Getting depressed; tired of having no real direction...

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Specializes in Med/Surge, Psych, LTC, Home Health.

This is a vent, but comments certainly are welcome.

I am tired of not knowing what I want to do with my life. I still feel like I haven't figured out what I want to do "when I grow up", and I'm 37 years old! I'm not even sure if I want to continue in the nursing field, or go to school and earn a new degree in another field. One thing is, unfortunately, for sure, and that is, whatever I'm doing, I have to be making decent money, as I'm the breadwinner in a nuclear family of four.

My current job is a complete joke. I push a pencil all night long, five nights a week, and then in the morning I pass meds and babysit; making sure that a group of 20 rowdy kids don't kill each other, or beat the crap out of themselves even by say, bashing their head against a wall repeatedly. Plus, I'm getting tired of the total gossip atmosphere. It's a small place, everyone knows everyone's business, and it's like, who's sleeping with who this week?? And now, my nighttime supervisor, who is a nice person and I do like her but she's quite a piece of work... now she's going to date one of the daytime MHA's. She's this guy's superior!! I want to tell her what a horrible idea that this is, but it's none of my business.

I consider myself a rather laid back person, but at the same time... for once I would honestly like to work somewhere where everyone can be serious about the WORK that we are supposed to be doing and where everyone actually believes that the work that we are doing is good and valid. I'm tired of the fact that all anyone here wants to do is complain about the place. I'm not dumb; I realize that a lot of workplaces are like this. Right now I myself believe that we do absolutely nothing good for a lot of these children, other that serve as some sort of holding cell until insurance/medicaid runs out or the foster parents THINK that they are ready to take this kid back, or we find them some sort of long term placement.

I am tired. I am tired of being a nurse, at least a staff nurse. I wish I could come up with something in my head that would be good, satisfying work that would actually both make me happy AND earn me some money, and honestly, about the only thing I can come up with is being a school nurse. I know that school nurses don't make as much money, but it's something that I really feel like I would love to do.

I guess the problem is that school nurse jobs in my immediate area are pretty scarce. I would have a better chance of getting a job in the fairly large city where I currently work... but, I have interviewed with this particular county's health department before (in my state, school nurses work for the health departments), and it was an unpleasant experience. It was a panel interview, and the nurses on the panel were just so snotty and unfriendly.

Plus, this particular health dept., while large, seemed so dumpy and CHAOTIC. But mostly it was the rude attitudes that really turned me off.

I actually live in a small county about 30 minutes from my job, and I dream of getting a job at that health dept., which seems like a nice, pleasant one to work. However, the availability of jobs... =)... so, I just feel so STUCK.

I'm so unhappy with my direction. I don't know WHAT to do. I guess I just have to be patient until the job that I want becomes available, but until then... I feel like I want to pull my hair out!

I'm a proud mother, and I love for my kids to be involved in various activities in school and outside of school. My daughter is in Girl Scouts, and I am very involved with that as well. However, I don't want to live vicariously through my kids!! I want to, for once and for all, be doing something that is really fullfilling to me!! Med surge was never fullfilling, it was just way too scary and stressful. Psych unit... always just feel like a glorified babysitter. I would love to work in a school! I would also really love to work on a college campus, maybe in a clinic... but again, not a job that is widely available, college clinic nurse!

I feel like I'm unrealistic, but I'm terribly jealous of people who actually love and get tons of fullfillment from the work that they do for a living. I want to BE one of those people!!!!!! It's probably not going to happen as long as I'm the one having to make all of the money... is it?

Sorry... really mostly a rant, and pretty rambly at times, there. =) Carry on with your day. =)

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I know exactly how you feel. I just finished nursing school as an LPN, got my license and all that. I really DO NOT want to do LTC but I know that's where the money is for LPN's. I make a lot of money at my current job, but it's not nursing, it's transportation and I HATE it. But what to do? It's not easy for a new grad with no experience to find a nice clinic job that pays halfway decent.

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Specializes in Oncology and pediatrics.

Hey!

I am only 22 and have only been a nurse for 1 1/2 years and I have already told myself that I will enjoy being a nurse and when I don't I will confront it and figure out why. We worked hard for our education and we deserve to like what we do! If you truly don't like where you are than start telling yourself that you will be done there soon because you WILL find a job that you like! I know what you mean when you say that you are jealous of those people who love their job. There have been times when I want to cry because my job is so overwhelming to me. However, you will find your niche in nursing if you keep searching! It's out there I promise! Have you ever thought of home care? Because my job on the oncology unit was becoming a bit overwhelming I decided to reduce my hours there and pick up a second job with pediatric services of america. They are an in home care service for sick children. Also, they are nation wide! Starting pay is $22.00/hr. Even though home-care may not be my niche I am preparing myself for what I do want...to work in a children's hospital :) Don't give up just yet! Start preparing yourself for what you do want!

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Hey nursecard

You will be fine my love. It wont happen over night but it will happen!. Be patient, I know that is hard when you are unhappy with your situation. You know what you want, its just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. In the mean time have a bit of fun at work trying to raise the proffesional standard, its a fun stance to take because you cannot be punished for it, but will be hated by all, as they struggle to meet the new "professional standard". Lots of fun ahead ramming their own "writtern"policies and procedures down their throat while you keep an eye out for the opportunity you have been waiting for.

cheers essie

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Specializes in critical care.

Hey Nursecard,

I have sssoooo been there! I loved the job the first year i was there then every month or so after that it seemed to suck more and more life outta me. The best thing I ever did for me was to take a travel job and get the heck outta town (the state). Probably a lot harder with small kids, but the summers coming up maybe yall could take a 3 month assignment somewhere warm and fun for the kids. It is very liberating to know the day you walk into the hospital that 39 shifts later you will never have to go back if you dont want to, no staff meetings, no mandatory inservices. You dont know anybody so the gossip is meaningless to you. It is very easy to be positive and happy in that kind of situation. Even if you can only go for a summer, it may get your head in a better place for when you come home.

ps I worked with several nurses who took a leave of absence for 3 months for hospital at home to spend summer with grandkids and still had a job to go back to.

Hope it gets better for you!!

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I'm 39 and I feel the same way.

I think a lot of the problems we are seeing in the workplace are from a lowering of standards in general in American culture with regards to professionalism in the workplace.

I remember back in the 80's; it seemed like the atmosphere at the jobs I had was strictly professional. People weren't there to make friends or gossip -- they were there to work. You did not have to buddy-buddy up with your coworkers, and managers were managers because they worked their way up and knew what they were doing, not because they were best friends with the owner or a total bottom-kisser.

Now it seems like the workplace is just one big clique, and if you try to be professional, people just make fun of you, or act like you are weird or something, or worst of all -- try to make your life miserable or get you fired.

I don't get it. What happened? How did this happen? Why are the people who want to work hard and be professional being treated like dirt in today's economy?

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Nursecard, I think you expressed what a lot of us are feeling..... this economy has caused many of us to compromise our dreams for the sake of just having a job. I know so few nurses who are actually doing what they believe their niche to be. And then we feel guilty because lots of nurses can't even get jobs! ARGH!

Shauni-RN's suggestion of pediatric home health is excellent and might be a good fit for you. Where I live, they are always looking for PRN and part-time nurses. I did that for a year and recently switched to the OR, but I still get called to fill in every now and then. In that setting, you can use all your nursing powers to benefit your one patient. You don't have to worry about ugly co-workers or stupid politics. It's just you. :)

Great post helikias! I've noticed the same thing....... gah.

Since there is so much unhappiness at your job, NurseCard, I hope you can find joy in other areas of life for now. I always say that my job is only one piece of the pie. Here's to enjoying the rest of the pie! Best of luck to you!

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Specializes in PICU, NICU, L&D, Public Health, Hospice.

It helps to just say it sometimes...other times you need to just cry...or shout it ... whatever it takes to keep yourself making good choices for you, for your career, for your family.

When I felt that way I knew it was time to start looking for another place for my practice...something fresh. But I did need to talk about it first and for awhile.

I hope this forum affords you the rant you need in order to move on.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Acute Rehab.
Hey nursecard

You will be fine my love. It wont happen over night but it will happen!. Be patient, I know that is hard when you are unhappy with your situation. You know what you want, its just a matter of waiting for the right opportunity to present itself. In the mean time have a bit of fun at work trying to raise the proffesional standard, its a fun stance to take because you cannot be punished for it, but will be hated by all, as they struggle to meet the new "professional standard". Lots of fun ahead ramming their own "writtern"policies and procedures down their throat while you keep an eye out for the opportunity you have been waiting for.

cheers essie

What????? :confused:

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Telemetry, Ortho.

I remember feeling the same way a couple years ago. I moved to a different type of nursing, then in to supervision. I still feel the same. Nursing dissappointed me in many ways. I am lucky enought to be "good" at it so I can still function. But I am wanting to do something else. The stress is taking it's toll.

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