Compassion, easily lost?

Nurses New Nurse

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After weeks of poking and proding from family and friends..I can't hide it anymore. I am terrified. In the 4 months since finishing school I have yet to fill out even one application. It's not that I don't want to work or that I'm lazy. I think it's the fact that my clinicals left me scarred. There were so many times my preceptor for the day was catty, rude or downright mean. I've seen nurses talk about their coworkers behind their back, in front of other nurses, students and even patients. Come out of a patients room and leave the door slightly ajar..then loudly tell whoever is closest how crazy or annoying the patient is. I've seen them man handle little old ladies and scared children. I have had one tell me how a patient didn't really want the assistance they had asked for because they were lazy. Looking back just makes me wonder, where did the compassion go? Were these women always this way or did the stress of huge patient loads, mean doctors, ungrateful patients and endless overtime the true culprits? Why would anyone want to start a career in nursing if it has the ability to strip away your compassion? How many conniving coworkers, needing patients and stressful shifts will it take before i crack..If there is one thing I take pride in (and its not brains or beauty) it's my ability to feel empathy and provide compassionate care. Do you still have compassion? How do you keep hold of it when many aspects of your job are trying to pull it from you?

A wise nurse once told me that when you get so comfortable in your position that you aren't learning anything anymore it is time to do something new. I saw myself get catty and lose compassion once I reached the point where I wasn't learning anymore and was bored. It took a LOT of courage to search out a new and different career. But I followed that advice and 6mths later (I was at the bedside for 13yrs) I am a very happy (and constantly learning) Informatics Nurse ;)

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New jobs are scary, no matter what the job is. You need to be strong, and think about your calling. You chose this career to help others. Who cares about the other nurses? Yes, it is stressful. The older nurses sometimes tend to bully the younger ones because there's a pecking order. If you are willing to stand up to them, they will back down. Sometimes this strength comes with age. You will develop a thick skin, but you won't lose your sensitivity if it's in your nature to be so inclined. You've worked too hard for this to let it go.

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Any job that requires you to give compassion also runs the risk of compassion fatigue. Sometimes you give and give and feel like you can't give anymore. But every job runs the risk of burnout. Office jobs, retail, food service (especially retail and food service). Any job that requires interaction with people. But you're in control of that. It may take some practice and experience, but if you make an effort, you'll figure out how to take care of yourself to make sure you don't burn out and become the nurses you worked with at your clinical site.

One workplace is not the same as another, it's a coin flip. You saw a crappy one. Now quit procrastinating and go find a good one! Don't let that hard-won education go to waste!

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I have to agree with what many have posted, do not generalize one work place to everything else, I am currently a cna and I thought cnas had it bad, at times we are not appreciated for what we do, where I did my clinical my instructor was rude and intimidating she would pop out of nowhere and embarrass you in front of others. I had my doubts if I should even continue but where I work now the nursing facility is slightly better you still have those gossipy co workers or try to call you mother teresa for trying to spend a little more time with residents but you should know where you stand and what kind of care you provide. No matter what setting you're in you will encounter people who are miserable and nursing is a overworked field where after couple of hours a patient/resident drains you from your patience but in the end you chose this field.

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Specializes in CCRN, ED, Unit Manager.

Sounds like you had a very narrow experience of the field.

Chin up, chest out, fill out some applications and go out there and make a positive change in the environment you land in. Stop looking for excuses to run and instead start looking for opportunities to stand your ground.

You can't change the world, but you CAN change the way you and others perceive it and/or live in it. Embrace that.

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Just a patient, but I can tell you from experience it is not that way everywhere, I have been a patient many times in the hospital, and have been on some great floors while recovering from my operations. I have received such great care that I really like and respect nurses. Some people have no compassion to begin with, some for whatever reason lose it over time, and others will always have compassion no matter what happens in their life because that is who they are inside. YOU can't control other people, but YOU can control how you treat others, be the type of nurse you would want to have. Don't let a few bad experiences stop you from doing what you may enjoy.

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I just wanted to thank all of you for having such positive things to say :) I didn't add this in the original post but I'm an only child and grew up very sheltered. It was never necessary for me to have thick skin or be tough. In a way my easy childhood has made adulthood that much harder. To be completely honest I've never even had a real salaried job before. Clinicals were a real eye opener to a 12 hr shift work environment. Not all my clinicals were "bad ones" and we did rotate to 5 sites. I guess it's just that some of the negative experiences bothered me so greatly, I started to worry that I could become like that too. Someone mentioned compassion fatigue and I think that is the perfect description of what I'm really worried about. It's not really that someone loses their compassion, it just get stretched so thin you start to run low on it. Hopefully, recognizing it in others will help me to see it in myself! Thanks again for all the great advice..you guys are awesome : D

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Specializes in CCRN, ED, Unit Manager.
I just wanted to thank all of you for having such positive things to say :) I didn't add this in the original post but I'm an only child and grew up very sheltered. It was never necessary for me to have thick skin or be tough. In a way my easy childhood has made adulthood that much harder. To be completely honest I've never even had a real salaried job before. Clinicals were a real eye opener to a 12 hr shift work environment. Not all my clinicals were "bad ones" and we did rotate to 5 sites. I guess it's just that some of the negative experiences bothered me so greatly, I started to worry that I could become like that too. Someone mentioned compassion fatigue and I think that is the perfect description of what I'm really worried about. It's not really that someone loses their compassion, it just get stretched so thin you start to run low on it. Hopefully, recognizing it in others will help me to see it in myself! Thanks again for all the great advice..you guys are awesome : D

You have control over yourself. 10% of your life will be the things that happen to you, 90% of them will be the way in which you react to them (who said that?!). Some compassion loss will be replaced by perspective, and that experience/perspective will act as a numbing agent at times. But being conscientious of that fact will allow you to make an effort to be compassionate, understanding and empathetic -- all of which are much more meaningful than a natural, inherent compassion that you don't have to think about or analyze.

The short version? You will become whoever you allow yourself to become; or, better yet you will become whoever you make yourself become. Embrace that internal locust of control and look toward your environment to shape it, don't let it shape you.

Good luck.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

Yep. You are 100% in control of your emotions. You cannot control how others think and behave,only how you react. You are worried how bitter you might get as a nurse? Have you considered how bitter you will get as time slips by and suddenly you are an old new grad and not employable by anyone's standards and this degree you work so hard for becomes irrelevant? have you thought of that??

There is a finite window here in which your knowledge is considered recent enough for you to still be pertinent and marketable in the workplace. Think one to two years after graduation,tops. After that getting a job will be next to impossible. Your window is closing while you sit here freaking yourself out to the point that you are too scared to even try. The world of nursing wont wait for you to sort this out. By the time you feel "ready" it may very well be you are too far past graduation to be considered employable. Manage your focus and get moving! The rewards for you will be tremendous!

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So many healthcare professionals, law enforcement officers and many others develop a hardness that is very difficult to understand. I feel when that happens, it may be time to rethink the career. Being a nurse, we are here to CARE for our patients not just bodily, but in mind & spirit as well. Seeing nurses sighing and complaining as they do something as simple as take a patient an extra juice or get them a magazine if they ask burns my biscuits.....we want to make them comfortable. Even with those patients that do treat the hospital as a 5 star hotel....I know it is frustrating, but take a deep breath and be NICE!

I always want my patients to leave me with a smile, knowing that they can ask me anything and I will be more than happy to assist :)

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I always have thought I was very compassionate, and still think I am, but maybe not to the extent prior to nursing. I think its because I've seen young patients die horrible deaths, yet stay in high spirits until the end, and have watched their families in misery throughout the whole ordeal and at the end thank the nurses so much, etc.. Then across the hall is a demanding pt with cellulitis, with a demanding unhappy family who are sue-happy, and have complained to management about x, y, and z, and so management says we have to give extra attention to this patient, etc. And I would never rant near a patient's room (I have seen others and find it completely inappropriate), but I must admit I will to another nurse, usually behind a closed door like the utility room or something.

I feel situations like this suck my compassion, but I am still nice to all. I don't believe being mean or vindictive gets you anywhere. I think once I get out of this area of nursing it will help, its too depressing for me and that takes a big toll!

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Try walking out of an unsuccessful resus to check on your other patients and be greeted by the guy with chronic dental pain complaining about the long wait and demanding to know when the doctor will be in to see him, meanwhile, someone across the hall is grieving the loss of their husband/father/brother.

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