Dealing with a bully at work...help

[sdauph]

hi

i am a fairly new grad and i am having trouble with a nurse who thinks its's funny to tease me about how i nurse. He only works 8 hr night shift and all he does is talk about everybody else behind there backs and makes fun of almost everybody.

he will constantly make comments like..

"So when are you going to stop asking questions?"

or

" Are you going to be like so-and-so and do such and such"

other nurses who hear him make these commenrs say.."oh he's just teasing you know"

I am also teased for bieng a caring nurse

As a new grad i am trying to build confidence and he is not helping.

I never laugh at his jokes hoping this would give him a clue to how i feel ...but it's not stopping

I cried after the last shift after he asked if was ever going to do the narcotic count (while i was up to my arms in c.diff poop). Since he only works an 8 hr night shift he doesn't even know what goes on during a day shift.

I know i need to confront him. I am just having trouble thinking of what I should say. I am also afaid it will get worse if i confront him

I really like where i work (neurosciences) and i don't want to quit

please help

[gr8rnpjt, RN]

Which is typically a sign of someone trying to boost their sagging self-confidence by trying to turn the 'spotlight' on others.

. It would be amazing to them that he's got all of this time to be like this.

Good point, Marie. It sounds like this guy needs a bigger assignment to keep him occupied.

[aileenve, ASN, RN]

Sorry to hear about this, unfortunately in every workplace there are always one or more insecure persons who feel powerful intimidating others...it does'nt always happen to new grads, we have a nursing supervisor who will come to the units and command attention, look for any problem she can find and question the staff in an intimadating voice and manner, most of us avoid her (which is probably what she wants!) then she doesn't have to deal with some issues like when some one calls for sick leave, needs more staff etc..People who have little control, or are intimidated by others (especially men by women) are not to be feared but pitied! Good luck and next time this guy makes a demeaning comment tell him "Yes I will continue to ask questions, that way I will ready when I am a supervisor!", ha ha, that will get him to thinking!

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

what seems to come out of literature thus far is that this a learned behavior on their part carried on from childhood to adulthood. they target certain victims to boost their own insecurities. and often, the victim is a competent (not an incompetent) individual in the work environment that threatens their own insecurities. often, these folks have sociopathic/antisocial tendencies (the corporate world fosters it in its own ranks due to the very nature of its structure), picking victims to prey upon. often, they can present as very charming if they choose or need to be charming...especially with their superior. this is a reason why the boss (above the bully) may minimize the presence of the bullying, if not deny it at all..."he/she is always good with me". just as an fyi.

[sdauph]

I just want to thank all of you for responding to my thread. i now have alot to think about and i will definetley reflect for awhile before i take action. I know i need to do something about it.

thanks

[Indy, LPN, LVN]

I just want to thank all of you for responding to my thread. i now have alot to think about and i will definetley reflect for awhile before i take action. I know i need to do something about it.

thanks

I think that, with that attitude, you're going to be a really good nurse.

[Thunderwolf, MSN, RN]

Any updates from the original poster?

[TypicalFish]

hi

i am a fairly new grad and i am having trouble with a nurse who thinks its's funny to tease me about how i nurse. He only works 8 hr night shift and all he does is talk about everybody else behind there backs and makes fun of almost everybody.

he will constantly make comments like..

"So when are you going to stop asking questions?"

or

" Are you going to be like so-and-so and do such and such"

other nurses who hear him make these commenrs say.."oh he's just teasing you know"

I am also teased for bieng a caring nurse

As a new grad i am trying to build confidence and he is not helping.

I never laugh at his jokes hoping this would give him a clue to how i feel ...but it's not stopping

I cried after the last shift after he asked if was ever going to do the narcotic count (while i was up to my arms in c.diff poop). Since he only works an 8 hr night shift he doesn't even know what goes on during a day shift.

I know i need to confront him. I am just having trouble thinking of what I should say. I am also afaid it will get worse if i confront him

I really like where i work (neurosciences) and i don't want to quit

please help

You do NOT 'have to confront him'; that would be the worst thing-you'd basically be saying "Hey! You win, you ARE getting to me and upsetting me! Keep it up!". He is insecure, and you are his latest victim. Do not buy into it.

One thing that has helped me is to say "Pardon me?" when someone says something rude-they often don't have the nerve to repeat themselves, or "I'm sorry I was busy helping this pt, what did you say?". Also, for example, when he was nagging you about the narc count, smille quite nicely and go, "Well, if you want to finish here, I can do it now!" A big smile is a secret weapon.

And while the nurses say "oh he's just teasing, you know", they may also be saying "Oh, he thinks he's really funny, but we all know that he's a jerk, so we don't take him seriously, and you shouldn't either". You really have the right idea, just do your job and don't let him bait you. I know that it is hard, but there's always a bone-head like that. Just give yourself sometime, and if you know that you have good skills, and you said that you are a caring nurse, then be proud of yourself, and feel sorry for him, because he needs to insult people to feel better about himself. Best of luck, and let us know what happens.