Finding a new sponsor

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Specializes in ER.

Hello fellow recovering nurses. I haven't been on this site in awhile but I am looking for some guidance. My recovery from drug addiction is going well but I am having trouble finding a new sponsor. The woman I had was having some other things going on in her life and really wasn't available. I do have to be honest here and say that I am not all about having a sponsor. I, however, do think that I need to get working on my 4th step and it is a requirement to have a quaterly sponser report sent in to hprp. So here is my problem. I go to a caduceus meeting every saturday and I love that meeting but there are not a whole lot of women there...and the ones that do go are there probally once a month. So it's hard to attempt a recovery relationship with anyone if I only see them once or twice a month. I will tell you now that I am a shy person and it's not easy for me to just start talking to someone after a meeting. I was going to another NA meeting that was ok but the crowd is younger, which is me, but again not alot of females....and the females that do go are young and without enough clean time. I know that I should start going to new meetings or maybe women's only but it's so very hard for me to get back out there and go to a meeting I have never been to before. I should probably find a women's AA since I haven't found any women's NA. I guess if I go to one I would be able to introduce myself as not new to the program but looking for a good group of women and looking for a new sponsor.

There is a nurse who I went to nursing school with that works at the same hospital that I do (and she is in the program) and I have talked to her a few times but haven't had the guts to ask her if she would want to sponsor me. Then I kinda changed my mind about that because she has like 16 or so months in the program and I wasn't really sure if she would be willing to take on a sponsee (sp) yet. She is my age, 28, and we of course have nursing in common, so I thought that would be good. I guess I was just thinking that a sponsor should have a few years under their belt. What do you think? Should I talk to her about it? She lives kinda far from me but I thought we could meet once a week during a lunch break. I dunno. I hate this. I am the worst when it comes to meeting new people and "making a new friend". Ideally I would want to have this nurse as my sponsor and I don't care that she has only been in the program for a year but she might care. Ahh. Thanks for listening.

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Specializes in LTC, MDS, Education.

Hi Sassy, glad to hear from you again. First of all I don't have experience with getting a sponser, but I can only imagine how difficult it would be to approach one. You are afraid they will turn you down. But you'll never know till you ask! I think you should ask this nurse you know. If she won't or can't do it, ask if she could hook you up with someone who could. Maybe even a guy....When you have been through a lot, it is easy to lose your self-confidence. That is something I know all too well. Putting yourself at the "mercy" of others. BUT, you are sober now, that is what is important! So ask! And please keep us posted......Sending you a big hug! :redbeathe

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Specializes in Trauma/ER, Dialysis (yuck!).

I was in hprp also...I had a tough time with the sponsor thing....the quarterly report was new when I was finishing, and I had really lost contact with my "sponser" by the end of my 4yr contract...so I had a pastor who I worked with weekly send in a report.

I guess it all boils down to how "hard" you want to work the steps. My originaly sponsor was invaluable to me during the first 2 yrs of my recovery as I "peeled the onion" and worked through my steps--especially the fourth--that can be dangerous to do alone.

For MYSELF I don't think I was ready at 16mos to have a sponsee....(your friend)...has she formally worked the steps herself? I don't know....it's your program and your recovery....talk to your monitoring specialist and tell be HONEST! Tell them you have lost your sponsor, and are having a hard time finding one....still clean, still doing meetings...I bet they will cut you some slack on one missed report...that gives you 6mos to find a new one!

Good luck!

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I think it mainly depends on you addictionist what they decide

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Specializes in EMT-P.

First your sponsor should be same gender as you, second they should have much more than 16 mo. sobriety. There are many meetings taking place (If your in big city) so look around for a meeting that you feel comfortable with. Nothing wrong with an AA meeting, an addict is an addict, it does not matter.

Don't look for a sponsor that is going to be your buddy, look for one that knows all your BS and has been there and has done that. They are usually the wise and quiet ones. When you meet someone suited to be your sponsor you will know it.

Good luck...

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Hi Sassy, I agree with much of what has been already posted. Same sex sponsor, good recovery working the steps, sober long enough. But I feel very strongly that my sponsor did not need to be in health care. It is so easy for an alcoholic/addict to feel that she/he is "different" and thus needs a special kind of sponsor. In our case, as nurses, we feel no-one but another nurse could identify with us. That is our disease speaking. What we need is to feel like we are just another "bozo on the bus". My first temporary sponsor was a nurse and I chose her for that reason. But after six or eight weeks I asked another woman whose serenity and spirituality impressed me to be my permanent sponsor. She was my sponsor for 17 years and I couldn't have chosen better. Good luck.

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Specializes in ICU, psych, corrections.

When I first started out, I had certain rules I set for myself.......she had to be in NA (I was a drug addict), had to be a nurse, etc. So I went out, found someone in NA who was a nurse. Within a short period of time, I figured out she wasn't the kind of sponsor who was going to be beneficial to my recovery. She didn't have me doing any kind of stepwork; quite the opposite, she would ask me "so, what step are you on?". I would get frequent pats on the back and told how well I was doing and how proud she was of me. I didn't need that. I needed a swift kick in the ass :D I would hear others talk of how their sponsor was suggesting they read this chapter or that chapter, etc. I started realizing that I might want to look for a different sponsor. I started listening in meetings and there was this one woman who was the wife of a nursing student (who is also in the program). I LOVED what he had to say in every meeting.....he's a no ***********please , no-nonsense kind of guy. He tells it like it is, doesn't try to read between the lines, and puts his sobriety first and foremost. If I could have had him as a sponser, I would have :rolleyes: But then I started listening to his wife when she would attend the meetings and I liked what she had to say as well. I liked that we are both first time older moms and have struggled with the same issues. She attends AA meetings and is not a nurse but her sponsor is and was also in the monitoring program (incidentally, her sponsor is the woman I initially attempted to get as my first sponsor but at the time, had too many sponsees and wasn't able to take me on).

Since asking her to be my sponsor, my recovery has been nothing but positive. I knew from the moment I asked her to be my sponsor and she suggested I read the Doctor's Opinion, I had the made the right choice. I have had to WORK with her as my sponsor. When I have gone 2 months without calling her :eek:, she didn't come chasing after me. She did chastise me softly and suggest that in the future, I not go that long without calling her and it might be helpful if I return to calling her daily until it became routine. In my state, our sponsors must have at least 5 years of sobriety; my sponsor has 9 years and her sponsor (my grandsponsor) has 17 years. Good luck in finding a new sponsor; it's an integral part of my recovery. Just my :twocents:

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Specializes in EMT-P.

Oops, I just noticed that this thread is about a year old...

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Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.
Oops, I just noticed that this thread is about a year old...

That's perfectly o.k.

It's still relevant and a very important topic.;)

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Specializes in EMT-P.
That's perfectly o.k.

It's still relevant and a very important topic.;)

Of course you are right, it is a very important topic and paramount in the healing process. I say healing because addiction is an illness that produces a wound deep inside and it begins to fester and contaminate our being. Only through the healing process do we help suture the deep wounds that addiction inflicts on ones soul.

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