Feeling Guilty

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.

Hello everyone. I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I've been a PICU nurse for 13 years. I've worked at my current hospital for 8 years. I recently completed my MSN in Nursing Education. In March, the PICU created a 12 hour/week Nurse Coordinator job for me relating to our advanced dialysis therapies, Continuous Renal Replacement Therapy, and Peritoneal Dialysis (CRRT & PD). The medical director (lead attending physician) and I are having a hard time communicating and getting on the same page, mainly because she views this role as a "team" position, and believes she should influence my responsibilities, and set expectations, when in fact it is a nursing role, and I report to nursing leadership. Anyway, there is a pediatric CRRT conference in London this July, and this physician and I are going. The hospital is giving me $1800 to go from education funds. This is VERY VERY generous, and not typical. The nursing director granted me this money because of the new role, and because the conference only happens once every two years. I was also told if they don't utilize certain education money, it "goes away".

This week, I received a phone call from a recruiter at a BSN Nursing program in the area asking if I would be interested in interviewing for a full time faculty position starting in September. I have accepted the interview and will go in 2 weeks. The current challenges with the physician and overall burnout in the PICU lead me to accept this interview. After so many years in critical care, I advanced my education in hopes to broaden my options and leave the bedside should the right opportunity come up.

As I perseverate over the interview, my main source of guilt is: if the nursing school offers me a position, how do I go to London in July and accept the $1800 reimbursement from the hospital? (which I've already processed the paperwork for because my flight and conference fees are booked).

I realize I'm putting the cart before the horse and being very presumptuous about the interview, but the timing of the potential new job is stressful. I would appreciate feedback if you think it is "wrong" or unethical to accept money and go to the conference if I end up taking a new job before July.

Thanks for your time with this, hope you're having a nice week!

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Specializes in Surgical, quality,management.

Why not? If you get offered the job to start in Sept tell them in August that you have a new job, if it was the other way around the hospital would get rid of you if they needed the financial cutbacks.

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Specializes in NICU, telemetry.

I think you should still go! For the time being, you are still in your current role, and you(and the PICU) could still benefit from the conference. The hospital is spending the money on the education, not to be meant as a personal vacation for you, even though that could be a plus side. Plus, like you said, the money is either used or lost.

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I think it would be unethical, at minimum deceitful, for you to take advantage of this special opportunity after already accepting a job elsewhere which will start only 2 mos after the conference. That would be premeditated deceit against your generous nursing director. Your unsatisfactory relationship with the medical director is irrelevant.

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I don't see the problem, personally. What if you accept the academic job and it falls through in August? If, as you said, the conference is already booked and the money already spent, what's the difference? Also, it's not really that generous if the money would have "disappeared" anyway.

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Specializes in NICU, telemetry.
I think it would be unethical, at minimum deceitful, for you to take advantage of this special opportunity after already accepting a job elsewhere which will start only 2 mos after the conference. That would be premeditated deceit against your generous nursing director. Your unsatisfactory relationship with the medical director is irrelevant.

But at this point, she has to give a say regarding the trip now, and hasn't even interviewed for the position yet, much less been actually offered the job. Say she doesn't get(not to wish bad luck, but just factoring in a possibility) the new job, stays at her current position, and the unit misses the education she could've brought back from the conference. It would be a different scenario had she already been offered the position and went into that trip KNOWING for a fact she would leave shortly after, but even still in that case, it would still be beneficial for her current role at that point in time, the current staff she's educating, and the money would essentially be "wasted", as she's been told. If they didn't send her, who would they send in her place?

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But at this point, she has to give a say regarding the trip now, and hasn't even interviewed for the position yet, much less been actually offered the job. Say she doesn't get(not to wish bad luck, but just factoring in a possibility) the new job, stays at her current position, and the unit misses the education she could've brought back from the conference. It would be a different scenario had she already been offered the position and went into that trip KNOWING for a fact she would leave shortly after, but even still in that case, it would still be beneficial for her current role at that point in time, the current staff she's educating, and the money would essentially be "wasted", as she's been told. If they didn't send her, who would they send in her place?

None of that would be relevant to me once I knew my intentions, I would figure out a different way.

Maybe I've misunderstood the OP but I would be upfront about it. It's a specialized postition to fill, I would give a few months notice once I accepted a new job and let them decide if they want to send someone in my place. I would give them the respect of that option.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

Hmm - It may be different where OP lives, but the only type of 'faculty' job available to fresh MSNs is clinical instructor -- and these are definitely NOT very lucrative or attractive positions. Career progression is not possible without at least significant progress toward a doctorate. My point is.... it would be an icy day in hades before OP would have a chance to attend an international conference in that academic job. So I'm jumping in with the GO TO THE CONFERENCE group.

Academentia is no bed of roses.... tenure tracks are scarce, so everyone works at the 'Dean's pleasure' (whim). Everyone lives in fear of consequences on "rate my professor" or out-and-out lawsuits from disgruntled students. Change moves at a glacial pace. Not my cuppa at all.

OTOH, OP could work on building the relationship with the doc - chances are, it will improve over time as trust increases.

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Specializes in Pediatric Critical Care.

Thank you all for your insight and feedback! You brought up valid points that I may not have considered on my own. I am matriculated in a PHd program and my ultimate goal is to be in academia. It will take me a while because I still need to work. Moving forward, I'm planning on being honest with my nursing director and telling her my plans if the interview provides a job offer. Hopefully that will be before July, so the situation will seem transparent, and not look deceitful. Because I've worked at the hospital for 8 years, I'm hoping my character proves this as well, and my history of being a credible employee. Thanks again!

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