Divorce and Nursing. How to cope?

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I recently found out my husband is unhappy and wants a divorce. If I am honest, I am too, although I am willing to work on our marriage and he isn’t, so a divorce it is. This huge life change also corresponds with me recently accepting an ICU residency position, which starts in 1month. I am considering asking if I can not do it and stay in my current position for now. I do not know if I can handle a new position and a divorce. Of course, a part of me wants to do it, as it has been my goal for a long time, but I’m afraid it might have the potential to break me. I say this because I don’t have a good support network where I live, as I’m a transplant from another state. My family lives in another state and my two best friends do as well. I have a couple friends here and some work friends, but I am not close enough to lean on them for support. I did sign up for counseling, as I think talking will help me. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Having done both, I'd rather work ICU than the floor. The patients are sicker, but the ratios were at least 'doable.' I worked NICU many years ago, had two babies. I was busy, but there was always help available just two babies away and I always left on time. We sometimes had 3 babies in the cootie corner, but that was max. And again, very doable.

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

"What if I fall...???"

"But oh, my darling...what if you fly.....?"

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In one month I was kicked out of my church, abandoned by every single friend I had, got fired, moved out of my house to get away from my abusive husband, transitioned from pediatric flight to an adult ED, sold a house, bought a house, moved in, kitchen ceiling of new house fell in, filed a restraining order, and finalized a divorce. I survived. Trust me, you can do this.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
On 1/28/2019 at 5:30 PM, Wuzzie said:

In one month I was kicked out of my church, abandoned by every single friend I had, got fired, moved out of my house to get away from my abusive husband, transitioned from pediatric flight to an adult ED, sold a house, bought a house, moved in, kitchen ceiling of new house fell in, filed a restraining order, and finalized a divorce. I survived. Trust me, you can do this.

WOW! And here I was, feeling sorry for myself!

I am going through a divorce now. I've moved a thousand miles and seven states to get away from an abusive husband, and I'm living in a friend's basement right now. I'm working on my resume because I'm going to have to get a job as soon as the divorce is finalized -- assuming, of course that the lump in my right breast is benign. Six days until the mammogram, 13 days until the divorce hearing.

To the OP -- most of us can do just exactly what we have to do. You never know what you can do until you have to. Go for the ICU residency. It will keep your mind occupied on learning the new stuff you need to learn rather than dwelling on the loss of your marriage. You will work more closely with team mates in ICU than you do in Med Surg, and I think it's easier to make friends. You CAN make a new life for yourself; a better life than you had.

You can do this.

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4 hours ago, Ruby Vee said:

WOW! And here I was, feeling sorry for myself!

I am going through a divorce now. I've moved a thousand miles and seven states to get away from an abusive husband, and I'm living in a friend's basement right now. I'm working on my resume because I'm going to have to get a job as soon as the divorce is finalized -- assuming, of course that the lump in my right breast is benign. Six days until the mammogram, 13 days until the divorce hearing.

To the OP -- most of us can do just exactly what we have to do. You never know what you can do until you have to. Go for the ICU residency. It will keep your mind occupied on learning the new stuff you need to learn rather than dwelling on the loss of your marriage. You will work more closely with team mates in ICU than you do in Med Surg, and I think it's easier to make friends. You CAN make a new life for yourself; a better life than you had.

You can do this.

Best of luck to you.

I hope it all works out in your favor.

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Counseling is an excellent idea.

You will need a neutral, third-party outlet.

Like the others, I think you should procede with the residency.

Divorces can be messy, emotional, financially draining and the best time of your life.

You will need the escape the residency will provide.

Best wishes.

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Specializes in NICU.

You have taken the right step in starting counseling,you will learn many things that will only improve your relationships with family and co workers.I was facing a new unit ,upgrade,new requirements,equipment and procedures...all this keeps your mind occupied,keeps you centered,hold your tears til you get home,I think back and wonder how I got through it all,but I did,and you will too.You are among good company,not like the jerks we married.

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