From the Other Side of the Bed Rails - When the Nurse Becomes the Patient

[tnbutterfly - Mary]

I looked around at the people in the waiting room, wondering... what's wrong with that lady? Does she have cancer? Poor thing. Then I thought... Gee... Maybe she's wondering the same thing about me. I wanted to reassure her that I was not really sick... just something wrong with my blood. I don't have cancer... nothing that bad... But what do I have? I have been asking myself this for several weeks... since the day that I realized that something wasn't quite right. Then when my blood tests came back abnormal and my primary care physician referred me to a hematologist.... who just happens to be an oncologist... that just seemed very strange. Hey... I am the one who helps other people deal with this kind of information. But now it's me.

The nurse who took me back to the room was very nice. In fact, everyone was very nice. Very soft spoken and reassuring. Again, I wanted to tell them... I'm not sick... not really. Not like the other patients. But still, I wondered...  what will they find out is wrong with me? Oh... it's probably nothing. Nothing really bad... or at least I hope and pray. Prayer... been doing a whole lot of that lately. Oh I always pray.... but it's usually for other people.

Then came the questions. Oh I hope I remember to tell him everything. What was that he just said? Hmmm... I'm having trouble remembering the order in which things happened. I hope I don't sound like an idiot. I am a nurse and should know this stuff. Oh yeah... I remember reading about that when I was googling things trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Good thing I brought my notebook with my list of questions. Now why did he ask that? Does he think I have that? Oh my. He wants to order what test? Why? When will I get the results...

Then I was ushered to the lab. Again... the lab tech was very nice and reassuring. But when I saw all of the vials that she was going to fill with my blood... I did get a little queasy. The tourniquet felt tight... I turned my head. Ouch..... it did pinch a bit. How long is this going to take? Sure... I'm fine. I would sure be embarrassed if I fainted. I have to go where to get what other test? Why? Where exactly do I go? When? OK. Come back in 3 weeks? Seems like a long time to wait. OK. Sure that date is fine. Wonder what I'll find out then?

This is not the first time I have been on the receiving end of medical care... on the other side of the bed rails, so to speak. Each time, I learn something new... something I can use to make me a better nurse... treating others as I would wish to be treated. Today, I realized how much a reassuring and caring voice means to a patient who may be afraid of what they might hear or what they might experience. It might seem like a small thing when we as nurses take a few more minutes to offer compassionate caring... to meet the emotional needs of the patient... but to the patient, it helps alleviate some of the worries and fears, thereby lowering the stress level. While we can't always offer a solution or reason why things are happening, we can always take the time to show genuine compassion.

To read more articles, go to my AN blog: Body, Mind, and Soul, Be the Nurse You Would Want as a Patient, From the Other Side of the Bed Rails - When the Nurse Becomes the Patient

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

You are very welcome, ambosse!

I hope you have a good support system.

[lamazeteacher]

My heart goes out to you, AmbosseLPN!!!

I had breast cancer 35 years ago, when I had a one year old and a 6 year old children. I remember feeling desperate and isolated with my fears and "worst case" thoughts. That was worse than the treatment I had to have and felt like the floor under me had vanished leaving me unsupported.

I hope your faith is strong, and that you can live each day to it's fullest. Let yourself cry as much as you want, experience good things fully and especially let others - friends, family, coworkers,etc. help and support you. Love your husband and children as your creations that you put on this earth! I meditated and visualized my body's cells all dividing normally, which helped.

There are many support groups too that you can join: the American Cancer Society has support groups that meet regularly for newly diagnosed people. Hospice has grief counselors who will visit with you even if you don't utilize their services, and that's free! Know that this sisterhood of nurses will hold you in our hearts dearly, praying for you and wishing you well....

[dlatimer]

I understand, absolutely. I have been there and was appalled.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

I understand, absolutely. I have been there and was appalled.

Would you care to share your story with us?

[dlatimer]

When I was a patient at the same hospital I had been working at, I was ignored and heavily medicated after surgery. I only had my vital signs taken a dozen times and the day after I had my chest tube removed (right lung decortication) they discharged me. I certainly didn't rate any favoritism and was expected to do for myself, although it was very painful. It certainly changed my attitude toward any patient. People are there for help, not because they want to be. It made my whole concept of compassion change.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

When I was a patient at the same hospital I had been working at, I was ignored and heavily medicated after surgery. I only had my vital signs taken a dozen times and the day after I had my chest tube removed (right lung decortication) they discharged me. I certainly didn't rate any favoritism and was expected to do for myself, although it was very painful. It certainly changed my attitude toward any patient. People are there for help, not because they want to be. It made my whole concept of compassion change.

I like your last sentence....... "It made my whole concept of compassion change." When we are put in the patient role, we see what the patient sees and more importantly how the patient feels. Hopefully that experience will help us to positively affect how we act toward patients when we are once again in the nurse role.

[cpilny]

Quite a few of my 25 + years in nursing were spent in a Cardio-Thoracic surgery and interventional Cardiology. I've done my share of sending patients off to surgery for CABG's, Angioplasty, etc. Most came back, recovered and went on with life, and some did not.

Imagine my surprise when I needed a triple by-pass, and 2 years later an open repair of a Thoracoabdominal Aortic Aneurysm!

I will tell you all that it was humbling to find out first hand just how weak and vulnerable you are after 4 hours on the operating table for a by-pass. Walking just 20 feet or so without support was almost impossible (and here is the guy that badgered his patients to move, cough and deep breath).

The Aortic repair was a miracle, as I caught the 6.8 cm Aneurysm and asked my doctor about it, otherwise it would probably have killed me. The 11 + hour surgery and 6 days in ICU was and entirely different experience. I now have a new perspective on many things, including hallucinations caused by medications (let me say that they seem very real to the person having them).

So, Kudos to all the nurses in ICU every where that do such a great job day in and day out keeping their patients alive, after the surgeons have performed a near miracle and repaired damage that was once irreparable.

Kudos also to an old friend and nurses aide with years of experience in her field who said to me 10 days out from surgery "Lord you smell terrible, if you get an order from your doc, I'll find a shower chair and scrub you down good". That shower made me feel like a human being again.

I guess the moral of this is.......Doctors are important, Nurses that really know their business are important, but so are those who realize that the simple things in life (a shower when you are smelly) are also really important.

And, don't forget that while we know that getting up and getting moving are so very important to recovery, it does not make it any easier to do, so Be Patient with your Patients.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

cpilny.....thanks for sharing your story. I hope you are okay now. Sorry you had to go through these major surgeries, but it did give you a different perspective. Were you hospitalized in the hospital where you worked? If so, did you have co-workers taking care of you?

Yes.......we all need to remember to be patient with our patients.

[TDub, MSN, EdD]

These stories have made me feel less alone and a little braver... I am currently waiting for results on a sinus bx. I cracked a tooth; when it was pulled the dentist discovered a growth on the root that had destroyed an area of my upper jaw and perforated my sinus. Since then, it seems as though I am moving underwater and feel slightly stoned and disassociative all the time.

The chances of actual cancer must be very low but all I can think of is how it will kill my mother, my husband and brothers, my kids, my dog even if I die. I'm only 51 and still have a lot of plans.

I think being a hospice nurse makes me think of all my patients' worst scenarios and really, I'm overreacting. I hope I'm overreacting.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

Hello TDub.

Thanks for sharing your story. How scary. I don't think you are over-reacting..... You are reacting.....just as other people would, as our patients would. The only difference is.....it is you. It is only natural to think about things. We all play the "What if" game. Except it is not a fun game. We imagine all sorts of outcomes, and the negative possibilities are magnified by our knowledge as nurses.

Please keep us informed of your situation. This is a good place for you to come and vent, express your thoughts and feelings as you go through this process.

I pray for a positive outcome for you.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

Moved to General Nursing Discussion.

[tnbutterfly - Mary, BSN]

Oh my word. What a scary experience for you!! And how rude was that. Shaking my head.