am I wrong? - page 4
This is going to be a "longey", so I apologize in advance. I have lots to say. This is in chronological order. I should tell you up-front, that all of these occurences, other than 2, have occured "in... Read More
Jan 26, '03
How about this:
If co-workers persist in asking if you are going to the party, just smile and say "I've lit a candle for her, and I don't believe in ghosts." Then just walk away.
Jan 26, '03Wow - it's amazing what some people do, just because they can, isn't it?
There are people for whom you have a going-away party before they leave and you wish them well and promise to keep in touch.
Then there are people about whom you have a going-away party AFTER they leave because you want to make SURE they're REALLY gone before you celebrate.
I'm so glad she's leaving. You've gone through too much, you've obviously done so much to better yourself to have to put up with ANY of that crap. Whew! So she's gone - ding dong, and you get to keep the job you like with the schedule you like.
Jan 26, '03Don't go! I'm amazed that you put up with that womans shyt as long as you did. I don't have any children yet but was stunned when I read that this woman told you to "get over it" after you returned from your LOA after your sons death. What a BYTCH! Too bad you dont have proof that this woman "blackballed" you out of those other jobs! You could sue!
Ignore your co-workers, they of ALL people should understand why you don't want to go!
You have my deepest sympathies over the loss of your son, I am amazed by your strength and the ability to put up with this woman year after year. I'd have quit that job a LONG time ago! Hopefully your new UM will be so much better! God Bless YOU!!!!
Jan 27, '03Wow, what a nightmare you have been through with that woman!!!! No way would I go to her party!!! I would have my own private party to celebrate her departure!
Jan 27, '03I agree with all these posts. I would have handled it differently though. Obviously , you are a "Mature" lady. I would think you would have kept your thoughts to yourself and on the appointed day of "Party", called off sick, or something....a "great excuse and apologies at the ready ".
Now, that everyone knows your opinions and nearly 8 years of pent up disappointments, insults, hurts , and grudges, I think I would handle it differently.
I would go. Not to "show respect" or to "honor" the UM. I would go to enjoy the camaraderie of my co-workers. I'd have the biggest smile in town on my mug. I'd be the happiest person there. (As I well should be !) I'd avoid the NM. It is not required that you give a stand-up tribute in her "Honor" , is it?
When the luncheon was over, I'd wave "goodbye" without ever looking her in the eye or saying anything directly to her.
You needed counseling on this situation a long time ago.
It is waaay out of hand. She sounds like a dark and lingering and pervasive cloud on your reality. And, You sound like you have totally lost perspective on the christmas party/luncheon/co-workers luncheon aspect of it. You will STILL be working with these people for the next 3 years. Go and enjoy them ! Celebrate! At last !
Jan 27, '03Thanks for the feedback, I needed the affirmations. And the chuckles. Am of two minds about going to the luncheon, leaning towards a "no go" and taking myself out to my favorite Greek restaurant, having some "ouzo" and eyeballing the MALE belly dancer. Think might even haul myself into "the Bay" and have a make-up makeover before going to dinner.
After reading some of the suggestions, am even tempted to go after all, be "deathly polite" (my version of the kiss of death) and then giving her "the salute" behind her back.
I find "management I have known" interesting. I've had UMs that I have both liked personally and respected professionally, UMs that I haven't cared for but have respected, and then there is this one.
Thanks for letting me feel surrounded by love.
Jan 27, '03No you are in the right. And just for you I would say you should nail her before she leaves, write her up. One thing that that I have learned is document document and document keep everything. Then you have it all when you need it. Good luck!
Jan 27, '03NO WAY should you go. As was said before, you are a saint for putting up with that for so long. Instead, do something good for yourself. Hope the days ahead will be much better.
Jan 27, '03jurbyjunk, I say 2 thumbs up for the male bellydancer! I am so glad you will be free of this monster! I really don't think she is human. And i am so sorry about Eric, I hope you find some measure of peace in your trip to Japan. zudy
Jan 27, '03Go to the party. Buy her a drink. Garnish with sirop of ipecac to taste.
Serve, and watch the hilarity ensue as she pukes all over her syncophantic employees.
Jan 27, '03That UM of yours is some piece of work. You are truly a saint for having put up with her so graciously, that was truly more than she deserved. But the laws of karma are inviolable. Or as a Dutch coworker used to say "they fall through their own baskets."
I take the minority stance and say you will probably be well served to take the high road and go to the lunch. It sounds as if you plan to work at the same place until you retire. That means you will have to continue to work with the people encouraging you to be at the lunch. One way to look at the lunch is as a means of making the rest of your time there better than the past. Go, kill her with kindness, keep your opinions and hand signs to yourself, smile and be pleasant, wish her well, for you are truly joyous she is out of your life. Also, if you go to the lunch and stay, they can't talk about you and why you're not there, so the issues between you can start to die from lack of attention. Yeah, it means staying until the end. If you were Catholic, I'd say offer it up for the souls in purgatory. Otherwise, it builds you some good karma. And you prove yourself to be the bigger, better person--you didn't stoop to her level.
Whatever youd decide, you're one fine lady.
Jan 27, '03ITSJUSTMEZOE you ROCK!!!
JurbyJunk, don't go! Who is this women and can we go picket her and make HER life hell?
Jan 27, '03She would have been decked and seen stars about 10 seconds after "Eric is dead, get over it".
This person is toxic and needs years of psy. help.
Run as far and as fast away from her. asap. You must be a saint.