Divorce And Affairs???? - page 6

I was wondering all of you nurses out there, does it seem that your relationship is stressed being in this field? I have read many topics having to do with divorce here and was wondering if this is a... Read More

  1. by   live4today
    Originally posted by clintn91180
    So far a lot of the best marriages I have seen are where the husband and wife are both nurses. I was just wondering if anybody else had noticed that. It seems reasonable to me, since a lot of people tell me that it's hard for people in the medical field to relate to people that aren't and vice versa. One day when I finally get married, I think it would cool if the girl at least works somewhere in the medical field, that way me might be able relate to each other's problems better. Besides I would like to do the travel nursing for a while, and it would be nice to be able to go together. Just my opinions
    My first spouse was no where close to knowing anything about the medical field, so he was as nonsupportive as a toothpick in our marriage!

    My current husband is a nurse, just like me, and he knows a hell of a lot more than I do too because he is military trained! Hoo-ah! He is sooooooo supportive of anything I want to do whether it is in nursing or something else. He's 12 years younger than me, so maybe that accounts for his OPEN MIND! :chuckle

    Seriously though, I would never again marry someone who wasn't supportive of me...IF something were to happen to this husband, that is! :chuckle

    Whomever you choose to marry, make sure he/she is very supportive of whatever you do, otherwise, you may be among the divorce stats one day!
  2. by   babs_rn
    Jimineez!! boy did THIS one get off topic or WHAT???

  3. by   maikranz
    Originally posted by babs_rn
    Jimineez!! boy did THIS one get off topic or WHAT???


    AGREE!!! It went from D-I-V-O-R-C-E to I haven't a clue!! LOL

    Mario, if you weren't young enough to date my
    daughter (she's 24.5)...... and I am Italian!

    I am still single 9 years after my spouse of ~16 years departed for an OLDER woman. I have not dated (but have several men friends), mostly because of the kids, but now, they're older and in college. Where are all the nice guys????????
  4. by   cbs3143
    I don't believe that a career in nursing is inherently bad for a marriage. You need to have a relationship that is mutually supportive, and to respect each other for who you are and for who you may become. My wife and I have been married for over 24 years, and started our lives together shortly before we both attended nursing school. It was a bit rough seeing each other all day every day, and then going home with each other at the end of the day. Our first child was born during the summer between our first and second years of school. There was a fair amount of stress on our marriage, but it made us stronger rather than weaker. Your husband sounds supportive by your initial post.

    It will be difficult for both of you, but if you work at the small things every day, or as often as you can, you'll come through nursing school with a spouse who is not only proud of you, but proud of himself for what he was able to do to help you. My mother-in-law is a recently retired nurse, and my brother and his wife met and maried in nursing school. It does help to have relatives that understand why you aren't there for every other holiday, or why a birthday celebration is two days early or late.

    I hope that your nursing career will be blessed with a supportive and loving spouse as mine has been. I don't know the statistics on nurse divorces, but I have read the theory that nurturing people are sometimes attracted to people who need to be nurtured, and those people may not be very supportive in return.

    I have not known a lot of divorced nurses, but I've worked with essentially the same 50 or so people for the past 20 years, and they have been pretty stable in their marriages. Hang in there and don't think that you'll be in trouble with your husband just because you are going to be a nurse.

  5. by   staciw
    You all are making me very sad. I am 28 y.o. and have been a nurse for 6 years. I have never been married. I lived with my ex boyfriend throughout nursing school and we broke up my last semester of school. No it was not nursing, he couldn't have been more proud of me, it was the fact that he didn't take his medication for his Manic Depression.

    Now I am living with a wonderful man. He is an EMT and going to school to become a paramedic. Everyone always thinks that nurses have the funny schedules but it's not me with the funny schedule. I work 7:00 am to 4:30 pm with every other friday off. I had to fight my boss but I managed to get my fridays off in sync with my boyfriends weekends off. Therefore we spend a great weekend together. He normally works 3 pm to 11:30 pm so yeah I don't see him every night but that is okay because when I do see him we spend quality time together. It's not the quantity, its the quality. Unfortunately, what I see with married couples around me is that they don't even spend 5 minutes to say how are you and how was your day.

    Maybe I am lucky because I grew up with 2 parents who have been together since they were 14 and 15 and they still act like they just met and are having their first love. Never has it been easy for them but they have always communicated and divorce has never been an option. They are the happiest couple I have ever seen...and they have been married for 31 years.

    Please don't blame this profession for you marital breakups....no matter what if it was meant to happen it would have anyway. I hope that all of you who have had this hardship will find the love that my parents have and that I have found. Nothing in the world could be better. But one thing I must say is that relationships are a job...You can't be "too tired" from work to deal with your relationship when you get home.

    Wishing you happier times!
  6. by   Agnus
    I'm blessed with a hubby who saw my going to nuring school as an investment that will benefit us both.

    He gets on guys who want out of a marriage jsut because they can't hang through the changes that nursing school brings into thier life. Poor baby he has to wash some dishes or vacuum or cook his own dinner because his wife is building a life for them both.

    Mind you this is a guy who wanted a mom to take care of him. But he figured I would be more vauable as a caregiver to him, especially as he aged if I were a nurse.

    The first day of school they made us make out a schedule for ourselves as to how we were going to handle our lives thourgh school. We were required to schedule in time every week to spend with our spouse and time with our kids. We had to trun it in. I remember on mine I had some time secheduled to prepare something special for a great nite of sex and then I scheduled the nite of sex on a friday night when the stress was less. Imagine turning in such an assignment to teacher you don't know with that on it! But you know it was exactly what they were looking for. They were looking for time that would be meaningful to me and my spouse. For someone else it might be something different.
    Last edit by Agnus on Apr 2, '02
  7. by   mario_ragucci
    Originally posted by BrandyBSN

    Mario - you are definately in a world of your own But I am so glad that you take the time to share a little piece of that world with us!
    Believe it or not, I breath the same air you breath, and make energy from carbohydrates, proteins and lipids just like the rest of the world. I'm just another part of your world, and I'm happy to be a part of it:kiss
  8. by   Sleepyeyes
    Second hubby supported me completely through the emotional tumult of fulltime nursing school and fulltime job-- I got tuition reimbursement if I worked 32 hours a week.
    He stayed home, cooked, cleaned, laundered, faxed papers to me, kept the computer up, the weeds down, and the kid in school. And where was I? Studying or working doubles. :zzzzz
    First year out of school, I started asking myself if it wasn't time to stop a minute and enjoy my family.....
    (oh all right, I do hafta give him credit for that one :kiss)
    So we took a vacation and had a blast, and took days off together and... :blushkiss
    I just don't know what I'd do without 'im.
    :kiss :kiss :kiss
  9. by   mario_ragucci
    This is for all the self-motivated, self-reliant, doer and shaker, nurses here who felt the power from within to complete nursing school without an "old man" or "old lady" in the picture.

    And to all the folks who found love in all the right places during nursing school...I hope it happens to me too :-)

    Either way, it's okay, you wake up with yourself :-)
  10. by   teeituptom
    Howdy Yall
    From deep in the heart of texass

    Well, nursing hasnt ruined my marriage and Ive been married a quarter of a century or so. My one and only wife are here for the long haul. Thats the only way to look at it. We keep things simple out here. Like "one life,one wife".
    Couldnt find a better one so why bother looking for one. Besides Im too old to get retrained into another relationship.
    Basically Im very happy, My wife and I have been together for a long time we have almost raised 7 kids. Only one left. nursing has only impacted us in that we have had a very stable and fullfilling life due to it. No complaints here.
    keep it in the short grass yall

    By the way Mario you need to change that sweat stained shirt its getting ripe. And get a real tie too.
  11. by   bestblondRN
    After reading all these posts about nursing being a difficult profession on a marriage or relationship, I reflect on the relationships several of my friends are in, which involve spouses who must travel for a living. I can't imagine anything more difficult than trying to be a spouse and parent when you may only be home 1 or 2 days every week, yet I see it working for a couple of my friends. I think it has little to do with one's profession, and everything to do with the people in the relationship, their maturity, and commitment to each other and their partnership.

    Nursing is an emotionally charged profession, and can be exhilirating and draining at the same time. I think one of keys to success in a personal relationship is to leave work at work, and to look at home as the sanctuary. I know not all of us have a great home life, but if you can't think of home as the safe haven, then there is probably something wrong with that scenario that needs to change. My second marriage has been quintessential to fostering that belief, and I consider myself very fortunate to have a place to retreat to after being on the treadmill at work all day. Maybe it's a reflection of having been in healthcare for 24 years, but I don't see myself as a function of my job any longer. I go to work, put in 12 hours being the best nurse I know how to be, then come home, take off the nursing cap, and become mom, wife, and multi-faceted person. My husband isn't crazy about my hours or the physical toll that the job sometimes takes on me, but he has made an effort to understand the significance of what we do everyday. He is also well aware of the fact that I can function without him--that this profession gives me the financial autonomy to be on my own (which I was for many years, raising kids, etc.). That is something he is thankful for, since his job is less than stable at present.

    Marriage is difficult under the best of circumstances, and is something that has to be worked at constantly, regardless of one's profession. Partners in any successful relationship generally share a vision and communicate openly with each other, so I don't think it's reasonable to say that marital success (or lack thereof) is occupation-dependent.

    Sorry......I guess I really got on my soapbox that time.....

  12. by   czahm
    Rachaelm4, in regards to nursing. It is stressful, but rewarding. One must look at the reason for going into it though. Alot of nurses go into the career because all they know is how to care for other people. They've done it since they were a child. This isn't so much the problem, as the fact that they have never cared for themselves. They also tend to marry or date people that want to be cared for and have them met all their needs.

    Going into nursing, or anything that takes you away from this type of person, will cause them to possible backlash you in someway. Sometimes, it will include other family members or friends unfortunately because they to want all your attention. Thus, the problem is not nursing itself. It is an unhealthy relationships in general.

    It is not a bad idea to make sure you are healthy yourself. That you know how to set boundaries on your time and givingness in your family or in a career that can exhaust you in this area. You can hope and pray that other people you care about may see the light , but you can only work on yourself to keep yourself healthy and know when to detach to keep sane.

    I see you have children. They to can be mentally draining no matter how much you love them. As you have written, you have alot of stress factors now involving human realations in your life. Nursing will always be here. Take care of yourself first, even if it includes counseling. Make sure your comfortable with yourself, set loving boundaries for you and your other relationships, and take it slow. These will hopefully protect you from 'burnout' on life and in nursing.

    Good luck in your decision making and I hope someday you do become a happy, healthy nurse. We need them!

    Also my prayers go with you regarding your family and marriage. I remember watching a movie with Steve Martin. It had something to do with parenting. There was an older lady whose husband had passed away. She was asked what she thought of her marriage. Her response was that it was like a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs, but she wouldn't have taken any of it away because then she wouldn't have been able to enjoy the fantastic ride she was able to have with her husband.

    Cathy Z

  13. by   rachaelm4
    cathy z,
    Thanks so much for your reply. I'm going to take what you said with me. The stress never seems to lighten up, so I'm learning to detach a bit from what causes it. I appeciate your comments.