Bullies in the workplace

layna · Jul 19, 2003

Nurse Nanna...Are you familiar with the chain of command? If you have already documented incidents and your manager has not taken care of this situation, then you need to let her know that you are going to her boss or to the Human Resources Director for additional assistance. You don't have to be emotional about it when you tell her this. Be "matter of fact" and professional. Follow through. You owe it to your patients. Don't run away from this. It is everywhere and you need to learn to deal with it effectively or you will always be "on the run"...and what kind of life is that?

You will be in my prayers.

Layna

Nurse Nanna · Jul 20, 2003

Layna

I have been "all the way up the COC to Human Resources". After I had gone up the chain of command (COC), my nurse manager gave me a "mediocre evaluation" and I was shocked!! to say the least. However, the evaluation was not done in a sit down meeting with me face to face (as required); she had filled out the evaluation and written at the end that I had refused to sign it (which was an absolute lie.) She had accidentally left "all" the evaluations laying at the nurse's station when going home on Friday night and one of the 'nosy' nurses picked it up and looked through it, then came to me and said "You refused to sign your evaluation? Good for you, I wouldn't have signed it either! You are an excellent nurse and I love working with you." "Huh? What evaluation?" Of course, I photo-copied it and went took it into the DON's office Monday morning. The outcome of that meeting? with the Don, myself and the nurse manager? The nurse manager told the DON, "I made a mistake, it wasn't **** that refused to sign and due to confidentiality, I can't say right now who it was." And as far as I know, she got away with that. I also had brought in my last two annual evals and asked for her to tell me "exactly" what had changed that down-graded me from excellent to average--after stammering and turning red-faced and her telling the DON that she would like to speak with her privately, I was asked to give them a moment. Next thing I knew, the nurse manager came out of the office, I was called back in and the DON was telling me that my evaluation would be "gone over with me" and I would be asked to respond to each section and sign each response. I went to Human Resources and filed a complaint, with documentation and request for a meeting with both the nurse manager and DON which was held in the human resources office. After 2 hours of back and forth and the director of human resources stating, "this is not a bad eval ****, why are you unhappy with it?" I told her "You have my complaint and all the documentation of the last 6 months of hell I've been through over there. This "mediocre" eval is retaliation for my complaining about the harrassment and the bullying tactics and lack of corporate compliance in that facility. It's ridiculous and absolutely unacceptable! Tell me how I can go from excellent all around to barely acceptable performance and from communicates well with everybody to needs to improve communication skills-will recommend communication workshop? This is wrong. It's retaliation." I again was asked to go through the entire eval one section at a time and tell the nurse manager, DON and resource director exactly why I disagreed with the eval, and what I thought it shoud be." After 2 long gruelling hours, I was asked if I thought I should be allowed to write my own eval and have them sign it. I said "No I don't; but when THIS one goes in my permanent file, you will ALL be hearing from my attorney. This is retaliation, it's harrassment, and it's unprofessional! And you, Ms. Resource are supposed to be non-biased and listen to the complaint. You have sat there for two hours agreeing that I have no reason to be complaining and it's obvious that when I came in here it was three against one before I got here. Here are copies of my last two evals in case you don't have them in my file; you make the comparison and see if you can find out 'exactly' why there has been such a dramatic change in the managers opinion of my performance." On that, I walked out. The next day and every day I was off, I was looking for another job. The nurse manager was very "cold" shouldered and did not speak to me for the next several weeks. She would leave notes or leave messages for other nurses to tell me -------. I flatly ignored her notes and messages, telling the other nurses that if she had a message for me, she could deliver it in person because what she was doing was unprofessional, unacceptable, and in violation of my privacy and confidentiality rights. The DON sent me notes and left messages on my home answering machine that I needed to come in and respond to and sign my evaluation. I did NOTHING. I just wanted out of there, because it was going downhill every day and I knew it was not going to get any better. I NEVER heard a word from human resources, not a word.

I stated in an earlier post that the turnover at this facility is "very" high; the highest turnover rate in the area. But, the folks who have been there a long time are the ones who are there for a paycheck who just don't care (and say so) and the bullies. It is sad to hear someone say "I come in, do my time, collect my check and go home. You aren't going to change anything around here, it's been like that ever since Ms. DON and Ms. Administrator took over." What a sad, pathetic, unfulfilling way to work. A career is supposed to be your life's work, something you enjoy, a way to fulfill your personal, financial, and spiritual needs. Mercy, this has been hell, but I know there is a better place out there somewhere. This is a small area (geographically and population wise) and everybody knows everybody and everything that goes on. I love living in the country and living the small town life, but sometimes I think I should have stayed in the "big city"; I know some of this kind of nonsense probably went on, but there were so many people and such large facilities, and nobody really knew anybody, so it maybe it just wasn't so noticeable (or evident). The Lord will get me through it; he's working on me now to get through one more step in school and go the next round. What's that saying, "One Day At A Time?" There's a wonderful song too, "One Day At A Time--Sweet Jesus, That's All I'm Asking Of You". I just about have that one worn out. HaHa. Thanks to all of you listening out there; it's nice to be getting the "support" notes. I knew there HAD to be someone out there who understands what I'm talking about. He does answer our Prayers. My Sunday school teacher told me, "He is anwering your prayers in His way; maybe he wants you to go on with school and be in position to make those changes you haven't been able to make. Maybe He put you there with the strength to withstand it long enough to find out what and where the problems were." Her wonderful advice "not to question His decisions, just go with it" was really cute. I said "I'm doing the best I can, but it sure would be nice if He and I could have the good ol' face to face and He could tell me exactly what in the world He has up his sleeve for me." She said "Oh, you are so impatient." Funny conversation, but I guess you really had to be there to really appreciate it.

H ynnoD · Jul 20, 2003

Nurse Nanna-sometimes Gods will for my life scares me,because I can't see the end result,also wish He would let Me in on it,so I could understand better.Just know His way is always the best way.Hope and Pray it all works out for You.With Him leading I'm sure it will.:)

LauraLou · Jul 20, 2003

Bullying is like the pink elephant in the room. Everyone knows it is going on, but nobody addresses it openly. Bullies thrive in that type of environment.

Sometimes by directly addressing the issue, you take away some of the bully's advantage. I have found that openly addressing the issue in front of others sometimes helps.

For example, I told one bullying coworker in front of some other employees-

"I don't understand why you are so nasty to me. I admit I am not perfect and make mistakes, but your constant criticism and harassment is uncalled for. I don't know if picking on me makes you feel better about yourself or if you have some unresolved issues from childhood, but I am tired of being your victim. I hope we can move past this and develop a productive working relationship, but please know I will not be bullied by you any more."

Everyone was shocked that I actually said that out loud, but it did bring the issue out in the open. Needless to say she was furious and told me I was imagining things. Her attitude towards me got worse for a while, but eventually she backed off some. She was still nasty to me, but stopped criticizing everything I did. It took a lot of courage for me to confront her, but I'm glad I did.

Obviously this doesn't always work and you may need to find a new job. But at least you will feel good about yourself for having done something, rather than feeling powerless and victimized. Those feelings will impact your self esteem and confidence. Don't let someone with obvious emotional and psychological issues make you feel bad about yourself.

askater11 · Jul 21, 2003

I'm getting bullied at work.

I'm a contigent nurse...I get pulled where they need me. When I first started I worked mostly on a telemtry floor where the nurses worked great together. Everyone was so nice.

One day I was sitting at lunch with these nurses...they started talking about this one nurse. One of the nurses next to me said," she doesn't work here anymore...she got fired. " I said, "What she wasn't a good nurse?" The nurse said, "No she was a good nurse I think certain people didn't like her and ganged up on her..."

I sat there in awww...even though I've seen it done before(at a different hospital). But I thought all these nurses seem so nice. I'm lucky they "liked" me.

Well now I'm working on a "different" unit...there's two nurses on the opposite shift that don't seem to like me. They are giving me a lot of hassle. I'm trying not to let them ruffle my feathers...but by the end of 12 hours they have a lot more snappy comments...and I'm too tired to come back with a comment back. I need to start dealing with them different...

Any idea's how to deal with people would be great!! I think I'm too "nice"...I'm an excellent nurse...but "bully" type nurses sense my "soft, quiet" personality and pounce on the opportunity to be manipulative with me.

I'm starting to miss my old job.

askater11 · Jul 21, 2003

I just had a thought--

If anyone is getting bullied at work--maybe we can be each other's support system. My dh has a hard time understanding--

P.M. me or ICQ me--147432798

Nurse Nanna · Jul 21, 2003

To LauraLou and askater11

I am not currently working anywhere - I am taking some home courses, adding to my credits in hopes of obtaining a position in which "I will have the authority" to be able to stop some of this bullying crap. I'm not sure exactly what or when that will be, but I am studying, praying, and allowing the Lord to lead me into whatever and wherever it takes. Does that make sense. First, I don't "need" to work; I enjoy working, especially nursing. And, I DID finally stand up to it and embarrass the bullies in front of their own audiences and they did stop bullying me; however, they continue to work in respective positions and continue to bully other coworkers who fear losing their jobs. I didn't fear losing my job because I didn't need it. I just put up with it long enough to "size up the situation and determine how to confront the situation in a public but professional way." And like you say askater11 when you take it headon, they almost act "innocent and offended". Makes you want to smile. I too told one of my bullies, "I got your number!" and "I'm sorry you are so insecure but if it makes you feel better about yourself to find fault, I got big shoulders, bring it on" in front of half a dozen other nurses at shift change and that was the end of her nonsense. I do think a nurses' support group would be wonderful. That is sort of what I was working on in my mind; but still putting an idea together on how to start it up and coordinate it. So far, the few short days I've been registered on allnurses.com I think we have a pretty good start on it. Maybe we can get it going here on allnurses.com; now wouldn't that be a hoot. Nurses' giving bullied nurses ideas and support on how to "handle" bullies. Also, just having someone to talk to that has been through it and/or is going through it really helps a bunch. Until I got onto allnurses.com, I had met a couple of nurses here and there who know the problem exists, but they just don't want to or just don't feel they can "deal" with it; they prefer to try and 'ignore' it or go home miserable everyday. Not this grandma; I prefer to use the chain of command and if that fails, take it head on and if that fails; move on. Here's a FUNNY story, and I'm not THAT brave, but my 'baby sister' who I raised from 4 years old, is also a nurse up north. She had a 'real bully' on her butt and she finally took her head on; they ended up in the managers office, then the don's office, and as usual, basically nothing happened. Seems the bully and the manager were both single and 'party' buds. So, she waited in the parking lot one night after work. She said this "B" turned as white as a sheet when she walked around the corner and saw her standing in front of her car door. Sis said to her "Me and you need to talk about your problems." The bully said "I don't have a problem." My sister told her, "Oh? Then let's both remember that and you get the **** out of my face and get off my **** back or YOU WILL HAVE A BIG PROBLEM, YOU UNDERSTAND THAT 'B'! Now you go run to your 'buddy'- but this NEVER happened! I have a 'buddy' sitting in my car, see right there? and we're at *****right now for dinner. You have a nice night now, ya hear!" She called me when she got home and said "Well sis, I did it. I caught the 'B' in the parking lot; either I'm gonna get fired tomorrow or I bet she'll never bother me again." I said, "Baby girl, I raised you to be a whole lot tougher than me." We laughed and I said, "well, if you get fired, I guess we can both be thankful that there IS a nurse shortage out there." She never heard anything back on it and the bully applied for a transfer, stating "personal reasons". My sister called and said "The Wicked Witch is leaving." I don't want to become a bully or harrasser, but hey, ya gotta do something to stop these sickos. I cannot understand why administration will allow this crap to go on and continue to lose good nurses because they don't want to "deal" with problem issues. It is their job and they ARE required by law to stop it. They continually get away with filing 'investigation into complaint' forms with 'no cause for action' findings and nobody further up bothers to look into why there are so many 'unfounded' complaints and such a high turnover rate. I ran into a nurse shopping this afternoon that I used to work with at my first facility where the bullies made my life hell. She said "ya know, how long has it been since I saw you - almost 3 years? well, nothing has changed over there, same of crap, same old hateful nasty people." She said she was about ready to go somewhere else, giving up on any 'changes' happening. I also spoke to another nurse I trained when she came to us; first thing I taught her was to 'stand your ground' with these people or they will walk all over you. On this unit, we do our job, we practice TEAMWORK, we don't gossip, we don't backbite, and we take care of each other. The facility is small, but the units are open and some of these people think 'they' run this floor-"I" run this floor. She told me "yeah, I kind of got the feeling on unit # that they didn't like you because I was told when I was sent over here tonight to watch out for you because you are a 'dog' and if it isn't perfect you will write me up." Now, this was interesting, you all know that it doesn't work that way. I explained that I didn't care what anyone said or thought and that basically the information was false and then briefed her on my work ethic, my ideas on professionalism, teamwork, and holistic patient care and that these things were MY priorities and anything less than that was unacceptable. I also shared my willingness to teach or physically assist her or anyone else, and my openness to listen to any suggestions or ideas she would have to offer to help our unit to be "the best" unit in the facility and make it a 'home away from home' for our patients and their families. She gave me a big hug and said "OMG, are they so wrong about you. Where do we start?" This nurse had come out of 3 years in the army and then to nursing school, so she had some great work ethic and the desire to be a professional. We worked great together; she requested a permanent position on my unit, which she didn't get, but she was made a 'floater' and covered any shift, any unit, within a couple of months training. She is an excellent nurse, very knowledgeable; AND she tells it straight up and to the point to anybody (such a professionally-matter of fact demeanor that she leaves people just looking at her with nothing to say.) I'm still trying to accomplish that. HaHa. After less than a year, she was given her own unit charge position. I left the facility shortly after that. When one of the nurses finished her school, she became the DON at another facility and took this nurse with her. They both continue their education and are doing great. I have been offered a position with them, but at this time, I'm continuing my credits at home (slow but sure) plus I have other family obligations that keep me from being able to go out of the home to work. Wow! Didn't mean to get sooooo out there. It is so wonderful to have nurses to talk to that UNDERSTAND the level of frustration we deal with. You both have a wonderful day and keep on nursing. Together, we Can, Do, and Will make a difference.

H ynnoD · Jul 21, 2003

If your not my Boss and can't fire Me,then bite Me.I'm a mechanic,going to school to be a Nurse.We had a Mechanic who got moved up to kind of oversee us.Went to his head and now he's the Company snitch.All He was suppose to do is give us some help if we needed it.Some how He got the impression that made Him our Boss.LOL!He went crying to the Boss that I was picking on Him,I would'nt do anything he told Me to.They just told Me to leave Him alone and they moved Him away from us.Then He told them I was'nt doing my Job,got me a Bad evaluation and they started watching Me.It just back fired on Him,because they seen then it was Him not Me and I got revaluated with a big Raise.If they can't fire you and your doing your Job,don't take Guff from anyone,it is'nt worth it.

Nurse Nanna · Jul 21, 2003

Donny

You are from Fresno, CA? That's cool. My birth state is Calif. I was born and raised there and moved to the east coast about 8 years ago. Lived in Sutter/Yuba/Solano Counties. Small world.

Good for you for standing up to that person. Sometimes these folks get the idea that being put in a "leadership" or "over-see" the shop or floor position makes them boss. Like you say, "You can't fire me, you don't want to 'work', so get the hell out of my way and let me do my job." I guess it goes on everywhere; my son had a similar problem; worked 14 months, got put on travel to set up new stores, promoted 3 or 4 times with raises, made dept mgr. and then his store mgr was transferred and some new person came in from another area and for some reason "just didn't like him" and made his life a living hell. He finally confronted this man in his office because he had been promised by the previous mgr several weeks before that he was getting his own dept and a raise on a certain date which had come and gone. This new guy decided "no" with "I don't have to have a reason, I'm the boss". My son (who was young-20-and inexperienced and a bit hot-headed) told him "No, you're an a**hole, I worked all over this store and ran all over two states setting up new stores and I don't deserve to be treated like this, it's wrong and I quit!" and walked out, throwing his name clip on the floor. He came home and we called the store and the man refused to talk to either of us. I called our attorney and he said to try to resolve it through corporate hdqtrs which we did, only to find out this creep had called them after I called him and reported my son for "gross misconduct" and requested to "fire" him. They told me he had been terminated the afternoon before. I tried to explain what had "actually happened" and then put my son on the phone to talk to them and they said if he felt he had a complaint to go to the store and try to work it out with the manager. The man refused to see us. My husband attempted to talk to him stating that "the kid has had an exemplary record, an I want to know what the problem is." Now, my husband was 55 years old and this, maybe mid-late 20's man told him "The problem is he don't work here anymore!!" and hung up on him. We called our attorney and he said he could look into it but the labor codes in the Commonwealth of Va. were a little different than in Calif. and it could get quite expensive to pursue it. We let it go. Oh well, guess it was the way it was supposed to be,

because he decided to go on to college and get a degree and he just graduated in May of this year. He has a good job (started part-time a couple of months before graduation) and is very happy, and his Boss (the "owner" of the company) works with him and they get along great. He asked for a copy of his diploma and a grad pic to frame and put up in the business. He has taken him to lunch and asked his "educated" opinion on things and has already given him two raises for his research into a couple of problems that they had and he was able to find and solve the problems. He said "Mom, I thought I liked my job at ***, hell no, I LOVE this; it's hard and it's stressful at times, but dang mama, I love it, it's something new and exciting everyday; it makes my heart kinda beat fast." You know Donny, that's what our "careers" should be: Fun, Exciting, Kind of a new learning experience everyday. I'll add you to my prayer list of many, including myself, and together, with His help and guidance, we will ALL get through it. Happy Nursing and you hang in there.

H ynnoD · Jul 21, 2003

:) Thanx Nurse Nanna.Yea if your going to fight for your rights at work it is best not to quit,because then you have no rights since you are no longer an employee.Be happy your not in Calif. right now,has been over 100+degrees for 12 days now and is going to continue for awhile.Take Care and May God Bless You!

Nurse Nanna · Jul 21, 2003

Donny:

Our oldest son is still in Calif - Yuba County area; we talk via messenger everyday and two of our other children just vacationed out there and returned home last week and this week. They both said, yea, I remember the difference between Va. hot and Ca. hot now mom. It is drrryyy in Calif and hot as hell. Well, it has been hot here too, but it is humid, your clothes stick to you and you literally peel them off.

At any rate, my rights are not nearly as important to me as "the patient's rights" that are being violated due to all the time used up by the bullys and the co-workers time used trying to combat the bullying or defending themselves against it. Some day, with the Lord's help, I WILL be in position to do something about it. Even if it is to "enlighten" folks and "bring it out in the open" so the folks in charge will HAVE to stop it. Like I said before, I don't know exactly when, how, or where I will be able to do something about it, but it is a goal. I love nursing, and I intend to continue nursing, but I feel the bullying is a MAJOR issue throughout the workforce in this country and not just in nursing I'm finding out. So, maybe I will end up travelling and doing seminars or something. Might be a hoot to meet some of you out there on the road somewhere. HaHa. I think maybe setting up a "conflict resolution unit" in the facilities and staffing them with people who can and will take the charges/complaints seriously and require some sort of counseling for the bullies might be the way to go. Come on Jesus, help me out here. Wish you all the best and hang in there.

LauraLou · Jul 21, 2003

Nurse Nana,

I too hope someday to be in the position to do something about bullying. I would like to create an environment where everyone is treated with respect, regardless of job title, seniority, who they are friends with, etc.

My motto would be "You do not have to like everyone you work with, but you do have to treat everyone in a professional manner."

There is no reason why this behavior could not be changed if every workplace took a "no tolerance" approach, such as they do with sexual harrassment. Bullying creates a hostile work environment and impacts morale and productivity.

No one should have the right to make another person feel insecure, inadequate and powerless.