I'm having a panic attack! I need some support!

vashtee, RN · Feb 24, 2008

It sounds like you have quite a bit of stress, but I'm not sure this is an actual panic attack (yet). When I am having a panic attack, I would be virtually incapable of posting on a website.

It sounds like you would benefit from some therapy (who wouldn't?). If you are currently enrolled in school, you can probably get something free through their counseling office.

In the meantime, you should practice some deep breathing and get regular exercise to help manage the stress.

Chloe'sinNYNow · Feb 24, 2008

I'm sure many of the people on this site have at one time been struggling to make ends meet, while on the road to becoming a nurse, but I feel I am at my wit's end.
I have been on my own since 16. My dad dropped me off on a corner the day I was legally able to work (in November!!), and said I could call him when I had a job. Have been working full-time since, and have never been able to make it without credit cards, or enjoy my youth. When I was younger than 16, he would call me names and beat me up if I wanted something like a Dr. visit or shoes. I had two years of savings- nearly 7,000 in McDonald's wages. He emptied my account right before I was supposed to start college and bought some leather furnature, and used the rest toward a Lexus SUV.
The funny part is- my dad's a multi-millionare. He owns one of the largest CPA firms in his state, and he keeps rubbing it in my face that he has been a success in life and I haven't. It seems every few months he is taking some exotic vacation to Egypt, or whatever.
I am now 15k in debt, and I don't want to take out more loans, but despirately want to be a nurse. I am pretty much obsessed with it. I tried to go the cheap CC route, but my mom tossed the letter in the trash when my number came up. I don't live w/ her, but she insisted all school mail be sent to her.
I am also engaged, but wedding planning isn't going well. Everyone wants to come, but no one wants to help pay. I keep talking about eloping, but my family says that is "selfish.":bugeyes:
Its all just piling up! I think this is a literal panic attack. I can't talk to anyone about this stuff, b/c some of it is just not believable. My life is stranger than fiction. Please, someone offer me some emotional support!

OH hun, run don't walk far away fr the parental units. I'm guessing you're well over 16 by now. Why are you still reliant upon your parents? You have proved to yourself you know how to work, earn income. $20 k isn't so bad compared to the debt I incurred in student loans. It is VERY doable to pay back. And you can do it. Managing to save up $7k working at McD's is proof of that!

Your situation sounds like indentured servitude, or just plain slavery. At the very least, beating you for needing medical attention is straight up abuse!!

Get out. Move on. Find your path. You do not owe them anything.

You are old enough (I'm guessing) to sign a lease. I hope your fiance isn' t anything like your father. Seek counseling before entering marriage to be sure of that.

Let us know what your decision is and how the outcome works out. I wish the very best for you. You are not alone. We are here for you. But you need to take a step towards personal freedom.

P.S. what's the name of this CPA firm. Note to self: DO NOT USE !

:icon_hug:

Chloe

:nurse:

RN-BSN, BA

CNAinNeb · Feb 24, 2008

I'm not living with them, I moved 500 miles away, but I keep answering their phone calls and I know I shoudn't.

Chloe'sinNYNow · Feb 24, 2008

I'm not living with them, I moved 500 miles away, but I keep answering their phone calls and I know I shoudn't.

Get an answering machine.

racing-mom4, BSN, RN · Feb 24, 2008

Ok 1st off...if your over the age of 18 your school mail needs to be coming to you at your residence. Not your mothers. Get that changed at the school tomorrow!!!

2nd hold off on the wedding plans until your more financially comfortable and have cut more ties with your parents.

3rd you cant pick your parents, so dont fret over their mistakes. You will be a stronger person because of them so I guess in a way, thank them for showing you the wrong path to take.

Study hard, get the grades, apply for some scholarships. At the school I went to they really helped find grants and scholarships for you. Ask classmates what sort of scholarships they are getting and apply for those too. Are you working now? if so inquire about tuition reimbursement? If they dont offer it seek out a job that does.

I also had crappy parents...I just saw a poll on allnurses.com yesterday about how many nurses are first borns with fathers who are alcholics. Very interesting. So your not alone.

I look at itthis way, you have two chances of having a good parent /child relationship. The 1st time around with your parents, the 2nd chance with your own children. Some day you will experience what a good parent/child bond is, But before then get your self in a good situation. Far far far away from your folks.

Best of luck.

You can do it. look how far you have come!!! :yeah:

Katnip, RN · Feb 24, 2008

Wow. If ever there was a case for calling CPS, that was it.

See if you can talk to a lawyer about recovering some of the money your father took from you. Also, in many states parents were legally required to pay for at least part of a child's education as long as it did not cause severe financial distress to the parents. Not sure if this is still true or not.

In some states, charges of abuse during childhood can be retroactive, even if the child is an adult. Look into it. And get therapy. You've got so much on your plate right now.

Halinja, BSN, RN · Feb 24, 2008

Wow. If ever there was a case for calling CPS, that was it.
See if you can talk to a lawyer about recovering some of the money your father took from you. Also, in many states parents were legally required to pay for at least part of a child's education as long as it did not cause severe financial distress to the parents. Not sure if this is still true or not.
In some states, charges of abuse during childhood can be retroactive, even if the child is an adult. Look into it. And get therapy. You've got so much on your plate right now.

I agree with every word of the above.

Plus...If you want to get married, get married. Your plans are your own, your wedding is your own, your life is your own. (well, and your future spouse's) You do NOT need anyone's approval of your plans. You inform THEM of what you want to do, and then you do it. It is the marriage itself that is important, the bond you make, the vows you take. The trappings (flowers, who walks up the aisle when, or if there is even an aisle to walk) are just that. Trappings. Frills. Not essential to your marriage or your life.

But. Your marriage will be happier if you can get some perspective on your family. So please, get the therapy. (I did, I'm not suggesting something I haven't tried....thoroughly!)

BBFRN, BSN, PhD · Feb 24, 2008

CNAinNeb, I sent you a PM.

Katnip, RN · Feb 24, 2008

Oh, and every state I've lived in, once you've turned 18, parents cannot demand that mail from schools be sent to them without the student's permsion. That applies even if the parents are paying 100%.

birdgardner · Feb 24, 2008

Honey, go ahead and elope if that's what you need to do. Your family has gall to talk about "selfish." The marriage is what matters, not the wedding which only lasts a day. I didn't elope but my wedding cost less than $1000 including dress, and it's lasted us almost 26 years now, about $40 per year - good investment. :specs:

Have you talked with your fiance about your debt, and your desire to go to school, and wedding costs, and future financial planning? These are essential things to discuss so they don't put a strain on your marria

ge - different expectations shouldn't come as surprises. They should be worked out ahead of time.

What I'm hearing from you is someone who seems to be carrying the burdens alone instead of together with her future husband, and whose birth family are taking up much more space in her mind than her fiance is. Maybe you're not writing about your fiance because there are no problems with him at all, but he's still going to have to deal with your problems when you're married.

Like the posters above, I think counseling would be a good idea, for you in dealing with your family, and pre-marital counselling for you and your fiance. Your church (or temple, etc.) or local mental health organization can offer free or low cost counseling.

Also, good idea to see a lawyer.

You have been so strong and resourceful - you have done a fantastic job surviving difficult and abusive circumstances. I believe you will work out these financial problems, and learn to set limits with your family - and you will be able to be anything you want to be. You will fly.

whipping girl in 07, RN · Feb 24, 2008

Ditto what everyone else said...cut those apron strings! You may have to quit answering the phone for awhile. My parents weren't happy initially with my choice of a husband, but 14 years later it's hard for them to say I made a mistake. At least they were mature enough to say that my relationship with him came first once I was married, and with them was second. My hubby and I have had a rough road, but we are making it one day at a time.

Make sure your fiance knows how much debt you have before you get married and that the two of you have talked about how you are going to pay it off and pay for school, etc. One of my friends recently got married and he's all in a tizzy because he's having to pay his wife's debt while she's off work on maternity leave (he had no debt when they got married and I guess assumed she didn't either, or that she'd pay all her own bills).

It wouldn't hurt either for you to seek some counseling as well, both for you alone and with your fiance. Work on yourself first, though. And I know it's tough, but try to let go of what your parents have done to you. If you were underage, I'm not sure there's anything you can do about your dad cleaning out your bank account.

But the best piece of advice I can give you is...FINISH YOUR EDUCATION WHILE YOU'RE YOUNG. I had a two year old when I started back to nursing school and it was so tough. To make enough money to pay for everything so I could go to school and not work, my husband worked construction and was out of town a lot. It was hard to study and raise a kid without him there.

Good luck to you!