Thoughts/feelings 9/11

  1. I have many thoughts about this day in history that would be good to discuss and get off my chest too. I mean, it was 5 years ago but I still feel it like it was a few months ago sometimes...especially on the anniversary of it.

    Please DO NOT make this a political venue...that is NOT the intent of this, and no way would a flame shoot from computer keyboards than to go that way...I mean general daily thoughts and feelings...

    For me, I think after a solid week or two of watching the news (I was unemployed during it) I quit watching the news all together. I guess something in me couldn't see anymore about death or harm to others. I also found myself jumping with instant adreniline any time I hear that emergency alert sound!!!! Oh man, that scares me now badly when I hear it!

    I feel my trust took a hit too...I no longer feel safe like I use to...maybe I had a false sence of security growing up, but it is certainly put into a new perspective, and it takes so much to gain trust from me now a days. I guess I can't take another blow since protecting myself is my way of coping.

    I now don't like to go out in crowded areas much, and would much rather stay home. I think I feel safe at home...or at least much more than in public. And I do not go to Portland unless there is an absolute need. And that goes X10 and beyond for airports...they terrify me now (I wasn't all that comfy with flight or airports to begin with..LOL!).

    I also think I have upped the anti on protecting my kids...a bit too much really. But I am working on that...I just fear something will hurt them that is out of my control (which is true most times with any parent)...but I think this is still on high alert with me...

    How about you all...what part of you changed after 9/11, or what do you feel changed (not politically!!!)???
  2. Visit Antikigirl profile page

    About Antikigirl

    Joined: Oct '04; Posts: 2,757; Likes: 415
    Happily in Nursing Education!; from US
    Specialty: 13 year(s) of experience in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc


  3. by   dazedandconfused
    I don't really watch the news either. Every once in a while I will watch, but I avoid network TV most of the time. Apparently my hubby likes the political shows- go figure. Living in the DC area you heard about the government every day.
    I was working that day and still have the same hopeless feeling every year. There was nothing to but wait for the patients that never came. I told my hubby that there was no way I was going to watch any news program today because of the coverage. My hormones are already raging with being pregnant.
    I worry sometimes about bring a lil one in this world with everything going on. My neice had such a different childhood than mine, what will it be like in a few more years. I roamed around the city and town where we lived and she could not even cross the street without telling someone and have them watch her, what next.
  4. by   Antikigirl
    Thank you so much for your response! Bless your heart! I couldn't imagine being there in the area (I am from the NW) and not having the pts come in! No one coming in...that simply freaks me out and still it is impossible to my mind to figure no pts in that type of situation (or very little...I know there were pts from other things/reasons than the inital).

    I know that here in Oregon, and I am sure everywhere...all of us medics wanted to catch the next flight out to help! In fact...I think that was the biggest part of my feeling helpless and powerless to help, which was the first time in my life! We all wanted to help, relieve the people there, and do whatever we could! Sadly..there were no flights out, there was no time or organizations set up to get us there in such a chaotic time...I had to sit and watch and pray! And pray I fact...for the first time in a long time..and now do it daily!

    Yeah...somedays I can't even stand to see the headlines on my homepage website when I go on news is good news unless there is harm or death it would have thought the media might have learned better after this huh? But that is a whole new can of worms there..LOL!

    Bless your heart for being there, and if I couldn't be there in person...I was there in spirit big time...more so than I ever thought!
  5. by   iHeartNICU
    On 9/11/01 I was a senior in high school. What a great feeling to know that in a few shorth months I would be graduated and off to college. It felt like everything was perfect and no bad could come my way. Then Sept. 11 happened. It was then that the truth of the real world hit me I guess. During that time, nothing else mattered. Grades, boyfriends, just didn't matter. I felt so completely angry, frustrated, and helpless. How could this have happened? Why did this happen? I just can't comprehend it. I can't even begin to imagine actually being there. It was way too real even watching it on TV in TX. Like Triage said, all I could do was pray all day long. My prayers still go out to everyone that lost someone that day or were involved in some way.

    After the fact, I am much more cautious about everything. I am more aware of my surroundings and what it going on. On the other hand, I refuse to be afraid and put my plans on the back burner becuse of this. If I want to get on a plane and go explore another state/country, I will gladly jump on that airplane and I have done so numerous times in the last 5 years. As dazedand confused said, I too am having second thoughts of bringing a baby into this world. I don't plan to have children for at least 5 years, who knows what the next 5 + years will bring. I hate the news, can't stand it. Why can't there ever be happy stories? Good things do happen, I'm sure of it...we just never hear about them on TV.

    Even 5 years later (seems like just yesterday) I don't have any words to say how I feel because still I am so frustrated and angry. I just can't articulate it.

    Sending hugs from Texas to everyone on this day and all the days to come.
  6. by   clee1
    today is my birthday.

    five years ago today, i too was unemployed; a casualty of the dotbomb it crunch. i woke that morning after the first hijacked airliner had crashed into the first of the trade center towers, when all america was wondering just how such a terrible accident could possibly have happened.

    scarcely minutes after opening my eyes, the second hijacked plane crashed into the second tower; i knew at that instant that my birthday would no longer be a day of happiness - it had been transformed into a day of grief by a cruel, heinous, and implacable enemy. in less than an hour, some 3000 citizens of this nation had died, including scores of our bravest and finest.

    my life changed that instant: by the time the third plane crashed into the pentagon, and the fourth into a pennsylvania farm field, i was numb with grief. in the ensuing days, as i watched the news reports from around the globe with people cheering our loss; accompanied by the knowledge that the warnings were out there and the "powers-that-be" had ignored them all..... my grief soon flamed into a burning rage!

    the world had best be greatful the i'm not the president of the usa - for within a week of 9-11-01.... from the eastern border of israel to the western border of india, and from the southern border of russia to the indian ocean - all would be nuked flat and glassy: not a man, woman, child, plant, or animal would be left therein to bear witness to the wickedness that had wrought such total distruction.

    in the five years since, my rage and bloodlust have cooled somewhat. however, what has not changed is a profound sense of loss; the disappearance of what i had thought was great about our nation. i fear for my children's and grandchildren's future. this great nation's once-strong determination and fierce independence has given way to molly-coddling those that would kill us in an instant if they could; and far too many of my fellow citizens are willing to sacrifice their precious freedoms for the illusion of "peace". we go mealy-mouthing around to impotent organizations like nato and the un, asking for help in this epic battle against terrorism from people we liberated from tyranny twice in the last century, only to have them turn their backs on us. because of "world opinion" we *****-foot around, failing to wipe out nest of terrorists when we find them because some "innocent" bystander might come to harm. we have lost the will to stand firm for our ideals, even while thousands more of our bravest and finest root around the world's cesspools looking for traces of our most insideous enemy.....

    i wonder if the terrorists didn't "win" more than they ever anticipated that they would?

    for sure, my birthday is no longer a day of joy - it has surely transitioned into a day of despair and a grim reminder of the heritage of a once-proud nation.
  7. by   Spidey's mom
    Clee1 - I have had the same feelings and thoughts. And my husband has mentioned nuking the whole place many times.

    This morning after putting my 5 year old on the logging truck with his daddy, I determined that I would not sit in the trailer and watch tv coverage. Instead I walked all over Chester, along the Feather River, sat in an espresso bar and read the paper by a creek. Walked through some art galleries that I missed seeing last week. Ate a great meal at a mexican restaurant.

    But then when I got back to the trailer, I turned on the news. I watched for about an hour, tears welling up a few times.

    I too am angry still - I haven't watched the towers being hit or falling down in years. (Years - that IS weird).

    Our world has changed, but I refuse to let it change the way I live my life. I traveled to another part of the world this summer and felt no fear. And that was a long long plane ride.

    I am hopeful that we can defeat terrorism.

  8. by   ZASHAGALKA
    (moved by poster from the where were you thread to this one because it's more on point.)
    From a common internet posting, saved to my computer 9/14/01:

    Open Memo to Usama bin Laden

    Memorandum For: Osama Bin Laden, his friends, his supporters, his bank-rollers, and the horse he rode in on.

    From: A single voice, on behalf of 300 million very (mad) voices.

    1. Per your request, you now have our undivided attention.

    2. Before further addressing your request, we would like to point out a few issues.

    a. The last, similar, sneak attack perpetrated against the United States was completed with slightly less success by the Japanese government in 1941.

    b. The end result of the above attack involved the utilization of two nuclear devices against the offending parties.

    c. Hard hats, Turbans, and ludicrous rhetoric are not among the most highly recommended methods of surviving sub-paragraph b.

    d. We know who you are, who your supporters are, where you and they lurk, and who is and has been assisting you. Your categorical incompetence at covering your trail is exceeded only by the outlandish nature of your idea that inflicting damage and pain on a fairly easy-going nation will somehow improve your existence.

    3. You have managed to unify a tremendously combative and bi-partisan government, and brought to a unified table a thousand races and walks of life. They have united under two purposes:

    a. Helping repair the damage.

    b. Creating a catastrophic example of what happens to those who perpetrate these acts of war, (and also those who harbor and aid them).

    4. You can scream. You will not be heard. You can plead. We will not listen. You can threaten. We will take greater care. We are coming for you. We will find you. After we find you, no one else ever will. And the world will know what happens to those who gain our undivided attention.

    5. You should have studied the lessons of history. Now, we will re-teach those lessons, not for you (you no longer need any education whatsoever), but for the World. You say we are a paper tiger. We will disabuse the World of that notion. You say you will fight to the last man. Fine. We accept your terms.

    Where was I on 9/11/01? Thinking thoughts just like this. Is it bad of me to say that I just don't see what the big deal is about using "torture" on such people? I certainly don't lose any sleep over it.

    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Sep 11, '06
  9. by   berniemcr
    On 9/11/01 I was on my way to work listening to the radio when I heard a plane had hit one of the towers at World Trade. I felt so confused as to how this stray plane could have done this and the commentaries reflected my confusion. Before I reached work I heard of the second plane hitting and I remember the ice in my veins as I thought "we are under attack". I heard from my children and the shock in their voices. I was from the VietNam era so I still knew war, but they did not.

    My oldest son was in the National Guard then and he called me when he was activated to go to his Armory. He is medical so he was so happy to have something constructive to do as he expected to be using his ortho PA skills in helping survivors. In NJ there was a state of emergency so no cars were allowed on the roads without a reason. My son spoke of driving on the NJ Turnpike with no one else on the road and how eerie it was. He was filled with a sense of pride and purpose. Thirty six hours later, he was sent home--there were no survivors and there was just a deep depression which I think lingers still.

    No politics per the OP request, but God Bless Us all.

  10. by   ZASHAGALKA
    Written by me, a few years ago:

    ‘September 12, 2002’

    Yes we remember. But we did not need an anniversary to commemorate these tragic events. Indeed, our great Nation is now following the course of a new trajectory, permanently altered by the loss of two towers, four aircraft, and most importantly, three thousand lives.

    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men . . . are endowed by their Creator with . . . the right to life. This is the sacred premise that forms the promise of this Nation. As a result of this faith to each other, we are the envy of the entire Earth. Of course we hold each life to be sacred. Of course random, if malicious, acts that quiet the collective voices of three thousand of our citizens will be met with such horror and disbelief. Of course, we remember.

    If you are like me, you spent last week dreading the arrival of this particular anniversary. You vowed to your friends and neighbors that you could not bear to watch the media coverage of this ‘event’. And yet. And yet you couldn’t look away. How could you? When events conspire to change your life forever, how can you help but mark and remember the change?

    But isn’t that the point? Those heroic souls will always be with us. Twenty years from now, the phrase, ‘Let’s roll’ will have just as much meaning to the psyche of our national soul as it does today. This change is permanent. And we will remember.

    I won’t speak to the madmen who perpetrated this event except to say that their relentless and methodological extermination is too sweet and swift a release. I soothe my anger and hate with the thought that not just my God, but their God will have His just vengeance. And for now, that must be enough.

    So now, while I can never forget, I can neither live in the past. And so, like you, I move forward.

    In the coming days and years, I fear that how we choose to memorialize our fallen brothers and sisters will be met with discord. Indeed, controversy already reared its ugly head over a bronze statue of heroes raising the flag that was to be donated to the FDNY Headquarters building. That monument was ultimately scrapped.

    And then there is the controversy of exactly what to do with sixteen acres of the most prime real estate in the world that also just happen to be the grave of heroes. Yes, more controversy lay ahead.

    In the end, the physical monuments to our fallen will find their way into permanence and that will be that. It is the spiritual monuments we build that will truly matter. We are changed. How we craft that change into becoming better humans, better Americans will tell the tale for our heroes.

    Our society is not perfect. We don’t pretend to be perfect. Instead, we live by the collective creed to strive to become ever better in our lives. The one sure fact of the mindless, evil destruction that visited us on that haunting day is this; regardless the opposition we may face, we will remain united in our goal to reach out for a vision of a better way.

    America stands for, if nothing else, the search for that better way. United, we do indeed Stand. We do indeed pray for the better angels of our nature. We collectively cry in grief when that vision so utterly fails us. We collectively promise, to both the dead and the living, that a better way is possible. It is within our collective reach. United, we pledge our oath that nothing can stand in the way of those better angels and brighter paths.

    And so, 9/11 has come and gone again. But today, 9/12, is just as important a day to remember our fallen. Today is just as important a day to rededicate the soul of our nation to better and brighter paths. Today is just as important a day to hold hands ever closer, loved ones ever dearer, life ever braver.

    After all, this is who we are. It was always who we were, even when we were off course. We aren’t off course any longer. This is the legacy of our heroes. And this is what we have striven all these generations to achieve. It is our collective destiny to find a bigger soul to unite us all.

  11. by   mamason
    This is a little late, but, I joined on 9/12. I can totally relate to your post about 9/11. I remember exactly what I was doing that day. I was getting ready for school. Reviewing for A and P. I seen the breaking news on TV and thought, " Oh my God! What a horrible accident." Well, of course I seen the second plane hit and realized something was terribly wrong. My spouse was in PA at the time for work. Tried desperatly to get in touch with him. Finally got a hold of him and told him to turn on the news. Skipped school, went and got my children from daycare and stayed home. Realized that the world wasn't as safe a placeas I thought. Like you, I had to finally turn the TV off. I couldn't watch it any more.
    I too am probably a little too overprotectivewith my children. Don't like to fly anymore. We did though, and I was nervous thewhole time. So, now, if we can't drive there, we don't go.
    My husband used to travel a lot with his job before 9/11. He soon switched jobs that didn't involve so much air travel. He's gone a lot but, not like he used to be.
    A tragedy such as 9/11 can make a person rethink their priorities. And I believe most of us did after that day.