Help I am loosing my mind - page 5

I am really frustrated with my nursing career. So much so that I decided to go abck to school and study something unrelated to the medical field. I ahve been bullied, harrassed, given harder... Read More

  1. by   micro
    One day at a time!!!!!!!
    Hey, VAC!!!!!!! Totally agree, but you know that. Your twin!!!!!!! [PHP]Times have changed. Nurses used to be 90% caring and very educated, technical skilled and professionally. Now, it seems as if many are in it ????just for the paycheck???? and to relive childhood/adolescent behavior!!![/PHP]
    Sorry, for the negative slant on my input today, It just has been a little rough lately at work. Not here, this BB and thread is great!!!!
  2. by   betts
    What happened to our Commitment To Excellence? To Excellence in delivering quality service in an enviroment that respects the dignity of each patient, physician, volunteer, visitor and fellow employee. What does being a Nurse mean? If a client/patient is 'Out-of-Sorts' with us oneday, does that mean he/she deserves any less from us? We all took an Oath to be the Professionals that we are. It really saddens me the way some nurses are but, why should we quit because they have? Believe me that someone in management is aware and does care. Before you run, go too the VP of Human Resources; it's their job to investigate. I always remind the nurses in my charge that the clients/patients are someones sister, brother, mother, father or grandparent and how would they like their family member or loved one too be treated? Yes, I'm an older nurse but, still take my Oath seriously and do believe in what a nurse is. Come together and become a voice of unity by first asking yourself; "What does being a nurse mean?"

    Be kind to unkind people---they need it the most.
  3. by   CareerRN
    First of all, N_SmithRN there is nothing wrong with you or your attitude. You are so right in saying that we as a group and individually should be treated much better. Not only by our patients, their families, visitors, our bosses, and all the other people who work at our institutions. At many institutions lab, pharmacy, and other departments treat nurses like second class citizens as well. Nurses are treated pretty badly overall from everyone in one way or the other. Then on top of it a lot of nurses even apologize for nothing they did wrong. I am so sick and tired of hearing nurses saying "I am sorry" for something that was not even their fault or had no control over in the first place.

    I too have worked other jobs where I did not have to put up with this kind of abuse. I made as much money, had better hours, and did not have to worry about being sued. I was treated with more respect and shown more compassion.

    You are right, it seems that every time someone has a problem with being a nurse there are those who want to blame that nurse. You have something else going on that is causing you the problem. You are burnt out. You are not compassionate enough. I am here to tell you that sometimes it just sucks. In fact, you read how bad it is all the time on this BB. If a marriage were as bad as this, most of us would have been divorced a long time ago. This is why so many people have come up with ways to get away from the bedside. I do not think the art of nursing actually started out to include law, sales, or research. Do you?

    As for treating people like you would like to be treated. Hey, in my book that is a two way street. I am someone's child, sibling, or parent. Lets face it some people are just a**holes. They come into our facilities and just continue their behavior. Sometimes their behavior even gets worse. They think that because now that they are a "customer" that we are nothing more than their personal servants. They or their family/visitors become overly demanding and adopt an attitude. On top of it, we have to listen to customer service spills from people who we not give us the resources to even do a good job at it. It is OK to tell someone who is acting like an a**hole to stop. It is also OK to not tolerate being treated in a disrespectful manor. If we would not accept it outside of the hospital in our personal lives, then why should we tolerate in our professional lives. I guess I could talk about how some women have tolerated it though in daily personal lives and how it seems to be ingrained in them, but I wont. Many nurses even have to answer to stupid complaints and face termination and in many cases it has nothing to do with nursing care. Unless you are one of those nurses who feels it is the nurses job to do everything and be responsible for everything. We have all seen these nurses. They are the ones who say nothing when yet another task is added to their plate. Some of them are the ones who see nursing as a "calling'. As a religious or spiritual endeavor, they have this need to suffer in order to feel good about themselves and to prove they are doing God's work. Trying to argue with a religious fanatic is pointless especially if they have a dysfunctional personality which needs to be satisfied by personal suffering. Nursing is slowly dying. These people are the one's to blame. One of them can hold up change supported by 5 others.

    Then there is the mother hen/bully syndrome, "this is my unit", nothing will change without my personal approval. New people must have my approval and pass my standards to work here. I will make your life a living hell if you try to do anything without my approval. You are either with me or against me. I have been here forever and a day. The nurse manager is aware of how much trouble I can be. I will personally hound her and everyone else who fails to conform to my wishes and opinions. One day soon I will be nurse manager of this unit because of all the fear and clout I have. No one gets through a preceptorship without spending a day with me. In other words, it is either my way or you will live to regret it. I have many people on this unit who I have already intimidated enough to do exactly as I say. They have learned their place. You will as well or we will all drive you away or make life unbearable. I can write you up faster than I can sign my own name. I can run into the nurse manager's office quicker than the blink of an eye. I have my spies who know how I can be if they cross me who will give me all the stupid trivial writes up to make you feel like you are stuck in a revolving door at the nurse managers office. I am also a charge nurse. Can you even guess how bad a shift you are going to have with me in charge? Remember intimidation is my middle name and I will be the nurse manager soon. Actually, I already run the unit without the title. Have you met so and so who works here? We agree on everything and she is exactly like me.

    Nursing has to change. It needs to be seen as a profession and run like one. It needs to treated and seen as a career and not a "calling". Nurses need to be seen and treated like professionals doing a highly skilled job and not as sister's of mercy. We must dictate how we practice our profession instead of allowing individual facilities and non nursing personal to dictate them to us. So many people are waiting for the government or administration to wave a magic wand and give us what we want. It is not going to happen. Nurses who are looking and trying to talk everyone else into taking matters into their own hands are leaving or will be soon. In fact, many have already left. They got tired of this or that committee. They have gotten tired of hearing about this or the study put out by the ANA or other group. Many of these studies have just spawned other studies. You can study this problem until hell freezes over and it will not change a thing. You can do all the public education you want and that will not change much either.

    So N_SmithRN, I do not blame you for wanting to get out. In fact, you are doing just exactly what many other nurse have, are, or already have done. Cut your losses early instead of waiting for something which probably will never change. Maybe what ever eventually replaces nursing will be different. I have a feeling that there will be about 3-4 different categories of professions that will replace nursing. Patient care tech comes to mind as one. It is already happening in the U.S. Paramedics are starting to become common place in many ERs. Their scope/range of practice in many are dictated by hospital policy and procedures the same as ours. Case in fact, many nurses in the same state are not allowed at their institutions to draw arterial blood, but at other hospitals in the same state a paramedic/ER tech can. In some ICUs nurses are not allowed to do cardiac outputs, they can only be done by a respiratory therapist. I bet if the respiratory therapist decided it would be a cost saving measure for their department to stop or for that matter would be easier on them if the nurses would do it, then this would quickly change. I bet the nurse at the bedside would not have any say in the matter, one way or the other. There are many more examples of this where nurses are not allowed to control their own practice or have no say so in.

    Get out while the getting is good. For all those who say that every profession/job has it's draw backs, for once be honest with your selves instead of trying to justify or make excuses why you stay. Those that use the sales pitch for nursing a recession proof job, is that the best thing going? There are other jobs that are recession proof. But you know I would rather work with someone who joins nursing for a recession proof career than someone who come into it for a calling any day. They are more likely to promote the changes needed instead of wanting to suffer to feel good about themselves or prove how important their work is to anyone who will listen and take pity on them.
  4. by   WriteStuff

    I agree with everything you said, EXCEPT, I don't think we are talking about Nurses who are occasionally "unkind" to their peers and colleagues. When I have a day that I'm hungry, angry, lonely and tired.......I can be very unkind I'm everyone around me. Fortunately it's not that often, and I apologize when I see that I am.
    We are talking about those in our midst who truly are of the self-absorbed, narrow-minded, vengence-seeking sort by virture of their personalities. In other words, not only do they behave the way they do in their work setting, but everywhere else as well. Their agenda is always and forever to hurt other people with their unkind and rude behavior. They know no other way.
    Being "kind" to them, yes we are.......but it changes nothing about THEM , and even our kindness toward them is eventually used against us in some sinister fashion.
    We are the ones who have to walk on eggshells around them because Management does NOT view this as a serious problem. The offenders do not see the work setting as a place where Professional attitudes and behavior are expected and worthy of the calling to which we signed up.
    They brought these personality flaws with them and they expose these flaws as we work side by side with them.
    It will forever be a mystery to me why WE are the ones expected to "change our behavior" in order to keep peace in the Hen House, when THEY are the ones with the crappy attitudes. THEY need to be written up, counseled, put on probation, and required to take a Seminar (30 ceu's worth) on "Mental, Emotional, and Psychological Harrassment, and How To Break the Cycle, for Nurses." After they have taken the course, passed the test, and can put into practise all that they have learned, probationary status may be lifted.
    This is how serious the problem is in some places. Managers don't deal with it for a gazillion reasons. No Nurse ANYWHERE, should have to "leave" a job she loves because these personality types are allowed to rule and reign. It is a terrible blight on our Profession and won't just "go away" with time.

    Bonnie Creighton, RN
  5. by   Mkue

    Yes, Very well said.

    We are starting to see "no tolerance" to bullies in our schools starting at a very young age, why can't this be something that is done with "adults" in every profession.

    Managers need to be trained to recognize this behavior and deal with it.

    Managers that are bullies should be dealt with as well by their superiors.

  6. by   WriteStuff


    You are absolutely right!
    We don't call Managers , "Managers", for nothing. I would much rather work for a Unit Manager who is short on paper-pushing "skills" and VERY LONG (and strong) on interpersonal skills and how to deal with people. Unfortunately, people who are recruited for , or end up in Management Level positions, are done so out of desperation to have someone, anyone fill the hole. Little or no thought whatsoever is given to whether or not they are capable of discharging the duties of such a position.
    It all starts from the top down. If no one is holding the Manager accountable, it allows for a free-for-all as far as that Manager is concerned, and leaves the door wide open for whatever "games" work for him/her, at great expense to the Staff being "managed."

    Bonnie C., RN
  7. by   nsmith_rn
    WOw that part where you described the attitudes and the mentality... wow that was so close to home
    do you work on my unit
    I agree but today they had the final round......
    I talked to my manager and after being written up for taking to many breaks and talking to people. ( have not had a break in weeks) I was counseled and my reply was that I am finding a new job and would give her notice... I relaize now that I am not going to get the support where I am at..... I relaize that your right certian personalities dominate the unit and I have no backing....
    does not matter that I am a good nurse with excellent skills, that I am always to work on time, do my job to the best of my ability everyday and always put my patients first.
    no no no that does not matter..... it just matters that I said something about the lazy and unhelpful nurses......
    I was told I had a personal problem with (Trouble maker) funny thing is it is not personal... I like her I think that she is a nice person....
  8. by   prn nurse
    Life is too short to be victimized by co-workers!!
  9. by   nsmith_rn
    I second that one
    life is to short......
  10. by   CareerRN
    N Smith_RN,

    I do not work on your floor, but I have worked in many areas of nursing like it.

    It does not matter how good of a nurse you are as long as someone has it out for you. Many times you do not have a clue as to who it is. If someone does not like the way you say something or the way you conduct yourself or in some cases who you socialize with then you become a target. Such is the way it is working with some women. Some will smile and joke with you and the next thing you know, you are called in to be counseled/reprimanded about some ridiculous thing or another.

    It is a no win situation. There is no way in many cases to even defend your self. I can tell you one thing for sure. Your present nurse manager is playing the game as well. She should have put a stop to this a long time ago. She promoting this kind of behavior and in turn rewarding those who are taking part in it.

    I once had another nurse who was after me like this and ended up in the nurse manager's office on several occasions. At first, I did not have a clue who it could be, but I soon found out. I went to see the NM and just happened to walk up to the door as my name was being discussed.

    Well I got to confront my accuser face to face. The nurse manager told me that this nurse was highly respected by her. She told me that she had years of experience and that I was out of line in saying that she had a personal vendetta against me. This nurse just smiled and then they both started in on me. I was actually shocked to see who it was. To this day, I still do not know how I got on her hit list. I am sure you know the type. Two faced and sneaky.

    Two days latter, this nurse came up to me while there were 3 other nurses around and told me how miserable she was going to make things for me. She even said my a** was hers. I did not say a word. She was so impressed with her self she went on for 5 minutes. I sat down that night and wrote down everything she wrote and also named who else heard her say it. Then I wrote down what had transpired in the nurse manager's office 2 days before.

    The next day I made a special trip to see my nurse manager. I had the biggest smile on my face. I gave a copy of what that nurse had said and was immediately called a liar and accused of making it up. I told her I had a copy to send to HR, the nursing supervisor, and also the head of the hospital if she did not look into the matter and stop it.

    She did talk with the other people present and they all stood by what I said. She called me in to tell me this and to tell me she had talked with the nurse in question, but then began to imply that I had some how caused it to happen. That is when I presented her with the other letter I had written about what had happened in her office between the 3 of us. She shut right up. I told her not to call me in about anything that was trivial again. I was never called into her office after that for anything. I stayed for about a year more and I was never bothered again. In fact, after the rest of the nurses found out what had happened, the whole atmosphere changed and for some strange reason all the BS complaints stopped.

    I was very lucky that this nurse chose to hang herself along with the manager. Come to find out later from another nurse who worked with this NM when she was a staff nurse, she did the same thing to many people. Maybe this is your situation as well.

    Get out of there as quick as possible. This profession is not worth it in the long run. Some of us are too old to start new careers or have too much debt to allow us the luxury of actually allowing us to cut back on hours to pursue something else. Some of us are still paying back the student loans that went toward our nursing education. Best of luck to you.

    Before you leave from where you are. Take the opportunity to ask the person that you think has it in for you. You never know, you could be way off base.
  11. by   micro

    Can't even begin to reply!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, like it is your fault that ..........????????????????

    Like I said, can't even begin to reply!!!!!!!

    Career RN and any others like us, hang in there!!!!!!!!! There is hope for our profession yet!!!!!!!!!
  12. by   nsmith_rn
    Well I got a new job actully in a new hospital and I am happy about it. I do not know if this is going to be any better but I am not sure that it could get any worse. Literally that was the worst job I have ever had. Being verbally assualted, no support from the manager over that issuse and then they even sad they wanted me to confront this psycho in a meeting..... NOT.
    I am about taking care of disputes but I really think that this person would go over the edge....
    I am not putting my ersonal safety in danger.
    Thanks for all the support

    the new job is something that I have wanted to do for a long time.......
  13. by   Mkue

    Congrats on the NEW job, I hope this works out for you.

    I had an awful job once too, not in nursing though, and I know how that makes one feel.

    Good Luck and keep your head up