forgiveness--how do you define it?

[nurse2it]

Readers,

i saw or heard this somewhere (oprah?) and i'm paraphrasing--forgiveness is being able to let go of the idea that the past could have been different. it doesn't mean what happened is ok, that we need to have a relationship with someone who has done us harm. letting go frees us so we can move on.

i'd love to hear your thoughts/definitions

[whichone'spink, BSN, RN]

Forgiveness is letting go of the past, even if the person who hurt you has not and will not apologize. If that person does not bother to apologize, well, he will have coals heaped on his or her head anyway, but at least you have moved on.

[loriangel14, RN]

I think forgiveness has to be an internal thing.You may not ever actually face the person and say " I forgive you" but you need to let go within your own self. You need to come to terms with what has happened, accept that you can't change it and move on. For me it's all about not living in the past and taking the power away from the other person over your life. You can't keep reliving the bad things over and over. I also think that you can forgive but at the same time end what ever relationship you had with that person and not give them the chance to hurt you again.

[netglow, ASN, RN]

I think forgiveness has to be an internal thing.You may not ever actually face the person and say " I forgive you" but you need to let go within your own self. You need to come to terms with what has happened, accept that you can't change it and move on. For me it's all about not living in the past and taking the power away from the other person over your life. You can't keep reliving the bad things over and over. I also think that you can forgive but at the same time end what ever relationship you had with that person and not give them the chance to hurt you again.

This is exactly how I feel. Ending that relationship is important. If it's family or someone in your friend group, and you all are invited to the same gathering, you have to be able to "pass the rolls, please" But that is all. I am pretty all or nothing after I've ended something. I do not communicate with that person excepting the above, to prevent get-togethers from being strained for the hostess/host. Should I get a call for help or assistance at some future point from that person, that call will be simply ignored.

[Biggirl71]

My understanding of forgiveness is that it is a decision, not a feeling. So when one forgives, it is a conscious decision. Forgiveness is not something that one will necessarily feel. So, we can forgive but we may never forget what happened to us. I think the biggest trick with forgiving someone is that once we say "I forgive you" we can never throw what happened in someone's face. If you decide to forgive someone, you have to let it go without feeling compelled to remind that person what they did to us. On the same note, we don't have to forget what happened. As a matter of fact, once you forgive someone, I would imagine that you will be on guard with that person forever. It's kinda like: Burn me once, shame on you; burn me twice, shame on me. I too have heard Oprah refer to it that way and I think that's pretty accurate.

I wish you luck!

[I_OYVEY]

When you forgive it feels like the weight of the world has been lifted off your shoulders. When you forgive someone it is for you, not the person you are forgiving.

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

I have forgiven somebody when I can walk past them without steam coming out my ears and my teeth gnashing together.