating that she felt the "baby was coming out". Okay, so I admit this woman - I'm still on orientation supposedly. First of all, she shouldn't have even been on our floor and second, I should have had someone help me through this mess. Well, I get her admitted, she's comfortable, and then the doc shows up. My preceptor or whatever you want to call her, sends me in with the doc and disappears! At this point, the doc is asking for some gloves and lubrication. And before I know it, she's pulling out this fetus. Oh my gosh, I didn't know what to do. The patient was basically in shock. Then the doc says she needs a clamp and sterile scissors which we don't carry on our floor because we are not an OB floor. We had to call the OB floor, and the house supervisor. In the meantime the doc is waiting like 20 mins to cut the cord....then she asks me for a blanket to wrap the baby in. Hands the baby to me!!! I didn't know what to do. And the patient is right there. She tells me to put the baby in the STORAGE ROOM until the mother decides if she wants to hold, have a burial,.....etc. In the meantime, OB comes down, weighs it, takes footprints, and explains all this stuff we need to do, the forms, etc. the grieving materials for the mom....and that we need to take some polaroids of it. I had a new grad nurse with me who was very brave, thank god. Well, then we were told that if the mother decided to "dispose" of the baby that we would have to put it in saline water. So they gave us the things we needed and left. I know that I may have to deal with things such as this in my career but I feel it was totally wrong for me to be left alone. Now I feel like I'm suffering from PTSD or grief or something like that. I am ready to just leave this place but I want a good reference....or at this point I don't know if I care. I was going to call on Monday and tell them I can't work under these conditions any more, that my license is on the line. Someone here mentioned to me to go get a doc's note saying I can't return to work but then others are saying that may look incompetent when I go to the next place. I need some serious advice before Monday when I have to go back to this place. I don't feel safe here. I have only had two weeks of training and they are throwing me to the wolves.....
I am just so hurt that these people could care less about me! I guess I'll take it as a learning lesson. I just wanted to leave on a better note than this but I guess it just doesn't matter at this point. I can't clear the slate right now. Yes, my six yr old and 10 mos. old are home, so I can't do much for myself right now. My husband's home but doesn't know what else to tell me. I already have an interview set up for the 18th with another hospital and called another one to set something up.
Does anyone know where I send this resignation letter to and when? Should I fax it to HR, or mail one to my manager?
As you said...you can't change anything now...and you shouldn't! It is not your fault! You did nothing wrong! You reacted to the stress that has built up over time....period. If I were in your shoes right now I would do as Caneohead has suggested, give notice, (with 2 weeks sick time), covered by your doctor, and walk away!!
We all know you're hurt...and I have been in your shoes before...not to the same extent maybe....
I wasn't going to tell you about this....but maybe I should. One day while I was student...we were assigned to a unit, I later found out was doing saline abortions.
Now let me tell you something about me. Very little scares me...and I have always prided myself on being able to handle tuff situations. But on this day...I lost it! We were supposed to just look around that day...and help out by answering call bells...you know get used to the unit. Well...I went into to answer a light, and the young woman asked for a bedpan. Little did I know...she was having an abortion! She started screaming...saying "It's coming outttttttt". I pulled back the covers to see a head coming out. I won't decribe what I saw....but suddenly...it seems like the room went away...and I could hear an Aide I knew....calling my name. But it seemed like I was in a tunnel....and she was a long way off from me. The next thing I knew someone had a hold of me. When I realized when I was ..and I was overcome with grief! I have never fainted in my entire life, and I have seen some gruelsome stuff in my time....but this was more than I could deal with. I had almost landed in the pts. bed! I looked around...and there was ANOTHER coming out!!! Again I heard someone in tunnel...saying catch it! I won't even go into what happened then...but I ended up running from the room...and into the bathroom...crying my eyes out! I wanted to quit school....RIGHT THEN and there!! I was totally in Shock!
My fellow students took me home that day...and the next day the girl I rode with...came to my house after I told her I wasn't going back, and made me get dress and go back!
Amy only real different here is that I didn't have to go back to that situation. And I also had supportive people around me who cared what happened to me. If I hadn't had that support I would NEVER have gone back again! Thank God they were there!
But you don't have that support there...and you're the one on the line standing on your own. Everyone needs a support system...and yes you should be angry with those people there....but be more angry at the powers that be....that set you up for this situation to happen! So leave them in that miserable place and continue on in a more supportive setting...that will give you the chance to develop into a skilled, competent, and experienced nurse...without having to get battle scars to prove you're one of the ones who survived their poor tx.
(((((((Relax Amy))))))) you will look back on this week in the future and smile...because you will make it! :kiss
OOh I forgot...If it were me, I would fax it in as soon as you have sick slip in hand to HR. Since your NM hasn't seen fit to call you back. You gave her an opportunity to respond...she hadn't ..so you to the next best thing!
Amy: You were really screwed without a kiss. When they made you a team leader after two weeks, a bunch of lights should have gone off. Remember that in your next job - which you will be getting before too long. Be very clear in your mind what you have the skills to do and what you are comfortable doing. I think you responded well in the circumstances. Never mind that this person should have been on OB. With floors shutting down right and left, we're constantly getting inappropriate patients. Your supervisor or charge should have been by your side if your preceptor was not. Get some help to get through this and don't let it deter you. Let me add - home health is not where you want to be right now either. You are on your own out there and you need some good experience under your belt before you go there. I would spend my next few days looking for a different job. Best wishes.
Amy- sounds like things are still kinda up and down for you.
Realize this, if you never realize anything else in your life, you cannot change or control OTHER people. Do you know the "Serenity Prayer"? It goes something like:
"God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change,
the COURAGE to change the things I can,
and the WISDOM to know the difference".
I felt like sharing that now in light of all you have been feeling over the past couple of days.
In your most recent post, you indicated that it hurts that it seems these people could care less about you. Well, unfortunately, it is often a sad reality that the 'powers that be' often do seem not to care. And you may be only causing yourself further grief if you spend too much time waiting for them to show they care.
YOU care. You care about what happened that day. You care about the patient to whom it happened. You care enough about yourself to realize what you must do at this point in your career. What I am trying to say Amy - is that it is time to stop worrying about them, and just take care of yourself now.
My manager FINALLY called me back. She said she had been working on payroll all day and that's why it took her so long. She asked me how I got to this point. I told her my side of the story and how it's been building up. She lended some support, but in the end made me feel like I was INCOMPETENT in some way. She reminded me that she warned me before promoting me to team leader that she didn't want me to "CRASH AND BURN". And that maybe if I stayed in an associate nurse position for a while longer (I was in it for six mos) that maybe it wouldn't have been as bad. But, I disagreed since in the associate role I was passing meds, and not doing any assessments, calling docs, following orders, etc. Then I told her about the lack of support, some of the comments made to me such as "I can't handle this".....and she told me I needed to speak up. It was like in essence she was saying that I need to be more aggressive. She shared with me some of her experiences, making it sound like it was no big deal what I went through...like it happens as a nurse. She asked me what I wanted her to do at this point. I told her I couldn't work on evenings anymore. Then---SHE OFFERED me a part time day position. Which she knows I can't do because I have two young children home all day. I told her I'd talk to my husband, but if I decide to resign, if my reference would be a problem. She said no. Should I believe her? She'd probably be GLAD to see me go so I could stop causing problems for her. I feel down now. Like, if I was more competent I could have handled it better. I'm supposed to let her know in a few days "what my decision is". I already know I won't be going back. I feel a little better that it's on better terms. But I can't even imagine going on interviews or orienting at a whole new place for six weeks, because that means finding child care, working around my husband's schedule....I am so worn out and drained from this whole experience I'm wondering why I went into nursing.
The fact that they don't care about what has happened, or about your health is THEIR problem- and on a whole lot of different levels. This is not a reflection on you, or your ability. Just ppput in the notice and call in sick with the note. And then forget about them and their feelings, and I guarantee that the changes they are making are the CYA type. Don't worry about it.
As far as putting them on your resume, you can, I would. They will either give you a decent recommendation, or you will get to discuss what you as a nurse need (rightfully) from your employer. Your actions so far underline your maturity and competence in a tough situation.
The biggest trouble I see now is your healing from the shift you worked, and from the way you were treated afterwards. Their not calling you back keeps you from having closure on the whole mess. And THEY have caused that problem, not you. So if you can manage to find a way to put it behind you... why not take yourself and your resignation letter, and sick note down to HR and turn in your badge as a turning point for YOU? Then walk out with your head high. You'll probably feel a ton lighter and happier.
If I had been the sup on that day I would have drawn and quartered that preceptor and reported the whole mess to her manager, apologized to you, and pointed out how well you had managed in an awful situation. I would have put you back on the horse, but with a much lighter (just that mum if possible) assignment, and gone through the post fetal demise process step by step so you could finish the shift having helped that mum in some way.
Just so you know that not all hospitals would accept that kind of behavior. And actually it sounds like you were doing an exceptional job (being asked to do charge?!) for them. They dropped the ball.
I totally agree 100% with everything that has been posted! Wow...you guys are awesome !!!
The only thing I would change is..."I" would get a written reference from my nurse manage first! If she stalls you on this....don't waste another min...trying to get it. Follow Caneohead's advice to the letter!
More hugs to you Amy! I'm sorry you did not get much resolution from your manager but you tried, and now you know where you stand and can move on with a clear conscience. She is not a manager I would want to work for either.
Brownie, Canoe, and Mary have given excellent advice! You need to begin the healing process now. Do you have to go back to work right away? Is a part time position somewhere an option? Maybe a part time office job or?? "Try to keep the pressure off for awhile" is all I could add!
If it would help, I'm sure we could give you stories from our careers that have left us feeling chewed up and spit out--I bet we've all been there. I was fortunate I had some experience under my belt when it first happened to me,(I know this is extremely difficult for you as a new grad.)
Here's one for you: I took a job as RN charge nights in a rehab facility. Just off day shift orientation I was warned by the day shift RN of the problems on nights and to 'watch my behind'. That was an understatement.
I worked with a crazy LPN that threw fits and tore up the place (the day RN said she was an agent orange nurse), and a group of aides with mouths and attitudes I couldn't believe. They restrained most of the patients, made rounds every 3-4 hours or so, neglected the patients, and spent the rest of the night eating, socializing amongst themselves, and watching movies. If I asked them a question or (heaven forbid) to do ANYTHING they made snide comments. I called my DON who said she couldn't fire them. The LPN was set in her ways and didn't interact except to blow up and scream at me occasionally if I bothered her.
I decided to take charge since I had no support. When I posted written expectations of care (per policy) particularly for restrained patients, they mocked me outright. I had a second conference with my DON to no avail. Next night a restrained patient was found at the bedside seated in full arrest. She had no living will. I started CPR and called for help. The LPN and aides refused to assist, argued with me and told me to "let her go". The LPN threw a rollodex at me and accused me of getting them all in trouble here! I called EMS to transport this poor lady to the hospital where they pronounced her. The ER doc advised me "I'd better get my butt out of that place fast, because they were under a full investigation." I didn't need any more convincing!! I finished my shift, left a resignation letter and got out pronto, no notice given. The DON called me crying, begged me to stay and help her make it better, but I told her I simply could not work under these conditions. Enuff said!! I didn't put it on my resume since I was there less than 2 weeks. No repercussions. Scarey but places like this (and like yours) do exist out there!!
i think by law the employer is only permitted to give your dates of employment. i dont think they can disclose anything else.
BUT
if you go to your doc in regards to stress and taking two weeks off for trauma, that will be on your medical record and can follow you where ever you go.
say you get hurt at work and collect workers comp...they will certainly try to use this information to make you look like a sissy...discredit you if they can.
if that were me, i would not consult my doc. i would not be sick for two weeks. if i felt i had to leave i would do so without notice. if you feel that you are being put in a position where you are expected to give unsafe care, thats a lot easier to explain to a future employer than the traumatic stress syndrome.
it shows good judgement and integrity. The traumatic stress syndrome, in my opinion, looks like you are too emotional.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Then THAT (the doc's note) could probably be used against me, huh? That's what I was afraid of. I may just follow up with my own doc for my own good and leave without a notice. Send a resignation letter, that's to the point and maybe request an exit interview. Then, if other employers have a question with it, I can be honest with them? Do I just tell them it was very unsafe where I worked? I don't want it to look like I'm hospital bashing. Anyways, I'm seriously considering leaving the hospital arena and going for something a little less stressful......any ideas?
It is frightening isn't it? Sadly, orientation isn't always what it is cracked up to be however, as many have mentioned, orientation to situations in nursing such as the one you have described, are not only common, they are the norm....As one astute respondant already mentioned, the only predictable thing about nursing in any area, is the unpredictability...Try to keep in mind that however you handle things, put the feelings of the patient first. Sometimes the most difficult thing you have to do is separate yourself from the moment and just do it. So much learning and experience in nursing could never be taught in school.
Just as in life, things get thrown at us without warning, and we have to figure out ways to deal with it...That in no way diminishes your tragic experience, or that of your patient, but should anything even remotely similar happen to you, a friend, or family member, you will be that much more aware of what can happen and how to handle it. I think it takes a great while to figure out that most of our reactions as nurses are reactions to our own feelings. It doesn't happen overnight. You, of course, cannot completely divorce yourself from what is going on..Eventually you will learn that it is ok to grieve along with your patients. Sometimes it is the strongest and most brave thing you can do..
I am an OB nurse, and not long after I came up to the unit, we had a psych pt come in with a fetal demise. Her boyfriend had just hung himself and she was in the midst of a psychotic episode. She wouldn' t believe her baby was dead and I, being relatively new to the unit, had no idea what to do or say so I just decided to do the best I could, and imagine myself in her situation.
Finally, we had to bring her to the delivery room and a macerated fetus was delivered. The skull fell apart as the body came out....Several of the nurses were in tears. Strangely, I was not.....I thought about the situation but never cried.
A year or so later, I had the sad misfortune to be on during a month when at least 3 fetal demises both known and just happened (due to abruption), presented on my night shift. For the first two I remembered how sad my first pt had been, and how I imagined I might feel had the same thing happened to me. I was able to deal with it , hold the baby, and do all the things you have to do when that happens. By the third occasion, I thought I had it down, until one older, more experienced nurse came up to me and told me to give the baby to her. "I am ok" I insisted, and refused. She again told me to give her the baby. She said it in a tenderly and motherly way...I persisted. I was sure I could handle it....No big deal. I was used to it, right??? The older nurse put her hand gently on my shoulder and drew me close in a hug. I resisted but she held on. Finally, I dissolved in tears, not only for that baby and family, but for those before and that very first pt I spoke of. You are stronger than you think and, although you certainly have every right and expectation to a decent orientation, these types of unexpected,scary and unfair situations will present themselves often, unexpectedly, throughout your career. Be prepared for the unexpected. Be strong. You can do it....Understaffing is not going to change. It isn't right. It just is. In the meantime, in the deeper parts of nursing which are the patients, you will learn through time and experience how to advocate for your patients and yourself when you are not being treated professionally either by staff or doctors. Remember, they are human too, and everyone approaches a situation from the place inside......Be astute and try to be empathetic. Nursing may not be for you but, even not knowing you, I tend to doubt it, because you have demonstrated great strength and compassion that even you are not yet aware of.. Take a deep breath and get back in there. We all did, and it does get better....Honest....Thanks for sharing....
AmyRN1227
132 Posts
Brownie---
I am just so hurt that these people could care less about me! I guess I'll take it as a learning lesson. I just wanted to leave on a better note than this but I guess it just doesn't matter at this point. I can't clear the slate right now. Yes, my six yr old and 10 mos. old are home, so I can't do much for myself right now. My husband's home but doesn't know what else to tell me. I already have an interview set up for the 18th with another hospital and called another one to set something up.
Does anyone know where I send this resignation letter to and when? Should I fax it to HR, or mail one to my manager?
Thanks for all your input.
Amy