Emotional support for a pt. who is miscarrying.

[Lyndsey W.]

I am in my final semeter of the RN program and have been doing the precepting portion. I have been precepting in a small hospital's ER and have recently had a few female patients come in who are miscarrying. As a nurse, how do you emotionally prepare the patient for their loss?

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

I am a little confused about the Prepare part. Are these miscarriages that are already happening/happened? Like I think of emotionally preparing someone for surgery, or maybe the death of a family member. I don't see how you can emotionally prepare someone for a miscarriage. You can offer emotional support by listening to them, apologizing for their loss. Stay away from saying things like, "There is a reason for everything" "The baby is in a better place" and stuff, It might seem to invalidate their loss. But just be willing to allow them to go through whatever motions they are going through and do anything you can do to help that is within your power to do. Find out if they are needing anything and what they are needing. Stuff like that.

[caliotter3]

I can advise you how NOT to give emotional support. When I was miscarrying and went to an ER, I was told to go home and sit on the toilet. I left so much blood on the seat (thank goodness it was vinyl) when they finally took me back, after several hours of waiting, my husband said a red light started flashing over the room door and he observed all the personnel we were told were not present, come out of the woodwork and converge upon my exam room. I suppose they wish I would have gone back home to sit on the toilet.

[cmonkey]

Don't tell her these things happen for a reason; or that it's better this way; or hey, you're only a few weeks/didn't even know you were pregnant, etc. so why be so upset; don't tell her she needs to be strong for her other kids if she has any.

Be as kind to the father as you are to the mother. He's experience a loss too, just coming at it from a different angle.

Do sit with her as much as you can, and just BE there. You don't even have to talk if she doesn't want to. Don't be afraid to talk about the baby. Just because it's dead/dying doesn't mean it didn't exist. Give her all the pain meds she needs; you'd be surprised how much m/c can hurt. If she wants to see the baby, let her. She might need some education if the baby has started to decompose, but having the information ahead of time can help people see past the deterioration that occurs.

Be kind. Be gentle. Give them extra TLC because they really, really need it.

[cmonkey]

I can advise you how NOT to give emotional support. When I was miscarrying and went to an ER, I was told to go home and sit on the toilet. I left so much blood on the seat (thank goodness it was vinyl) when they finally took me back, after several hours of waiting, my husband said a red light started flashing over the room door and he observed all the personnel we were told were not present, come out of the woodwork and converge upon my exam room. I suppose they wish I would have gone back home to sit on the toilet.

(((co3)))

[bekindtokittens]

For me, I would have appreciated a simple "I'm sorry for your loss." Everything else that was said sounded trite and insincere. I found myself listening to other stories of miscarriage and feeling put on the spot to say the right thing to these stories when all I wanted to do was focus on myself.

If you can, sit with the person, hold their hand, and let them cry in peace.

[doublehelix]

This is a tough one, normally I would offer my condolenses, but in discipline we are taught to show and communicate empathy, not sympathy.

I would just offer to be there, listening and silence are very important skills. If it were me, as much as I would want someone there to talk about it with me afterward, i would want some time to "be alone" and just allow myself to be upset.

[stillwating]

Well this did happen to me, but instead of going to emerg. I went to my family doctor and this is what he did. He held my hand and he said "I am so sorry for the loss of your baby". It hurt like hell physically and emotionally and it didn't matter to him that I miscarried in my third month. When I was leaving his office, he gave me a hug. Simple yet effective.