Feeling depressed with new job as a nurse...

[Keri29]

I graduated nursing school with my BSN in August of last year, 2011. I applied for many jobs but only got calls from a hospital that is an hour away from where I currently live. I decided to take the job on a surgical oncology PCU floor at this hospital located one hour from my house. I had to sign a contract, because they put me through a GN program for 12 weeks. It's a $13,500 contract. I cannot move closer to the hospital, because my husband and I bought a house where we enjoy living and he also has a business that is located here, so one of us would have to drive anyways.

I just got out of the GN program about 2 weeks ago, so I have been on my own for 2 weeks now. Most nurses on my floor are great, but for some reason, I dread going to work and feel depressed. It scares me that these people's lives are in my hands. Even on my days off, I feel so drained from working and so exhausted that all I do is sleep in, watch TV and lay around the house. I thought that working 3 days a week and having 4 days off would give me time to do a lot of things, but I'm just not being productive at all. I'm not quite sure how to explain exactly how I'm feeling, and I don't know if this is a normal feeling for new nurses? Maybe it's because I jumped from nursing school to working on a critical care unit? I just did not want to be a medsurg nurse for the rest of my life. With the contract, I can move to different floors, but cannot leave the hospital unless I want to pay the $13,500. The driving is also affecting me I think. I have to leave my house at 0515 and don't get home until between 2030-2100.

Any advice from experienced nurses? Is this normal to feel this way as a brand new nurse? I thought after nursing school life would be grand...but I'm just not feeling right. =/

[RNtobeinSoCal]

everyone here has given great advice. your attitude is everything here. focus on the things you learned that day, the things you did well, the things you can look forward to. focus on colleagues you like. when the negative thought spiral starts, think of 10 things you are grateful for - the roof over your head, the color of the leaves, the fact that you made it to/from work safely- ANYTHING big or small. if you still feel down after that, think of ten more things. it's not to downplay your real and serious concerns about your job, but at least to shift your focus and overall attitude so on your days off, you're not fetal on the couch all day. your commute is rough, but be grateful it's only 3 days - that's better than most! keep us posted on what works for you. best of luck!

[FLGAZRN]

I am so sorry to hear you feel depressed at work! I do have to say that the long drive would be quite hard especially when you are already tired. Do you listen to podcasts at all? There are a lot of funny podcasts out there that are definitely entertaining to listen to on long drives especially if you dont want to listen to the radio or music. I started out as a new grad in an ICU, the same one I currently work in, and I was scared s***less and had my moments and cried at work. But I also had more training than you did. They did 6 months with us. Didactic time and on the floor time, in the beginning, then straight floor time with another nurse for 4 months. It made me feel a lot more comfortable even though I was still scared. I say keep going, it might be the thought of a contract. I did have to sign one also, it was for 2 years and I didn't like the idea of being tied down. The time does fly by though. before you know it, if you really are not that happy, you will be free to go. No financial obligation

[CDEWannaBe]

In addition to podcasts I'm a huge book on tape fan. Can check out books on CD or download them from the library. My long commute is so much easier and I've listened to books on a wide variety of subjects that I probably wouldn't have read on my own.

[Kmaloof]

I think the hotel idea is perfect!!!! Just saying.....the commute can also add to your stress and more often than not, it gives your brain too much time to dwell on whatever may be bothering you at that time. Give yourself a break and try different ways to help yourself. It can only get better!!!! Good luck!

[ltctravelnurse]

I got myself into the same situation back in 1987 as a new nurse....I stuck it out for a year, stayed some nights with a friend that lived closer to the hospital & then got the heck out.....I was really surprised how many opportunities a year of "tough" experience offered me....Good luck!

[oncnurse39]

It will get better. I remember twelve years ago, starting out as a new grad on a very busy oncology/nephrology floor, having eight patients of my own and trying to help the physicians with bone marrow biopsies, thoracentesis and tons of other stuff..and at times I felt depressed and overwhelmed. Also, I was driving 45 minutes each way to work. Fast forward twelve years later, and I can't imagine doing anything else. Of course, now my role is different as I am involved more in nursing managment and patient education, but still I love the nursing profession. What I found, is that time passed, and I made connections at work, became more confident as I learned from the experienced nurses, and sort of "proved myself"..by being competent and reliable..that I became more comfortable and happier. You have only been in it since August. Give yourself time, and if you are finding that you don't like the area that you are in, try a different department. I think it takes at least a year to get comfortable in any department. Eventually you will grow to love nursing, and actually enjoy the drive.

[JKNewRN]

All I can say is that I'm a new grad too and this post could have been written by me. I have also been depressed, find myself being less productive on my days off and mostly lay around and watch TV. I'm sure it will get better for both of us though!

[flyingchange]

Check out some of the research by Judy Boychuck Duchscher. She has done many studies on New Nurse Transition. Maybe having a look at some of her models of Transition Theory or Transition Shock will help you decide if you are going through a "normal" part of becoming a fully-fledged nurse or if the problem lies elsewhere. :)

[beautifulbyHisblood]

This is so encouraging. I'm a new grad, too, and just feel completely overwhelmed and depressed all the time. At first I was really good at being productive on my days off but now it's like I've hit a wall and don't want to do anything but lay around and watch TV! :) It is so encouraging to read the words of others who feel the same and the advice of those who have been there before... AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT HOW IT GETS BETTER!! It's crazy how I really feel like I'm never going to be able to do all of this stuff on my own. The learning curve is enormous.

Anyway, thank you ALL for normalizing my feelings. :) We're in this together!!!

[Wolf at the Door, BSN]

Another unhappy Florida Hospital Nurse hmm. I can't offer much advice. I do not know anyone who works at FH that is happy. I guess know that your not alone.

[JKRN1717]

Hi Keri (and everyone else!),

It is so reassuring seeing this post. I also just finished my new graduate program and have been permanently hired on a Cardiac PCU. It's a great hospital and fantastic unit with wonderful nurses and support but the stress and anxiety really wears on me. I have good days but there seem to be more stressful days. At the end of the day I try to think of all the things that went well and pat myself on the back for making it through another day. I ask the other nurses if I am fallling behind and if this is where I am supposed to be and they all laugh and remind me that I have only been on my own for a few weeks and it takes at least a year to be comfortable! I also talk to the other new grads in the cohort before me and they reassure me that it does get better. Some days are really bad and when I get home I'm in the most terrible mood. My husband advises that this moment is not the time to decide the fate of my nursing career and to re-evaluate things after rest. I always feel better on my days off and always schedule myself to have 2 or 3 days off in between, never working 3 in a row. I am also always tired and want to sleep in but I make myself get up and go to yoga or for a run which relieves much stress. The day before I go back my anxiety starts kicking in high gear, for instance right now I feel stressed as I go back tomorrow and it doesn't help that The Joint Commission is at my hospital this week...eek!. Anyway, I hope this horrible feeling and anxiety subsides soon, I know I want to be a nurse and I just need to be patient with myself. When I get stressed and think I'm not meant to be a nurse, I read over the patient comments my manager received about me from my former patients and gave me and it makes me realize this is what I am supposed to be doing. I just wanted to thank you all for your commentary, especially you Keri, because I feel the same way. It's nice to have this support system to confirm I am not alone )

[Merlyn]

You have New Nurse blues. The only thing that will cure it is time. It is a slow process but you will notice a difference in about a year or so. But as soon as your obligation to the job is up look for another one.