ethical question

[WinterpegLPN]

10 Months ago I met a patient who was on my ward. He was never assigned to me, and I never cared for him but got along very well with him and his family. They were at my hospital for about a month before diagnosis was made and they went to a city that was nearer to their home for treatment, but in that time I dropped by to visit with him and the family, even bringing food from a nearby restaurant 2 times as he found the hospital food difficult to tolerate. The family paid me back for the food once, and I came in on an off day and treated him to an inexpensive takeout as we had been discussing it previously.

When the family left they asked if they could stay in touch with me. I explained the possible ethical implications and told them I couldn't accept gifts, money, or consideration of any kind but that I would like to stay in contact. I also ran the situation by our care management leader (discharge planner), who said that it shouldn't be a problem as he was never my patient. I stayed in contact with the mother and patient, and we talked on the phone once every month or two.

Unfortunately, a few weeks ago he passed away and I was invited by the family to attend the service. It was 6 hours from my home, and they picked me up from the greyhound and I stayed with them for 2 nights. I got along really well with the whole family, and the parents and siblings all said "welcome to the family" and invited me to visit again.

Of course, having aspergers I never underestimate my ability to totally misread a situation. I told them I have aspergers and explained my difficulty in social situations. They said that they thought I was a really nice person and were greateful for my support and kindness.

Is there something I'm missing here, or can I just assume that I've made some nice friends?

[mazy]

It sounds like they thought you were a nice person. From your description of events I'm inclined to agree.

I hope that someday you will be able to come to peace with who you are and stop questioning yourself because of the Aspergers. I know you've posted before on the topic, I believe you were experiencing a lot of stress in your life and felt that it might have something to do with the aspergers.

I remember reading that piece and thinking that even Wonderwoman would have caved under less.

We all have our glitches and twitches. We are all walking around with our issues, and doubts, and experiences, unique to us. The fact that you have a label does not mean that you are any different or less of a person than me for example, who does not have a dx of aspergers, but who is incredibly clueless, inept, and awkward in social situations.

I can't even go to parties. I hang around the fringe feeling miserable. If someone does talk to me I either say something that I think is innocent that is actually offensive to that person, I laugh at the wrong things, or I don't laugh when everyone else is laughing hysterically. Usually, after half an hour of unbelievably uncomfortable foot in mouth disasters, I go hide in an empty room with a book until someone comes looking for me.

One on one, however, is a different thing and that is where I really come to life. It's very helpful for working with patients, who need that kind of focused attention.

Have you ever watched America's Next Top Model? There was a season where they had a contestant with Asperger's. She was hands down the most popular and beloved contestant that ever appeared on that show in the 8 years it has been on.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heather_Kuzmich

And yes. I watch America's Next Top Model. It reminds me of nursing school.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

It's not appropriate to a relationship with a patient outside the hospital. In fact, I think you were outside the usual boundaries when you bought food and made yourself a friend while he was in the hospital. That's not what you go to work to do.

[gonzo1, ASN, RN]

Sounds like you might just have made some nice friends. However, just be careful in the future because it is very easy to get into a bad situation when making friendships from patients and their families. Historically it is considered innapropriate and is to be avoided. I would suggest looking at the bookstore for some books that might add to your knowledge of what is appropriate/or not with relationships at work. There are several books on the subject. You might find info on the web too. and I know there are numerous threads on here too discussing boundaries.

Good luck and enjoy

[WinterpegLPN]

He was never MY patient, just a patient on my ward.

[WinterpegLPN]

Gonzo, thank you that is a good idea. I do have to be careful, so I think I will try to avoid anything like this in the future. It's just too dangerous!

Mazy, thank you for your kind words. It's hard not to worry about things I can't see but I'll have to find a way to deal with it.

[planteater]

It sounds to me like you made some nice friends.

[SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN]

They like you. :) And remember, you're a person, not a diagnosis.

[systoly]

I agree with Whispera - for future reference. In this situation, you did make friends.

[SleepynurseRN]

That was a very nice story. I too think you have made some friends and found an adopted family for life. I think it's wonderful when we go above and beyond..it sounds like you were the friend he really needed while he was here. I would just encourage you to maybe review your facilities policies on this or ask your manager. You need to make sure you are protected so that your license/job can be preserved.

[MomRN0913]

It's not appropriate to a relationship with a patient outside the hospital. In fact, I think you were outside the usual boundaries when you bought food and made yourself a friend while he was in the hospital. That's not what you go to work to do.

Really?

I know many people who are in different industries who have made friends with clients. I don't think that was her intention. There is nothing wrong with a friendly caring relationship coming out a work environment.

I know a wonderful nurse who took care of a patient whos family loved her. Loved her so much they wanted her ot go on a date with their son. She did after the father left the hospital. They are now happily engaged to be married.

Was that her intention while caring for his father? No. Is it wonderful something such as love can come out of a situation like that? Sure is.

I've been friendly with patients familes outside of work. I was going to go to a funeral or two but couldn't due to obligations.

There is nothing unethical about being a good, friendly human being IMHO.

[TNgirl2010]

I do not find it inappropriate to attend funerals of former patients who were on your unit. Before I became a nurse, my grandmother passed away and one of her nurses attended her funeral. It meant a lot to me and my family, and inspired me to become a nurse. You sound like a caring person and that is never a bad thing! However, I would caution against getting overly involved in your patients' lives in the future simply for YOUR sake. I believe there needs to be a healthy balance in one's personal and professional lives. If you immerse yourself in your patients' lives at work and when you're off the clock, I'm afraid you will burn out FAST. Best of luck to you!