First day of clinicals, having a hard time emotionally =(

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I've never worked in a healthcare setting before...I had a whole different career before I decided to pursue nursing, which was mostly because I've always admired the profession, have family members who are nurses and who inspired me with their dedication, and also because I've always wanted to be in a position to help people.

But truth be told, I've always had a cushy desk job...I've been pretty shielded from life's cold realities...and I'm finding this day to be very a difficult one for me, filled with indifference about my choices, sadness, confusion...I could go on.

I can't talk to anyone else about it. My husband has sacrificed so much so that I could be in school, I took a year to complete all my prerequisites, I got lucky and got into the first LPN program I applied for and this is my first quarter. Although I'm doing wonderfully academically in my program so far (its only been 6 weeks though) I feel like I'd be letting everyone down if I decided that this isn't for me. I feel like I'd be an embarrassment, and a failure...

Today, we shadowed CNA's at a nursing home. I didn't assist with anything aside from vitals...I just observed. We were on the side of the unit where they had their permanent residents, and it was just very hard for me to see how angry, sad, confused and embarrassed they all were...as the CNA changed their attends moved them to their chairs. They all screamed and squirmed and tried to cover themselves while she changed them...and my heart just broke to pieces seeing these people who are so incapacitated, some dying, some with mounting agitation.

I don't feel like I learned anything today aside from what the environment is like in a nursing home, the basic tasks of a CNA, which in this case all I saw her do was change some attends, use a hoyer to move a screaming man to his chair, she made sure her closet was stocked with linens and she made her rounds, showed me a little bit of how she charts vitals. I didn't get to shadow any nurses today...I did observe some of the nurses while they spent most of their time in the hallways at the med cart...and at the nurses station charting...there were mostly CNA's around showing us things.

I prayed so hard before I went int today, because I've had some doubts about weather I can do this for a while...I prayed so hard that somehow I would love being there, that I would handle it all very well...that I would have the strength to keep going.

Now I just feel scared...and sad, and confused. I don't remember feeling like I wanted to be there while I was there. I don't feel like I'm dying to go back right now...though I'm less scared than I was before I got up this morning.

Another student said she felt extremely emotional...and she even teared up in post conference...my instructor said it's normal and that we will get used to it...but I don't know.

I guess I just need to get all this off my chest. I pray I can do this...but I'm scared to death.

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Its really hard to see people like that...I did my clinical hours for my CNA class at a nursing home and it was hard emotionally the first few clinicals. I had an elderly women with Alzheimer's think I was her sister...And then she would get really sad and tell me she didn't want to die. Sometimes, I just didn't know what to say to her. I felt so useless in those situations because there was nothing I could really say to her to make her feel any better. I just did my best to be compassionate, kind, and caring. And really, that's all you can do. I realized to get over this heavy feeling I got every time I walked into that facility that I just had to do my best to be cheerful and kind to every resident there. We are the people that they see every day. A lot of the facilities are understaffed and nurses are rushing to get their jobs done. But sometimes, all we have to do is take a moment of our time to say something kind to them and make their day. Nursing isn't just taking vitals and charting. It goes beyond that, sometimes we need to treat people's spirits and make them feel good about themselves when everything else is going wrong. So don't let the attitude of the environment you are in affect you - change it! Its going to be hard to get over, but you will eventually.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

Don't feel like you learned nothing by spending the day with a CNA. Providing basic care to a patient is the foundation of being a good nurse. Yes, seeing people in this kind of environment can be difficult when you haven't experienced it before.All you can do is try to be as kind and as patient as you can. Give it some time and it will get easier.

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I didn't mean to say I didn't learn anything, I mean to say that I didn't learn the skills she does, I know these are things I need to know as a nurse, fully aware of that. I just didn't myself get to do anything hands on aside from vitals, I wasn't even shown where supplies were kept and what they use to do these tasks, technique, things like that. I guess what I was saying is that all I got to do was watch...and I should mention my CNA kept disapearing on me.

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Specializes in Acute Care, Rehab, Palliative.

Oh yes, the old disappearing staff trick.I once had my nurse go on a transfer with a patient to another hospital without telling me. I was completely confused.

Since it was your first day I wouldn't worry too much. You will feel more at home after a few days there. Don't be afraid to ask questions and ask if you can help.

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Specializes in Peds, MH, Corrections, School, Tele.

Your compassion shows that you will one day be a great nurse. Sure today was emotionally difficult and there will be many more emotionally difficult days in the future but you do get used to it and realize that this is a way of life for many of our elderly and geuss what they deserve good medical care with compassion. They need nurses like you. Today you shadowed a cna, next month it will be a LPN, and next year it will be an RN. You will soon begin to learn what it is like to be a nurse and it is far from easy but it is the most rewarding of all careers and it makes it worth it. The good news is that if you decide that working in a nursing home is not for you there are several other types of nursing jobs out there. I work in an elementary school as a nurse and I LOVE IT!!! Don't give up yet.

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Specializes in Home Care.

I started LPN school when I was 45, I had no clue about nursing and had never experienced working with the elderly. In fact, I had no elderly relatives nor did I know any seniors. Those first clinicals in a nursing home were scary for me too and made me second guess what I was getting into. Even hospital clinicals were scary but I kept at it and became an LPN.

I now work as a home care supervisor for 165 geriatric clients in a seniors' lodge. I love my job.

Give yourself time to adjust, keep putting one foot in front of the other. You might just find that nursing is for you.

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The cold hard reality is that these are the conditions in most nursing homes. SOme operate better than others and have less staffing issues and wonderful activities people and are cleaner and more comfortable for the residents. But very few of them go there to rehabilitate and get better and go home. Most are there to die, and a lot don't see their families much. It can be a depressing environment to work in. I know...I was a CNA in one of the not so good facilities.

Reality is...a good percentage pf new LPNs will get their start in nursing homes. If that is you when you get your licence and get a job somewhere, take it upon yourself do do whatever YOU can do to make each of your patient's days as comfortable and dignified as possible with the help of your aides. Befriend those aides and make sure they know you respect them and appreciate them and they'll work hard to please you and give your patients better care.

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Not all places are like that but a lot are. Did you have time to see the good in the place? Sometimes on my days off I visit with my residents. We have burned CDs with Johnny cash and Elvis . That we play while we serve dinner. They get a kick out of it because I'm not afraid to dance or start belting out the songs. I play cards with them. Sometimes I bring in newer movies. They LOVE the lion king and the new muppets movie. We play wheelchair volleyball and usually they kick the employees rear ends. If my residents get moved to a different area if I work a short shift I will visit them. Yes there are amazing aides and not so much ones but you only have control over what kind of nurse you are going to be and what you will put up with. I just wanted you to know that not all nursing homes are the same. Good luck. And remember the harsh coldness of life is balanced my the warmth care and love we give everyday :-)

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Specializes in Peds, MH, Corrections, School, Tele.
And remember the harsh coldness of life is balanced my the warmth care and love we give everyday :-)

Jazziepants I love this quote and you sound like an awesome nurse :)

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Jazziepants I love this quote and you sound like an awesome nurse :)

Thank you on both. I try lol

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Specializes in geriatrics and hospice palliative nursin.

Jazziepants: you get it and you have it, paperwork and other tasks are a necessity, but showing love and compassion are what help these patients.

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