feel like I've lost a friend

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When I began college some of the older women sort of befriended me in class. I felt very intimidated the 1st time through the actual nursing program. I did not pass rotation but most of the clinical group did. My friend I'll call Marie made it and went on. When I was beginning again as a 1st year student she was now in her second year. I asked her to be my mentor and she agreed. It's basically just someone to talk to that can give you insite or little tips on how best to get through school. Not a comittment nor tutor. My second semester was aweful. I thought if she could talk to the teacher for me that things could get worked out. But she was busy, frustrated, and sure let me know it. I apolojized and told her I just wanted to be a nurse so bad but right now this is my problem to solve. Anyway now she just graduated in May, we had lunch then to celebrate her graduation. But then I was never able to get a hold of her after that and after nearly 5 months, I just call and see how things are going and wham! Now I had been working as a CNA over the summer and was doing real good but I didn't like the facility so I quit. She twisted it like I somehow wasn't fast enough or worked hard enough. She clarified whether I got quit or fired! Then she sighs and asks me what I want from her, I told her that I just called to talk I thought she was my friend, and she asked me about my job and I told her, it's not her responsibility to do anything about it. She tells me that she is the only nurse on her unit and RN, with 2 aides and like 32 or 34 residents!!! She feels everyone should be in the same boat as her apparently. She sais her next day off is tuesday to call her then but I don't know if I will or not. I'm really doubting whether I want to be a nurse now. I don't want to have a job that I'm unhappy at, miserable, and tired. She's a big girl so I think if she wasn't feeling good or was in a bad mood she should have just said so and called me another day. I'm 22 she's 45+ maybe the stress of nursing is not good at that age.

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When I began college some of the older women sort of befriended me in class. I felt very intimidated the 1st time through the actual nursing program. I did not pass rotation but most of the clinical group did. My friend I'll call Marie made it and went on. When I was beginning again as a 1st year student she was now in her second year. I asked her to be my mentor and she agreed. It's basically just someone to talk to that can give you insite or little tips on how best to get through school. Not a comittment nor tutor. My second semester was aweful. I thought if she could talk to the teacher for me that things could get worked out. But she was busy, frustrated, and sure let me know it. I apolojized and told her I just wanted to be a nurse so bad but right now this is my problem to solve. Anyway now she just graduated in May, we had lunch then to celebrate her graduation. But then I was never able to get a hold of her after that and after nearly 5 months, I just call and see how things are going and wham! Now I had been working as a CNA over the summer and was doing real good but I didn't like the facility so I quit. She twisted it like I somehow wasn't fast enough or worked hard enough. She clarified whether I got quit or fired! Then she sighs and asks me what I want from her, I told her that I just called to talk I thought she was my friend, and she asked me about my job and I told her, it's not her responsibility to do anything about it. She tells me that she is the only nurse on her unit and RN, with 2 aides and like 32 or 34 residents!!! She feels everyone should be in the same boat as her apparently. She sais her next day off is tuesday to call her then but I don't know if I will or not. I'm really doubting whether I want to be a nurse now. I don't want to have a job that I'm unhappy at, miserable, and tired. She's a big girl so I think if she wasn't feeling good or was in a bad mood she should have just said so and called me another day. I'm 22 she's 45+ maybe the stress of nursing is not good at that age.

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Sounds more to me like it just wasn't a good fit for her to be your mentor. Perhaps she didn't realize how overwhelmed she would feel, and how little support she would be able to offer you. Perhaps she felt you needed more support than she could offer but didn't want to just come out and say it.

I'm sorry for you that you have had these problems, but don't think you should let her influence your decision about whether or not nursing is the career for you. Maybe is was the wrong choice for her. Has nothing to do with age - some thrive, others don't.

Whether you call her or not, think you have to be the one to decide what career to pursue. You've been a CNA - perhaps try working in that capacity in another facility and see how it goes. Then you can decide. Good luck.

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Sounds more to me like it just wasn't a good fit for her to be your mentor. Perhaps she didn't realize how overwhelmed she would feel, and how little support she would be able to offer you. Perhaps she felt you needed more support than she could offer but didn't want to just come out and say it.

I'm sorry for you that you have had these problems, but don't think you should let her influence your decision about whether or not nursing is the career for you. Maybe is was the wrong choice for her. Has nothing to do with age - some thrive, others don't.

Whether you call her or not, think you have to be the one to decide what career to pursue. You've been a CNA - perhaps try working in that capacity in another facility and see how it goes. Then you can decide. Good luck.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Good post from Weetzie above. Sounds like she's too stressed out to be a mentor and it's not a good fit. Too bad she's too stressed out to be just a friend.

Good luck. It's not an easy journey.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Good post from Weetzie above. Sounds like she's too stressed out to be a mentor and it's not a good fit. Too bad she's too stressed out to be just a friend.

Good luck. It's not an easy journey.

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previous posts are correct in that she was too overwhelmed to be a mentor and she didn't know how to get out of it gracefully...but that is her problem...your own problem may be that you come across as 'too needy'.....i have been in that same position myself more in my personal life than in professional but it amounts to the same thing in the long run....don't call her right away...make up your own mind about which direction your career will go...later when your are more confident in your own life call up and ask her our for coffee....and don't look on her as mentor or mother figure...you are probably more aware of the age differance that she is...i hope that you find the direction that will be most satisfiying good luck

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previous posts are correct in that she was too overwhelmed to be a mentor and she didn't know how to get out of it gracefully...but that is her problem...your own problem may be that you come across as 'too needy'.....i have been in that same position myself more in my personal life than in professional but it amounts to the same thing in the long run....don't call her right away...make up your own mind about which direction your career will go...later when your are more confident in your own life call up and ask her our for coffee....and don't look on her as mentor or mother figure...you are probably more aware of the age differance that she is...i hope that you find the direction that will be most satisfiying good luck

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I guess I'm gonna be the bad girl here.

It sounds like she offered you support, and in fact asked you some questions, and told you about her workload, maybe to give you some perspective, and you didn't hear what you wanted to hear so you are suggesting that maybe at her age this is all just too stressful.

I am getting this not just from your description but from this sentence:

She sais her next day off is tuesday to call her then but I don't know if I will or not. I'm really doubting whether I want to be a nurse now. I don't want to have a job that I'm unhappy at, miserable, and tired.

This is sometimes called "the grumblies."

Judging from your description of your relationship with her, it sounds like you asked her for help and she graciously gave you help during her last year. Now she is maybe overwelmed, and can't just drop everything, and she sighed (which maybe isn't about you?), she also didn't say you know, I've got my own life and I'm busy, maybe you should call somebody else, she said can we get together by phone on my next day off.

I mean, the girl is willing to give you time on her day off.

Frankly, I was surprised that you seemed to feel she didn't do enough for you.

Here's a thought--maybe you can not just call her, but maybe you can do something nice for her. She could probably use a friend. Friendship is, after all, a two way street.

Good luck!

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Specializes in Cardiac/telemetry.

Well, I'm gonna be a bad girl too then.

"...I thought if she could talk to the teacher for me that things could get worked out..."

Sorry, I don't feel that it is her place to talk to a teacher for you. You need to take responsibility for yourself.

I don't mean to be rude, but the decision to pursue nursing is YOUR decision. If you are having doubts, explore them. Your friend sounded supportive to me, she did offer her day off!

Good luck.

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She had been a mentor for me during nursing school. I simply called to ask her how she was doing. As a friend and didn't expect anything of her. I didn't even get a chance to ask her how she was doing or how she liked her job. It started when she asked me about my job last summer and I told her. No, I do understand that it was never her job to talk to my teacher. That's in the past and has been resolved between us. Well I called her Tuesday, left a message and asked her if she'd like to do something. Being a nursing student is stressful, I can only imagine what it's like to be out there on the floor on your own. She has about 35 patients to care for. She's never done this type of work before and only has 2 aides to help her! If my other friends are having a bad day, I do what I can to make them feel better. We go see a movie or something to relieve the stress. As for nursing I'm getting that basic experience that I needed as an aide and will resume nursing school.

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As for nursing I'm getting that basic experience that I needed as an aide and will resume nursing school.

Good for you, princess :) Best of luck to ya. Hang in there - it's tough, but if you want it, you can do it!

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