Family Vs Evening Shift

Sour Lemon · Dec 18, 2020

36 minutes ago, Newnurse24 said:

Hello everyone,

I recently transitioned from a Med-Surg position in a small city hospital to a Med-Surg position in a small rural hospital near my home. Although I am now happier with a 15-minute commute (I used to drive two hours a day to get to work and used to spend between 8-10 hours on the road a week), I feel conflicted with nursing hours Vs family time. I work 4-7.5 hr shifts a week on evenings and I don't get to spend a lot of afternoons and nights with my husband and child.

I love medicine and I am fully committed to working in a hospital whether it is a large hospital or a rural hospital. I just don't know how to overcome the fear of missing out on moments with my husband and child. Most nights when I come home, my child is already sleeping and my husband is ready to go to bed because he gets up early to go to work.

How do you guys make time to spend time with your family if you work nights or evenings? Please help! I need your advice.

I wouldn't call nursing "medicine", but moving on ...

This is an issue that any working person faces. I made more time for my family by working one day a week instead of full time- but there is a financial sacrifice, of course. There's really no magical solution that allows any one of us to have it all.

Your working hours actually sound pretty good, to me. I'd like a similar schedule when I eventually go back to working more.

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Dec 18, 2020

First, congrats on the improved commute! I can only imagine how freeing it is to at least not be in your car all that time!

Now, based on your actual question, I agree with the poster above that this is something most of us struggle with: having enough time for what matters most to us. You have four shifts a week, which means three evenings when you're presumably home. What can you do to make at least one or two of those a little special? Obviously real life kicks in and makes things difficult, but what are some things you can plan to do every week with your husband and child to make some nice memories and have fun together? Family movie night? Games, art? Making something special for dinner together or ordering something tasty? The time you have with your family can be very fun and meaningful, even if you're stuck at work more evenings than you would prefer; it does require some planning and intention, though.

As a child, I remember my mom working several night shifts a week as a nurse, but she absolutely took the opportunity to spend time with us when she wasn't working. Little stuff: getting lunch, getting a manicure, visiting family friends, or just talking and watching a movie or show together. Looking back, that is what I remember - the fun stuff - instead of her going to work most nights when I was getting ready to go to bed.

Jedrnurse, BSN, RN · Dec 18, 2020

Is your family situation such that you could just hang on until a day shift opens up?

JBMmom, MSN, NP · Dec 18, 2020

I starting nursing school prerequisites when my kids were 5, 3 and 1. I worked full time at the time and ever since then I've either been working two jobs or going to school and working. I've missed out on a ton of things. I will always remember that I missed my middle child's first day of kindergarten because it was my first day of school. But does he remember it? No. My oldest will head off to college soon and I was recently talking with him because he tends to work whenever asked and has missed out on some stuff because of it. I warned him that I know I didn't always have the best work-life balance and I wouldn't want to see him repeat my experience as he gets older. His response to me made me feel a little better. He said he doesn't remember me missing out on things when we has younger. We always made time for family activities, I was not one to spend a lot of time on my phone or computer when I was home. It's about quality, not necessarily quantity. If you can't work less hours, or maybe work nights so you're home and awake when they come home from school, you're going to miss out on some stuff. But focus on the time that you do have together and it will all be okay. (And during nursing school, because of my work and clinical schedule, for two semesters I would kiss my kids goodnight on Sunday and not see them until Wednesday because I had Mon/Tues second shift clinical after working my first shift job. My oldest cried every Sunday night and nearly broke my heart. Today, he doesn't even remember it. It's more about my feelings of loss than theirs) Good luck!

Newnurse24 · Jan 10, 2021

On 12/18/2020 at 11:07 AM, NightNerd said:

First, congrats on the improved commute! I can only imagine how freeing it is to at least not be in your car all that time!

Now, based on your actual question, I agree with the poster above that this is something most of us struggle with: having enough time for what matters most to us. You have four shifts a week, which means three evenings when you're presumably home. What can you do to make at least one or two of those a little special? Obviously real life kicks in and makes things difficult, but what are some things you can plan to do every week with your husband and child to make some nice memories and have fun together? Family movie night? Games, art? Making something special for dinner together or ordering something tasty? The time you have with your family can be very fun and meaningful, even if you're stuck at work more evenings than you would prefer; it does require some planning and intention, though.

As a child, I remember my mom working several night shifts a week as a nurse, but she absolutely took the opportunity to spend time with us when she wasn't working. Little stuff: getting lunch, getting a manicure, visiting family friends, or just talking and watching a movie or show together. Looking back, that is what I remember - the fun stuff - instead of her going to work most nights when I was getting ready to go to bed.

Thank you so much! I love your idea of planning some thing fun with the family on my days or weekend off so we can all connect. Thank you for sharing your experience!?

Newnurse24 · Jan 10, 2021

On 12/18/2020 at 1:34 PM, Jedrnurse said:

Is your family situation such that you could just hang on until a day shift opens up?

I have been working a an RN for a year and a half and I have rarely seen full-time (30 hrs or more) open positions in day shift.
The few openings I have seen, are less than 24 hours a week and if I take the position, I would loose my benefits because I have to work more than 30 hours to get benefits.

On 12/18/2020 at 4:18 PM, JBMmom said:

I starting nursing school prerequisites when my kids were 5, 3 and 1. I worked full time at the time and ever since then I've either been working two jobs or going to school and working. I've missed out on a ton of things. I will always remember that I missed my middle child's first day of kindergarten because it was my first day of school. But does he remember it? No. My oldest will head off to college soon and I was recently talking with him because he tends to work whenever asked and has missed out on some stuff because of it. I warned him that I know I didn't always have the best work-life balance and I wouldn't want to see him repeat my experience as he gets older. His response to me made me feel a little better. He said he doesn't remember me missing out on things when we has younger. We always made time for family activities, I was not one to spend a lot of time on my phone or computer when I was home. It's about quality, not necessarily quantity. If you can't work less hours, or maybe work nights so you're home and awake when they come home from school, you're going to miss out on some stuff. But focus on the time that you do have together and it will all be okay. (And during nursing school, because of my work and clinical schedule, for two semesters I would kiss my kids goodnight on Sunday and not see them until Wednesday because I had Mon/Tues second shift clinical after working my first shift job. My oldest cried every Sunday night and nearly broke my heart. Today, he doesn't even remember it. It's more about my feelings of loss than theirs) Good luck!

Thank you so much! It certainly helps that your children were little back then. Do you work days, evenings, or nights?

JBMmom, MSN, NP · Jan 10, 2021

1 hour ago, Newnurse24 said:

Thank you so much! It certainly helps that your children were little back then. Do you work days, evenings, or nights?

When they were younger I had a full time day job and a part time evening shift job. I've been a night shifter for the past three and a half years now.

Kids are pretty resilient. Make the most of the time you have together and they will remember the good times spent with you more than some missed time. Good luck!