Distraught over hospitalized friend

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One of my very best friends is in the ICU after being hit by a drunk driver (fleeing a sobriety checkpoint and running over pedestrians). According to the family, she is on life support and, although they are hopeful, the doctors have said she is basically brain-dead.

I am just distraught. Our other friends (we are a tight-knit group since high school) and people we knew from school keep saying things like, Pull through! Keep fighting!! But I know she is already gone. It's difficult to hear things second-hand from other (non-medical) people, but the incident happened 16 hours away and that is where she is in the hospital, so it's impossible to visit.

I really don't know why I'm sharing this, it happened late Wednesday night/Thursday morning, and it still doesn't feel real. I guess I came here because maybe some of you understand what it's like to grasp the medical significance of certain facts that takes away the hope others cling to in times like this.

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Specializes in retired LTC.

Condolences and good thoughts for you and your friend. Allow yourself some time to grieve and consider seeking out some help as you need to take care of yourself in times of stress.

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Specializes in SICU, trauma, neuro.

HUGS. I'm so sorry for your friend and everyone who loves her...what a tragic thing to have happened.

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Specializes in ER.

My heart goes out to you, your friend, and their family. Medical knowledge is a blessing and a curse at times because we are faced with reality earlier on than laypeople. You are already mourning while they cling to hope. It is good that you reached out to people. Sharing your feelings is important.

I wish I could reach through your computer screen and give you a legit hug. Share your feelings with others around you you're close with. There is no harm in talking with a counselor, pastor/priest/rabbi, trusty friend, etc. Do things to take care of yourself during this tough time.

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I am sorry to hear about your friend. Life is precious! Keeping someone hanging on the life support when there is no chance of improving may seem illogical. I think hospitals do this to comfort families, to ease emotional struggle of the loved ones, who want to believe there is a hope. There is no bigger tragedy than parent who lost their child. This post reminded me how bad I felt after getting hit by a drunk driver in 2002. I still have a scar in my hairline. I was lucky to get away alive, with just a head injury.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are right, it is so hard to separate the nursing part of you from the friend/family part, the one that WANTS to have that same hope everyone else clings to. As nurses we can't help but see the writing on the wall, and it hurts to not have that ignorance of the inevitable. I lost a close family member several years ago, who was also declared brain-dead. While the rest of my family kept telling themselves that she would pull through, I had to keep a brave face for them while knowing that she very likely wasn't going to be ok.

Hugs. Please take care of yourself. Maybe you can try to find time to hangout with this group of friends, you could probably all benefit from the support system.

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