Gay Boomers and nursing attitudes

[woody62]

I read an interestiing article, in the NYT, today. Apparently the first wave of gay boomers have begun to hit our LTC, Assisted Living, home health agencies. And more and more of them are being belittled, receiving less then quality care, being transfered to units that are not appropriate to them because of other residents. I am wondering, has anyone encountered this yet? What has happen? What is your attitidue? What is being done to correct the problems?

Woody:balloons:

[pedsnurze1]

I will be interested too see how this thread plays out. I think in todays age we have to be aware of all the different walks of life and learn tolerance and respect. Last year there was a same sex couple boarding a cruise when one suffered a major head bleed. She was transfered to a local hospital and her life partner was denied access to her and denied a play in decisions even though they had a living will. I am not 100% certain of all details,but I know that they had children who were devestated by this event and the treatment of their MOM's. Hospital nurses and doc were rude and disrespectful to the family. The pt died without her lifepartner with her.

How cruel and insensitive and inhumane.

Their choice, their lives, their consequences not for us mere humans to play God or whatever your believe maybe over them.

I just hope this family finds a way to forgive us healthcare professionals for making their precious never to be repeated transitional period in life unbearable. Just think How would we have felt. My heart goes out to those children.

[cmo421]

My prejudice was a personal one. My mother was a closet alcoholic and as a child thru young adulthood, I took the brunt of her drunken rages and angry outburst. I could most likely work with an alcoholic patient now, I have come to term with my mother's habits and problems. I realized that she had little control over her drinking and always denied her problem. And when I realized that I was treating patients differently because of her impact on me, I got help. So, no I don't think I am being contradictory. It is the people who claim they have no prejudices that have the problem.

Woody

When people acknowledge how their past has affected their present,get help and deal with it, I do not feel it is a prejudice,more a triumph over one. Good for you!

[woody62, RN]

i read that story, too, and i felt sad for that family. but the story reflected only the family's feelings -- the hospital has a side of the story that wasn't reported. no one may have been allowed to visit because everyone was frantically trying to save lisa's life, or because lisa's roommate was coding or because the nurse at the bedside wasn't told lisa's partner and children were waiting to visit (one secretary with a bias against gays would be all it took to keep the family in the dark). we don't know the other side of that story. the social worker may have been dealing with other issues that took precedence -- a pediatric unit about to discharge a toddler whose mother burned him with cigarettes and the mother is waiting to pick him up, for example. we just don't know.

the other thing i noted is that lisa and janice weren't traveling with any paperwork that indicated their relationship. janice had to call her attorney in olympia to have a copy of lisa's poa faxed to the hospital. if she'd been travelling with a copy of the poa, it would have significantly reduced the delay. as health care professionals, we aren't allowed to share information with anyone except immediate family, and there would be confusion in this case as to whom the patient would wish to have the information and the decision-making capability. the presence of the poa would clear that up immediately.

i do not care if a code was going on in the room, or the social worker was with another family. it is no excuse,none,to treat that family in that way. no one should have to die alone when there is family or friend nearby. if u read the article, they were very open in their opinions on gay couples at the start. seems to me that nurses pick their issues. if that person was a friend of someone in the er, straight or gay, u can rest asure anyone they wanted to be in that room would be. as health care professionals we have rules, but we should have,should have,common curtisy and sensitivity. hippa,first of all is a joke,but we will save that for another thread.

when a trauma comes in,either in the er or in the icu,i always,always,make time for the person that is with them. it takes a second to make a difference. you do not have to divulge the "golden information" ,just be kind . when next of kin, or s.o. is determined then u can do what u have to do. i tell my kids, it is not what u say,it is how u say it that counts.

i have had several clients in several of the major medical centers of miami. i wish i could say that i was surprised by the treatment of this couple but sadly, i am not. while miami has south beach, they do not have the tolerance of other major cities around this country. most have preset prejudices which have overlapped into the health care professionals. expecting them to response with compassion is like expecting a tiger to be hand fed, without taking your hand off. it is basically beyond them.

the staff made a value judgement. and they made demands on this couple that they would never have made on a heterosexual couple. when i was in the er, hanging on by a thread, my daughter was approached as to what 'she' wanted the doctors to do. she was never asked for my health care poxy, she wasn't even asked to prove she was my daughter. she could have been the milk man for all they knew. but then again, i did present myself as a homosexual, just as a person.

woody:balloons:

[NightNurseKathy]

BSNnursejlcads,

I am so sorry to read of the way your friend was treated in rehab. Obviously we still need a lot of education on the treatment of all peoples, not just the homosexual. Nurses can be quite prejudiced as anyone, they are after all human.

But the way your friend was taken care of was just so unacceptable as nursing practice goes.

Nurses can NOT deny care, but they CAN , as individuals be pretty stupid! Obviously...

To leave a person in pain just because of their own prejudices is inhumane. It makes me cry to think anyone could be treated like that.

when you are in a health care setting, you shouldn't have to worry about not receiving care based on who or what you are, or because you have an illness that is stigmatized with a certain community.

Well that stands to reason, whether or NOT one is in health care.

Each person has such value . That is my belief . God created all of us, and LOVES us unconditionally... He may not tolerate things we DO, but He will NEVER turn His back on someone in need.

Thank goodness for the nurses out there that actually CARE!!!

I hope your friend is better....

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

Is general patraeus a nurse? Are the legislators of Texas nurses? The fact is there might be some very isolated incidences but did the New York Times cite where this was going on? Of course not it is sensational journalism to fit the left wing agenda of the NYT. On the other foot I think the recent photo by the Gay groups in San Francisco making a mockery of the last supper was truly revolting, but there was no outrage from the gay community or the NYT. There truly is a lack of acceptance in this country and it is directed at Christians.

I truly believe it was general Betray Us wasnt it

[fronkey bean]

Wrong for who? I just cannot get my brain around this concept. So God is telling you to believe gay people are wrong but love them anyway? This perpetuates judgement and shame.

How would you like to be treated like a poor sinner, "oh but your loved anyway you poor thing?" No thanks!

Sun

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" We are all judged as sinners by God who, in His mercy, offers forgiveness to all.

In my religion being gay is taboo also, but so isn't child abuse and see where that has gone. But since I am gay and still practice my faith in my own way, I have to remember that most religious "rules" r man made. The God I know has his own set that we will only know in their world when we meet our maker. Till then I will believe that ,like above,all will respect and care for regardless of race,orientation or religion.I believe our elders will be fine, I really believe that.

Many people of faith believe that religious rules are not man made but "God-breathed". Since the opinions of everyone should be respected, we should respect their opinion too.

But this is not the issue. The issue is people who claim to believe in God and following his teaching, interpret them in their own way. They take the position that homosexuality is against the Laws of God. And anyone who is one and gives into his/her sexual urges, deserves to go to ****. And some go so far as to take their negative attitude out on the people they care for. They deny it and claim they are professionals and treat everyone the same. I hate to tell them this but one's dislike and hate of a life style seeps thru one's professional veneer. A good many people like to think they are very good at hiding their true feelings about one group or another. There are very few that are truly successful at hiding their feelings. Why do you think a patient will sometimes refuse to be care for by a nurse who is excellent and has a polished professional veneer? The patient can feel their hostility toward them, even thru that professional veneer. I dislike alcoholics. I refuse to take care of them not because of a dislike or lack of professionalism but because I know my dislike will be picked up by that patient.

I am not telling this because I want or need praise. I am telling it because I am a human being who realizes that we do not have that degree of professionalism necessary to hide our feelings. It just does not exist.

Woody:balloons:

I'm not sure what you are saying here. Do you think all nurses w/ a confessed ordiscovered predjudice should not be allowed to practice? BTW, that means your out (of a job I mean) Or are we supossed to ignore it and pretend we can't do anything about the problem? I believe it is possible for people to change how they think(in fact i am living proof). Forums such as this are a great way to confront our feelings about our differences. And, perhaps it is time for you to quit taking out on every alcoholic patient what was done to you by your mother. I too was raised by an alcoholic who continues to make my life miserable at times but that is not the fault of any patient,even the alcoholic ones. They need care and compassion as much as anyone and you may be harming your own self by denying that to them. After all you know it is the right thing to do to provide quality care to everyone, so by not doing so you are at constant war w/ your own principles.

Hi there. Unfortunately, no. No protection at all for gays and their partners.

Unfortunately, there is also no protection for unmarried partners of any kind.

Riskier how? Is it because of HIV? It's still out there and gay men are indeed catching it.

Is it wild unproected sex? Take a look at STD rates in young heterosexual men and women. It's near epidemic.

Extravagant lifestyles causing early deaths? How about obesity, heart disease rates, diabeties and other disesase of excess in the heterosexual community.

Suicide and homelessness probably causes more premature deaths in the teen homosexual community that the heterosexual one, so you got us there. But with acceptance and parents not kicking their gay children out of the home that could stop.

My extravagant gay lifestyle consists of me working like a dog 40 hours a week, struggling to make ends meet. I've slept with 2 people in 30 years. Yep a wild lifestyle I lead. I am more typical than not.

Just wanted to educate you some because you seem to be buying into some myths, many of which are mistakenly preached from pulpits around the country.

Tweety, I agree w/ everything you say except that it is "preached from pulpits around the country". There are some pulpits that preach a message of intolerance but not as many as you think. The evangelical community does not hate the gay community, many dislike the rampant open sexuallity of both the gay and the hetrosexual community but they don't hate either.

I truly believe it was general Betray Us wasnt it

Just because it rhymes doesn't make it poetry.

[K.L.A.]

Whatever! I'm sure you have a lot of room to talk.

[woody62, RN]

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" We are all judged as sinners by God who, in His mercy, offers forgiveness to all.

Many people of faith believe that religious rules are not man made but "God-breathed". Since the opinions of everyone should be respected, we should respect their opinion too.

I'm not sure what you are saying here. Do you think all nurses w/ a confessed ordiscovered predjudice should not be allowed to practice? BTW, that means your out (of a job I mean) Or are we supossed to ignore it and pretend we can't do anything about the problem? I believe it is possible for people to change how they think(in fact i am living proof). Forums such as this are a great way to confront our feelings about our differences. And, perhaps it is time for you to quit taking out on every alcoholic patient what was done to you by your mother. I too was raised by an alcoholic who continues to make my life miserable at times but that is not the fault of any patient,even the alcoholic ones. They need care and compassion as much as anyone and you may be harming your own self by denying that to them. After all you know it is the right thing to do to provide quality care to everyone, so by not doing so you are at constant war w/ your own principles.

No, I am not saying that nurses who have prejudices against certain types of patients should not work. I am saying that a good many nurses deny that they harbor any hard feelings against certain classification of patients, should admit they prejudice, if only to themselves and get help dealing with them. And those nurses who say they can successfully treat patients and hide their prejudice behind a veer of professionalism are only fooling themselves.

I can't recall the journal or the date of publication but a study was done regarding patients ability to perceive any prejudice that they felt. And it stated that the persons providing the care, felt that they were able to mask their true feelings behind their professionalism. The study found that most of the patients were able to perceive their caregivers prejudice. Patients are not dummies. Many are more preceptive then we give them credit for and are able to pick up on those subtle supposedly hidden feelings.

I did not like taking care of alcoholics. Others might not like to take care of those patients who fail to follow their previous instructions. And they say they are able to hide their feelings. :trout: Bull hockey. When I was hospitalized on a psych unit for a deep clinical depression, some of the nurse resented me 'being so weak'. They never said it but I certainly picked up on it. A few years later I returned to talk to them. I asked them if they resented the fact that I was a nurse. One of them told me that yes she resented me. She felt that because I was a nurse I should have known how to prevent myself from going into a depression. So much for her hiding her feelings behind her professionalism. I told her I had picked up on subtle cues she gave off. And I told her this before she made her admission.

I am only asking nurses to examine their own attitudes, attitudes they claim they successfully hide. And I am attempting to draw attention to health care professionals who believe they hide their true feelings. I am asking them to admit their prejudices and get help dealing with them. Nothing more, nothing less.

Woody:balloons:

[cmo421]

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" We are all judged as sinners by God who, in His mercy, offers forgiveness to all."

God treats us all as equals, no matter how one's genetics turn out! We are His children, and a parent might or might not agree with their children, but they still hold them in their heart and love them.

"Many people of faith believe that religious rules are not man made but "God-breathed". Since the opinions of everyone should be respected,"

Born,raised,schooled very Catholic. I am well aware of "God Breathe" mind set. Still man made,and I respect everyone's opinion, I also have the right to agree to disagree.

"Unfortunately, there is also no protection for unmarried partners of any kind."

Wrong. Couples living to gether for a certain time (heterosexuals) are concidered "common law" in most states,thus privy to many things a gay couple is not. They have and can get a divorce, social security,pensions, benifits etc,,,

"Tweety, I agree w/ everything you say except that it is "preached from pulpits around the country". There are some pulpits that preach a message of intolerance but not as many as you think. The evangelical community does not hate the gay community, many dislike the rampant open sexuallity of both the gay and the hetrosexual community but they don't hate either."

Most "pulpits" do not teach hate, they state their beliefs that certain lifestyles are wrong.They have their right to do so,it is their church,to each his own! Hate is only preached by those who have been hated or raised in hate. Cyclic in nature.

Have a great day all!

[kanzi monkey]

For anyone in doubt of the reality of Gay Boomers, well, JK Rowling squashed that last Friday:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/10/22/books.potter.dumbledore.ap/index.html

In case you don't have time to click on the above, I'll give it to ya straight

Dumbledore was gay.

I suppose, at 150 years old, he was not technically a boomer. However, the point is not lost.

A sincere "thank you" from me to Jo Rowling, btw. Now a majority of planet earth is aware of at least one gay senior. :)

And one gay hero, to boot

:bowingpur:gandalf::heartbeat:kiss

[cmo421]

For anyone in doubt of the reality of Gay Boomers, well, JK Rowling squashed that last Friday:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/10/22/books.potter.dumbledore.ap/index.html

In case you don't have time to click on the above, I'll give it to ya straight

Dumbledore was gay.

I suppose, at 150 years old, he was not technically a boomer. However, the point is not lost.

A sincere "thank you" from me to Jo Rowling, btw. Now a majority of planet earth is aware of at least one gay senior. :)

And one gay hero, to boot

:bowingpur:gandalf::heartbeat:kiss[/quote

This will boost the acceptance with young people today and give support to all those struggling with their identity. Ya just have to love life somedays. People are full of surprises!

Have a great day all!

[fronkey bean]

No I am not saying that nurses who have prejudices against certain types of patients should not work. I am saying that a good many nurses deny that they harbor any hard feelings against certain classification of patients, should admit they prejudice, if only to themselves and get help dealing with them. And those nurses who say they can successfully treat patients and hide their prejudice behind a veer of professionalism are only fooling themselves. [/b']

I can't recall the journal or the date of publication but a study was done regarding patients ability to perceive any prejudice that they felt. And it stated that the persons providing the care, felt that they were able to mask their true feelings behind their professionalism. The study found that most of the patients were able to perceive their caregivers prejudice. Patients are not dummies. Many are more preceptive then we give them credit for and are able to pick up on those subtle supposedly hidden feelings.

I did not like taking care of alcoholics. Others might not like to take care of those patients who fail to follow their previous instructions. And they say they are able to hide their feelings. :trout: Bull hockey. When I was hospitalized on a psych unit for a deep clinical depression, some of the nurse resented me 'being so weak'. They never said it but I certainly picked up on it. A few years later I returned to talk to them. I asked them if they resented the fact that I was a nurse. One of them told me that yes she resented me. She felt that because I was a nurse I should have known how to prevent myself from going into a depression. So much for her hiding her feelings behind her professionalism. I told her I had picked up on subtle cues she gave off. And I told her this before she made her admission.

I am only asking nurses to examine their own attitudes, attitudes they claim they successfully hide. And I am attempting to draw attention to health care professionals who believe they hide their true feelings. I am asking them to admit their prejudices and get help dealing with them. Nothing more, nothing less.

Woody:balloons:

My point is are you dealing w/ your dislike of alcoholics? B/c this whole thread is pointless if it does not lead to us becoming better nurses by dealing w/ our issues w/ other people.

Wrong. Couples living to gether for a certain time (heterosexuals) are concidered "common law" in most states,thus privy to many things a gay couple is not. They have and can get a divorce, social security,pensions, benifits etc,,,

Most "pulpits" do not teach hate, they state their beliefs that certain lifestyles are wrong.They have their right to do so,it is their church,to each his own! Hate is only preached by those who have been hated or raised in hate. Cyclic in nature.

Have a great day all!

Good point about common law. I have seen live-ins kept out of hosp. rooms by parents but you're right, common law hetros are generally given access. I just haven't ever seen a gay partner denied access in my hosp. (only place I've ever worked though so I don't have broad experience).

Thank you for the distinction b/t what is preached and what some people do w/ it. Some of the most homophobic rhetoric I've ever heard came from a guy who was not involved w/ any church. And all churches are composed of people, who are imperfect and prone to sin. I don't believe Jesus would turned away anyone who seeks him. Unfortunately,much like the prodigal's older brother, many followers of Jesus are not as willing to embrace those they feel haven't been as worthy as they have been. Thankfully, the prodigal's father understood that it wasn't worth missing the joy of his return in order to punish him for leaving.

For anyone in doubt of the reality of Gay Boomers, well, JK Rowling squashed that last Friday:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/books/10/22/books.potter.dumbledore.ap/index.html

In case you don't have time to click on the above, I'll give it to ya straight

Dumbledore was gay.

I suppose, at 150 years old, he was not technically a boomer. However, the point is not lost.

A sincere "thank you" from me to Jo Rowling, btw. Now a majority of planet earth is aware of at least one gay senior. :)

And one gay hero, to boot

:bowingpur:gandalf::heartbeat:kiss

It seems to me though that she wasn't brave enough to come out w/ it in the book and risk sales so she waited until it was all finished and then tried to get a few more sales by saying he was gay. It doesn't matter to me if he was or wasn't, he is a great character regardless, but why wait until all the books were out to reveal it?