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Egocentric Managers

BBpeds18 has 2 years experience as a BSN.

Hi guys! I just really want to vent out my frustration and also get some advice from anyone who has dealt with egocentric and mean managers. So I work in an outpatient dialysis in SoCal and just accepted a job offer at a different modality within the same company. I gave my manager a two week notice and told her that I would still like to keep my current role but as Per Diem. I had told her before that I plan to be an NP in this field and that this new opportunity would be great for my professional growth. She told me that she supports my decision but she “won’t allow” me to transfer in 2 weeks and I should’ve told her as soon as I applied there. She said I need to give her at least 30 days because it’s hard to find coverage especially during this pandemic. I told her that I thought two weeks was standard. She then went ahead and told me what I did was “unethical” and explained how the company works as a family and I should have communicated my intentions to transfer because it’s a company policy (which I never heard of even my coworkers). She then contacted one of the hiring managers to request that I stay at my current job for another month. I didn’t want to have a bad relationship with her and the company, so I unwillingly agreed. 

A week later, my coworker, who referred me to one of the hiring managers at the other job, was confronted by our manager yesterday. Per my coworker, our manager was so angry and gave a lot of negative reviews about my performance. I never mentioned her name to my manager at all because we had an agreement, but the manager lied to her saying that I told her she helped me get the job (If anyone is wondering, my coworker works per diem at the other job). Our manager was basically trying to corner her into telling the truth, but my coworker didn’t give in to her trap.

I felt really upset after I heard this because I know what kind of worker I am. I work hard and efficiently but I am not perfect. I have only been working at my current job for 9 months and sometimes I forget little things. When I used to work in a hospital as a new grad I was even awarded for being an excellent teammate within my unit, but ever since I moved and started this job all I hear from my manager is the little things I forget to do (mostly monthly documentations for 20+ patients which are so repetitive and unnecessary IMO). She keeps telling me it’s compliance issue and may be subject to termination. I really wasn’t used to taking care of 20+ patient in a day and I had a lot of adjusting at work. I am looking forward to start my new job in Acute dialysis because it will be in a hospital setting and 1:1 ratio. Also, I won’t have to deal with a toxic manager, but I am afraid she will call the managers in Acutes and tell them all the negative things she has about me. I heard from my coworker that many have been applying and got an interview, but I was the only one who got hired so far. 

If anyone is currently experiencing and have experienced the same situation please feel free to share your experience or thoughts! 

Do NOT get sucked in.

You have a plan for something you want to do, and every single second of attention that you pay to this manager's toddler tantrum is going to inch you away from your goal. She'll have you looking like an axe murder in no time if you let her get to you.

Let.it.go.

Make sure you give no hint that your coworker has informed you of these schemes. Be more pleasant and positive than you ever knew you could be. Just trust me, and do it.

I would be calling HR and scheduling a meeting asap. Some hospitals have a policy that you are required to be “released” by your current manager before you can transfer into a new unit and there is sometimes verbiage about extended notice to ensure adequate staffing of both units- but these are clearly defined written policies.  

If there is a written policy you are out of luck and will have to keep you head down and get through these few weeks. If no such written policy exists it is a curtesy only and you are under no obligation to give extended notice. In this case I would tell HR and your new manager that you are unwilling to give more than two weeks notice on your current job due to the managers hostility and verbal harassment of yourself and co workers. You are correct that your manger may try and cause trouble for you with your new unit but I’d be more concerned that she will use the next 4 weeks to write you up for every little thing as retaliation. I would be trying to get away from her ASAP.  

For the record I never tell my manager I’ve applied for a new job. They normally find out when I’m at the point of having references checked. I’ve heard the old “we are a family” or  “it’s polite to notify me first” line every time. I DON’T CARE- let’s face it, if there wasn’t a serious problem in the current unit (that they wouldn’t or couldn’t fix) I wouldn’t be looking for a new job. So if they want to be mad at someone they can start with themselves.

BTW if Acute has received many applications from staff on your unit, anyone with a brain and 5 minutes of nursing experience is well aware at there is a..... problem on your current unit.

Good luck!!

Edited by kp2016

BBpeds18 has 2 years experience as a BSN.

21 hours ago, JKL33 said:

Do NOT get sucked in.

You have a plan for something you want to do, and every single second of attention that you pay to this manager's toddler tantrum is going to inch you away from your goal. She'll have you looking like an axe murder in no time if you let her get to you.

Let.it.go.

Make sure you give no hint that your coworker has informed you of these schemes. Be more pleasant and positive than you ever knew you could be. Just trust me, and do it.

You are right, I should not let her behavior affect me. I usually just say OK to her demands and do my job because I know nothing I can do will change her behavior. IDK maybe if I file a complaint anonymously against her she might be able to reflect on her behavior as a manager... I was civil with her today and I didn’t give any hint about what I heard because I know it won’t do any good for me and my coworker. Thanks for the advice!

rhyde specializes in Nephrology/Dialysis.

Your manager is trying to bully you into staying per HER guidelines.  You have done nothing wrong.  I have worked with people like that as well and was at my wits end before they left.  Things are better now.  I agree with kp2016 to look into the guidelines for transfers or notices and make sure you need to stay a month.  

CONGRATS on getting the new position.  I love acute dialysis - you will learn so much!  I traveled for a bit doing acutes and got to do so many amazing things.  Now I am an educator and feel like I can really speak to many of the tasks that acute nurses do (plasma, CRRT etc ) because I have already done them.  

1 hour ago, rhyde said:

Your manager is trying to bully you into staying per HER guidelines. 

It's true, she's trying to cause trouble.

1 hour ago, rhyde said:

I agree with kp2016 to look into the guidelines for transfers or notices and make sure you need to stay a month.  

I don't completely disagree, but the issue is that many managers do try to work together when an employee is to be lost by one unit and gained by another in the same organization. They both work for the same org, and the overall goal is to not continually short the (possibly) less desirable unit while people frequently seek to move elsewhere in the organization. Somewhere in the employee handbook they have very likely included phrasing that puts the "needs of the organization" first (or some similar jargon) when approving transfers.

Because of this I simply urge the OP to make it through without aggravating the current manager so that she makes even more trouble. Right now she's just playing games with the OP and the OP's friend/coworker. But she indeed could call up the new manager and wreak enough havoc to result in the offer being cancelled.

If trouble persists after the 30 days (which is NOT that long a time to receive a transfer) or if behaviors and meddling escalate leading up to the 30th day, then it's time to consider more assertive handling of the situation. Right now this is just a tantrum.

Edited by JKL33

amoLucia specializes in LTC.

To OP - forget the anonymous complaint thing. First off, they'll most 100% guess that it's YOU making the complaint. Known as 'sour grapes' in general.

Secondly, if  you're suspected, you could be making an unwanted & unflattering image of yourself for others. Not desirous. Esp if you're still stuck on that old unit for some time. Can you say' hostile work environment'?

And thirdly, most ANONYMOUS complaints/memos/calls are NOT taken seriously. Freq they just make it to 'the round file'. Also known as the trash can.

You'd just be wasting your time.

BBpeds18 has 2 years experience as a BSN.

18 hours ago, rhyde said:

Your manager is trying to bully you into staying per HER guidelines.  You have done nothing wrong.  I have worked with people like that as well and was at my wits end before they left.  Things are better now.  I agree with kp2016 to look into the guidelines for transfers or notices and make sure you need to stay a month.  

CONGRATS on getting the new position.  I love acute dialysis - you will learn so much!  I traveled for a bit doing acutes and got to do so many amazing things.  Now I am an educator and feel like I can really speak to many of the tasks that acute nurses do (plasma, CRRT etc ) because I have already done them.  

I really believe that’s what she’s trying to do. She is not ready to let go of me just yet, but her reaction and behavior are not of a good effective manager. Thank you so much! It’s gonna be interesting going back to the hospital setting especially now with pandemic going on, but I’m ready to face new challenges and help sick people receive their dialysis!

BBpeds18 has 2 years experience as a BSN.

On 7/24/2020 at 7:49 AM, kp2016 said:

I would be calling HR and scheduling a meeting asap. Some hospitals have a policy that you are required to be “released” by your current manager before you can transfer into a new unit and there is sometimes verbiage about extended notice to ensure adequate staffing of both units- but these are clearly defined written policies.  

If there is a written policy you are out of luck and will have to keep you head down and get through these few weeks. If no such written policy exists it is a curtesy only and you are under no obligation to give extended notice. In this case I would tell HR and your new manager that you are unwilling to give more than two weeks notice on your current job due to the managers hostility and verbal harassment of yourself and co workers. You are correct that your manger may try and cause trouble for you with your new unit but I’d be more concerned that she will use the next 4 weeks to write you up for every little thing as retaliation. I would be trying to get away from her ASAP.  

I did call HR and I was told that it’s up to the needs of the clinic. Basically a supervisor can do anything, even stop an employee from transferring, but both the next level of management and HR must approve it. I think it’s so unfair that they can do that like they own you! Anyway, I did report my concerns to HR and they said that so far my transfer status is looking good and if I feel that there is animosity from my current manager or if her behavior gets worse that I should contact them right away.

BBpeds18 has 2 years experience as a BSN.

17 hours ago, amoLucia said:

To OP - forget the anonymous complaint thing. First off, they'll most 100% guess that it's YOU making the complaint. Known as 'sour grapes' in general.

Secondly, if  you're suspected, you could be making an unwanted & unflattering image of yourself for others. Not desirous. Esp if you're still stuck on that old unit for some time. Can you say' hostile work environment'?

And thirdly, most ANONYMOUS complaints/memos/calls are NOT taken seriously. Freq they just make it to 'the round file'. Also known as the trash can.

You'd just be wasting your time.

Yeah that’s what I thought would happen if I did an anonymous complaint. I did call HR and reported my concerns. If my manager does make my last month the living hell for me or if she tries to mess up my performance evaluation before I transfer then I will not hesitate to report her at all

BBpeds18 has 2 years experience as a BSN.

18 hours ago, JKL33 said:

Somewhere in the employee handbook they have very likely included phrasing that puts the "needs of the organization" first (or some similar jargon) when approving transfers.

Because of this I simply urge the OP to make it through without aggravating the current manager so that she makes even more trouble. Right now she's just playing games with the OP and the OP's friend/coworker. But she indeed could call up the new manager and wreak enough havoc to result in the offer being cancelled.

If trouble persists after the 30 days (which is NOT that long a time to receive a transfer) or if behaviors and meddling escalate leading up to the 30th day, then it's time to consider more assertive handling of the situation. Right now this is just a tantrum.

Yeah you’re right about the policy! I did see something like that and confirmed it with HR! I’ve only been working at my current job for 9 months but I’ve seen her throw tantrums like that with other people many many times! I will try my best to make it through without making the situation worse and I’ll just fake it till I make it, but if my manager continues to behave that way then I will definitely have to think of better ways to get away from her.  

Edited by BBpeds18
Typo

This is one of those times to play it cool, swallow your pride and let her have her little fit that makes her feel better.  These people have already proven that they're willing to look ridiculous just to wreak a little havoc and this type of craziness is not something that wise people willingly choose to engage.

S/he who plays it cool will win. (Almost always in my experiences).

 

Edited by JKL33

HiddencatBSN specializes in Peds ED.

You already have contacted hr and have a plan in place so I just wanted to add my sympathies. I had a similar situation with my first job:

I’d recently moved and my new commute was too much for me. I started to look local and told my manager that I was looking due to commute, that otherwise loved the job, and hoped to stay on per diem, that I had an interview and was anticipating a possible job offer soon. She was sad to see me leave but appreciative I told her and said that per diem shouldn’t be a problem.

I got the job and gave my notice and in the notice letter reiterated my hope to stay on per diem. My director responded that I’d “caught them off guard” and when I met with her she told me that I was unprofessional, ungrateful, and that two weeks was not appropriate despite that being the official hospital policy. Refused to let me stay per diem and when I tried to end the meeting professionally (I understand, but I’m not able to change my start date) she turned her back on me and pretended to be busy on her computer and wouldn’t shake my hand.

The thing is, managers like this are often recognized as being...like this...by the other management. After a few months of hating the new job, there were positions open on another unit as well as the one I’d left: I opted to only apply for the new unit and in my interview they asked why I wasn’t applying for my original unit and I did a true-but-incomplete response that I was interested in the different unit. I got hired and was later told that they were not surprised I hadn’t wanted to go back to the old unit due to the director’s “style.”

Good luck, do your best nursing over the next month and be as unblameable as possible, and it’ll be over soon.

bamagal specializes in Med-Surg; OB/GYN; PACU; Internal Med; Pain Managem.

On 7/23/2020 at 11:44 AM, BBpeds18 said:

Hi guys! I just really want to vent out my frustration and also get some advice from anyone who has dealt with egocentric and mean managers. So I work in an outpatient dialysis in SoCal and just accepted a job offer at a different modality within the same company. I gave my manager a two week notice and told her that I would still like to keep my current role but as Per Diem. I had told her before that I plan to be an NP in this field and that this new opportunity would be great for my professional growth. She told me that she supports my decision but she “won’t allow” me to transfer in 2 weeks and I should’ve told her as soon as I applied there. She said I need to give her at least 30 days because it’s hard to find coverage especially during this pandemic. I told her that I thought two weeks was standard. She then went ahead and told me what I did was “unethical” and explained how the company works as a family and I should have communicated my intentions to transfer because it’s a company policy (which I never heard of even my coworkers). She then contacted one of the hiring managers to request that I stay at my current job for another month. I didn’t want to have a bad relationship with her and the company, so I unwillingly agreed. 

A week later, my coworker, who referred me to one of the hiring managers at the other job, was confronted by our manager yesterday. Per my coworker, our manager was so angry and gave a lot of negative reviews about my performance. I never mentioned her name to my manager at all because we had an agreement, but the manager lied to her saying that I told her she helped me get the job (If anyone is wondering, my coworker works per diem at the other job). Our manager was basically trying to corner her into telling the truth, but my coworker didn’t give in to her trap.

I felt really upset after I heard this because I know what kind of worker I am. I work hard and efficiently but I am not perfect. I have only been working at my current job for 9 months and sometimes I forget little things. When I used to work in a hospital as a new grad I was even awarded for being an excellent teammate within my unit, but ever since I moved and started this job all I hear from my manager is the little things I forget to do (mostly monthly documentations for 20+ patients which are so repetitive and unnecessary IMO). She keeps telling me it’s compliance issue and may be subject to termination. I really wasn’t used to taking care of 20+ patient in a day and I had a lot of adjusting at work. I am looking forward to start my new job in Acute dialysis because it will be in a hospital setting and 1:1 ratio. Also, I won’t have to deal with a toxic manager, but I am afraid she will call the managers in Acutes and tell them all the negative things she has about me. I heard from my coworker that many have been applying and got an interview, but I was the only one who got hired so far. 

If anyone is currently experiencing and have experienced the same situation please feel free to share your experience or thoughts! 

 

https://RN-journal.com/journal-of-nursing/recognizing-and-overcoming-toxic-leadership

 

I really understand the conflict and struggle you have described. I have been an RN for 30 years and have been employed by HH several times throughout my nursing career. I finally acquired my MBA with a specialization in healthcare management to attempt to bring a fresh breath of air to management at HH. I, too, have had several interviews only to be passed over (not hired). It's very frustrating and I am becoming disheartened and wondering if discrimination is playing a big factor in the issue for me. I am part Hispanic and American Indian, which is most obvious by my application. I am also disabled due to an on the job back injury. I am still capable of working FT, however, I must have assistance in pushing, lifting, and turning patients. Otherwise, I am just as fit as I was at 25 y.o. They are missing out on a dedicated nurse with a passion for helping the sick and working to build teams within the organization. It's a sad time these days. 😞

 

Edited by dianah
changed link

10 hours ago, bamagal said:

https://RN-journal.com/journal-of-nursing/recognizing-and-overcoming-toxic-leadership

I really understand the conflict and struggle you have described. I have been an RN for 30 years and have been employed by HH several times throughout my nursing career. I finally acquired my MBA with a specialization in healthcare management to attempt to bring a fresh breath of air to management at HH. I, too, have had several interviews only to be passed over (not hired). It's very frustrating and I am becoming disheartened and wondering if discrimination is playing a big factor in the issue for me. I am part Hispanic and American Indian, which is most obvious by my application. I am also disabled due to an on the job back injury. I am still capable of working FT, however, I must have assistance in pushing, lifting, and turning patients. Otherwise, I am just as fit as I was at 25 y.o. They are missing out on a dedicated nurse with a passion for helping the sick and working to build teams within the organization. It's a sad time these days. 😞

 

It's HH. I've noticed there aren't many non-white managers. That presents a problem in my POV. I've also seen units with a serious lack of diversity. There are several nurses of all aspects to create diversity but it's almost nonexistent. SMH

Edited by dianah

mmc51264 specializes in orthopedic; Informatics, diabetes.

I was told that as an RN, I had to give 30 day notice when I changed jobs. 

 

10 hours ago, NurseBlaq said:

It's HH. I've noticed there aren't many non-white managers. That presents a problem in my POV. I've also seen units with a serious lack of diversity. There are several nurses of all aspects to create diversity but it's almost nonexistent. SMH

My manager, her boss and her boss' are all non-white. I think it just matters what your organization is like. Mine is very diverse

HiddencatBSN specializes in Peds ED.

56 minutes ago, mmc51264 said:

I was told that as an RN, I had to give 30 day notice when I changed jobs. 

 

My manager, her boss and her boss' are all non-white. I think it just matters what your organization is like. Mine is very diverse

Different facilities will have different policies but I’ve never worked anywhere that required more than 2 weeks to be eligible for rehire. 

Also that’s great that you work with an org that has multiple POC in leadership positions. My experience has been that Black nurses in particular are often under represented and I also assume BIPOC are speaking from experience when they raise concerns about inclusion.

DJSexton specializes in Psychiatry / Hospital Administration.

You have a great post topic here as many a nurse have wanted to grow and the transitions can get sticky, or even political. My little bit of wisdom for what it is worth: In general, 1) Check with HR for policy guidelines and expectations. You do not want to burn bridges, so do not assume anything (e.g. two weeks). 2) My favorite line for my staff is, "Always be putting money in the piggy-bank, so that you will have something to use when you need it". This relates to so much. Time off, grace when your late, make a mistake and ask for grace, etc.. 3) If your manager is decent, and it sounds like he/she may be new, maintain an open relationship where you can discuss matters. It's important to grow. A good manager will know and accept this. 4) Sometimes I will even recommend to one of my staff to consider new opportunities. It's not that I don't want them, but conversely, I recognize their efficiency, or fit, might be better in a new-growth role. It's actually a sign of respect that I offer this, and they are quite surprised.

My input: Nursing and Administration is a relationship. Both are hard work. No one is entitled to anything and everyone has to sacrifice. That is the price we pay for being advocates in the intimate sphere of our patients. We only get out what we put in. I want to wish you the best of luck in your new endeavor! Remember to stay a little uncomfortable in whatever you do. It means you're willing to grow : )

On 7/30/2020 at 6:30 PM, mmc51264 said:

My manager, her boss and her boss' are all non-white. I think it just matters what your organization is like. Mine is very diverse

That's great. However, many are not and HH is one of them.

Jedrnurse specializes in school nurse.

4 minutes ago, NurseBlaq said:

That's great. However, many are not and HH is one of them.

You wrote an opinion based on an assumption and were given data/information to the contrary. You sort of just brush it off, though. It veers into confirmation bias territory, something that is so easy to do.

I don't dispute your experience(s) at all, I just wanted to point that out in this instance.

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