How do I continue to do this career? I feel like I’ve tried every available, reasonable option. I’ve worked the floor, I worked the E.R, I’ve travel nursed, I did clinical coordinator, and now I do Home Health....suppose to be part time but never is. I’ve driven 1.5 hours to get to work and I’ve worked 30min away from my home. I have been a nurse for 11 years this month and I’m just tired of trying to make it work. Part of my pain is something that has nothing to do with work...and yet does a little bit. Because I was traveling around and trying to find a fit, and because I can count on one hand the amount of men I have worked with, I did not date much and thus did not get married until I was 33. My husband and I have been trying to have a child and it isn’t working out well. We have been told that IVF is our only realistic option but we can’t even get approved for a loan to do it due to my husband’s previous debt. And unfortunately I only make 50k a year and only have a house payment in my name, but they tell me for my husband and I to get approved for the loan we would need to make about 130k a year. My husband is a tradesman and we have never made more than 80k together in a year. However last year he did not have any work at all (Trumps great economy my ***.) Adoption is about as much as IVF and since my husband and I are older also a kind of long shot. (He is 57 and I am 38).
Yes I could probably go back to travel nursing or return to the ER and make more money than I do now, but I’m just tired. Travel nursing was not terrible, but it is always having to learn a new place, system, doctors, and hope you are following their policies correctly when everyone is to busy for you to ask questions. And it is lonely as my husband can’t get work if he is traveling with me. The ER was okay until my dad died 2 years ago and then all the sudden it got very hard to take care of codes for me. Now I do Home Health which is a cake walk compared to my hospital experience, except the charting. Like I can see all my 6-7 patients in 8.5 hours, and I do try to chart as I see them, but I usually have 2-3 hours of charting to do every evening once getting home. Not to mention that I always have to work a little the day before calling the patients with visit times and organizing my day (my agency requires we call the night before between 5-9pm). I usually drive 80-100 miles a day. And thus I feel like I never get a real day off because either I’m catching up on my charting or I have to be home to receive my schedule (we have EPIC and no longer get the schedule emailed to our phones, it is only on our work computer and I’m not carrying that around everywhere) by a certain time. And if the people doing the schedule are late putting it out then I can’t get to things I want to do like yoga which is from 6pm-7:30pm. As I don’t have a full team of patients that are mine, I always have 4-5 people on my schedule that I am unfamiliar with. So unlike full time people who kind of know who they are going to see day to day, I almost never do.
I just feel there is no winning with nursing. In all of my jobs I almost NEVER get out on time. I almost ALWAYS have more patients than agreed to be caring for in my interview. I mean hell, when my dad died at 11am it took until 6pm for the hospital to get things squared away so I could leave without fear of abandonment. I actively now screen my calls and I NEVER pick up, then get ***ed at for not being a team player. This last job in home health I made it very, very, very clear that my time comes first. It isn’t about money, although I definitely deserve the money they are paying me plus some. I gave back a 10K bonus and was like ‘All I want from you is a work load that allows me to have my life back.’ Needless to say there is always some excuse why I have 7 patients instead of 6, or why my 6 patients are 80-100miles of drive time. I’m just done. There is always some reason why we (me and my coworkers) need to do more and be better. There is minimal education with outrageous expectations. I am just done. I am a good, reliable, safe, and compassionate nurse. I have worked many, many jobs and have maybe met a handful that I could not describe in the same manner. It isn’t us not doing the work right or well or fast enough that’s the problem. It’s the institutions and their ***ing nut job expectations. It is patients that go to hospitals called ‘Hospitality’ (that is the real name of a hospital in the Houston, Texas area BTW) expecting a spa day instead of care and business minded idiots who set up that expectation from the get go by naming their ***ing institution Hospitality. I just want to go to work, do my job, and be allowed to leave on time 90% of the time. I want to be able to pee regularly and have a regular lunch break, and lastly I want to have enough energy when I get home (or the next day) to have sex with my husband so I can hopefully have a family....so I can have my life.
Sadly I just don’t see that as a possibility as a nurse without just being a real ***. Like I am just going to have to say no to being in any committee, to staying late EVER for anyone else, to working extra or working over. I find this really hard to do because I believe in team work. I know that team work is how we make it through, but if I stick to my own I can get done. If I do nothing extra I can be with my husband and not be quite as exhausted. I just don’t see how helping others means I have to sacrifice myself this much and I really don’t see humans as worthy of the sacrifice of myself as I once did when I was 22 and really idealistic. I believe everyone deserves good, data based, compassionate care, just not at the expense of my life and desires....ever.
I think that is a very narrow minded approach you have there. “You chose a man much older than you....what did you think was going to happen?” Such an audacious question from someone who has been fortunate in their love life I guess? I thought hey he’s a really nice guy, he has a good job (because at the time he had long been a employee of a steel mill), a track record of being a family guy as he has 2 adult children of his own who he raised because his first wife was in jail (they don’t talk to their mom) and was a well liked step dad two his second wife’s children (she died and he was left widow). We did have the discussion of having children BEFORE we even had sex and HE agreed that would be something he would do with me. I thought, “Well this great finally a responsible person I can see having a life with as opposed to the younger trash that I’ve been dating for the last 7 years who want me to work and be their mommy. “Maybe you didn’t really want a child and and subconsciously sabotaged your self.” What the ***? How young or inexperienced at life are you? Sounds like every self righteous person I’ve ever met who was fortunate to find a decent partner in their 20s. They all think the know how to mitigate risk and can easily see what is reasonable when they have never had any large bump in their path the whole time. I’m glad your life circumstances have lead you to success. I was raised a Christian, loved god, and KNEW what was right and good too. Hard work and prayer was going to lead me to the ‘right path’. Well guess what? My experience with faith and hard work has been that it is a lie. A lie propagated to convince me that the problem isn’t the system but that I’m the problem. ***. “If so you should have know the possibility of not being able to conceive a child with him.” I was a nurse when I met him. I have hated the farce that we call the healthcare system since I joined in 2008 and have changed jobs nearly every 2 years. But what about an older man with two biological children should I have known that would have made it obvious he had a low sperm count? So ignorant you are.
Not narrow minded. Just an analysis and my theory. If it's not correct after you mulling it over, that's all you have to say. That it's not what you believe is the problem. As someone else said, "
I really do like when someone pulls out something that I overlooked. There is definitely something to this to ruminate over. There are a lot of things that the original poster has in her thoughts and maybe the one she hasn't isolated yet as a possible factor that needs attention is the elephant in the room?
Not saying you need to do anything drastic but, maybe this is a huge possible area of dissatisfaction, or causing the inability to be happy with other things."
So, it wasn't just me that thought it was a possibility. I just call it like I see it. What's the saying? "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
If that's not what it is...move on to my other suggestions. They are plentiful. If one of those don't work for you and your husband, I sure would like to know why.
You cannot subconsciously sabotage getting pregnant.... I dont even believe that stress has anything to do with it
Of course you can. By not dating "that much", waiting until you're older to marry, by choosing an older man to marry, driving 1.5 hrs to work at nursing and expecting to be in the mood to become pregnant, not exploring other options (as I have already offered). She complains about travel nursing, but says her husband can't get work if he is traveling with her. Is he working now? If not, it doesn't matter. Most of that can be subconsciously sabotaging herself.
Secondly, stress *does* play a part in infertility. It plays a role in many areas of health, so why would one think that it would not affect one's fertility? https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/277543.php
Why are you spamming the thread? Many of those posts could have been put into one.
And why are you hostile to OP wanting to be a mom? One minute you want her to get rid of her husband and the next umpteen posts you're spamming about fertility. Seems like subliminal callousness going on. It could be harmless but it's not helpful.
Specializes in Surgical Specialty Clinic - Ambulatory Care.
14 hours ago, balletomane said:
And, lastly, why don't you become a fertility nurse. Appears that they make more and your hours would be better.
Mostly because when I see a pregnant person right now I want to cry out of jealousy. And because I just want to be the patient. I’m to high strung to know all the potential down sides. I already have seen to many. I worked with a nurse who was doing IVF and got pregnant then 7 months in stroked out, lost the baby, and now can’t speak or walk right. She was a volunteer at a hospital I worked at. I then also took care of a patient who had IVF, delivered twins, and stoked out 3 days after they were born. When they TPAd her the clot broke and showered her brain, she died leaving her husband two raise their twins. I also now work with a nurse who did several rounds of IVF with her husband, they have basically a ghost car payment every month for the next 5 years and they never got pregnant once.
I just don’t want to know any other possible outcomes. That’s enough.
Mostly because when I see a pregnant person right now I want to cry out of jealousy. And because I just want to be the patient. I’m to high strung to know all the potential down sides. I already have seen to many. I worked with a nurse who was do.ing IVF and got pregnant then 7 months in stroked out, lost the baby, and now can’t speak or walk right. She was a volunteer at a hospital I worked at. I then also took care of a patient who had IVF, delivered twins, and stoked out 3 days after they were born. When they TPAd her the clot broke and showered her brain, she died leaving her husband two raise their twins. I also now work with a nurse who did several rounds of IVF with her husband, they have basically a ghost car payment every month for the next 5 years and they never got pregnant once.
I just don’t want to know any other possible outcomes. That’s enough.
I don't think it is a good idea for you to be a fertility nurse seeing how you are going through so many ups and downs with getting pregnant and conceiving a baby. You may end up way too emotional seeing what other women go through and also what you yourself will be going through. It is best to get in a good place mentally and focus on you and your fertility situation. Sort out hubby working and then maybe you could go back to school to do something else. Based on what you have mentioned, unless you get an adminstrative job, you may never like what you are doing, nursing adminstrative position. Even still you may not like it, it could be the hands on patient care that is hard for you to deal with. You still have some time to switch gears especially since you don't have children. People with children get locked into their careers due to the time and finances required to take care of them.
Why are you spamming the thread? Many of those posts could have been put into one.
And why are you hostile to OP wanting to be a mom? One minute you want her to get rid of her husband and the next umpteen posts you're spamming about fertility. Seems like subliminal callousness going on. It could be harmless but it's not helpful.
I gave my initial assessment and she said that wasn't it. So, I gave her many other options as I came across them. That is why I didn't put them all "into one". I provided many more solutions than you did. I didn't "spam" her fertility...did you read what I provided? If you did, you would see that I was extremely helpful.
I gave my initial assessment and she said that wasn't it. So, I gave her many other options as I came across them. That is why I didn't put them all "into one". I provided many more solutions than you did. I didn't "spam" her fertility...did you read what I provided? If you did, you would see that I was extremely helpful.
No ma'am, you spammed the thread and your posts came across as phony. I stand by what I said. Yes, she said that wasn't it and you came back with a snarky reply saying:
Quote
I just call it like I see it. What's the saying? "The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
So were you REALLY trying to be helpful, or just being a jerk because you spammed the thread with "extremely helpful" posts then went on to double down on what you initially thought.
As far as the first grade "I provided many more solutions than you did" comment, are we not adults? Is this about quantitative or qualitative feedback? Thanks for showing your level of petty. ?
Having said that, I'm not going back and forth with you an deterring this thread which is also what you've done. Carry on.
Any Canadians in your family? Move to Canada nurses salaryup to $46 per hr..and your first round of UpIVF covered by provincial insurance Ontario and BC anyways.i have been nursing 44 years and counting Worked ICU , Emergency, clinical coordinator, ED manager but in 4 different hospitals, 2 in The ME.and finally at the winter of my life clinical coord again .Key to longevity change jobs every 5 years and recognize burnout.! You have too much on your plate! Hormones raging doesn’t help, maybe it isn’t the job, but life All the best. Barbara
Specializes in Orthopedics/Neuro, post Trauma, Med/Surgical.
First of all, I respect you sharing your topic. These are normal emotions and stress in nursing and life is quite common. Think back why you became a nurse, Hormones and stress levels that do not stabilize or return to homeostasis cause imbalances. You have the right to endure personal goals, enjoy a quality of life and have a family. I believe you can find a way to balance everything. Sometimes slowing down a bit, taking quiet time to renew, smell the fresh air, focus or rethink what is best for your happiness and well being will allow you to visualize a beautiful and positive picture you deserve. It is there if you just relax without anger, regret or remorse of what you have accomplished thus far. What are your passions? Also, are there other fertility clinics, Naturopathic/Holistic approach for you and Husband with OB/GYN or healthy, nutrition options without this outrageous $$. You endured so much in your career and simply need to use that strength, have faith and look outside the box for other natural alternatives and not allow what appears to be overwhelming to overtake your dreams and aspirations. Again, thanks for sharing and I truly hope you are blessed with a healthy, happy life. Monica
balletomane, ADN, RN
35 Posts
http://www.ihr.com/infertility/provider/financial_assistance.html