Does your family REALLY understand?

[LifesAJourney]

I just need to vent. Maybe I'm just overreacting, and if so let me know! I'm just frustrated with my family. I shouldn't be because they have supported this new grad through a lot. However, I am scheduled to take nclex close to the end of next month to start a job in July. I have a study plan l want to commit to. I will also be working 24hrs/week due to bills, want to go ahead and do some icu review, and want to take a mini break to hang with friends I haven't seen for months. This is all doable with limited interruptions. The problem is my dad has started this home improvement project which includes, painting the exterior/interior house, replacing the windows, replacing the carpet, etc.

Why is this a problem? He wants this to be a family project. Mainly because of cost to hire professionals and the fact he doesn't know a lot of people who is willing to help. I don't mind projects, but honestly I wish he didn't have to start it NOW. He never discuss this with the rest of us. He had a CABG x3, so he really does not need to exert himself so much. He is also a nurse, but just doesn't seem to get it. He complains that we are not supportive, nor do we contribute to help. Verbally, he can just put you down.

Last week (graduation and presentation week), I spent most of my mornings painting because I worry about his heart. He tends to overdo things. Plus, he complains non-stop about how we don't want to help (which is wrong, timing was a factor). Needless to say, I didn't get any studying done.

I have plans to hang out with some of my non-nursing friends this weekend, but cannot help but feel guilty about it. I need and earned this time, but this whole home improvement thing is making me think my priorities are not in line.

I thought out of all people, my dad would understand my time constraints. Am I overreacting? Should I pencil this project into my already busy schedule and deal? Some days I feel like leaving the house in the morning and coming back at night...

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

You have got to do what's best for you. I understand feeling guilty about your dad doing so much (really, my parents are older too and my dad especially has a lot of health problems) but you can't sacrifice your study time for this. You NEED to pass boards. If he doesn't understand that, it's his problem - not yours, and don't let him make you feel guilty about it. You are NOT responsible for his actions and it is NOT your fault if he does overexert himself. You aren't standing there with a gun to his head forcing him to do all of those projects.

If you feel like you need to see your friends to help relax, do it.

And honestly, if you feel like leaving in the morning and coming back at night... do it every now and then! It would be a great way to study without someone hanging over your shoulder, at least. A Starbucks, a public library, or a school library sound like they would be much healthier places to study than your home right now if your dad is hovering over you and making you feel guilty about not helping with these projects.

[Twinmom06, ASN, APN]

Rarely do I invoke the name of the doctor, but if you are on decent terms with your dad's cardiologist, you may want to give him a call! Seriously, my dad had a CABG 21 years ago and did exactly as the doc said - and that puppy is still holding strong!

as far as leaving for the day - do it! or tell your dad "I can dedicate X amount of time today to this project, but I need to study and I have some plans" What does the rest of the family think? Are they all on board?

You're an adult, and as much as I hate to say it, not responsible for your dad's health. As a nurse he should understand, and as a patient, well they say nurses make the worst patients!

[LifesAJourney]

Just wanted to let you know I passed NCLEX