LPN with Battery Charge on Criminal Record-Help - page 5
I need some advice, but first let me give you some background information......... I've been married for almost 14 years, in the process of getting a divorce. My daughter (15) has -never- gotten... Read More
Jun 17, '03Originally posted by 3rdShiftGuy
Hey why get out of a conversation that is going well. No flaming and a good discussion, it may end with an agreement to disagree, but at least we can discuss all sides. Huh?
I only took exception to your statement "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them. "
I'll say once again, hitting it wrong. There are many positive approaches that could be used.
You're coming from a standpoint of being in an abusive home.
I'm coming from the standpoint of being in a family with an abusive (not physically, but emotionally and verbally, totally out of control) teenager. He was a good kid, just got hooked on drugs. My parents went through a lot of guilt and shame over this, blaming themselves for his behavior and drug addiction. Many other parents who don't understand blame them as well.
Before my mom's breakdown, (major depression, guilt, shame, suicide attempt, and the trashing of his room, ever see a 35 year old mom in anger lift an entire bed and throw it across the room?) they went through YEARS of hell. This included interference from law enforcement, school counselers, phychologists, etc. They tried all the "positive" approaches. The only thing that worked was him turning 18 and kicking him out of the house.
It wasn't just a rebellious teenager pushing buttons one time. And I don't think the original poster's child was either. We all have our breaking points. Yours is different.
I'm so empathetic to the original poster. Again, I don't condone the slap, and the consequences of that must be dealt with. But I understand reaching a breaking point. It doesn't happen the first time, it doesn't happen over night, but it festers and accumulates over many months or years.
O.K. I've said my peace. Am always willing to discuss and listen. Please don't take this as a flame. One thing we can both relate on, we both come from dysfunctional families and it affects us still today.
Jun 17, '03Originally posted by LPN_mn
By the way we have 3 other children. I have to say that the house has been very quiet for the past 4 months. He is getting the help he needs and the other children who are home are getting the counseling and the help they need. Our 16 year old was contemlating suicide because he felt he could not take the abuse from his brother anymore. We found this out after he was in the program and the other kids started counseling. So it is not just the users problem, it effects the entire family and has to be dealt with as a family.
Jun 17, '03...until we have walked in someone else's shoes we really cannot judge...unless you really know about abuse first hand, you should not judge...there are people who keep trying to work things out the best they can with what they have. Counselling only works when the parties are committed to making it work; therefore, it may work for the parent and not the teen. It is like quiting smoking. You have to want to do it for it to work. This is a very difficult subject that not many understand, or want to.
Everyone has a breaking point....everyone. For example:
You can take the nicest dog who "would never bite" and keep taunting and harrassing and cornering it and it will eventually lash out with a bite...because it can't take anymore.
People should never think that they would never "do that" until you have been at your witts end and run down and have actually experienced it. ABUSE should be taken seriously. I don't agree with emotional or physical abuse, but from what I read I feel that this action may have been in response to experiencing abuse.
Those that have been there know what I mean.
Jun 17, '03i can see & understand what happened in this situation...& i won't make any judgments. i know there's a hell of lot of sh*te not told to us that led-up to this unfortunate situation. i completely feel for you 14yrlpn! if it's any consulation, i personally wouldn't have slapped my daughter, but i would've put my foot in her a$$ or getting her around the throat or both!!! i too was raised with spankings, punishments, hits/slaps, & the like without having any adverse reactions. i believe what may have happened in your case is that you've spared the rod while your child was growing-up & she, unfortunately, became spoiled as a result. 14 yrlpn, your kids are too old for any sort of physical spankings now & would, instead, require alternate forms of punishments such as groundings, take away favorite objects (i.e. computer time/cds/ dvds/ mall shopping/ etc). one thing that james touched on in one of his posts is the fact that you've obviously allowed your child to be verbally abusive & out of control. you've said that your soon to be ex-husband said that you weren't tough enough on your kids. my first thought is...are you taking out your failed marriage on your kids...especially your daughter because it seems that she never took to him & they never got along? or could it be that now he's out of the picture, your daughter is trying your boiling point? the kids today have way too much power with threatening their parents/teachers with dyfus or whatever gov't agency. they do need boundaries set & established from an early age & if you'd failed to do this for whatever reasons...then it is a bit late in the game to discipline her now...especially with spankings.
however, i would like to thank jame & orca for making the charges of battery clear. unfortunately, the hospital/nursing home has to abide by the background checks & hire/not hire accordingly. it just sucks that you've got caught-up in this nightmare but hopefully you'll have learned from this experience & grow from it.
a lot of people here are saying that you as the adult could or should just walk away from your teenager (who's only three years away from being legally grown - one year away from applying for legal separation from you). i know that you slap your child out of frustration/desperation - but just how hard you'd slapped her remains to be seen...i.e. were there any bruises, cuts, scratches resulting from this slap...did your daughter receive a bloody nose or black eye? i'm not trying to paint a bad picture nor am i trying to pry, but would really like to know just how you slapped your daughter...was it open handedly or was it forceful enough to turn her head from straight to sideways? i think the degree in which she was slapped should have been factured in the battery charge. i'm not condoning your actions in slapping your child, nor am i condeming you either...i just wanted a better picture of what happened is all.
if the slap was just enough to sting in order to get her attention, i believe that she may have went overboard in calling the police; however, if you'd delivered it with everything you had, then it was justified. surely at her age, she should've known what the possible outcomes of calling the the authorities could produce...being placed in foster care...you going to jail for a number of years. a lot of people here have said that you as the adult should have simply walked away...but again...your daughter is also old enough to know right from wrong & should share in some of the responsibility of what took place leading up to that occurance. i think that if you're legally old enough to have sex & abortions (not saying that she's having sex or had an abortion...just legally able to)...you should be old enough to know how far to push your parents in a child/parent relationship.
i personally know someone who is also a lpn that had her eldest son taken from her because he didn't feel like doing his chores that day & decided to call dyfus & told them that his mother was abusing him...he had the nerve to say that she was using him as a personal slave because he didn't feel like doing his established chores...& yup...you've guess it...he's 14 y/o. when the gov't agency showed-up at 12 midnight, they wanted to inspect the house & woke-up the other two sleeping kids (whom upon awaking started crying & wanted something to eat...one is dx with audism & the other is a little butterball). dyfus took all of her children that night because they said the the kids were hungry & that she was being furhter investigated because she told the agent that if her son felt that he was in any danger or was that unhappy living in her house they were welcome to take him. they said that was abandonment!!! so they took him & placed him in a home for kids & found-out that he suffers from seizures & added additional charges to my friend for not disclosing the fact that he was going without his medication. the boy is 14...he's taken this medication for years...he never thought to mention this fact to agent but they found-out when his mother took him his medications & decided to add additional charges. eventually, the state has placed her eldest son with her mother (who has adopted several foster kids herself & have installed a swimming pool for them, has cable in their room, & whatever else they want at their disposal) it took them about a month to do so; but they'd returned the other younger kids within a few days with her & her husband. she has told me that there won't be anything showing up on her record that would jepordize her lpn license, but she has to pay thousands of dollars in legal fees because of her smart a$$ son who've since made up with her. the thing that totally pisses me off about that situation is that if he wanted to go live with his grandmother (because all of the nice stuff there), why didn't he just simply ask instead of putting his parents through this on going hell ...but i've digressed.
anyhoo, 14yrlpn, i'm going to suggest that you do seek spiritual & professional guidance in this manner because for the sake of you & your family unit, you must take action.
again sorry this had to happen to you!
moeLast edit by SKM-NURSIEPOOH on Jun 17, '03
Jun 18, '03I didn't know a battery conviction equaled a felony conviction at all?? Isn't battery similar to an assault charge? Where I live that's a misdemeanor... but I'm no lawyer.
As far as the daughter goes, I must say that if either one of my daughters EVER talked to me like her daughter talked to her, they'd be shopping for false teeth. My children are not perfect, and they are allowed plenty of room for "growing-up" mistakes, but we discuss them rationally. My children learned early on that I will not accept behavior like that. We are very close and have a wonderful relationship, as I do with my mother, who slapped the CRAPOLA out of me quite a few times during my 15th year of life. I love her to the ends of the earth for it. She taught me respect and boundaries.
This doesn't indicate that I was an abused child. I was very loved growing up, but also knew that my mother would not tolerate anything like that. I tested it during my teen years, and she didn't let me cross that line.Last edit by SICU Queen on Jun 18, '03
Jun 20, '03Hello and how are you? I have gone through a very similar situation about two years ago and now it has haunted me. I am currently seeking legal advise. I have tried writing a letter to my state govenor, but not much luck there. I was told to request a simple pardon, but this simple pardon is telling the state that I am sorry for what happened. I was wrongfully acused and charged. Now I am suffering. If ther are any medical professionals who can help we nurses in need, please lend a hand.
As for you, don't give up. Nurses are the most important people in the world today and our career will never go out of business and if you are a good nurse, you can never be replaced.
Jun 20, '03Hello again,
A battery can be a felony if it meets all the elements, that being aggravated: use of deadly weapon, great difference between ages & physical conditions, & or culpable mental state. The presence of one or more of the aggavating factors could result in a felony battery. In common law the term assault & battery are sometimes used to indicate 1 offense. An assault is an attempt to strike and the victim would be apprehensive of impending harm or danger, whereas a battery is the successful unlawful intentional striking of a person. A battery can't be committed w/o assaulting the victim, but an assault can occur w/o committing a battery. In most states the crime of assault also includes batteries, but not all states. Misdemeanor assault/batteries are classified as A or B. The degree of the crimes & penalties are increased w/aggravating factors according to your state legislature. With the aggravating factors it turns a misdemeanor into a felony w/different degrees (1st, 2nd, 3rd). Now w/child abuse, which I think we are talking about covers people who inflict such injuries on children may be charged w/assault/battery & other offenses in the criminal code of the state where the offense occurred.
O.K., w/that said I hope I have been able to clarify my previous definitions. To the lady that is going thru this terrible time in her family's life: Go to your states statutes for your states Nurse Practice Act & go to Disciplinary actions. It will tell you what actions from the nurse will constitute grounds for disciplinary actions. Seek professional legal representation. I understand where U are coming from & I pray that your situation will be resolved. If you would like to contact me personally you can write to firstname.lastname@example.org & I will be glad to speak w/u.
Jun 20, '0314 year LPN I feel so sorry for you. I have a 15 year old who is in a private school and a terrific student and basically a good boy. However, being the hormoned induced child that he is he has pushed me to the wall as well. I have not had to slap him but then, I have had visions of wanting to cuff him right up alongside of his cute little head. No one can judge how they would react to a situation until they have first handidly lived what you are going through. Personally maybe one instance of slap in the face may have been warranted, that is not abuse in my eyes. I feel abuse is something like the author of "A Child Called It" went through. I feel for you, see a lawyer and a family therapist to get your career and your childs life staightened out. This world has gotten away from simple parenting skills. Kids have no fear of getting into trouble these days. They have NO respect for their parents, their teachers, elders or anyone in authority. I don't promote slapping however, sometimes they just may need a quick swift kick in the pants to realize they are not in total control. It's too bad that families today do not do the simple things in life like eating dinner together, going to a movie together. The family dynamics are no longer just mother, father, brothers and sisters . It's step this and step that, "Uncle" this half that there is not stability and consistency, no accountability for their actions (good or Bad). We have come to a world of blaming instead of owning up and accepting what you have coming to you. There are too many split families or children left to raise themselves. Learn to love one another again. Take care, and I sincerley hope all goes well for you.Last edit by jacolaur on Jun 21, '03
Jun 20, '03I'd like to suggest contacting your local "Tough Love" organization. They also have books available with their philosophy for teenagers in trouble.
I wish you luck and completely understand how you could feel as you did. I'm not condoning slapping her . . . . just understand the feeling and impulse.
Get some help now.
Jun 20, '03I have yet to read the remainder of replies posted but I can only imagine the array of differences in opinion. Having two young girls I can only imagine what things wil be like 10 years from now when they are blossoming into young teenagers full of their own ideas thoughts and opinions in todays world. As a young adult I feel for teenagers today as they are sooo influenced by worldly events...TV, computers, boys and the list goes on. From what you tell me I can see that you were and are a good mother not to mention a wonderful nurse. As a mother, I think people need to realize how hard it is to deal the every aspect of raising a child. It is a difficult job. I make no excuses for you behavior but don't condem it...nor should anyone else but GOD . I don't think you are a viliant person by nature because as a MOTHER who provides sooo much for their child deserves to be respected and maybe this sounds cruel but maybe the child needed that as the only source to "Get" her to wake up. Anyhow I honestly don't feel it is fair to judge a person by his/her qualities as a parent or values as a parent to be an excellent nurse. Anyhow best of luck in your future nursing career.
Jun 21, '03I have been there. My ex had my 14 year old son report me and I was ticketed for misdemeanor child abuse because I spanked him and hit his shoulder in the process, also I pulled his hair. My case was transferred to juvenile court, we had family and individual counseling. He still refused to behave for me so he ended up with his dad. In addition to still paying legal and medical/counseling fees (a year later) - I also now pay his dad child support. I lost my job due to closing of my facility (completely unrelated) and had to go find another - the new LTC facility did hire me with the charge on my record but I was only allowed to work on the skilled unit - not on the dementia or assisted living floors. Once the case was dismissed out of juvenile court, my name was expunged from the central register. Don't despair - you *can* get a job, and it *will* pass. Good luck
Jun 21, '03I personally am against spanking, hitting, slapping, or physically touching a kid or child in any way, as a means to punish him/her. Even if some of you do believe it is okay to do so, in todays times, it is not wise to hit them because, your child, spouse, a friend of the child, etc. may call the police or Dept. of Family Services and you very well could end up in a court case, and without the custody of your child for a long time, even if the accusations were never true to begin with. My background is in clinical counseling and I have seen this happen to parents many times and have felt sorry for them. And yes, I have 3 children and would not dare to put a hand on them.
Think about it, do we think it is okay for our husbands to slap us (women) because they get upset at us, or even women slapping or hitting men? Try this, and many times a spouse will call the police. My hubby knows his butt is grass and he better pack his bags if he hits me or my children, Period! There are many other ways to deal with problem kids like first trying the communication route until it is exhausted, then taking away their best loved priviledges, then sometimes making them go to counseling sessions and/or having to admit them into a mental health child or adolescent program to get them on the straight and narrow. There are many choices we have as parents. It is up to us to make sure the child first knows they are loved, and that you spend time with them on a regular basis. Also, as parents we must set some absolute guidelines of things a child can and cannot do, and how they are to behave toward us and toward society, knowing full well they will make mistakes and that is part of the process, and for them to be able to come talk with us anytime and that they will always be in less trouble for being honest about things, rather than them lying to us and having to find out about their problems after things are too late. But regardless, you never can totally shut the door on your children and not help them when they need it, because when they see you do this, many of them will never allow you back in their hearts to be their parents ever again. Bottom line, I try working on saying things and doing things that help uplift my children and their self confidence and that make them feel good about themselves. Also, I try to encourage most teens to do some type of volunteer work because it helps reinforce a good work ethic, keeps them out of trouble a few hrs of the day, and shows them many other great lessons that are hard to teach otherwise. Best Wishes...