Feeling worthless

You apply across the country to North Dakota(srs).

I applied for over 15 hospitals. 3 called me back and they were from North Dakota. 3x 12 hours acute care hospital.

They hire ADN's too. I have a BSN btw

I own a house, at least for now, and I have three kids and a husband moving to North Dakota is not an option. I doubt I could even move to upstate NY right now. Impossible for me to sell my house and make any money; I'd probably suffer a substantial loss.

You sound quite depressed and I am so sorry you are going through this. Try to cut yourself some slack. You sound like you are very hard on yourself. From a stranger's perspective, I would not say you are "stupid" or "worthless". A stupid person would not have been able to graduate nursing school and then continue on less than a year later to start working on another degree. That sounds like a very smart and driven person to me.

As for feeling "worthless", you are not. Every person on this planet has worth. I'm positive that you are worth very much to your children, family, friends, coworkers and patients.

You should be proud of yourself for passing the NCLEX and getting a job even if you can't get the hours you need. Jobs are scarce for new grads in most areas and your employer must have seen something in you b/c they hired you over other applicants.

You graduated from your program just one year ago and went straight into getting another degree and starting a new job. That is a lot to handle w/ no breaks in between.

Is it possible you have worn yourself out? Nursing school is stressful, as is the workplace, financial insecurities and raising a family. You've been through a lot and maybe you need to let go of a few things in order to get back to your top form. Maybe take a semester off from school?

Things will work out over time but you have to find ways to cope in the meantime. It sounds like you would benefit from seeing a counselor. You need someone to talk to that can help you see things objectively and possibly give you tools for coping until things start heading in the desired direction.

Your post makes me ache for you. I hope my words help a little and don't come off as preachy or condescending. I have had some extremely stressful times in my life. Things I thought I'd NEVER get through but I did. Looking back, I can see that I got through it by taking things one minute at a time, then one hour at a time, then one day, etc.

Please, find someone to help you through this and try to squash the negative self talk. Focus on the great things you have done and are continuing to do.

I am pulling for you!

(((Hugs)))

phaniea69, I am overwhelmed. Unfortunately, the BSN is one key for me that I can't put to the side. I am already frustrated that my student loans don't allow me to take summer classes. I could have knocked two classes (at least) off my list during the summer. The loans do not cover me for summer, I do not want to take a private loan, and I cannot pay for the classes myself. I saw a fellow graduate and that person was taking her last class for her BSN and I still have at least another year.

So many areas of my life at in chaos right now. I just wish I had ONE area fall into place and continue that way. It feels like trying to walk on quicksand. So many balls in the air. It makes me wonder if I made an extremely bad decision. But, when I contemplate what I used to do I get a pit in my chest.

I do need to talk to a counselor.

I'm so sorry that there's no way to alleviate some of the stress. You are obviously very tough and you will make it through even though that seems impossible now. Something will give at some point...it has to. Maybe that's where a counselor can specifically help...helping you find things in your life that can give a little so you can get on solid ground. There's probably a counseling center at your school. They'd be more adept at handling the stressors students are burdened with. I never dealt well with the super stressful times in my life. I just gutted it out. I feel like the stress aged me. I wish I had reached out for help. As far as your friend almost being done w/ her BSN: try to put that out of your mind and don't compare yourself to anyone. I bet she's not juggling all that you are. ((Sigh)) I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will be a stronger person when you make it through all this. I hope I'm not coming off as condescending by acting like an expert on your life. I just want you to feel better. :-)

I am taking this all in, thank you. I am trying to find ways to relieve the stress. The listen to that voice screaming inside of my head that tells me to get up and walk or pray or whatever. Thank you again. I am still struggling but I *know* I have to snap out of this for my family and for myself. I am taking some steps that made me step outside of my comfort level. Hopefully, they have some pay off.

I am taking this all in, thank you. I am trying to find ways to relieve the stress. The listen to that voice screaming inside of my head that tells me to get up and walk or pray or whatever. Thank you again. I am still struggling but I *know* I have to snap out of this for my family and for myself. I am taking some steps that made me step outside of my comfort level. Hopefully, they have some pay off.

Remember that you.can't just snap out of depression..... don't forget to seek help