Family member hurt my somewhat fragile new grad confidence

[BlueChocolateCat]

Hi all,

I'm just looking for some "pats on the back" and to hear about similar experiences, because I know this not the first time this has happened to a nurse and I'm sure I will experience this again.

I am a new grad in a very intense cardiac surgery ICU. I've been working there about six months now. I think I have been doing very well. My co-workers like working with me and they tell me I'm doing a great job, especially for a new grad. Literally on this same day, I had my first review with my manager who told me I am doing a great job and have fully met all expectations (apparently, this is somewhat unusual for a review with our managers). Many times I have had patient's families express how happy they are with my care and I make them feel comfortable and confident. Many patients want me to stay with them as their nurse when I transfer them to stepdown. I'm working hard to try to build up my confidence in this intense environment.

Anyways, I had it happened to me for the first time.

My patient's wife didn't want me back has his nurse!

As a background, my patient was very sick, intubated, and sedated. The night before my shift, the charge nurse specifically chose me to work with this patient assignment because both families were very demanding and they felt I work very well with difficult families. I worked hard for this patient all day and I spent more time in his room than I would have liked to because I felt like my other patient wasn't getting appropriate attention. The main reason that I spent so much time in his room was because the wife obviously liked information. She struck me as an intelligent woman. I explained every medication I gave, I explained every drip, I constantly reinforced my plans for my shift, and let her sit in the cramped room all day even though I constantly had to jump around her to reach machines, the patient, and drips. The wife was outrageously doting. Like, excessive, (if I'm allowed to have an opinion).

Anyways, as I left that night, the charge nurse took over for me, and asked if I wanted this assignment again. I told her that would be fine. Well, I come in the next day, and I had a completely different assignment. According to the charge, the patient's wife felt like she didn't "connect" with me and requested someone else. She didn't cite anything specific. Ironically, the person that was reassigned to this patient has just about as much experience as me and sometimes comes to me for advice on situations.

At first, I felt like I was just going to brush it off my shoulder. But as I think about it, I'm finding myself upset. I'm irritated that the wife didn't seem to understand how hard I tried to keep everyone happy, including her. And I also feel like my confidence is hurt. Did I appear incompetent to her? DID I make a mistake that I don't even realize?

Just looking for similar experiences and maybe some humor!

Thanks everyone!

[rnsrgr8t]

You have gotten a lot of good advice on here. I would shake it off and not worry about it (since you already have given yourself an honest self assessment of your shift with her). My coworker (I work for a specialty) is one of these "YES" people who has NO boundaries with families. As a result, everyone LOVES her, even if she does not do the best job with them. They have her private cell #, her private email, they page/call her at all hours of the day (instead of the designated on call team). She LIKES them to be needy so they have NO autonomy over their care and are totally reliant on her for everything. I personally believe that is not healthy and want MY patients to be as autonomous as the are capable of. She will neglect other things for these needy families (often for things that are not necessary) but let me tell you the LOVE her. It is ALL I hear about all day. Meanwhile, her coworkers are stuck with the majority of the workload as she helps this "poor" family all day. It is what it is. You did the best you could. When you found out they were unhappy, you took an honest look at yourself and your interactions with this family and learned what you could (which honestly is VERY hard to do, especially as a new grad, and I commend your maturity). Hospitals bend over backwards for these codependent needy families and often will encourage them to not have any professional boundaries under the guise of "keeping them happy". Squeeky wheel gets the most attention. I personally have a real hard time with this. I find it is the quiet, unassuming families who need our help the most and never get it b/c we are turning ourselves into pretzels trying to accommodate these families who we are NEVER going to make happy. Bottom line, you did an AWESOME job. WHO CARES (especially since your management is backing you up) what she thinks at this point!

[MunoRN, RN]

I am curious to know if the spouse asked the OP "how long have you been a nurse?" and then disqualified her based on that and only that.

I am not comfortable with sharing any personal information with total strangers and I will gently say so. They do not have a right to ask me where I live and when I graduated. I do not give out my last name or discuss my credentials... ]

I would seriously reconsider that stance, that's a fairly serious license violation.

[sharpeimom]

It's happened to me more than once. Never after I switched to psych, but twice when I was on ortho. Once, believe it or not, was because I apparently looked like the woman the husband had had had an affair with recently. What?! The other time, the husband thought I looked too young to be a competent nurse.

The first one was funny by the time I got home. The last or still rankles almost twenty-five years later.

When I got home, I called my mom and ranted. Her first question was, "Well, were you incompetent?" The answer was

no and she said to let it go. I did but it was hard.Very hard.

One of the sad realities of being an adult is that not everyone will like you and it may not always be for a legitimate reason.

People can be strange.

[JustMeRN]

I was always good with difficult patients and families. Occasionally you get someone you can't please. I had a patient call me a cu*t and throw her phone at me. I refused to give her her bag from the closet that I knew contained narcotics from home. She had a hip replacement and couldn't get to the closet alone. She wound up with a phych consult and a very pissed ortho (he liked me ha ha).

Brush it off and move on. As long as your supervisor didn't speak to you about any specific concerns, I wouldn't worry about it.