funny things Phleb's hear when with a p.t

[PHLEBOTOMIST_TO_RN]

Here are some things I hear daily as a Phlebotomist as i enter a p.t.'s room or just around the hospital in general. Some are pretty humorous.

1) Cant you just pull blood from the I.V.? ( after its already been in for 2 days)

2) Some one already took blood from my wrist ( referring to the Blood gas test thats done by respiratory and not the lab)

3) OMG A VAMPIRE DONT BITE ME!! (as i was getting on the elevator)

4) Cant the nurse give me some morphine before you stick me?

5) I F****** hate needles man!( from a life long drug user)

6) OUCH!!!! ( during a trauma where the p.t. just had a massive MVA, but screams when a 23 gauge butterfly is inserted into the AC..even the docs laugh under their breath over this one)

7) just tie the blue thing ( tourniquet) around my neck you can get my side vein ( jugular) much better then in my hand.

8) just get it from the vein in my member there is nothing in my arms.:roll (drug user)

9) why dont you do night shift? wont you turn to dust when its 7 am?? ( some visitor who stoped me in the hall)

[mistydave]

oh and I have had people threaten to kill me while strapped down in the state prisons. Not funny.

[Indy, LPN, LVN]

A long, long time ago when I was a wee little vampire... I wore white, unfortunately. (By the way, gram stain decolorizer gets betadine out of white cloth.) So, patients mistook me for their nurse. I was greeted once with a description of the "cute little bitty rabbit turds" that the patient had pooped especially for me.

Then there was the ER nurse who told me once "Here, wanna see a prolapsed uterus?!" half a second before yanking back an unconscious LOL's gown. I wish to heaven I'd been smart enough to turn away!

[Indy, LPN, LVN]

Ooh, Ooh! And there was the cop whom I didn't like, with a reputation for planting dope on younger adults that he didn't like... who had an MI and said to me once that "looks like I been doin' drugs." I gave him a wicked grin, used a 20 gauge and joked that he might have to arrest himself. There's the eensiest possibility that I may have done a little fishin' for that there vein.

[sanctuary, BSN, MSN, RN]

She asked me "who brought in that horse?" (yes she was heavily medicated). Finally I agreed, that oops, I was sorry, I brought the horse.....and I promised to take it with me when I leave, and she said well, ok, and she let me take her blood. On the way out of the room she told me not to forget my horse, so I politely took him by the reigns and led him out of the room, and then in her grandma tone, she said, "and don't bring him in here again".

:lol2: :lol2: Oh, thanks, I needed that!

[SK-222]

With pt's who have the right mindset/sense of humor, I had used the one "tis better to give than receive." I had plenty of chuckles and keeping things on the light side.

Recently on Valentine's Day one of our lab techs was asked if she was "cupid," to which the witty reply was "no, cupid shoots arrows through the heart, I just use a little needle in the arm." Pt. laughed at that response.

[nursejohio, ASN, RN]

Had a pt. with almost the entire body covered in snake and skull tatoos, he was a big, burly guy and he about fainted with his IV start. Asked him how come he can get tatoos then, he said that "tatoos are nothing, compared to getting an IV". ???!!!

It true. I've got 6 and none of them hurt as bad as having an iv started

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

1. "I am a hard stick"....me, "No, I can stick you just fine, it is actually getting into the vein that is the trickier part!".

2. "Can you numb the area first?"...."Okay...another shot then???"

3. "Take the blood out of this instead...*points to JP drain*".

4. Heparin drip going on through picc, lab draws from the other pic hub not being used. Hmmmmm wonder if that is going to be accurate? (just happened last week, caused a panic with the MD and RNs to see that critial value...pt got vit K, and then they redrew...found the correct value. Me, I was kinda silly and when I got on shift I said "wow, since his incision isn't bleeding {huge total knee incision} I really would have thought to check again right away before giving the K!).

5. "Look at all my blood draw bruises" (all the time!!!!!!!!!). It is like Yeah...that does tend to happen when you have to poke with sharp objects and withdraw blood!

6. "I have no more veins left!"...wow, lets call Guiness...we have a live person with NO veins!

7. "I dont' think I have any blood left to give you" after giving two vials!

8. "but you guys poke me 4 times a day already!" Holding up their fingers for glucose blood checks!

9. Transfusion pt..."okay before you put that in, have your lab take a sample of that...by the time they come back that is all I will have and will save me a poke!" LOL, fun logic..but naaaaa! I liked that one!

10. "can you take it from down there" a lady on menses! EWWWWW!

[CrazyPremed, MSN, RN, NP]

And another pet peeve - when I'm starting an IV or giving a shot to an adult patient and they tell the kid (visitor) in the room "You better behave or the nurse will give you a shot too." Way to make kids scared of us.

That's gotta be the worst. I HATE that one!!!!!

CrazyPremed

[Antikigirl, ASN, RN]

I have encountered the whole "nurse will give you a shot" bit before..and I have always gone to the child and said..."I don't give shots unless your doctor says I HAVE to...I don't like them either!".....

That typically works! Yep...pass the buck! LOL

[58flyer]

Ooh, Ooh! And there was the cop whom I didn't like, with a reputation for planting dope on younger adults that he didn't like... who had an MI and said to me once that "looks like I been doin' drugs." I gave him a wicked grin, used a 20 gauge and joked that he might have to arrest himself. There's the eensiest possibility that I may have done a little fishin' for that there vein.

That's really funny . Does he know what kind of car you drive? It would be hilarious if he surprised you with a traffic stop and returned the "favor." I can hear him now..."Now sign right there by the X, and press hard please, there's 5 copies, oh, and when you're done, just flip up those 5 copies and sign the next one." Might hurt worse than a 20 gauge. :rotfl: :lol_hitti :trout:

[Sue Damonas, BSN]

I was drawing blood on this lady one day, very educated with a bunch of degrees. As I was finishing she asked me what blood type she was. She looked at me like I was crazy when I said I had no idea. She thought I could tell just by looking at the tubes!!!!:chuckle I then educated her on blood typing.