Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

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To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply

Darwin Consult

and was signed by the resident. Well the attending did laugh, but it was not the highpoint of that residents day.

so do you have more?

Specializes in CCU/MED-SURG.

Pt admitted to CCU OD of Norvasc .Was looking grey , spo2 76% getting ready to intubate.Pulmonologist bedside asked the pt "so why did you want to hurt yourself" pt replied " I lost my job and am having money problems" , Pulmonologist "Well how do you plan to pay my bill?" He was kidding, but the pt didn't realize that and offered to make payments.

Same Doc thanks chronic smokers for putting his kids thru college.

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Specializes in med-surg, mother-baby.

We had this patient in med-surg who was in severe respiratory acidosis, resident and ER doc come for the code, and once the pt was stable, the ER doc leaves the resident alone to prepare for transfer to ICU. Well the res. decides to give plavix and ASA, which is fine..except the pt was intubated and unconscious. When I went to clarify the order, he gave me a blank look, didnt get what was wrong, until I asked for a route. Then he just blushed and said he'd go install an NG tube...god sometimes you just have to take them by the hand and walk them through everything!!

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Specializes in Nonviolent physical intervention.

I've seen "change risperidone 1mg QHS to risperidone 1mg QHS"

but my favorite was when an ANP wrote "advair and combivent"..................ummmm anything missing there???:yeah:

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Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
The weirdest I encountered was coffee enema Q1... and it had to be brewed, not instant coffee.... and we did it!!!

.....imagine having your butt having a coffee break...

:D

I have to ask, was that with Cream and Sugar?!!!

Pulled that one in class in Medic's school!

Got dropped for LOTS of push-ups!

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Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......

Some of my favorites:

HSLT- High Speed Lead Therapy.

TSTL-Too Stupid to Live.

FTI- Failure to Impress.

CCFCP- Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs (psych. diagnosis)

FDGB- Fell Down, Go Boom!

CTD- Circling the Drain.

DBI- Dirt Bag Index (= Tooth to Tatoo ratio) 1 to 10, 10 being the worst.

AGAC- Ain't got a Clue.

and one of my favorites: CODS- Cause of Death, Stupidity.

All the above have appeared in military health charts I've seen.

Just my $.02

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Specializes in Orthopaedics, Med/Surg Acute Care.

Honest to God order: " Big Mac Attack" The doctor who wrote this actually expected one of us to leave the hospital, go down the block to the McD's and get the patient a Bic Mac!! We looked at the dr and suggested that since he can come and go from the hospital that he should go get the patient the hamburger. (Plus he expected us to pay for it!) I don't think so!!

This same doctor also once wrote an order for "ABD xray R/O FOS". The unit secretary didn't know FOS meant full of sh*t and put in the computer for radiology just that way. We all got a good laugh at that one.

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Some of my favorites:

HSLT- High Speed Lead Therapy.

TSTL-Too Stupid to Live.

FTI- Failure to Impress.

CCFCP- Coo Coo For Cocoa Puffs (psych. diagnosis)

FDGB- Fell Down, Go Boom!

CTD- Circling the Drain.

DBI- Dirt Bag Index (= Tooth to Tatoo ratio) 1 to 10, 10 being the worst.

AGAC- Ain't got a Clue.

and one of my favorites: CODS- Cause of Death, Stupidity.

All the above have appeared in military health charts I've seen.

Just my $.02

I just love these! I have a few to add myself

DSS - Dying Swan Syndrome

SAS - Subacute Stupidity Syndrome - usually results in CODS

Savvy

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Specializes in SICU.

1 Bud Light down peg q6 hours.

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

Antepartum in with hyperemesis at 5-6 weeks. Resident writes order for fetal heart tones q shift.

Uh, I don't think so....

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Specializes in neurology, cardiology, ED.

we have pa who likes to sneak sarcastic comments into discharge summaries, etc. my personal favorites:

activity restrictions: stay away from the stool. no stools whatsoever! (discharge summary for a patient with a subdural hematoma from falling off of a barstool)

fall risk precautions: patient has no leg to stand on! (on a bilateral leg amputee)

and my absolute favorite:

daily weights. no, seriously, weigh the patient every single day.

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"Puree bacon and put down NG tube."

From a cardiologist! :uhoh3:

We have a nurse on our unit who collects funny orders, errors in dictation, or anything else that gets messed up when written and/or put into the computer by the unit clerk. Whenever we come across something hilarious, we put a copy in her mailbox. A few good ones:

"CT of Elvis, STAT". Instead of "CT of pelvis". (Sorry, but Elvis has left the building.)

We had one doc who always dictated a very thorough H&P, including details about the patient's sexual history, pets in the home, etc. I came across this one, which implied something the doc surely didn't mean:

"Pt has had 12 sexual partners, one dog."

My personal favorite: "Propofol drip, titrate for seduction." (Instead of sedation.)

She might have enjoyed one of my favorites. Not an order, but a RHB admitting dx: 'Baloney amputation'!:uhoh3:

Savvy

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Specializes in PCU/Telemetry.

"Help the patient to poop" (yes he really wrote POOP in the chart lol)

And this was not an order, but something written in the MD progress notes in the chart of a patient who had been having very high blood pressures (think 220's/110's) that nursing was calling the doc about frequently (that he had been refusing to treat):

"Will order Clonidine prn to treat the patient and nurses."

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