I didn't burnout, I went up in a great big ball of flames...

Nurses General Nursing

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Nursing is not for the faint-of-heart, or the sensitive. This I have learned after 2+ years at the bedside.

I started in nursing school as a second-career nurse. I had a BA in English, and had bounced around from proofreading job to menial data entry job after my separation and relocation back to my small hometown. I had friends in the medical field who pointed me towards a career in radiology. Me,being the Type A personality and finding it would take too long to get into the local radiology program, said, "Hey, why don't I be a nurse? I like people, I like helping them. And I can get into the local ADN program faster than radiology!" So, I started my career in nursing.

I graduated and passed my boards, but not without the added surprise of a breast cancer diagnosis two weeks before I graduated. I had to undergo chemo for months and a mastectomy, but I was finally ready and eager to be a great nurse for my patients. To advocate, to care, to nurture. I knew what it was like to be a patient, and I had added empathy for those I cared for.

What have I found? I have had patients complain on me to admin (and their doctor) that I didn't push their pain meds "fast" enough through their IVs. I have been bitten by an anoxic encephalopathy pt (which I didn't mind that much) while I changed his Peg dressing. I have been witness to my supervisor being stabbed by a 400+ lb patient who was mad about not getting the sodas she wanted, when she wanted them. I have had extended family of patients become mad because I had to restrain Mom after she fell out of bed and fought us tooth and nail when we tried to calm her down (and it didn't help when her husband came either). I have had to be witness to a male patient slugging a female tech in the jaw because he was confused and the wife requested we "dress" him before she came in in the morning. (This with the caution that she always sedates him beforehand, but if he's spitting the meds back in your face, there's not a lot you can do.)

I have seen and heard a lot in my meager years of nursing.And I still have that drive to help people. But, I broke last week, and resigned my job on the spot. I couldn't face another night in the hellhole I was in. I have never left a job without notice. But I broke. I honestly feel like I have more to give to nursing. I love that feeling of being one-on-one with a patient, and they know I am 100%focused on them. It's rare, but that's the feeling that gives me great satisfaction.

Right now, I feel like a failure, and I am broken-hearted with my career in nursing...

Specializes in Critical Care, Postpartum.

First off, you're no failure. You made it two years on that hellhole. Kudos to you for sticking out that long.

I'm a career changer too and question many times why I went into the field. But I have to keep reminding myself, I'm at the bedside for experience reasons and I'm not working in my "niche." I'm interested in Public health or Home health and maybe you can try those areas. You have the experience to go in many other areas.

you are not alone in feeling disappointed with nursing...i recently walk on my job too d/t being fed up with ppl lying and making up fake stories about what i did or didnt do with little facts to back it up...long story short i said to hell with this and gave them a no show...luckily i had agency to fall back on, no matter what iv learned that you need to have a back up job if you're a nurse...things can get unpredictable really quick! i would say look in to agency if bedside nursing wore you out like many of us, than try ambulatory nursing, public health nursing, case management, good luck and keep on keepin on:)

The other day, I had a patient with the most unreasonable and abusive family member (daughter) I had ever encountered. I told her, "Look, I'm on your side, I'm trying to help your father, so stop attacking me. It doesn't help."

She stormed out, complained to the charge nurse (to no avail) and I finished my shift telling her to "Stop it" each time she verbally abused me. I did not, as other nurses do when they have her, sit there and take the abuse then go in the med room and complain and cry about it.

I left that shift feeling just fine about myself and my career choice. I did everything I could to take care of her dad and told her exactly how her behavior was out of line.

I know situations are difficult, but we have to take control of and responsibility for our own feelings.

I had the EXACT same thing happen to me last night.

In my case it was an overbearing, arrogant, condescending, narrow minded jerk whose wife was my patient.

When I had had enough, I told him the conversation was over, I would address his concerns, but that I was moving on because we were not communicating.

He gave a superior chuckle and told me he would be "having a long conversation" with my charge nurse.

Of course, he thought he was threatening me and it certainly never crossed his mind that the charge thought he was a complete ass, as well.

The charge and I had a good laugh over it after he left because we do have control of how we let things affect us.

But I sure don't blame anyone who chooses to leave because sometimes that is what you have to do.

Just take a 1 month break :)

I appreciate all the advice... I need it! The truth is, I did have a patient in the last two months who really touched me. This patient was dying of cancer, and the time I spent at his bedside was the most gratifying experience I've had in more than a year. I was kinda ruthless as a nurse (in that I knew I had patients popping up every ten minutes that were a fall risk), but I felt so much empathy for my dying patient and knew I couldn't prevent Mr. Smith from popping up like a Jack-in-the-box the night I had both patients, that I totally went for the dying guy. None of the family was around when I worked, and so when he told me he wanted a Snickers bar, some chocolate, I resolved that next night to bring him some chocolate. I ended up getting him a Frosty from Wendy's. And he really seemed to enjoy it, for the few bites he took.

I do live in a rural area, and though some places can be sketchy (housing projects and such), I'm from a poor background myself and a "nasty" house doesn't bother me. I wouldn't want to go into a dangerous area, but I don't think I have too much to worry about there. (My loving boyfriend has told me if I go in that direction, there's a Ruger with my name on it in the gun chest.) :)

A "nasty" house isn't the issue. It's the bad neighborhoods. Yeah, dirty houses are revolting, but the problem is more your safety and survival, not cleanliness.

Are you seriously thinking a gun can help you? Do you have any idea what it's like to have to wonder if you will have time to draw and can shoot straight? And the paperwork afterwards? I mean really, Girl.

What was the trouble that upset the family that yelled at you for 2 hours? Just curious.

Why not become a nurse on a cruise ship?

I know that I couldn't handle being a floor nurse.

As an ED nurse in a large academic ED, I have lots of colleagues around all the time so we can gang up as needed while we wait for the cops to show up.

We use restraints liberally as needed for the protection of the patients and the protection of the staff -- since we have docs right next to us, who can hear the commotion, we get quick and easy orders for chemical restraints... and it's not unheard of for pt's to be intubated if they're over the top.

We limit visitors as needed and we do not tolerate threatening behavior.

We have a very solid, supportive, and unified group of folks working together. We provide excellent, supportive, and nurturing care where it's appropriate and possible; for the rest, we do our best to keep 'em safe while we have them and then gratefully ship them off to the floors as soon as beds are assigned.

Our rooms are also right next to the nurses station... most within line-of-sight and all within earshot. It's easy to keep an eye on people. As the ED, we also have no expectation of ambulating patients, bathing them, providing showers, or even providing meals.

I really feel for the floor nurses. Just last night we had a patient who was angry about his disease process and decided to take it out on us. Fortunately, he got a bed and off he went. I feel very sorry for the poor nurses who are inheriting this dude.

On of many reasons that I choose to be in the adult ED: short-term relationships with patients and it's more acceptable to me to have the callous attitude that some of my patients engender. (note, callous doesn't mean not trying to provide excellent care, it means not getting 'invested' in it and being OK with 'that's all I could do under the circumstances...')

I'd never do home health... now you're on their turf... I'm much more comfortable having them on my home field.

I've been there.

Sitting in the parking lot for 10 minutes dreading to walk into the hospital, and then having to sit in the parking lot for 10 minutes before driving home........

After some time, you will hopefully develop professional relationships and coping mechanisms that will allow you to deal....similar to the nurse above who stopped the abusive husband and had a relationship with her charge nurse, who believed in her, to allow her to cope with the situation.....

Thank you for sharing your experience, so going into this field I know what to expect. Just like you did, I'm switching my career to nursing. The positives and negatives are in every job, however, only in healthcare you get the satisfaction of taking care of someone (your cancer patient), seeing the result of your work and knowing that you made a difference in someone's life(however small). Good luck in your new job and I hope the positives outweighs the negatives for you in the future.

I agree with marco9999.Worked in many private hospital in 20 yrs. Until one day decided to work in teaching hospital. You say whats difference,we had nurses protected by union. Yes we still worked hard and had supplies lacking many of times, but when management tried cutting staff to save on budget,we all spoke up and they had to hear us without fear of reprament. Listen nursing is the only career that you know at the end of the day you have made a difference in someone life. Its a beautiful career,but unfortunately.Most of the problems stem from management.

I appreciate all the advice... I need it! The truth is, I did have a patient in the last two months who really touched me. This patient was dying of cancer, and the time I spent at his bedside was the most gratifying experience I've had in more than a year. I was kinda ruthless as a nurse (in that I knew I had patients popping up every ten minutes that were a fall risk), but I felt so much empathy for my dying patient and knew I couldn't prevent Mr. Smith from popping up like a Jack-in-the-box the night I had both patients, that I totally went for the dying guy. None of the family was around when I worked, and so when he told me he wanted a Snickers bar, some chocolate, I resolved that next night to bring him some chocolate. I ended up getting him a Frosty from Wendy's. And he really seemed to enjoy it, for the few bites he took.

I do live in a rural area, and though some places can be sketchy (housing projects and such), I'm from a poor background myself and a "nasty" house doesn't bother me. I wouldn't want to go into a dangerous area, but I don't think I have too much to worry about there. (My loving boyfriend has told me if I go in that direction, there's a Ruger with my name on it in the gun chest.) :)

That is great!!! Home health and Hospice can be a good fit as long as your safety is not in jeopardy.

Didn't have a Ruger but I did have a pepper sprayer on my key chain which is totally illegal here in Massachusetts, but a cop gave it to me when he found out where I was spending so much time, LOL

It's good to find places and people in life that make you more peaceful and happier. It's ok to leave behind that which does not fit. :) That's not failure, that's being true to yourself. Go get it.

Don't forget to vent here for everyday aggravations that get on the nerves in general. It's cheaper than therapy. LOL. No place is perfect but you know when it is good for you overall.

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