Help I am loosing my mind

Cubby · Oct 30, 2001

Originally posted by nsmith_rn
I am really frustrated with my nursing career. So much so that I decided to go abck to school and study something unrelated to the medical field.
I ahve been bullied, harrassed, given harder assingments then others and forced to work with nurses that are not willing to out in their fair share of work.
I am so sick of nursing and the unprofessionalism that it has to offer. I am ready to go back to waiting tables....... I was treated better then
Can anyone offer any advice on how to cope with this behavior until I am able to finish my new degree plan?????
Help I am loosing my mind

I know that we, as nurses "eat our own" and it is one of the worst problems in nursing today. A really great, competent RN that I work with got a promotion to DON. And it has all of a sudden become a different game. We have time to do all the things she did'nt have time for when she was a floor nurse.

New forms appear as if by magic on a daily basis. It is like she is punishing us for her promotion!

I do not understand it, but I have seen it before and will probably see again. All I know is that there is nothing else I could do,not because of competence but because I love nursing. I will have to learn to live with other peoples self-esteem issues because "they" are not going to drive me off.

KelleyRn · Oct 31, 2001

I'm sorry to have to read about these nurse managers from hell. Even though I'm stressed on the job, I'm glad that I haven't had to deal with the situation yet. I worked with this great nurse manager for a year I could talk to her about almost anything and she listened. Unfortuately I moved out of state, and the nurse superivisors I have now are nice, and will try to help me out but I have this shady feeling. Hopefully I won't have to deal with it, but than I'd be wishful thinking.

Okay since I'm still fairly new to this career I have a few questions for the veterans. I believe I'm a good nurse, and I want to be the best I can be, but I'm still trying to build my confidence only to feel shot down over and over again by nurses and doctors. Than I think twice about nursing. Sometimes I feel that others look at me as a "mess" and even though some say "I"m doing fine" I feel they are stabbing behind my back, than there are others that look at me and I just know what they are thinking. DOes anyone ever feel that way and what can I do about it? I've talked about it with one of my leaders, but that was a mistake she was better friends with the one I had a minor problem with.

2nd ?. I started a new hospital job 6mos ago and I had signed a contract with them. WEll, the unit I work for I thought I would like it and wanted to give it a try; only to come to terms that I'm rethinking my decision. Its very stressful, and I don't deal with high stress situations very well. Well now I'm with the company for more than a year and if I decide to leave than theres a chance I won't be able to work for the hospital anymore as a consequence to breaking the contract. Unfortunately its a specialized area. I'm torn, does anyone feel the same way or any advice to give. I don't want to give up, but I don't want to lose my sanity. I think "one day at a time", but it doesn't seem to help.

THanks for listening..Stay strong. K:rolleyes: :confused:

VAC · Oct 31, 2001

Originally posted by KelleyRn
Okay since I'm still fairly new to this career I have a few questions for the veterans. I believe I'm a good nurse, and I want to be the best I can be, but I'm still trying to build my confidence only to feel shot down over and over again by nurses and doctors. Than I think twice about nursing. Sometimes I feel that others look at me as a "mess" and even though some say "I"m doing fine" I feel they are stabbing behind my back, than there are others that look at me and I just know what they are thinking. DOes anyone ever feel that way and what can I do about it? I've talked about it with one of my leaders, but that was a mistake she was better friends with the one I had a minor problem with.

Been there, done that. It takes time and experience to build confidence, no way around that. I'd start with putting the focus on what you think of yourself rather than what others think of you. Ask questions appropriately, find good resource people and use them and whatever other resources are at your disposal. Stick your nose in everything and learn as much as you can. Go home and read up on whatever new med or disease you dealt with that day. Educate yourself. I'm a nurse for 6 years and rare days go by that I don't learn something. If we think we know it all, we are in trouble and so are the patients. I'm much more
frightened by the loud overconfident nurses who THINK they know
everything. Oh yeah, and keep coming to this bulletin board, the support I've gotten has been phenomenal.

OneChattyNurse · Oct 31, 2001

Kelley,

I work at a VA in Iowa. When I was hired, I received a $3000 sign on bonus as they are having a hard time recruiting LPN's. I have to stay there for 2 years to fulfill my obligation for getting the sign on. I have to say this has to be the worst place I have ever worked and as soon as I can find something else I plan to leave. I have been there a year the 2nd of October and will have to pay back half of the money but it will be well worth it to me. I have never worked with so many lazy, backstabbing, rude people in my life. I know this sounds harsh, but I swear it is true. I work on a LTC unit where we have between 8-10 staff caring for them. Most of the people I work with have NEVER even worked in the private sector. They have NO idea how easy they have it. They complain LOUDLY at all the work they have to do for their SIX OR SEVEN assigned patients. It absolutely amazes me how these people treat our patients and they are our Veterans for heavens sakes. Anyway...I am sorry for my tangent..but I just wanted to let you know that from my point of view...you need to be happy and secure where you are. If you can get away from it at all I would suggest getting out of a bad environment, even if it means breaking a contract. I hate to see anyone burn any bridges...but you have to think of yourself too!!!!

Shari

P.S. Good luck to you whatever you decide!!!

micro, RN · Nov 2, 2001

One day at a time!!!!!!!

Hey, VAC!!!!!!! Totally agree, but you know that. Your twin!!!!!!!

Times have changed.  Nurses used to be 90% caring and very educated, technical skilled and professionally.  Now, it seems as if many are in it ????just for the paycheck???? and to relive childhood/adolescent behavior!!!

Sorry, for the negative slant on my input today, It just has been a little rough lately at work. Not here, this BB and thread is great!!!!

MICRO:rolleyes:

betts · Nov 2, 2001

What happened to our Commitment To Excellence? To Excellence in delivering quality service in an enviroment that respects the dignity of each patient, physician, volunteer, visitor and fellow employee. What does being a Nurse mean? If a client/patient is 'Out-of-Sorts' with us oneday, does that mean he/she deserves any less from us? We all took an Oath to be the Professionals that we are. It really saddens me the way some nurses are but, why should we quit because they have? Believe me that someone in management is aware and does care. Before you run, go too the VP of Human Resources; it's their job to investigate. I always remind the nurses in my charge that the clients/patients are someones sister, brother, mother, father or grandparent and how would they like their family member or loved one too be treated? Yes, I'm an older nurse but, still take my Oath seriously and do believe in what a nurse is. Come together and become a voice of unity by first asking yourself; "What does being a nurse mean?"

Be kind to unkind people---they need it the most.

CareerRN · Nov 2, 2001

First of all, N_SmithRN there is nothing wrong with you or your attitude. You are so right in saying that we as a group and individually should be treated much better. Not only by our patients, their families, visitors, our bosses, and all the other people who work at our institutions. At many institutions lab, pharmacy, and other departments treat nurses like second class citizens as well. Nurses are treated pretty badly overall from everyone in one way or the other. Then on top of it a lot of nurses even apologize for nothing they did wrong. I am so sick and tired of hearing nurses saying "I am sorry" for something that was not even their fault or had no control over in the first place.

I too have worked other jobs where I did not have to put up with this kind of abuse. I made as much money, had better hours, and did not have to worry about being sued. I was treated with more respect and shown more compassion.

You are right, it seems that every time someone has a problem with being a nurse there are those who want to blame that nurse. You have something else going on that is causing you the problem. You are burnt out. You are not compassionate enough. I am here to tell you that sometimes it just sucks. In fact, you read how bad it is all the time on this BB. If a marriage were as bad as this, most of us would have been divorced a long time ago. This is why so many people have come up with ways to get away from the bedside. I do not think the art of nursing actually started out to include law, sales, or research. Do you?

As for treating people like you would like to be treated. Hey, in my book that is a two way street. I am someone's child, sibling, or parent. Lets face it some people are just a**holes. They come into our facilities and just continue their behavior. Sometimes their behavior even gets worse. They think that because now that they are a "customer" that we are nothing more than their personal servants. They or their family/visitors become overly demanding and adopt an attitude. On top of it, we have to listen to customer service spills from people who we not give us the resources to even do a good job at it. It is OK to tell someone who is acting like an a**hole to stop. It is also OK to not tolerate being treated in a disrespectful manor. If we would not accept it outside of the hospital in our personal lives, then why should we tolerate in our professional lives. I guess I could talk about how some women have tolerated it though in daily personal lives and how it seems to be ingrained in them, but I wont. Many nurses even have to answer to stupid complaints and face termination and in many cases it has nothing to do with nursing care. Unless you are one of those nurses who feels it is the nurses job to do everything and be responsible for everything. We have all seen these nurses. They are the ones who say nothing when yet another task is added to their plate. Some of them are the ones who see nursing as a "calling'. As a religious or spiritual endeavor, they have this need to suffer in order to feel good about themselves and to prove they are doing God's work. Trying to argue with a religious fanatic is pointless especially if they have a dysfunctional personality which needs to be satisfied by personal suffering. Nursing is slowly dying. These people are the one's to blame. One of them can hold up change supported by 5 others.

Then there is the mother hen/bully syndrome, "this is my unit", nothing will change without my personal approval. New people must have my approval and pass my standards to work here. I will make your life a living hell if you try to do anything without my approval. You are either with me or against me. I have been here forever and a day. The nurse manager is aware of how much trouble I can be. I will personally hound her and everyone else who fails to conform to my wishes and opinions. One day soon I will be nurse manager of this unit because of all the fear and clout I have. No one gets through a preceptorship without spending a day with me. In other words, it is either my way or you will live to regret it. I have many people on this unit who I have already intimidated enough to do exactly as I say. They have learned their place. You will as well or we will all drive you away or make life unbearable. I can write you up faster than I can sign my own name. I can run into the nurse manager's office quicker than the blink of an eye. I have my spies who know how I can be if they cross me who will give me all the stupid trivial writes up to make you feel like you are stuck in a revolving door at the nurse managers office. I am also a charge nurse. Can you even guess how bad a shift you are going to have with me in charge? Remember intimidation is my middle name and I will be the nurse manager soon. Actually, I already run the unit without the title. Have you met so and so who works here? We agree on everything and she is exactly like me.

Nursing has to change. It needs to be seen as a profession and run like one. It needs to treated and seen as a career and not a "calling". Nurses need to be seen and treated like professionals doing a highly skilled job and not as sister's of mercy. We must dictate how we practice our profession instead of allowing individual facilities and non nursing personal to dictate them to us. So many people are waiting for the government or administration to wave a magic wand and give us what we want. It is not going to happen. Nurses who are looking and trying to talk everyone else into taking matters into their own hands are leaving or will be soon. In fact, many have already left. They got tired of this or that committee. They have gotten tired of hearing about this or the study put out by the ANA or other group. Many of these studies have just spawned other studies. You can study this problem until hell freezes over and it will not change a thing. You can do all the public education you want and that will not change much either.

So N_SmithRN, I do not blame you for wanting to get out. In fact, you are doing just exactly what many other nurse have, are, or already have done. Cut your losses early instead of waiting for something which probably will never change. Maybe what ever eventually replaces nursing will be different. I have a feeling that there will be about 3-4 different categories of professions that will replace nursing. Patient care tech comes to mind as one. It is already happening in the U.S. Paramedics are starting to become common place in many ERs. Their scope/range of practice in many are dictated by hospital policy and procedures the same as ours. Case in fact, many nurses in the same state are not allowed at their institutions to draw arterial blood, but at other hospitals in the same state a paramedic/ER tech can. In some ICUs nurses are not allowed to do cardiac outputs, they can only be done by a respiratory therapist. I bet if the respiratory therapist decided it would be a cost saving measure for their department to stop or for that matter would be easier on them if the nurses would do it, then this would quickly change. I bet the nurse at the bedside would not have any say in the matter, one way or the other. There are many more examples of this where nurses are not allowed to control their own practice or have no say so in.

Get out while the getting is good. For all those who say that every profession/job has it's draw backs, for once be honest with your selves instead of trying to justify or make excuses why you stay. Those that use the sales pitch for nursing a recession proof job, is that the best thing going? There are other jobs that are recession proof. But you know I would rather work with someone who joins nursing for a recession proof career than someone who come into it for a calling any day. They are more likely to promote the changes needed instead of wanting to suffer to feel good about themselves or prove how important their work is to anyone who will listen and take pity on them.

WriteStuff · Nov 2, 2001

:cool:

betts,

I agree with everything you said, EXCEPT, I don't think we are talking about Nurses who are occasionally "unkind" to their peers and colleagues. When I have a day that I'm hungry, angry, lonely and tired.......I can be very unkind I'm sure.....to everyone around me. Fortunately it's not that often, and I apologize when I see that I am.

We are talking about those in our midst who truly are of the self-absorbed, narrow-minded, vengence-seeking sort by virture of their personalities. In other words, not only do they behave the way they do in their work setting, but everywhere else as well. Their agenda is always and forever to hurt other people with their unkind and rude behavior. They know no other way.

Being "kind" to them, yes we are.......but it changes nothing about THEM , and even our kindness toward them is eventually used against us in some sinister fashion.

We are the ones who have to walk on eggshells around them because Management does NOT view this as a serious problem. The offenders do not see the work setting as a place where Professional attitudes and behavior are expected and worthy of the calling to which we signed up.

They brought these personality flaws with them and they expose these flaws as we work side by side with them.

It will forever be a mystery to me why WE are the ones expected to "change our behavior" in order to keep peace in the Hen House, when THEY are the ones with the crappy attitudes. THEY need to be written up, counseled, put on probation, and required to take a Seminar (30 ceu's worth) on "Mental, Emotional, and Psychological Harrassment, and How To Break the Cycle, for Nurses." After they have taken the course, passed the test, and can put into practise all that they have learned, probationary status may be lifted.

This is how serious the problem is in some places. Managers don't deal with it for a gazillion reasons. No Nurse ANYWHERE, should have to "leave" a job she loves because these personality types are allowed to rule and reign. It is a terrible blight on our Profession and won't just "go away" with time.

Bonnie Creighton, RN

Mkue · Nov 2, 2001

:eek:

Yes, Very well said.

We are starting to see "no tolerance" to bullies in our schools starting at a very young age, why can't this be something that is done with "adults" in every profession.

Managers need to be trained to recognize this behavior and deal with it.

Managers that are bullies should be dealt with as well by their superiors.

mkue

WriteStuff · Nov 3, 2001

mkue,

You are absolutely right!

We don't call Managers , "Managers", for nothing. I would much rather work for a Unit Manager who is short on paper-pushing "skills" and VERY LONG (and strong) on interpersonal skills and how to deal with people. Unfortunately, people who are recruited for , or end up in Management Level positions, are done so out of desperation to have someone, anyone fill the hole. Little or no thought whatsoever is given to whether or not they are capable of discharging the duties of such a position.

It all starts from the top down. If no one is holding the Manager accountable, it allows for a free-for-all as far as that Manager is concerned, and leaves the door wide open for whatever "games" work for him/her, at great expense to the Staff being "managed."

Bonnie C., RN

nsmith_rn · Nov 3, 2001

CareerRN

WOw that part where you described the attitudes and the mentality... wow that was so close to home

do you work on my unit:rolleyes:

I agree but today they had the final round......

I talked to my manager and after being written up for taking to many breaks and talking to people. ( have not had a break in weeks) I was counseled and my reply was that I am finding a new job and would give her notice... I relaize now that I am not going to get the support where I am at..... I relaize that your right certian personalities dominate the unit and I have no backing....

does not matter that I am a good nurse with excellent skills, that I am always to work on time, do my job to the best of my ability everyday and always put my patients first.

no no no that does not matter..... it just matters that I said something about the lazy and unhelpful nurses......

I was told I had a personal problem with (Trouble maker) funny thing is it is not personal... I like her I think that she is a nice person....

prn nurse · Nov 3, 2001

Life is too short to be victimized by co-workers!!