Funny ways little kids describe how babies are born

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I couldn't find a thread related to this topic I'm bringing up, so please forgive me if there is a thread floating around here.

I'm wondering if any of you in your experience of nursing (or even LIFE, for that matter) ever heard a little one describe how their little sibling (or cousin, family friend, etc.) was going to come into this world?

Here's my quick story:

My cousin was expecting her second child, and her three year old told me that she figured out how her sister was going to be born. Her mom looked at me with this, "Yeah... I have no idea what she's talking about because we didn't tell her anything about it" look on her face, and we waited to hear what she had to say, expecting it to be pure gold. And of course, she didn't disappoint:

"Well, when my mom gets so big she can't put on her pants anymore, she'll go to the hospital. Then the doctor will press on her button (as she pointed to my cousin's protruding, turkey-timer thermometer navel), and he'll keep pressing it until my mom get sick of it and throws my baby sister up." :lol2:

It's hilarious to me how her mind conjured that story up like it did. I'm not an OB nurse and most of my friends who are parents have only one child at this point, but I'm sure some of you out there have come across some little "big brothers" and "big sisters" who might have educated you a little. HAHA. Would you care to share any other ways you've notice the little children in your life have explained how they think babies are born?

When my mom was 9 months pregnant with me she developed a brain aneurysm. She gave birth and had brain surgery all in the same week. So when she finally came home from the hospital my older brother who was 8 years old was a little confused. My mom told me that one day she and my brother were at a gas station and a stranger keep staring at her bandaged head. My brother says, "Mom, that woman is staring at you." and my mom said, "That's okay honey, don't worry about it." and then my brother said, "Yeah, just wait until she has a baby, then she'll know what it's like!" HE THOUGHT I CAME OUT OF HER HEAD!!!!! LOL

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I asked my then 2 and a half year old how she thought that her new baby brother got out of my belly (I didn't have a c-section), she proudly told me that my belly button must have opened wide enough to let him crawl out and then just closed right back up! Happily, at now 12, she does know better, but at the time, I let her believe that one!

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These are so cute!

I have a 3 yo granddaughter. Her mother has taught her to call her lady parts her "JJ." So my granddaughter was in her car seat in the back seat of the car, her dad was driving, and I was in the front passenger seat. We were driving home from Easter dinner from my sister's house this year. Her mom is pregnant with my granddaughter's baby brother, and the subject came up.

My granddaughter asks, "How does the baby come out?" My son says, "When it's time for him to be born, he will come out mom's JJ." My granddaughter comes back with, "But he can't, he's too big to come out her JJ." My son informs her that mom's JJ will stretch big enough for the baby to come out. My granddaughter, somewhat annoyed by this, promptly states, "Why didn't you show me a video of that? I want to see a video of that!"

My son and I were dying and trying not to let her see that we were laughing at her. I told my son very quietly that I just hope she doesn't ask how he got there!

My 2 yo grandniece thinks that the doctor will squeeze her baby brother out of her mom's belly button.

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Specializes in LTAC, Wound Care, Case Management.

i have 3 boys ... 10, 7, and 4. we've had the "talk" with the 10 year old as we didn't want him to get mis-information at school or on the bus. amazingly, he took it very well. apparently, he'd had other questions and discussing where babies come from, answered those as well. and we've always told him he can talk to us if he has any questions or hears something as school. though, i imagine those questions will be directed more towards daddy ... which is more than fine by me!! lol

fast forward several months (which was just last week) ... while at the zoo watching the orangutans. the female lying lazily on her side chewing on a leaf. the male, walks over, grabs her feet and *censored* (you get the idea). as my husband and i try frantically not to raise questions for the 7 and 4 year old ... my 10 year old opens his mouth (probably as wide as it could be) and says "oh, oh, oh oh" ... as he dances around ... "oh, they're reproducing!" (he said in a very drawn out, shocked tone of voice). luckily the younger two boys didn't catch on and we were able to walk away with minimal damage to their innocence.

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Specializes in LTC, Psych, Hospice.

My third child had to have his tonsils removed when he was 3. The surgery was done at the same hospital where I'd given birth 6 months earlier. While we were waiting to be discharged, he asked if we could walk by the nursery to look at the babies. O.K. When the doc came in to D/C him, my son asked which baby we were getting. Doc and I were both confused. My son reminded me that when I was in the hospital they let me come home w/ a baby and he wanted one, too.

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Specializes in LTC, SCI/TBI Rehab,RX Research, Psych.

I:heartbeat these stories! My boys are now almost 24 & 21. When I was expecting my youngest, his brother was only 3 years old.

He had the whole collection of questions, like all of these stories mention..and actually thought we could 'go pick out our baby' at the store...like anything else you wanted, you just went & selected one ;)

When I was done with childbirth class, the group had a sibling tour through the maternity ward & let each sibling peer into the nursery to take a look at where 'their babies' would be...My son loudly announced his 'selection'...insisting that we be able to 'take our pick' from the babies in the nursery.

Once we were home with 'our new baby', my oldest was intently watching his baby brother nurse. He already knew that the baby got milk from nursing...but came up to me, talking about how cute the baby looked while he was cuddled in my arms...and then with such a serious face, asked me, "is that milk CHOCOLATE, Mom?"---Guess he figured that is really must be something good ;)

Fast forward about 4 years, his younger brother was looking through some pictures of me while I was pregnant with him...and inquired, "Mom, what do babies DO while they're inside their Mom's tummy? Did I have all of my Batman figurines in there to play with?"

These stories sure are enough to bring about those maternal feelings.... LOL

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My 5 yr old daughter used to think that babies come from,"the baby store". I didn't have the heart to tell her different. She would ask me why we picked her. She's always been one of those kids who seems to need a "boost". So I would tell her how special she is and that's why we picked her. Now she knows that babies come from mommy bellies. But she still insists that the mommy and daddy get to choose. :) When she gets annoyed with her little brother she sighs deeply and says,"Please remind me why you picked him..."

Last Christmas my 4 yr old niece kept saying that she wanted a REAL baby for Christmas. After weeks of trying to redirect her, her mom asked her where the baby would come from. She told her mom that Santa would take one for her. lol. She thought that Santa could kidnap a baby for her. Her mother explained how much the mommy and daddy would miss their baby. And Christmas morning she got a doll that cries and poops. She was happy.

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When I was little my mom and dad told me that they found me under a mushroom! LOL I have no idea why they decided to tell me this elaborate tell, but they did and I bought it :) Mom would tell that her and my dad were walking through the woods mushroom hunting...she spots a mushroom, bends to pick it up and spots me hiding under it. She says that she took me to my dad begging him, "Can we keep her?" I beleived this story for years while I was little. My grandma even made me a styrofoam mushroom that she covered in a homeade, knitted covering...with a little baby attached under it :) I'm sure my parents had a blast with me by telling me these stories. I also was told that my brother was shot with an arrow....hence his "belly-button", and my "belly-button" came from people pointing their finger to my stomach when they said, "Isn't she cute?" My parents really filled my head with some elaborate stories! LOL :) I developed quite the imagination as a child :)

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I got the full explanation of the sperm and egg coming together at the age of 8. I didn't get it in school until middle school.

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Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

When my niece was little (3) her dad's friend and his dog came over to visit. She said "Your dog is bleeding from her butt." The guy said something to the effect that she probably sat on a sharp stone, but it would be ok. She proceeded to inform him that, no, his dog was in heat, which was kind of like when a girl had her period, only different, because in a girl, the uterus was shedding its lining, and in a dog it meant that the dog was ready to mate, and if he didn't want puppies, he'd better keep her away from the boy dogs!

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Not a "Where babies come from" but pretty darn close.

My ADON was telling us that when she was pregnent with her 2nd, I think. She was due anyday and her husband had to go scout a game and he was worried. She said she was fine, to go ahead and go. Husband heads out and she heads upstairs and her water breaks. She yells at her son who was 7 or 8 or 9, to hurry and try to catch his dad and tell him her water broke. Son runs off and catches dad pulling out then run back up stairs.........With a pipe wrench I about fell off my chair laughing so hard.

Dee

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I was pretty little but I still remember the horrible level of confusion having a little information can lead to.

My mother was an LPN and was normally very upfront about things, however got mad when she thought I was being vulgar. I was still very young, (kindergartenish?) and had seen and heard enough to know the names of basic female anatomy yet still wasn't sure exactly which "passage" babies came out of. When I asked my mother if the baby comes out the butt or the lady parts she freaked out and said "babies come from a hole between the mother's legs!"

I asked a few more times and she kept answering with that same panicked reply but yelled a bit louder each time till I went away with that answer. I spent a long time wondering just how many more holes girls had down there that I hadn't accounted for...

It confused me so much when I had thought I had a pretty good grasp on the issue, that I can still recall it, and my confusion for long afterward, clearly.

Looking back now I can understand why my friends and I freaked her out sometimes, we had much more in common with the kids on South Park than any innocent sweet children.

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