Is getting married in nursing school a bad idea? - page 3
I am a second semester nursing student and 19 years old. I am planing my wedding for next december 2002, but I am worried that it could possibly effect my studies. I just wanted to hear from others... Read More
Mar 16, '02Occupation: RN at local hospital Specialty: 18 year(s) of experience in acute care, supervision, admin ; Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 19Congrats!!!! Marriage is a big step and you will never KNOW whether of not you are ready until you try. Not knowing you and your partner, as well as your levels of maturity this is a tough question to answer!! Talk to a minister or counselor who can help you sort this out. Some studies have shown that married folk are more stable in their schooling. The fact that you asked the question states you feel some stress about it, talk it over with a professional you trust. This is a serious issue, and if you both love and are committed to each other then GOD BLESS you both
Mar 16, '02Occupation: Utilization Review, prior Intake Mgr Home Care Specialty: 40 year(s) of experience in Home Care, Vents, Telemetry, Home infusion ; From: PA, US ; Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 27,592; Likes: 13,8311974: Met my boyfriend while in fresman yr, he senior. Dropped out of school as no car for commuter college. Decided to marry 75 thinking I'd go back in fall 76. HE was severely stressed over "3 yrs without you" so I went to LPN school (just a year out of our lives) with support of his mother to get foot in the door. Returned in 1979 for BSN program after him stating "you need to get paid more for what all you do". Lucky no kids then still many life events:death of his father, grandparents that affected my schooling.
Now 27 yrs later, I am chief breadwinner as his company closed plant last month. Due to work injury, he needs to look for new career.
Renees advice great. Think carefully with the head just not the heart and good luck.
Mar 16, '02Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 1,614; Likes: 2I envy you, and wish I could find someone to marry. Being a singularity makes it okay to not be married. When people get married, they change in ways Mario does not want to change into.
My best to you! In nursing school, please try to pave, or grease you way, by planning ahead. Remember to stay focused and in control (if that is possible when your married) and also remember to take care of yourself first (again, if thats possible when your married)
Alter-bound, hypnotized, sweet freedom whispers in your ear
Your a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly, so fly away, high away - bye bye
Mar 17, '02Occupation: Clinical instructor Specialty: 13 year(s) of experience ; Joined: Dec '01; Posts: 781; Likes: 121marriage should be outlawed in this country until one reaches 30 years of age.
I'm w/ the party poopers. I had a (nursing school) classmate who got married when she was 21, during the 4th semester of school. She flunked her boards (maybe unrelated), and they divorced 18 months later.
Thank God they had no kids!
Mar 17, '02Joined: Nov '01; Posts: 765; Likes: 144XNurse
Your wife was never down for you in the first place! It was simply her loss. I say about every semester someone loses a relationship because the significant other can't understand how grueling nursing school is! I hope you find someone that will aprreciate the fact you take care of business!.
Mar 17, '02Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 5,673; Likes: 159In hindsite, marrying in my first year of nursing school was a bad idea. My school frowned on it and warned me, but I did it anyway - stubborn lil thing as I was. I ended up dropping out, resenting my new husband for it, and soon completed a LPN program. Several years later I finished my RN program but almost to the detriment of my marriage, still harboring resentment towards my DH for his unsupportive attitude. He didn't see his needs being met while I was in school and our mutual selfishness almost ruined us. Relationships are a BIG step, as Renee put so well!
If you can possibly wait, please do. We get so pulled in different directions by life and 'one strong focus at a time' really is a good thing....best wishes!
Mar 17, '02Joined: Mar '02; Posts: 29; Likes: 2I have a classmate who got married during 3rd semester and I know she regrets it - she was so stressed, she had missed one clinical so she was doing clinical on the day before her wedding - she said she would never do it again.
Mar 17, '02Occupation: RN Specialty: 7 year(s) of experience in ICU, nutrition ; Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 905; Likes: 281I got married after my second year of college, around the time I decided to change my major to nursing. I had trouble fitting all the prerequisites in to one year, so I didn't expect to get into clinicals a year later, but I did and I had to scramble and take summer school to be ready to start clinicals. In the meantime, when we were thinking I would be going to school part-time for another year before clinicals, my husband decided to join the Army. He went off to training in May, when I was trying to take summer classes and still work full-time. I was so lonely and I became severely depressed, stopped doing my correspondence to finish the class I couldn't take during summer, and got scared that they would kick me out of school if I didn't have the class, so I dropped out. I started back a year later. My grandfather died on the second day of class and I found out I was pregnant the next week. I was trying to work full-time and go to school because money was tight and school dropped to the bottom of my list of priorities. But I couldn't handle the 14-16 hour days and I ended up making a D in one of my classes and I had to sit out another year. Then we moved to a different state and my husband took a job working out of town most of the time. I now had the money to go to school without having to work too, but not much help around the house with our son, no family and no husband to help. I finally did graduate from a BSN program in December 2001 and I just received my license last week. If I had not gotten married until after I had gotten my degree, it would have not taken me nearly 10 years! I look back with no regrets, we made it through all those tough times, but you have to think very seriously about whether you and your man can make it through. My husband and I have both changed so much since we got married nearly eight years ago; fortunately, we have not grown apart and we actually agree on more things than we used to. In my nursing class of 55, about 15 of us were married when we started and about 15 more got married last summer before our final semester. Seven women had babies during school, and only one of them had the baby during a school break. It can be done. But it is definitely not the easiest way to go. That first year I was married I was SO distracted. I had a 7:30 class that I rarely showed up for because I liked to sleep in with my DH. And he did not force me to drag out of bed and go to class. When I went back to school after we moved to Louisiana, when he was home, he would not LET me skip class, even if I insisted I could. We were both more mature and understood that I could not fail this time; I may not get another opportunity. So just think about it. There's nothing wrong with a long engagement!! :kiss
Mar 17, '02Joined: Nov '01; Posts: 765; Likes: 14Despite it all konniball you did it. That is a great accomplishment. Until men have uteruses I wouldn't not consider any woman who values her education get married. Unless he is super understanding or you have a trustfund. Education should be your man first! Can't go wrong having an education.
Mar 18, '02Joined: Jan '02; Posts: 5,673; Likes: 159I should add I do know nurses who married in school and did well, although they admit it was more complicated than they imagined to keep 'all the balls in the air' at once and still make quality time to build their marriage.
If a fully committed couple goes into it with both eyes wide open and has each other's full support it is certainly doable.
I dated my husband for several years and thought I knew him inside and out when we married in the summer after my first year of nursing school. But when I restarted school in the fall he withdrew from me and felt left out of my study groups, classmates, etc. I could not 'fix' these feelings of his although I tried...I quit school, resented him for it, regretted quitting, and finally did go back. It caused us to separate.
We had to work hard to get back together. We both feel badly about this point in our marriage but hey, we were young and didn't fully realize all the stresses of life, marriage, family, etc. We're celebrating 25 years this August!
Best wishes-- whatever you decide! You are a wise one to be looking at this issue carefully beforehand!