Feeling depressed with new job as a nurse...

[Keri29]

I graduated nursing school with my BSN in August of last year, 2011. I applied for many jobs but only got calls from a hospital that is an hour away from where I currently live. I decided to take the job on a surgical oncology PCU floor at this hospital located one hour from my house. I had to sign a contract, because they put me through a GN program for 12 weeks. It's a $13,500 contract. I cannot move closer to the hospital, because my husband and I bought a house where we enjoy living and he also has a business that is located here, so one of us would have to drive anyways.

I just got out of the GN program about 2 weeks ago, so I have been on my own for 2 weeks now. Most nurses on my floor are great, but for some reason, I dread going to work and feel depressed. It scares me that these people's lives are in my hands. Even on my days off, I feel so drained from working and so exhausted that all I do is sleep in, watch TV and lay around the house. I thought that working 3 days a week and having 4 days off would give me time to do a lot of things, but I'm just not being productive at all. I'm not quite sure how to explain exactly how I'm feeling, and I don't know if this is a normal feeling for new nurses? Maybe it's because I jumped from nursing school to working on a critical care unit? I just did not want to be a medsurg nurse for the rest of my life. With the contract, I can move to different floors, but cannot leave the hospital unless I want to pay the $13,500. The driving is also affecting me I think. I have to leave my house at 0515 and don't get home until between 2030-2100.

Any advice from experienced nurses? Is this normal to feel this way as a brand new nurse? I thought after nursing school life would be grand...but I'm just not feeling right. =/

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I read this thread immediately after graduation and have come back to it now that I am off orientation. I couldn't relate as easily then, as the impact of it now is stronger. I am on a terrific floor with a really fantastic team and I have all the support a new nurse could ask for. I am being dipped in gradually, being held to a ratio of 4:1 for now (5:1 is more common on my floor) and all my questions are answered with kindness, supportive statements and guidance. Even with all that I find I am anxious, hypervigilant to the moods of my fellow nurses and scared to death of making a mistake. I hesitate when confronted with situations in which I am unfamiliar (ie: had my first assignment that involved a family who had made the decision to discontinue treatment and bring the patient home to die. Had my first wound vac, my first contracted patient, stuff like that). I get really really REALLY intimidated by wound assessment and wound care. And that first time in the room to do assessment feels like a mountain to be climbed my first night back on shift. By the third shift for the week (I always do three nights in a row) I am doing better mentally/emotionally but exhausted physically. And on my days off I struggle to get adequate rest and have zero interest in maintaining my home or my friendships. I find myself withdrawing. My sleep is very interrupted with the phantom sounds of pumps beeping and bed alarms, with an anxious tendency to wake suddenly and frequently every two hours or so and be disoriented and feeling my brain scramble to figure out where I am, what time it is and whether I am failing to check orders or finish a task. I can't wait for this anxiety to pass. I dislike myself this way.

[RN9494]

How are things now after a few months? Did you stay? Did you decide to leave?

I am in this position now and have no idea what to do.

[Keri29]

Thanks for checking on me! I'm still on the same floor and dealing with the same feelings unfortunately. I've gotten used to the floor a little bit, but still not happy. =/ I just found out I'm pregnant, so now I'm really starting to consider what I'm going to do. I'm considering staying on the floor until after I have the baby (December), since I already have a rapport built with everyone and then maybe after coming back look for something else? Hope you make decisions that make you happy!!! Life is too short! =) be blessed.