English in Non-English Countries

Nurses Humor

Published

Examples of how English is being used in different

parts of the world:

In a Tokyo Hotel:

Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In another Japanese hotel room:

Please to bathe inside the tub.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Sovietcomposers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:

For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In an East African newspaper:

A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.

In a Vienna hotel:

In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:

A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city tours -- we guarantee no miscarriages.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ***?

In the window of a Swedish furrier:

Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:

Stop: Drive Sideways.

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today -- no ice cream.

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Specializes in ICU, CM, Geriatrics, Management.

Been a fan of Japanese / American translations for years.

Think there's a riotous Web site with a great collection. Mostly stuff found in tech manuals.

Clack me up!

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Larry, if you can remember where the site is let us know, love this stuff!

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Here is the link to a great site along these lines - Engrish.com

A few more:

Cocktail lounge, Norway:

LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Instructions for using a hotel air conditioner, Japan:

IF YOU WANT TO BE COOL IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Men's rest room in Japan:

TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

Hotel room notice, Thailand:

WE WILL EXECUTE YOUR SOLICITORS WITH PLEASURE

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:

NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Air courier office, Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR PACKAGES AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the front desk of a hotel, Colombia:

IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO OUR COUNTRY, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

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Men's rest room in Japan:

TO STOP LEAK TURN COCK TO THE RIGHT

That's one of the greatest ones I've ever seen!

:roll:roll:roll

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Specializes in Women's health & post-partum.

I don't know where it was manufactured, but years ago I saw a fire extinguisher with the instructions for use "turn bottom up and play"!

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Specializes in ICU, CM, Geriatrics, Management.
... Air courier office, Copenhagen:

WE TAKE YOUR PACKAGES AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the front desk of a hotel, Colombia:

IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO OUR COUNTRY, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

Good ones, B!

Think you also nailed the site I was thinking about.

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Specializes in ICU.

An email I got from a friend. This is actually a spoof. I already edited this (as some of the phrases are in Filipino) so that our forum readers will be able to understand the article (hopefully. heheh). Read on. Hope you have a good laugh... :lol2:

We've been friends since a long time ago. We come from the same alma mother. Actually, our paths crossed one time on another. But it's only now that I gave him a second look. I realize that beauty is in the eyes. My heart bits went so fast, really fast. I realized... he's so cute!

Once before he came over with me. He said, "I hope you don't mine. Can I take your number?" I was shock. I had no expectance he will ask me such a thing. Does he really have a care in the world for me? He explained to me so we could keep intact. I said, connect me if I'm wrong but are you asking me ouch? He look surprise. He said, "The!" Aha! Is he angry at me?! Persona ingrata!!! I cried buckles of tears. Maybe he felt a feeling of guilty. He said, "Just think that this is a blessing in the sky." Irregardless of his feelings, we'll go ouch still. Now we're so in love! The past is mute and epidemic. Thanks God we swallowed our fried. 'Cuz, I'm 33 already and I'm running out the time. After 2 weeks, he plopped the question. "Will you married me?" I'm still in a state of shocked. 'Cuz imagine... when it's rain, it's really fours indeed! This is true good to be true. So of course, I said yes.

Love is a many splendor, isn't it? But when I was fixing the preparations for our wedding, everything swell to pieces. We were having dinner at one point in time when suddenly at the table across ours, a woman made a comment, "Well, well, well. Look do we have here." What the fuss... The nerd of that woman! She said they were still too on and have mutual understanding. So I told her, "Whatever is that means, cut me some slacks, okay?!" I didn't want this to get our hand that's why I had to sip it in the bud. She accuse me of steeling her boyfriend, and said I'm a grabber. The nerd really! Ats if! I don't never want to portrait the role of the other woman. My conscious is clean. Gosh, tell her to the marines! I told her, "Please, you should to mine your own business!" Who would believed her anyway? Because it's not my problem anymore but her problem anymore.

I'm so thanking she stops her bothering. Now I have no tense. Everything is coming up daisies! I'm so happy and joyful. Even my boyfriend said like twice. He said, "Look at is this way. She's out of our lives." He supported me true it all and I'm so touch. I believe with whole my heart we will be together forever and never. That's why I advised you - take the risk! You can never can tell. Just burn the bridge when you get there. Life is shorts. If you make a mistake, well, just pray for the internal and external repose of your soul. I second emotion.

Did you get a headache from reading this? :rotfl:

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Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOL! You are really great, loooooooool good jokes!

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Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

A doc that I used to work with went to Burma (back when it was still called Burma) tells this story of going to a restaurant while he was there. Apparently carp (the fish) is a popular dish; however, when translated onto the English menu, someone got their letters mixed up....and the menu read: "fried crap", "broiled crap", "crap stew", and so on. Oops.

I remember when I first started speaking Spanish I said numerous dumb things. The one that takes the cake is when I was working with migrant farmworkers one summer a few years back; I had left something in my car and had to go outside in the pouring rain to get it. I came back inside the place where we were looking like a drowned rat and got some funny stares. I said, "What's the big deal? It's just like taking a shower." Or so I thought. They looked at me even more strangely. The word I used means "shower" in South America; in Mexico, which is where they were from, it means "douche." I didn't realize that til I got home & looked it up. Whoops.

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