Stubborn Mother

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I have done just about everything to try to get my mother to see a physician. She has not been for a check up, blood work, or anything in over 15 years. She is showing several symptoms of possibly very harmful diseases (yes, not illnesses) and not to mention the many heart issues, cancers and diabetes that runs in the family. She is aware of her symptoms, but will not go to the doctor no matter what.

I've tried the method of scaring her into going (explaining what could happen if she does not get looked into), and when I ask her why she doesn't go she begins to get hostile and angry with me. I understand that the descison is mainly up to her, as she is herself... but I really do care for her.

I have tried to explain that if somewhere were to happen to her, it would affect the entire family. But instead, she feels the need to schedule a wisdom teeth extraction which is not NEARLY as important as her general health. Not to mention the fact that it's 500% cheaper for a check up that has a $20 co-pay.

Any ideas? Thanks so much in advanced guys.

:heartbeat:heartbeat

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Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.

Well, if you really wanted to force the issue with her you could schedule an appointment for her and let her know that you really want her to go. If you have set up the appointment she may be more inclined to go.

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Specializes in LTC.

She's an adult and allowed to make her own decisions.

My mother was having bouts of chestpain and tachycardia several times (I was still living at home at the time) she'd come into my room and wake me up to have me feel her racing pulse and then refuse to go to the hospital. There were also lots of other things she really needed to go in and get checked out. I hounded on her for a long time, but finally gave up. It's her life and I'm sure she's well aware of what's going on, but she has to make her own decisions.

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I know from experience how frustrating it is. I have no easy answers but do wish you well.

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I have the same problem with my own mother. She is 61, morbidly obese, and hypertensive. She has not had any type of medical check-up in at least 15-20 years. I have tried every method of convincing and begging to take care of her health.

It's terrifying when her blood pressure is up and she complains of headaches and dizziness but refuses to do anything other than self-medicate.

The worst part of it all is that my mother is a NURSE! She knows the ramifications of her actions (inactions) and still there seems to be nothing that I can do to convince her to take care of her health. Believe me, I have tried just about everything to promote a healthier lifestyle and encourage her to go for routine check-ups. She also does not have a will, has said verbally that she would not want to be on life support but nothing is on paper.

I think this kind of "stick your head in the sand and pretend all is well behavior" extends to a lot of aspects of her life and it's selfish.

Sorry to threadjack but I can so relate to everything the OP is saying...anyway *sigh* what can we do about it except wait for the inevitable consequences of their irresponsible actions?

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I was happy when two years ago I got my 72 year old mother to agree to stay off the roof.:nuke::nuke::nuke:

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My first instincts on reading this post is that your Mom is probably scared. She's the Mom though so not gonna admit it to you. Maybe hints about how treatable X, Y, or Z disease is rather than how bad it is to ignore things might work? Just a thought. Good luck getting through to her!

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Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.

This may seem a bit harsh, but ... Have you discussed her funeral arrangements with her? Have you discussed what nursing home she would like when she is incapcitated? Have you discussed the use of extreme measures to prolong her life? etc. etc. etc.

Perhaps, by asking her seriously about these things and saying that you are preparing for her inevitable needs -- and that you want to make decisions that are compatable with her wishes -- she may be stimulated to at least make a few conscious decisions herself. ("But Mom, if you have a stroke, you may not be able to speak and I will be the one making the decisions.") You might not agree with all the decisions she makes, but she would at least be moving forward on her own terms. Each move forward may help her feel more empowered, which might stimulate a willingness to tackle another aspect of the situation.

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