From floor RN to Nurse Manager .. help.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Apr 1, 2014

While you can be friendly... you cannot be their friend. You need to detach yourself from being the co-worker to being the boss. This is hard to do when they have been your co-workers becasue they will say you have "changed" since becoming the manager... right now they feel thier buddy is in charge and they have an easy street.

Start pulling back on socializing at work. Keep things business oriented. While you can chat don't be chatty. Engage your "closer" "friends" into leading the staff in a professional direction.

psychRNmom2 · Apr 2, 2014

I'm in the same boat, but am fortunate enough to have a boss that coaches, supports and helps me develop as a leader instead of criticizes. I am sorry your boss is that way. Is there another manager colleague you could reach out to? The other managers are your new peer group and it helps to develop those relationships. I try to meet regularly with some of the other newer managers like me so we can give each other advice and support and sometimes commiserate.

My staff is amazing and they make my job easy. They are very responsive to any directive I may give. Transitioning from peer to leader is tough and it doesn't happen over night. It's a work in progress for me. I have had to have a few difficult conversations with people who were my friends (discipline, coaching etc). That was tough, but it also sent the message that I will treat everyone equally and will enforce rules on everyone. I have had to detach a bit. I still chat with them, eat lunch with them on occasion but our conversations are a bit different, more professional/superficial. It's hard. No doubt about it, but that's why it's important to reach out and form new friendships among your new peer group. It's a journey that's for sure!

mommy2boysaz · Apr 24, 2014

I am in a very similar boat. I have been in my "new" management position for just over a year now. Ours is a small unit in a small hospital, so we are all fairly close. (Even with other departments within the hospital.) I still feel in general like "one of the group" in my unit, although I know it is different than it used to be in some ways. I do feel like the staff respect me and acknowledge that I now have a job to do, that might not always involve things that they like, but that is necessary for the good of the organization and for patients.

While I realize I've probably not separated myself as much as I should from my staff "professionally", for now I don't feel like it's hurting me or them... They know I care about them (because I do!), and after many years together, they care about me, which means they are usually willing to go above and beyond when I ask them to, just as they know I will for them. Maybe it's not ideal professionally for me to stay so intertwined with my staff (most of whom I consider friends), but it's working for us so far...

I've had managers in the past that I knew truly cared about me and I had much greater respect for them than I did for managers who were aloof and made sure everyone knew that they were on a level above the rest of us. Thoughts from those with more experience in this?

jrt4 · Apr 25, 2014

I went through this and I am still going through this in a different way. I took a leadership position after about 1 year of being an RN (I had worked for the hospital in other positions for approximately 5 years already). So not only was I now their manager after being their co-worker...I was years younger than most of my staff and less experienced by far.

I saw a post above that says she is still friends with her staff...this may still be a honeymoon effect but eventually you will have to communicate an organizational decision that is extremely unpopular. In my experience you have 2 choices at that point. Commiserate with your former "co-workers" and talk about how you do not like the decision either OR attempt to stay positive and support the organizational decision and try to explain the rationale. If you choose the first option...you are not going to find yourself in a leadership position for long.

I would advise you to have a candid conversation with your staff. At a staff meeting just put it out on the table. Tell them how you feel and lay out your expectations and ask them about their expectations. You can still be friendly with them and not every manager has to be detached from everything social but I prefer to stay detached social. It doesn't make the tough decisions easier because I still care about my staff but it helps me be more objective.

Its important to remember that we are all professionals and adults. Treat your staff like a friend and they will treat you like a friend...treat them like your kids and they will treat you like kids...treat them like a colleague and they will have a greater respect for you and your position.

CapeCodMermaid, RN · Apr 26, 2014

"I am an older nurse". From what I can compute..you're in your 40's. I'm heading toward 60 so I AM an older nurse. I am friendly with most of my staff and friends with a few of them. They know at the end of the day, I'm the boss. It hasn't ever been an issue.

kayern · May 10, 2014

I've learned the hard way………….DO NOT PROMOTE FROM WITHIN THE UNIT!!!! Its almost impossible to separate the personal from the manager role. It took me three assistant nurse managers to find this out.

I've promoted nurses to assistant manager positions but on other units. It makes their transition much easier. There is so much to learn and juggle, so not having to learn to deal with personal issues just makes it an easier transition for ALL. At first they were disappointed that I wanted them to leave their "home" but thank me for making leave their "home and friends".

I now manage a unit with three assistant nurse managers that I promoted from various other units I've managed in the past and each and every one of them have thanked me for having the foresight to promote but not to leave them on a unit with their "friends". Each have made the transition to the administrative role almost seamless since they are not worried about personal (past) friendships.

I wish you luck!

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · May 10, 2014

I've learned the hard way………….DO NOT PROMOTE FROM WITHIN THE UNIT!!!! Its almost impossible to separate the personal from the manager role. It took me three assistant nurse managers to find this out.

I will be a little off topic, but I want to respond: I lost out on a promotion because I was not "from within" the department of which I applied. The irony is that in a year or two there will be a management position open in my department and rumor has it that it will go to someone outside of my department. In any case, I want to write that it is nice to know that there are managers that have such foresight to know that new managers need to work with people other than current and former co-workers in order to be successful at being fair in his/her new disciplinary role!

I am applying outside of my department and have no problem doing so other than trying to find a manager who is willing to look outside of his/her department. Maybe some nurse managers who read your post, will consider nurses from the outside by thinking back at some of the problems you listed? It would be nice if managers promoted new nurse managers from other departments and it became the norm. :)