Family visits

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Specializes in OBGYN, Neonatal.

I have been on the unit for about 6 - 8 shifts now, can't recall right off hand LOL and I swear I really wasn't sure what to expect but I guess I expected more family contact. I can't tell you how many times I wondered wow, no contact at all. In a 12 hour shift, there may be one family who is always calling or visiting, someone sitting at the bedside for hours reading a book but just being there or talking to the baby, whatever. But then there are those that for the 12 hour shift that I am there and from the report from the previous nurse there was no family contact, not even a phone call. Or the ones where a family member like a cousin or aunt is there but not the mom/dad.

I know that each family has different situations and different responsiblities so I'm trying to be very nonjudgemental but I do wonder about these babies, so very sick or so very much needy and what will happen when they go home? If their families are not there to visit during the nicu stay, how will they function afterwards?

Is this common? Is this something I should kind of mentally prepare myself for? Or am I being toooooo judgemental by wondering where the families are. I can imagine it is hard financially and emotionally to be in and out especially if you live far away or have a big family at home or are a single parent of other kids too, so I try to keep all that in mind too. Just wondering if its a usual experience to have more non visiting families than visiting ones?

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We have the same situations. I used to wonder too, but I think for the most part, the parents do what they can for their babies. A lot of parents go back to work after the first couple of weeks if their baby is stable so that they can use their leave time once their baby is home. Some parents have transportation issues. Some parents can't cope so they stay away. Some parents have other kids at home and while siblings are welcome to visit, they get antsy after a half hour or so. Unfortunately, there are some parents who don't care, but it might just be a coping mechanism. If I get a call from a parent then I know they are thinking of their baby and that is good enough for me.

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I think it's really important not to read to much into a situation. Plus, a lot of times the parents have called or visited and the nurses just aren't aware. I used to have a primary family. They came in every single night at 825pm and called every single morning at 625 am. The dayshift nurses often commented about how the parents didn't visit, nevermind the fact that I documented their visitation. They didn't see the parents and didn't read my notes. Then they started talking about the parent's neglect to their coworkers so the unit rumour talk was they never came in and how were they going to care for those babies at home and maybe the babies should just be put in foster care and blah blah blah...

Frankly, not calling or visiting for 24 or 48 hours isn't a sign of trouble to me. I know a lot of families can't make it in for various reasons and a lot of them don't like calling because of language issues. I'm at a point in my career where I am sort of sensitive to nurses talking about families because I've seen so many of their judgements turn out to be completely wrong. I think they should just mention it to social work if the parents haven't been in for a long time and then leave it alone.

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I think it's really important not to read to much into a situation. Plus, a lot of times the parents have called or visited and the nurses just aren't aware. I used to have a primary family. They came in every single night at 825pm and called every single morning at 625 am. The dayshift nurses often commented about how the parents didn't visit, nevermind the fact that I documented their visitation. They didn't see the parents and didn't read my notes. Then they started talking about the parent's neglect to their coworkers so the unit rumour talk was they never came in and how were they going to care for those babies at home and maybe the babies should just be put in foster care and blah blah blah...

Frankly, not calling or visiting for 24 or 48 hours isn't a sign of trouble to me. I know a lot of families can't make it in for various reasons and a lot of them don't like calling because of language issues. I'm at a point in my career where I am sort of sensitive to nurses talking about families because I've seen so many of their judgements turn out to be completely wrong. I think they should just mention it to social work if the parents haven't been in for a long time and then leave it alone.

I've been working on nipping the "family rumor" mill in the bud. If a family primarily makes contact on night shift, I tell the dayshift so as part of report: mom and dad live an hour away, both are back at work, they call in the in the morning and call or visit every evening. AND I pass it on to social work. Parents appropriate, bonding well, etc but have transportation issues, whatever. I'm tired of other nurses or social work creating problems- it doesn't happen often on my unit, thankfully, but even happening once is too much.

Anyway- sometimes, it takes families a couple days or even weeks, with a micro, to get over the initial shock of having their baby be born premature and/or critically ill. I like to give the family the benefit of the doubt. If they are truly neglectful or innapropriate, it's usually clear as glass.

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Specializes in OBGYN, Neonatal.

Thank you so much for your comments everyone! In both nicu's that I've been exposed to (two different hospitals) I've heard many of the family rumors. Now in classroom/orientation I've heard the other side, don't judge, they often go back to work to save time for when baby is home, or they have other kids, or transportation etc. So that is the mindset I give myself...b/c I am not them and I cannot put myself in their place since I did not have a preemie. I had a NICU baby but he was a one nighter in the NICU for hypoglycemia, not a long term nicu baby with multiple serious issues. So I try to remember that I never know what their situation is and that way when I do talk to them or see them I can be as open and supportive as possible.

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Specializes in NICU.

The same thing happens on my unit - and then everyone talks the same level of trash about the parents who never leave the bedside. Like, what, don't they have LIVES, it's not HEALTHY. Okay, the one grandmother who lost her job because she spent so much time on our unit was a little extreme, but really. We just lost one kid whose mother had a) another child b) two jobs c) a husband in jail and d) had lost another preemie a few years earlier. The first few times this one crashed it was ALWAYS when the mother had elected to spend the night (we have pullout chairs by most bedsides). She got to feeling like her stress levels affected the baby, so she stopped coming as much. Magical thinking, maybe, but can you really blame her?

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Yea, it's rather hard to guess what is going on in the families. In my case, I had a twin birth. The girl was okay, but the boy stayed in the NICU for a week. I had a casarean, and it wasn't easy for me to get around (this was my 2nd c section in 12 months). So while I was in the hospital I went down to be with him 3-4 times a day, but once I checked out with the other twin I had to rely on phone calls to the NICU for the last 3 days he was there, as I had a 12 month old at home as well and was recovering from the birth. You never can tell......

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I think it's really important not to read to much into a situation. Plus, a lot of times the parents have called or visited and the nurses just aren't aware. I used to have a primary family. They came in every single night at 825pm and called every single morning at 625 am. The dayshift nurses often commented about how the parents didn't visit, nevermind the fact that I documented their visitation. They didn't see the parents and didn't read my notes. Then they started talking about the parent's neglect to their coworkers so the unit rumour talk was they never came in and how were they going to care for those babies at home and maybe the babies should just be put in foster care and blah blah blah...

It just goes to prove what I've always thought. Report for some nurses is just organized gossip

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It just goes to prove what I've always thought. Report for some nurses is just organized gossip

Or they just aren't listening at all. I can't tell you how many times I've been giving report and while I'm telling them about family involvement or something else they are writing down their med times, planning what time to go to break, looking at labs... I've actually completely stopped and stared at a couple nurses and just waited for them to notice. Why should I stand there and talk to them when they clearly aren't listening?

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