Hello everyone. I am writing with tears washing my face.What would you guys do if you grew up with someone and he/she is being mentally abused? would you intervene? We grew up together,we both lost our parents before the age of 10.We are like sisters but lately she has been staying away.I became suspicious when I asked her if she wantns us to take the NCLEX exam the same time and she told me that she cannot take it.She has not been studying for the past few weeks and I did not know.When I saw her tonight she broke down and collapsed to the ground. I am so hurt right now! I am not sure if I can finish doing my review book.When I took her blood pressure it was 175/106 Her pulse rate was 110.My husband told her to stay with us for tonight so she is here with me. What do you guys think?
Chavelle.
P.S she gave up everything in her home country to be here.
If it was me in your friends situation I would be taking the test no matter what. A career can be an excellent first step in getting out of an abusive situation.(I think people that study abuse have documented that the point where the woman is about to become independent is the point where the abuse escalates, the abuser begins to fear loss of control). The only thing you can do it continue to point her in the direction of taking responsibility for her life. People in abusive situations have a strong tendency to make BAD choices. Keep encouraging her to do the smart thing. When she goes through the stage where she starts to make excuses for the abuser and wants to go back tell her that is a bad idea. Oh by the way, take care of yourself. Make sure you prepare for the test and get out there and pass that test also.
Specializes in psych, addictions, hospice, education.
I can see your heart is hurting. Don't let yourself fail because of this. The best thing you can do for your friend and for yourself is to pass the test! I was thinking you could still invite her to study with you and maybe take her mind off her problems a bit, as she works toward a very important goal. However, if that hurts you, to be with her, and she can't be other than sad, please work toward YOUR goal and don't give it up while trying to help her!!
Thank you all for your responses.All I wanted to do was seek some information from others that are not emotionally involved in the situation.I have had times in nursing school that I had to do assignments on an actual patient situation using pseudomonas.Therefore,the fact that no one here knows my friend,I did not mention her name,I think it was over the top to accuse me of breaching her confidentiality.All I wanted to do was help her,nothing more nothing less!
I went to her home as soon as I got off the forum the same night.She told her hubby that I have been trying to convince her to leave him (not the case at all)
She told me to "leave her home and go back to my perfect little family." I told her that I just wanted to make sure that she was ok.She told me to stay away.Her hubby threatened me and pushed me out of his house (I was wrong to be there so I did nothing). I tried to call her but she has not returned my calls.
I have decided to put MYSELF and my FAMILY first.I am not going to feel guilty because I did nothing wrong.I cannot afford to be putting my life and that of my family in danger.I still cannot believe that she did that to me.I am going to give myself some time to recover emotionally then resume with my studies.
It sounds like your friend came to you for help and read these posts and probably felt more alone than ever. To feel the need to come here and ask advice from stangers who do not know your relationship tells me that as much as you want to help, either your afraid, its way too much for you to deal with, or your friendship just isn't as strong as when you were growing up.
Seems your friend may have turned to you because she felt you were the only one she could turn to. When she found out that it wasn't the case, she left. Abusers and those they abuse often carry on this way for years. Of course she told him that you were trying to get her to leave, she had to go somewhere so she went back to what she knew and has grown into a routine (feels safe although its not). She should be studying her butt off right now, but she's not. You can't do a thing about that. Her choice.
I took in a friend with an alcohol addiction she was trying to kick. It was definatley hard on my schooling, family, and routine. In the end, she went on a bender and I packed her stuff and put it on the curb (which I told her I would do the day she came to stay with us). It was tough and I was angry! Truth is, dysfunctional people live differently. You opened your home to your friend and you should now be happy she left when she did and not 2 months later after turning your life upside down.
You can be supportive without getting so involved. Help her to research safe places to go (if she calls on you again). You have to take care of yourself always. It's really hard to be strong for someone when you have so much going on.
She actually set herself up pretty good. If and when she decides to leave, she can study and take her Boards. She's already been through school so that difficult part is done. Distancing yourself isn't always a bad thing. Sounds like you went over to make sure she was ok and now the ball is in her court so to speak. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this and study as well. I know its hard. I was trying to raise my children, study for the pn boards, and deal with driving my friend to appointments (and there were tons of those!). Since she left my grades (ADN) have gone up and I'm much less stressed. I wish you the best!
e did not read what I wrote or the responses I had received.I told her that I did it,trying to get some insight from people that are not emotionally involved. I did not push her away or made her feel like I am was there for her.My husband told me that it is ok with him if she wanted to stay with us.As soon as I told her what I had done,she sprinted out of the house.Whatever her reasons were,I think it was over the top to tell her husband that I have been trying for months to convince her to leave him.I have never told her to leave him,I just told her on Saturday that she need to decide what is best for her. I could have been badly hurt by her husband .
I am so hurt right now! I am not sure if I can finish doing my review book.When I took her blood pressure it was 175/106 Her pulse rate was 110.My husband told her to stay with us for tonight so she is here with me. What do you guys think?
.thumb.jpg.421493329dd1f136a4222fe8e9399213.jpg){kind=small}
oramar
5,758 Posts
If it was me in your friends situation I would be taking the test no matter what. A career can be an excellent first step in getting out of an abusive situation.(I think people that study abuse have documented that the point where the woman is about to become independent is the point where the abuse escalates, the abuser begins to fear loss of control). The only thing you can do it continue to point her in the direction of taking responsibility for her life. People in abusive situations have a strong tendency to make BAD choices. Keep encouraging her to do the smart thing. When she goes through the stage where she starts to make excuses for the abuser and wants to go back tell her that is a bad idea. Oh by the way, take care of yourself. Make sure you prepare for the test and get out there and pass that test also.